I'm An SI

[To the tune of Dennis Leary's "I'm An Asshole"]

<Spoken>

Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream. About you. About me. Well, actually it's a song about fanfiction. One specific part of fanfiction and the way it warms the cockles of your heart. And when I say "warms," I mean "burns." And not quite the heart either. More like a chili-peppers-in-your-gut type sensation. And it kinda moves south until you get that kicked-repeatedly-in-the-balls feeling.  Unless you're a woman, then it's more like a yeast infection so bad you can hear it. But then again you might be a post-op transsexual or a castrati or had a REALLY bad polo accident. In which case, I just don't know...

<Singing>

I'm an average Joe. Or an average Jill.
Surfing the net, while my folks foot the bill
I like wrestling and hockey and Avril Lavigne
And spending too much on the anime scene.
I like Gameboy Advance and occasional porn
And writing long slashfics about Aragorn

But sometimes that's just not enough
(Oh no) No way (Oh no)
It needs just a little bit more.
(Little more) A little more (Just a pinch)
I need to have fun at the story's expense


I'll beat up Ranma for no freaking reason
Then totally screw up Big O's second season

'Cause I'm an SI. (He's an SI. She's an SI.)
I'm an SI (He's the world's biggest SI)

I'll put the whole Ginyu Force in their places
Violate canon in twelve different spaces
Take Lum and Belldandy on romantic dates
Synching with EVAs at ludicrous rates

'Cause I'm an SI. (He's an SI. What a blatant SI)
I'm an SI (He's the world's biggest SI)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song.
Maybe I've gone about this whole thing wrong.
Maybe I should leave the canon alone?


NAAAAAH!

<Spoken>

Hmm... This DBZ/Law & Order/Bob the Builder crossover is okay, but it needs a little something. I know! I'll use the Dragonballs to turn myself into an SSJ4! No, 5! NO - *6!* Then I'll go kill Buu with one shot! Then I'll beat up Vegeta for the hell of it! And then I'll <BLEEP> Videl! That wuss
Gohan doesn't deserve her! THen I'll fly over to Nerima and beat up Ranma and Kuno and Ryoga and Taro. And then I'll <BLEEP> Ukyo! And Shampoo! And Nabiki! And just for the hell of it, I'll give myself a "Spring of Drowned Succubus" curse and seduce Ranma! Ha ha, no soup for you, Akane! Then I'll kill Galaxia with a trick energy shot from downtown Tokyo. THen I'll <BLEEP> Sailor Moon! Then I'll fly over to Hogwarts and beat up Voldemort and I'll bring my sister along cuz shes got a crush on Malfoy LOL! (Hey...) THEN ill go fight UNICroN with a kamehameha from my BURNING WING GUNDAM (Hey.) then ill <BLEEP> Releena (Hey!) cuz i'm so kewl! r0xx0r! (HEY!!!)

What?

(You really are a self-insert, aren't you?)

Just shut up and sing!

I'm an SI. (He's an SI. What a <BLEEP>ing SI)
I'm an SI (He's the world's biggest SI)

M! A-R! Y-S! U-E!
EVERYBODY!
M! A-R! Y-S! U-E!


<Spoken>

I'm an SI, and I have no shame