Far out in
the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral
arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting
this at a distance of roughly nintey-eight million miles is an utterly
insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are
so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty
neat idea.
This
planet has-or rather had-a problem, which was this: most of the people
living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were
suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concrened with
the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the
whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
And
so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them
were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.
Many
were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in
coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even
the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the
oceans.
And
then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed
to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change,
a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized
what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew
how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right,
it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.
Sadly,
however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible,
stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever.
This
is not her story.
But
it is the story of that terrible, stupid catastrophe and some of its consequences.
It
is also the story of a book, a book called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the
Galaxy -not an Earth book, never published on Earth, and until the terrible
catastrophe occurred, never seen or even heard of by any Earthman.
Nevertheless,
a wholly remarkable book.
In
fact, it was probably the most remarkable book ever to come out of the
great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor - of which no Earthman had
ever heard of either.
Not
only is it a wholly remarkable book, it is also a highly successful one
- more popular then the Celestial Home Care Omnibus, better selling than
Fifty-three More Things to Do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than
OOlon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters, Where God Went
Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, and Who Is This God Person
Anyway?
In
many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the
Galaxy, the Hitchhiker's Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopedia
Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though
it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least
wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two
important respects.
First,
it is slightly cheaper; and second, it has the words DON'T PANIC inscribed
in large friendly letters on its cover.
But
the story of this terrible, stupid Thursday, the story of its extraordinary
consequences, and the story of how these consequences are inextricably
intertwined with this remarkable book begins very simply.