You Know You Come From A Dysfunctional Family When:
Your brother gets a really hot stereo system in his car, and blasts "Sweet Home Alabama" over and over again and almost gets you jumped by 2 gangsta looking guys in the car next to you. And to add insult to injury, he gets really into it and starts playing the little piano snippets on the dashboard and steering wheel.
Your brother doesn't even know how to play drums but insists on playing drums on your head whenever there's a good song on the radio. (Not counting Sweet Home Alabama)
Your father honestly believes that there are missile launchers located under his dashboard that he can shoot at people who can't drive, complete with sound effects and insane laughter.
You own 10 or more of a particular pet and when they swarm the food dish they are known as "the herd".
"The herd" runs your house, and it is very obvious.
Your brother is obsessed with war movies and every year for Christmas he asks for the same thing: A WW2 DVD box set.
Your father brings home six Whoppers for dinner and one turns up missing, so you launch a complete investigation and interrogate everyone several times.
You can always count on your brother stealing your last cigarette when you have no money.
Your mother busts in on one of your wild parties and doesn't seem to care about the guy passed out on the counter or the bottles strewn everywhere, but is a little upset that no one fed the dog.
Your brother cannot watch the movie "Ice Age" because he feels bad for Scrat, the little squirrel guy, because he's unable to hold on to a fucking nut. Of course I feel bad for him too but come on! If he would just stop trying to shove the damn thing into the ground...
Your family reunion just might consist of alot of drunken Irish people trying to dance like Michael Flatley.
Your brother just might have a lucrative career as a song writer, if it weren't for those songs about eating parrots, and the wonderfully titled "Poop In A Tree".
You name most of your animals after musicians and bands. Some examples: Dee(Snider), (Less than) Jake, Suite Pee, Mr. Jack (System of a Down), Stellar (Incubus), Glycerine (Bush)...and then there are the names that just aren't normal. Like Nads, Uno, Dos Tres, Quattro, Cinco...with all those members of the herd you run out of names eventually...
Your brother does have his own room but insists on sleeping on the couch and falling asleep watching "The Fall Of The Nazi Empire" or some shit like that. And plus he always falls asleep during it and when the DVD is over the theme song for the disc plays over...and over...and over. Quite honestly I don't even think he's seen the whole movie yet and he only got it 2 Christmas's ago...
"Bird Wars", a spawn of your brother's half burnt intellect, is a few minutes of both your parrots beating the shit out of each other. With guest appearences by the ferret, the hamster, the cat(s), and a few beanie babies in nooses. Ah yes, the nooses...
Your brother thinks beanie babies look better in nooses hanging from something in your room, this way he can hit them a few times on his way out.
More To Come!!!