"Well... I'd like to talk to you about my penis."
Kryten in D.N.A.
*****
Kryten: "Sirs, Sirs, they've taken Mr Rimmer!"
Cat: "Quick let's get out of here before they bring him back!"
Kryten in HOLOSHIP
*****
"It will be happened. It shall be going to be happening. It will be was an event that could will have been taken place in the future--simple as that!"
Rimmer in FUTURE ECHOES
*****
"Now I know why dogs lick their testicles...it's to get rid of the taste of the food!
Lister in MAROONED
*****
"I think we're all beginning to lose site of the real issue here, which is, what are we going to call ourselves? I've narrowed it down to two suggestions. The League Against Salivating Monsters, or, my own personal preference, the Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society. Uhm, one drawback with that, the abbreviation is CLITORIS."
Rimmer in POLYMORPH
*****
Cat: "My stomach has been pumped and now I'm hungry...OWWWW...hey there you are. I'm hungry, I need some FOOD!"
Lister: "Not Now, Cat; Rimmer's dad died" Cat:
Cat: "I'd prefer a chicken!"
from BETTER THAN LIFE
*****
"You can't whack death on the head, Lister!"
Rimmer in FUTURE ECHOES
*****
Cat: "There's an old cat saying - if you are going to eat tuna, expect bones."
Rimmer: "There's an old Human saying - if you're going to talk rubbish, expect pain!"
*****
Rimmer: "Step up to Red Alert"
Kryten: "Are you quite sure, sir? It does mean changing the bulb !"
from LEGION
*****
"I'll tell ya one thing. I've been to a parallel universe, Ive seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins. But I never thought, in my entire life, I'd taste an edible pot noodle."