Surface
Diana ( [email protected]
)
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters. No infringement intended.
Summary: Maria goes to find Michael after she senses that something’s wrong…
Category: Michael/Maria
Author's Notes: Thoughts are in brackets []… Feedback is always appreciated :-D
Part One
[I don’t know why I’m doing this.] Maria DeLuca thought to herself. [I don’t
know why I even bother.] She sighed. She changed out of the pajamas she had been
wearing, grabbed her car keys and left her bedroom. She got in her little red
car and headed away from her house.
***
She had every intention of staying home that night. After work, Maria left the
Crashdown with a smile on her face. She plopped down in the driver’s seat of her
car and turned the key in the ignition.
[I’m gonna do it. Tonight’s the night.] She thought. Somewhere between serving
table six their Saturn rings and watching Liz try to keep a smile on her face
while her heart was breaking, Maria had made a big decision. [I’m going to
forget all about… everything.] She resolved. [No more thinking about… anything
that has to do with Czechoslovakia. No more crying over that… space boy.] For
the first time in weeks, Maria made it through a shift with a genuine smile on
her face.
[I’m so proud of myself.] Maria thought. Her grin got wider when she got in her
car and got ready to leave. She got on the road and turned on some of her
loudest, happiest music. She sang at the top of her lungs as she drove through
the dark, sleepy streets of Roswell. Maria didn’t stop singing or smiling until
she got back to her house. She stepped out of her car and started walking to the
door. She got halfway there before it hit her.
Something hit Maria so hard that it almost knocked her over. And she felt like a
wave had just washed over her. She felt something.
[Something’s wrong. Something’s wrong with Michael.] She thought. [He needs me.]
She put her hand to her mouth.
“Where did that come from?” She wondered aloud. “It doesn’t matter. I’m probably
just imagining things.”
[But he needs me. I have to go to him.] She thought again.
“What is wrong with me?” She said as she looked around to see if anyone else was
nearby. Nothing was there. “I’m starting to scare myself. Now he’s got me
hearing voices. And… and I’m standing out here, talking to myself. I must be
losing my mind.” She shook her head and went inside.
She couldn’t shake that feeling, though.
She tried everything.
She tried to watch TV for a while. One actor had spiky hair like Michael’s. She
changed the channel. Another actor was wearing a shirt that looked like one of
Michael’s shirts. She changed the channel. Some special program about life on
other planets was on. She turned off the TV.
She tried listening to the radio. Some angry chick music was playing at first.
Maria turned up the volume and sang as loud as she could. [Good thing Mom’s
away.] She thought as she danced around the room. [She’d kill me if I was being
this loud this late while she was here. But this music is just what I need.]
“You tell ‘em, girl.” She said to the radio.
The singer finished screaming about some stupid guy and the song ended. A slow
melody began to play and a different girl began singing about the handsome,
mysterious love of her life. Maria turned off the radio.
She tried going to sleep. She got in her pajamas, crawled into bed and closed
her eyes. She saw Michael’s face. Her eyes snapped open and she sat straight up.
“What is wrong with me?” She thought aloud. “Why can’t I get this boy out of my
head?”
[Because I love him.] She thought.
[But that’s beside the point. He doesn’t love me. I…I should forget about him.]
[But I can’t forget about him because I know that he loves me too.] She thought.
[But he’s obsessive and angry and, hell, he’s not even human.]
[But I don’t care. I love him anyway. And right now, he needs me. I don’t know
why but that doesn’t matter. I have to go to him. I have to help him.] She
thought.
Maria sighed. This feeling wasn’t going to go away. She got out of bed, flicked
on the lights, and got ready to go find Michael.
***
She knew exactly where to look. She drove through the moonlit desert, towards
the river. It wasn’t much of a river; more like a stream. But the she, Michael,
and the other four teens used to go there whenever they had some decision to
make. She knew that he’d be there now.
***
She found him sitting on the bank. His back was turned to her and he didn’t say
anything. She didn’t know if he had heard her come up. But she didn’t say
anything either. She just looked at him. The moonlight was reflecting off of the
surface of the water, so she could see him very clearly. She hadn’t seen him in
weeks. Not since he left to go figure out what his destiny was. The sight of him
now made her breath catch in her throat. The silver-blue light silhouetted his
frame. Everything around him seemed to glow. Maria didn’t speak. She couldn’t
speak. She stood still and just looked at him for a while.
She wanted to run to him. She wanted to take him in her arms and hold him and
kiss him and never let him go. Never again. She wanted to be with him so badly.
She wanted to tell him that she loved him, too. She wanted…
She shook her head. [Get it together, girl. You’re letting him get to you
again.] She thought. She took a deep breath and started to speak.
She was cut off before she had the chance to open her mouth.
***
“What do you want, Maria?”
She was startled by the sound of his voice.
“How did you know--” she started.
“I heard your car pull up,” He said without turning to face her. “And you’re
wearing those damn clogs again. You know, wooden shoes aren’t exactly the best
thing to wear when you’re trying to sneak up on someone.”
“I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you,” Maria hissed. [I knew it. I knew it.] She
thought. [I shouldn’t have come. I never should have come. He doesn’t need me.
He doesn’t want me here. He doesn’t want me. Not anymore.] She took a deep
breath.
[Just give him a chance.] Something told her. She took another breath.
“Michael,” she sighed. “I… I… Something told me… I mean it was just a feeling
but… I mean I came because…” [Just spit it out.] She thought.
“Maria, why are you here?”
She sighed again. She walked up beside him. “Michael, what’s wrong?” She put her
hand on his shoulder.
He missed that. He missed her touch. Her hand was barely touching him, but it
still sent a shiver up his spine. He missed the way her touch made him feel. He
missed how she made him feel. He missed…
[NO.] He thought. He shook her hand away.
“Nothing’s wrong, Maria. Just go home. It’s late, and you shouldn’t be here
anyway.” He didn’t look up at her.
“I’m not leaving.” Maria snapped. [Calm down, girl. Remember, you are Teflon.]
She thought. She sighed. “Michael--” she started again.
“If you’re not leaving, I am.” He stood and turned to walk away. He didn’t
realize that she was still as close as she was. He nearly ran into her when he
spun around to leave. He looked at her. He hadn’t really seen her in weeks. He
figured that the more distance between them, the better. But now, they were so
close. And the light from the moon was just bright enough for him to see her
clearly.
She was beautiful.
His eyes scanned over her face and hair. He looked into her eyes. He missed her
eyes. He missed her lips, her hands. He missed her. And he was so close now. So
close that he could smell her perfume. So close that he could hear her
breathing. So close that…
“Michael?”
Her voice startled him.
“Huh?” He said. [Oh great.] He thought. [She caught me staring.] He shook his
head.
“Um… okay… I don’t know where you were just then, but can we please get back to
the subject?” Maria asked.
“Yeah sure. I was just leaving.” Michael replied. v “No you’re not.” Maria
grabbed his arm. “Level with me, Michael. You said that you heard me come up.
You could have left and I would never have known that you were here. If you knew
it was me, and you knew that you didn’t want to talk to me, then why didn’t you
leave?”
He didn’t say anything.
“That’s what I thought,” Maria said as she let go of his arm.
“Look, Maria, you don’t need to be here.”
“Well I’m here.”
“I don’t need your help,” He spat.
“I think that you do,” She said matter-of-factly.
“You can’t do anything about this, Maria!” He yelled.
“Why won’t you let me try, Michael?!” She shouted.
“Because it’s no use! This has nothing to do with you. It… Look, I don’t need
this right now, Maria. Just get out of here!”
“I am *not* leaving.” She growled “Something’s bothering you, Michael. I don’t
know what it is. I don’t know if I can help. I don’t even know how I know that
you’re hurting. But I know that something’s wrong. And I am not leaving until I
know that you are all right.”
“NO MARIA! I am not putting you in this! Get the hell out of here. I can deal
with this myself! I *don’t* need you!”
He knew that was a mistake as soon as he said it.
“I didn’t mean that,” He whispered.
Maria heard him. She didn’t care. She looked away. Then she looked back at
Michael. Her eyes were like ice. She took a deep breath and started speaking in
a small voice that got louder and more hurt with each syllable.
“You cold-hearted bastard. You said that you loved me. And all I’m trying to do
right now is help you. But you won’t let me. And don’t give me that crap about
nothing being wrong with you. Don’t look me in the eye and lie to me. I know
that something is wrong with you. I can *feel* it, Michael. Don’t you know
that?”
He didn’t say anything. She laughed.
“Huh. I guess not. I honestly don’t know what to do. My heart is breaking,
Michael. I mean, first we can’t be together. Then we can. Then we can’t. Then we
can. And now you’re telling me that you love me, but we can’t be together
because you’re destined to be with someone else, but you can’t be with her
because you don’t love her, but you can’t be with me because you love me too
much to hurt me, and you haven’t even asked me how I feel. And you expect me to
accept all this? And you expect me to forget about you? Forget how I feel about
you? Stop caring about you? And let you go just like that? Oh, *hell* no. It’s
not gonna happen.”
She flicked away a tear that had managed to escape the corner of her eye. [No.
NO.] She thought. [Do NOT let him see you cry. Crying defeats the whole purpose
of being mad at someone. Do not cry. DO NOT CRY.]
“You’re hurting, Michael. I know you are. And when you hurt, I hurt.” Her voice
broke. Tears started streaming down her cheeks. “I love you, Michael. Can’t you
see that?”
He stared at her. He couldn’t move. [She loves me.] He thought. [She loves me.]
He was elated. And he looked at her more closely. [She’s crying.] He could see
the moonlight reflecting off of the surface of her tears. His heart sank. [Oh
no. I made her cry. She’s crying because of me. Oh no.]
“Hey, hey, hey. Maria. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” He walked up to her and put
a hand on her arm.
“No, no, no,” Maria said as she shook her head. She started to push him away.
But he didn’t let go.
“Maria, please.” He put one hand on her waist and the other on her cheek.
He brushed a tear away with his thumb. She looked up into his eyes.
“Please.”
And then he kissed her.
***
Author's Notes:
This part could be sub-titled “During the kiss”… the first part is what Michael
sees during the kiss… the second part is what Maria sees and hears (Michael’s
memory here took place earlier that night) Hope that isn’t too confusing :-)
He saw her.
He saw her the moment after he had kissed her for the first time. He felt his
own cheeks get hot when her face got flushed. He could see the confusion and
surprise that was written all over her face. He saw her put her hand to her
mouth. He saw a small smile on her lips when she pulled her hand away.
He saw her when he had come to the Crashdown that night during the heat wave. He
could feel how her heart was racing when she saw him standing outside. He saw
her hesitate for a moment, and then open both the door and her heart to him. He
felt everything she had been feeling when he had taken her in his arms and
kissed her.
He saw her when he had gotten sick. He saw how all the anger and rejection she
had been feeling then just melted away when she found out that he was sick. He
saw how she did everything, anything that could do to try to help him. He
watched her breathe a sigh of relief when she saw that he was all right again.
He saw the look in her eyes when he got up and hugged and thanked Max and Isabel
and said nothing to her.
He saw her after he left her that last time. He saw how confused she was when he
said he loved her, and then left her. He saw her later that day, as she was
comforting Alex and Liz and telling them that everything would be okay. He saw
her later that night, as she was laying in her bed, calling his name, and crying
herself to sleep.
He saw her.
He could see all of Maria, but he could only hear one thing.
He saw her again, as she was standing outside two nights ago. He watched as she
looked up to the stars and whispered ‘I love you.’
And he knew exactly who she was talking to.
***
She saw him.
She saw him standing in his apartment, facing three other people.
She saw that he was arguing with Max and Tess and Isabel.
And she could hear what they were saying.
"I can’t do it, Maxwell." Michael’s voice was so clear.
"I’ve tried. You know
I have been trying. But I can’t do it anymore. I can’t."
"Michael--" Max started.
"No. NO. And don’t act like you haven’t been thinking about it too. You know it
as well as I do. I can’t do this. We can’t do this. Not all of it, anyway."
"So what are you going to do?
"Tess fired at him. "Go back and try to be normal?
Human? And just pretend like this whole destiny thing never even happened?"
"I don’t know." Michael said.
"But I can’t stay here. I need to get away. I need
to… to think."
"You can’t run away from this!" Isabel yelled.
"I’m not running away! But I need to figure some things out. I… I have to go."
"Michael… Michael wait." Max pleaded.
"Is this about Maria?"
"Oh, like you haven’t been dying to run back to Liz." Michael shot back.
"You keep
Maria out of this. This isn’t about her. It… You know? I don’t have time for
this. I need to go. "
She saw him turn around and look at Max. "I didn’t think it would be me." Michael
said. "I honestly thought that you would be the first one to leave. You were
always so much more… connected… so much more human than I was. I thought that
you’d be the first to go back. I guess I was wrong."
She heard how the door slammed behind Michael as he left the room.
***
Michael pulled away. He broke the kiss, dropped his hands, and walked a few feet
away from Maria.
[I shouldn’t have done that.] He thought. [I shouldn’t have kissed her.] He ran
his hands through his hair and turned away from her.
Maria hugged herself. [He kissed me.] She thought. [He kissed me and I… I saw
everything. He let me see him.] She looked at him. [He needs me.]
“Oh, Michael,” Maria whispered.
“You see? Or at least now you know why I’ve been sitting out here in the dark
like a dumb ass,” Michael sighed. “I know. But why--” Maria started.
“Don’t you get it, Maria?” Michael yelled. “ You know, I said that this whole
thing wasn’t about you. But that’s the whole problem. It is about you. I am not
supposed to be in love with you. Before I fell in love with you, I would have
been fine with everything. I could have left Roswell and never looked back. But…
now I can’t do that. I can’t leave you, but I can’t leave Max or Tess or Isabel.
I can’t leave the only girl I’ve loved, but I can’t leave the only family I’ve
ever had. I can’t be all human, but I can’t be all alien. I can’t…” His voice
began to break as it trailed off. He ran his hands through his hair and turned
his back to Maria. She didn’t realize that he was crying until his shoulders
started shaking. He fell to his knees and put his face in his hands.
Maria stared at him. She had seen Michael cry once before, but his tears still
got to her. She couldn’t stand to see any man cry, let alone Michael. She
watched him and wondered if she should go to him. She was still stinging because
of what he said to her a little while ago. But she was still floating because of
that kiss. And she was still shocked by what she saw during the kiss, and by
what he had just told her. [He left because he’s in love with me?] She wondered.
[Or he left because he just can’t go through this whole destiny thing? Or he
left because he’s scared, and confused, and because he’s just being… human?]
Maria walked over to Michael. He reached up, wrapped his arms around her waist
and rested his head on her stomach. She held him and stroked his hair.
“Shh… it’s all right. I’m right here.”
***
They held each other for a while before Michael got up and walked a few feet
away from Maria. He ground the tears out of his eyes with his fist and looked
down at the sandy earth.
“I’m… uh… sorry. I didn’t mean to do that,” He said softly.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“No. I should.” He looked up into Maria’s eyes and then
looked away. “Do you
remember what I said?”
“About what?” She asked.
“When I… um… The last time I saw you, I told you something. Do you remember what
it was?”
“Do you honestly think I could have forgotten something like that?” She asked
with a small smile on her face. She wondered what he was going to tell her now.
[Please don’t let it be another ‘I love you but I must leave you’ kind of
thing.] She thought.
He looked into her eyes again. “It’s true. I love you, Maria. You know that. Or
at least, you know that now.”
She took a deep breath. [Here it comes.] She thought.
He took a deep breath. [Here goes nothing.] He thought.
“And I told you that I loved you too much to let you get hurt.”
She nodded.
“That’s true too, Maria. You can’t get in too deep. I’m not gonna let you get
hurt.”
She walked up to him. “Honestly, Michael, I was in deep when Liz told me your
secret. I was in deep after I realized that I couldn’t turn you and Max and
Isabel in to Valenti.” She lifted his chin and looked him squarely in the eyes.
“And now I’m in deep because I’m in love with you.” She smiled.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Maria.”
“I know you don’t.”
“And I know that I… I said some things that I really shouldn’t have said,” He
looked away again. “And I’ve been acting like…”
“An ass hole?” She asked. She couldn’t help smiling.
He almost smiled. “Yeah. I have. But you know that I never wanted to hurt you.”
“I know.” Her smile got wider.
“And you know, I wanted to push you away from me. I didn’t want it to work out,
at first. I mean, you deserve so much better than me.” His voice was barely
audible. “And you could have walked away. But you stayed. And… and I’m really
glad that you did. I’m glad that you came, Maria.”
“I am too.” She said softly.
“But, Maria, I still don’t know what--” She put a finger to his lips.
“Shh… And you say that I talk too much.” She laughed. “Look, we don’t have to
figure out everything right now. We can do that later. But… can you do me a
favor?”
“Anything.” He said.
She walked to the riverbank and sat down. “Come sit with me? The stars are so
bright tonight.”
He sat down with her on the riverbank.
The light of the moon reflected off of the surface of the water and surrounded
them.
She put her arms around him and he felt strong again. She cupped his face in her
hands, kissed his forehead, and he felt whole. She rested her head on his
shoulder and looked into the sky. And she was happy. And he could rest.