Notes: hello my humble readers. I’m sorry I’m updating less now. I’ll try to update more often but realize it’s the last week of school and starting next week I’m doing final exams, my roommate is graduating, I’m moving out of my apartment, a friend is having a baby shower and ive given up on sleeping. However I did have some fun today getting the rest of the Jecht spheres in the game..the one in the thunder plains is great *giggle*. I really do want to get to part two soon though, hopefully before my trip to japan *I’ll be gone for a month so no updates* and finish it. Like I said part two is probably going to take place in Zanarkand and focus on Auron (Rikku will be mentioned but wont be in the story directly).

I would like to give a thankyou to all the readers out there. All of you are great people, and nice people too. I also give lots of credit to the other writers of all fanfiction to bring out great fanfics. You guys have given me more confidence in writing more fanfiction and continuing with the story. This will be a small chapter, focusing on Auron.

Chapter 11

Auron’s Feelings.

I don’t know how it happened, or why it happened but here I am. Where am I? I’m about to go to Guadosalam with my summoner, another guardian of his and…and an Al Bhed. This Al Bhed however is different then you think. She, stole my heart. Something that would have never happened it seemed like did and it feels weird. I guess I was a frigid, serious man. That’s what people said about me often enough, maybe it was because either was too involved with my teachings or possibly my anger.

Maybe I am a person with lots of anger, but who would blame me? I have every right to be angry, every right to be mad. I was ex communicated. Why? Because I refused to marry some high priest’s daughter. I had everything going, I was a monk for Yevon, and was well liked by everyone. Well that’s because I was their bitch; I did everything they said for me to do without regard towards my own feelings. It changed though, when my Lord Braska and I talked.

I always thought what my Lord Braska did was wrong, marrying an Al Bhed. Not because she was Al Bhed, just the fact that no one would respect him anymore. He didn’t care though, and loved her deeply even though he did have to give up on some of his teachings. What an admirable man, I envy him. It was him that told me to think for myself. My Lord, he got so angry at me that night. There was yelling, even screaming but he finally reached to me.

I realized everything that I did was what the church wanted me to do. None of my decisions were of my own, especially the one of choosing love for myself. The woman was very kind, but I did not find her to be the one I wanted to be with forever. I remember that day like it was yesterday. We went out to a small restaurant. It was her favorite restaurant, and it had become one of my favorites as well.

I grabbed her hand, and held it on top of the table. I looked into her eyes, how innocent they were. I felt bad for what was going to come next but I needed to do this, I wanted to live my own life. I told her that I did not love her. She looked down, and as I looked at her a tear fell down her cheek. She looked up at me, with her tear stained face and smiled. She felt the same way.

She had told me she fell in love with another man but actually never cheated on me. She had grown to love me in a way, but realized it was someone else she wanted to be with the whole time. We continued that meal, the weight lifted from our minds.

We got to her house, her father was waiting. We all sat down in a conversation room in his large home. He was discussing wedding plans when I blurted it all out. I told him plain and simple that we were not going to get married. I told him that I did not love her and neither did she. He decided that it was my fault and yelled at me. He threw his glass at me, cutting my cheek and told me to get lost. When I went to the temple the next day, he called me into his chambers, and told me that my life as a monk…was over.

What happened next? Well I gathered all of my belongings that I left at the temple. Everyone did not want to see me go, and agreed that the priest’s decision was a bad one but no one had the guts to confront him about it. I was disappointed, no…I was down right mad that all of this happened. I didn’t do what I was supposed to and they throw me away like a broken toy. I went back to Lord Braska’s home, which had become my home as well and told him everything. He felt sad for me, but was happy that I did this on my own, that I made my own choice. That night was the first night I ever became drunk. What a feeling.

I was relieved to be able to think on my own, but there were some large consequences. Many Yevonites gave dirty looks at me; I was not allowed to go to official parties or balls, not like I cared much anyway. No one wanted to be with me except Lord Braska. He had been there the whole time, and would continue to do so. As years went by, I turned bitter I guess. I began to dislike the church. I felt like I was alone, no one excepted me. Al Bhed thought I was an idiot Yevonite, and the Yevonites thought I was a heathen of some kind. There was Lord Braska but I still was lonely.

I guess I became distant, and people said I had something stuck up my ass because I was so strict I guess you would say. I was alone for so long, that I got used to the loneliness and I in the end wanted to be lonely as well. One night though, one night would begin the change of me once more.

Lord Braska and I had dinner one night together. Yuna was already in bed, and it was just the two of us. He looked at me and told me what he was about to do. I was going to tell him not to do it but it was his decision. He would become a summoner. Not only that but he wanted to have some other guy as a guardian as well.

I heard the news a few days earlier. A man claiming he was from Zanarkand was arrested and held in a jail. I thought the man was crazy but Lord Braska believed his story. We went to that very jail the next day and got him out of there. Lord Braska ignored my glares at him, however he did put Jecht in a room on the opposite wing of the house.

One day, Lord Braska forced me and Jecht to do something together. I opted to take him to a beach, then ditch him and go off to be alone. When we got there we both saw something on the rock. It was a girl, and she was injured. We both thought she was dead at first, but I put my fingers to her neck and felt a pulse. We sighed, we also noticed she was breathing on her own as well so it was obvious she didn’t drowned.

Jecht and I agreed to take her back to Lord Braska’s home. I picked her up hoping there wasn’t any internal damage. She was very light, and very beautiful. I blushed I guess…I don’t know. I wasn’t even sure why I thought such a thing; I still don’t know why I did. We rushed her back to the house, and got Lord Braska. We took her to one of the spare bedrooms, and laid her on the bed. Lord Braska called in a doctor, to look at her, to see what was wrong. When we found out she had just been knocked unconscious we were all happy, and relaxed.

Some of Lord Braska’s servants cleaned her up, and got her into some other clothes. I came back into her room to see if she was alright. I didn’t even know why I did this, why I felt like I needed to look after her but it did. I continued going to her room, and stayed by her side unless there was something I was to do for Lord Braska.

I was happy to hear; no I was exhilarated to hear that the girl woke up. Lord Braska told me that she was Al Bhed. At first I wondered, if they would try searching for her, but they haven’t yet and somehow I knew, I knew they wouldn’t go looking for her. Even when finding out she was indeed Al Bhed, I still wanted to see her, wanted to be with her.

Later that night I was walking down the hall. I had decided to go see her when something hit my body, hard. I looked down and there she was, in front of me. She looked at me, without a word for a few minutes until I “broke the ice” as they put it. I regret the words that came out of me, as they probably sounded a little harsh..hell all of my words sounded a little harsh to everyone. I swore I saw tears form at her face, maybe she thought I was one of those Yevonites.

I never had been around Al Bhed, in fact the only other Al Bhed I was around was Lord Braska’s wife. I had nothing against Al Bhed, I just wasn’t sure how to act around them. I decided to apologize to her, and give her some food.

That week went by fast, and the ball was approaching. I wasn’t too particular excited to be around all those people. Most of them probably wouldn’t have anything to do with me in most cases, either way…I was forced into it. Rikku was still weak, but was to come with us on our pilgrimage. I didn’t know why she was but if Lord Braska trusted her then I would try my best. That night at the ball, she came down the steps in a dress Lord Braska’s wife used to wear. She was absolutely beautiful. I was able to finally ask her to dance with me but it only ended with her leaving me, saying she saw a ghost. I looked for her all over the place and eventually found her. She was holding two things, a pair of sunglasses and a sphere. Rikku did end up apologizing to me and I got my dance, only to be interrupted by Jecht!

Things went alright I guess. Actually they didn’t. Bevelle was a mess, and Macalania…I think it was Macalania that really showed me my feelings. I thought she would be fine…honestly! But after we entered the main hall again I heard screaming. It was Rikku..I entered the room to see her, she was about the be…be…I cannot say it. The rage that was built up released and I almost killed someone. I picked her up, the bloody mess she was, and we left for the nearest place we could. We went to an Al Bhed travel agency, ran by a kind person named Rin.

We treated her injuries, me not leaving her once. I…one day I kissed her. The pain, what she had gone through was too much for me. I grew to care for her, I grew to love her. Never had I felt love as I did with her, as I DO feel now. I even told her, but of course she did not return the feelings.

When Rikku got better we traveled through the rest of Macalania. It was a quiet trip, and a long one. I was worried whether Rikku would be alright, and she was. Jecht however wasn’t okay, he managed to get some crystal shards in his chest. When we got to the next travel agency I helped Lord Braska get the pieces out. Maybe I was starting to get along with this guy but I’ll never admit it, especially to Lord Braska.

I entered the room Rikku and I were to stay in. There was one bed, and I even complained a little but I gave up due to how tired I was. I laid down on the bed and saw her sphere. I did something I shouldn’t have…again. I took the sphere out and looked at it. What I saw shocked me. I realized then that Rikku was not from this time, but I did not know why she was here.

That night went well actually. I told her I knew that she wasn’t from this time, even though I wasn’t sure I believed it myself. She even taught me some Al Bhed, which is harder than one thinks…I can barely say any of the words…oh well whatever. She laid down next to me, and then rolled on top of me. After exchanging a few words, I felt something I wanted to feel again, her lips on mine.

Now here I am, about to enter Guadosalam. Rikku had a nervous breakdown in the Thunder Plains, deciding it was time to tell us all the truth. I would not push it out of her, as she promised it would all be revealed in Moonflow. To tell you the truth, I wish she wouldn’t tell me because all I can think now of is not being with her. She has made me feel like I never have before, and to have that taken away…would tear me apart.

“I want her to be the one I am with Always, Lord Braska.” I tell him as we catch up to Jecht and Rikku.



End notes: *kills computer* yeah I had to restart the damn machine like 5 times before I could get this fic done!! Normally I’d give up on writing but no! no! the fic wont let me!!!! Gaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!! Okay…I dunno if I’ll have time to write anymore the rest of the week but I wrote three chapters in one day…

Love ya!