Now, if I were to ask you what 3 things are made of ground up dragon parasols, sure you would be able to tell me two of them: Kellogg’s Fruit Loops (a part of this nutritious breakfast) and Bob Dole. But you would neglect to think of kedkruldaje, or the sticky stuff on the back of stickers. Not very many people know the medical term for the sticky stuff on the back of stickers, and fewer people actually know what it is. In a taste test, seventeen out of every nine-and-a-half people couldn’t even guess what it was, compared to arsenic and bananas.
Kedkruldaje was discovered deep in the heart of the Siberian jungle by French explorer Jacque Deuxe. He discovered it while looking for a cure for purple. But it was not for many years to come (actually, three weeks) that anyone would find a useful use for this useless yet deadly goo that little kids love to eat so much! …I know I did…
Kedkruldaje has been used in war times as well as peace. It has been used to wipe out entire villages of kangaroo-people (WW XXXXII). Its awesome power is not only deadly, but also lots of fun to look at! Also, it is the only thing astronauts can see when they look on the back of stickers. If it weren’t for the sticky stuff on the back of stickers, they simply would not stick to things! And if they didn’t stick to things, they would hardly be worthy of the title “sticker.” I think Bob Dylan said it best: “I was bald.”
The sticky stuff on the back of stickers is also used in restaurants around the country, in pancake mixes, various water products, and the occasional deep-fried lobster (notice I neglect to mention the name of the country). This “secret ingredient” has also been used at McDonald’s, in their secret sauce…er…not…secret…sauce…
Now kids, if the boogie man comes, remember, he THRIVES on kedkruldaje, so DON’T give him any…that is…unless he gives you candy and lets you sleep at his big ol’ boogie house and lets you borrow his big ol’ boogie money. So in conclusion, kedkruldaje is the DEVEL!!! Stickers should just be called set-it-there-and-hope-it-doesn’t-fall-off’s so as to avoid the use of kedkruldaje. Thank you.
