Not much to add as far as side notes go... It's a pretty straight forward, "Our first time" tale with Voltron. As far as I can tell, there aren't that many Voltron fics out there. Stunning, considering how long it's been around. But thankfully, that also means no Hunk/Pidge slash! The original is pretty... descriptive. But without being sleazy. Kudos for for that to Merla (Who never responded to my request for permission, BTW...)

And on with the disclaimers:

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and all related characters are the property of Best Brains, Inc. Voltron and all associated characters are a copyright of World Events Productions and Netter Digital Entertainment. "Sweet Beginnings" is the property of Liza Velasquez. All are used without permission, but not for lack of trying.

{Season 4 theme song. Sing along! You know the words!}

{We open with Gypsy coiled on what looks like a giant bed against a blue-screen type backdrop.}

TOM SERVO: [Offscreen] Okay, Cambot. Gimmie a nice slow pan up Gypsy. That's right! Just like that!

{The screen moves as Cambot moves up Gypsy's length to her head}

GYPSY: Tom? What am I supposed to be doing again?

TOM SERVO: [Popping into the foreground] You're supposed to be looking sexy. Seductive! Desirable! The kind of woman chump... I mean guys from all over will be BEGGING to watch all the time!

GYPSY: But I don't know how to be seductive. I mean I've really only got the one expression. And I can't really shake what my momma gave me, cause I don't have a mom.

TOM: Fine, fine! What about those naughty novelties I got you?

GYPSY: I don't know what they're for, I don't wanna know what they're for, and you'll regret trying to make me, buster!

{JOEL and CROW enter}

JOEL: Hi, everybody! Welcome to the Satellite of Love. Crow and I had some stuff to do on the other end of the ship, so we sorta missed Tom and Gypsy setting up... whatever it is they've set up here?

CROW: To put it bluntly - what the hell is going on here, Tommy?

TOM: Simple - with all the dot bombs going off these days, I've noticed that only two types of sites on the net tend to make any sort of money: gambling and porn. And since we don't really have the capital to do a gambling site, I talked Gypsy into letting me build a porno site around her.

GYPSY: I'm getting 30% off the top!

JOEL: Tom... I don't even know where to start.

CROW: Lemme take this one Joel. Tommy, One: What possessed you to even think of something like this. Two: Who would pay to see Gypsy do... Anything? No offense, Gyps.

GYPSY: None taken!

CROW: And three, WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU LET ME IN ON THIS?!?

JOEL: Not to mention that those special parts I built Gypsy with don't include the "special parts" people tend to look for in that sort of site.

CROW: Unless you're going for the fetish market.

JOEL: True.

TOM: Look, this is going to be a big hit. Just look at the emails I've already gotten. Besides, I was planning on asking you to do some... um... sessions with Gyps, later.

GYPSY: And you thought I'd say yes to that, why?

TOM: Well...

CROW: Hey!

JOEL: [looking at a nearby monitor] Looks like a Cease and Desist from Hotbot.Com.

CROW: You called the site "Hotbot?"

TOM: Actually, that's just the site's name. The URL is www.ws9.com/svam/leftytriggs/sol/servoisgod/¿ÜêËÆ£¤¤¤? /gypsy/hotbot.xhtml

CROW: Kinda unwieldy isn't it.

TOM: Working on that.

MONITOR: [Sounding suspiciously like Torgo] You'VE GoT MAiL!

TOM: That's in the ISP's internal setup somewhere. I can't figure out how to change it.

CROW: [Reading] Looks like someone called "Haxxorz 4 Christ". Let's see... "Your site is an abomination before God. By opening this message, you have assured the end of your depravity. May God have mercy on your soul, because your servers belong to us..." Why is the computer beeping and vibrating?

GYPSY: TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF!!!

TOM: Too late! HIT THE DIRT!!

JOEL: [While ducking] We'll be right back. D'oh! [Ducks]

{We hear a large *BOOM!!* as we cut to commercial}

<Commercial - My name is Freezer. And my anti-drug is porn.>

{As we return to the bridge, Joel is hosing off the smoldering remains of the computer with a fire extinguisher.}

JOEL: Man, as many things as have exploded around here, I'm shocked we haven't been sucked into space ten times over by now!

TOM: I'm still wondering how the hell they got my e-mail address. I mean, the site wasn't even operational yet!

CROW: Idle speculation for another intro, Tommy. The Mads are calling.

JOEL: Nice timing. How're you doing, Sirs? [Hits Mads Button]

Cut to Deep 13, where the lab is looking suspiciously the set of The Screen Savers. If The Screen Savers set were designed by Marilyn Manson]

DR. Forester: Hello, my little script kiddies... Glad to see you're not enjoying yourselves. And to answer your little query, Servo, I set the H4C after you.

[SOL]

SERVO: But... Why?

[D-13]

DR. F: Short answer: I'm evil. It's what I do. Long answer: It was either wait months for your site to do the traditional dotcom crash and burn, or blow it up real good right away. And I owed Frank an explosion that he wasn't in the center of. Speaking of Frank, [Turning around] Frank, load up this week's invention. You may be wondering why Deep 13 looks like Hell's Tech Show set. It's because we're shooting promos for our new line of WinD-13 Utilities. Frank?

{Camera pans left to TV's Frank}

FRANK: We've all seen software that does stuff that anybody who reads a help site or For Dummies book could do themselves. Well, our software does things that no other software on the market can do. And with that extra touch of evil to spice things up.

DR. F: Take for instance, the WinD-13 Resource Reclaimer. Just run this little baby and...

{Cut to a PC which suddenly reboots}

DR. F: Resources are back in a flash! And here's the Flash Defrag - 100% defragmentation on the biggest hard drive in a fraction of the normal time.

{Cut to another PC - in the process of formatting itself.}

FRANK: And our Crash Proofer, which will make your PC as stable as possible. Because it won't let you boot into anything but safe mode!

DR. F: And the best part is, that it all does exactly what we said it would, so no lawsuits for us!

FRANK: And people think Bill Gates is evil!

DR. F: Top that, flamebait!

FRANK: "Flamebait?"

DR. F: It's the only tech insult I could think of. You're ruining the mood!

{SOL}

JOEL: Well, sirs. Our invention - while not as technically useful as yours - is a lot less evil. It's for those people who want to spice up their résumés, but don't have the creativity they need to do it.

TOM: And that's where we come in. With our Résumé Enhancer, just plug in your resume, like so. [Cut to *another* PC with a document loading up.] Then set your enhancement level to one of five levels from "Slight Exaggeration" to "Complete BS".

CROW: And our handy dandy software does the rest. For show purposes, we've set it to "Complete BS" So if your last job was say, janitor at the local strip bar, the Enhancer will turn that description into... Let's see... "Director of Sanitation for District 10008-1489." The number being the club's zip code!

JOEL: Neat huh?

{D-13}

FRANK: [At *YET ANOTHER* computer] Cool! I'm the "Vice President of Gizmonics, Deep 13 division, Experimental technologies"

DR. F: Got all that from "Lab Rat" did it? Anyway, Joel, your experiment today is a romantic little tale that... Well, it's not quite...

FRANK: DEEEEP HUUURTING!!!

DR. F: But like the sandstorm there, you'll be similarly pummeled by the Warm and Fuzzy Feelings in this. I give you... "Sweet Beginnings." Breeze it on over, Frank.

FRANK: Eat sensitivity, boys!

{SOL}

CROW: An emotional "Deep Hurting?" Oh, boy...

JOEL: Worry later - WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!! [All scurry off]

[ 1 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 6 ]...[ * ]

{CROW enters the theatre, followed by Joel carrying Tom}

SWEET BEGINNINGS
A Voltron Lemon Fanfic by Merla, Queen of Darkness

CROW: Sister of Pricilla, Queen of the Desert.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to WEP.

TOM: "WEP?"
JOEL: "We Eat People?"

"I still can't believe we're here," Allura laughed,

TOM: We finally escaped from that Macek guy!

swirling the champagne flute in her hand filled with the golden, effervescent liquid.

JOEL: Princess Allura is full of champagne?
CROW: She's literally liquored up!

She sat back on headboard of the wide bed they had in the transport ship cabin, watching the back of her husband's lithe and muscular form

TOM: Waiting for just the right moment to deliver the kill shot.

as he proceed to replace the champagne bottle in the ice bucket on top of the bar across the room.

JOEL: INTENSE... CHAMPAGNE SIPPING... ACTION!

He only wore his light blue pajama bottoms, his upper body bare to her avid gaze.

CROW: His lower body covered to hide the shameful scars of Keith's wild youth.
TOM: Umm... Are we sure it's Keith here? The author hasn't named him yet.
JOEL: Egad! You think Merla put her with Lotor?
CROW: Nah! This seems a bit too WAFF-y for that. Besides, Lotor would have broken out the whips and chains by now.
JOEL: True.

He moved with a panther-like grace

TOM: He's Huey Newtonesque!

that made her glad that she was sitting on the bed

CROW: She preferred to be ravished in comfort.

or she would have melted bonelessly all over the cabin carpet.

ALL: EWWW!!!

Nothing would be left of her but her white nightgown lying on top of a puddle of what used to be Allura.

CROW: I think I once got some spam mail telling me to visit puddleofallura.com.

"You and me both," he agreed, grinning at her as he sat beside her. She took a deep breath, savoring his scent - clean, spicy, and male.

JOEL: WHOA HO! Them's good pheromones!
TOM: He's a Slim Jim!

He reached out with one hand to trace the curve of her cheek.

CROW: [Husband] I like you! I'll kill you last.

"I never even imagined I would ever have you anywhere with me like this."

JOEL: [Keith] I thought for sure you'd dump me for Hunk!

She turned her head slightly and nuzzled his hand with her lips. "Never?"

CROW: I thought you were a real cold fish. Who knew?

she murmured huskily, rubbing her cheek against his palm like a cat.

TOM: This fic does paint a nice vivid picture, doesn't it?

His hand was warm and rough, and tasted so very mmmmmmmmm.

JOEL: So very wha...?
CROW: She's got his hand in her mouth? Kinky!

She could do this forever. "I'm hurt."

CROW: [Keith] Already? We haven't even...
JOEL: Let's not go there quite yet, Crow.

"Okay, maybe once or twice," he admitted with a low chuckle.

TOM: Per hour.
CROW: [Keith] More when you were wearing your uniform.
JOEL: [Keith] Mmm... Pink Spandex.

"Or was it one and a - Ow!"

JOEL: [Keith] SPANDEX!!!

He reflexively jerked his hand

CROW: Insert crude commentary here.

away after her sharp little nip on the fleshy portion of his hand. He made a big show of examining the teeth marks before glancing back at her face only to meet a pair of irate blue eyes and full, pouted lips.

TOM: It's the Cheshire Princess!

"Just once or twice?" Her voice held a tone of warning.

CROW: [Keith, rapidly] OK, I lusted after you 24/7! I kept a shrine to you in my room and did nasty things to a blow-up doll dressed as you! Happy now?!?

"I think I've married a shrew," he said with a loud suffering sigh,

JOEL: No, you married a princess. Weren't you paying attention?

shaking his head as he placed his champagne flute on the bedside table and reached for something in the two bowls on top of it. Since his back was to her she had no idea what he was doing.

CROW: [Keith] Yep. Time to fire up the ol' "Blazing Sword!"
TOM: [Keith] Sweet Viagra - do your stuff!!

"Not even twenty-four hours into the honeymoon, and already she browbeats me."

"Browbeat you?" she sputtered in indignation, sitting up. "Not even twenty-four hours into the honeymoon and you're already forgetting your promise to make me blissfully - " She never got to finish her sentence as something was popped into her mouth

{All make coughing and sputtering noises}

and the delicious, distinctive flavor of

{All make louder coughing and sputtering noises }

chocolate

ALL: WHEW!!!

and another unknown tangy, sweet taste

CROW: That's just not right!

exploded on her tongue.

TOM: Breeching the ship's hull and sucking them all into the cold void of space.

"That should keep you quiet for a while. Bite,"

CROW: Kinky!
JOEL: Could someone at least HINT at what she's biting... [Turning] Say it and you're getting a time out, Crow!
CROW: Aww!!

he instructed, his tone filled with amusement. His dark eyes stared into her astonished wide blue ones as he reached for her champagne flute and placed it on the bedside table beside his.

"Mmmmmm," she finally said, swallowing and licking her lips. "What was that?"

CROW: Cream of Keith. Freshly made.
JOEL & TOM: EWWW!!!
TOM: That is just so wrong!

"Fresh strawberries. I had Jeff bring some from Earth," he said, his gaze drifting down to the sight of the tip of her tongue gently gathering the remaining chocolate off her lips. The smell of the chocolate mingled with hers, summer roses and woman,

TOM: [Animal] WOO-MAN!!!

and it was driving him crazy.

JOEL: [Keith] No, wait! That's just the Viagra kicking in.

"They're delicious," she declared, seemingly oblivious to his reaction to her. Or perhaps she really was.

CROW: Are we still talking about strawberries?
TOM: No idea!

One more reason to wait, but it was going to be damned difficult.

She turned her pleading blue eyes to his. "Can I have some more?"

He laughed huskily.

CROW: [Keith] Heh, heh! Can do!

"We'll share one," he promised.

"Share one?"

JOEL: And we take a hard right into a whole weird area.
TOM: [Keith] Aw come on! I promised Pidge!
CROW: [Allura] Pidge? I wondered why the carry-on was so heavy!

He dipped one more strawberry into the small bowl of chocolate syrup. Deliberately, he let some drops of syrup fall upon the exposed white skin of her collarbone and her delicate chin before popping it into her mouth, his fingertips brushing against her full lips as he did so.

CROW: [Keith] I never noticed what nice DSLs you have!
JOEL: Huh?
CROW: I'll explain that later...

She immediately stiffened, startled into an awareness that went beyond the delicious flavors in her mouth and to the closeness of this man she had loved for so long.

TOM: [Allura] I crave human flesh!

A gentle warming began at the pit of her stomach, a languorous pooling of delicious feeling that thickened her blood and heightened her senses to nothing else but him.

JOEL: But tragically, her thickened blood caused her heart to explode, spraying blood and chocolate all over the cabin.

His touch. His scent. All of him.

TOM: o/~ All of him! Why not eat all of him! o/~
JOEL & CROW: Say!

Her gaze darkened as they locked with his, and she saw him watch her intently as her closed lips began to move in the motions of chewing.

JOEL: [Keith] How can I tell her she's got a stem between her teeth?

His eyes trailed down the smooth column of her throat as she swallowed the chocolate covered fruit,

TOM: [Keith] Ah, there's the jugular!

and his gaze had the effect of the caress of skin against skin. Shaken,

ALL: Not stirred!

she wordlessly raised her trembling hand to wipe the spots of chocolate away.

CROW: [Allura] Whoa! Spots!

"Don't." His voice was rough, stilling her hand in midair. He took it in his and held it tight, placing it firmly on her lap between them. "Let me."

ALL: Call you sweetheart!
TOM: Hee hee! Sometimes you just gotta go with the obvious!

She stared in bemused wonder as he bent his dark head towards hers. She closed her eyes, thinking he was about to kiss her - and gasped in reaction when she felt the tip of his tongue drawing a delicate pattern over her collarbone. Her free hand found its way to his nape, and she involuntarily arched against the gentle touch of his tongue, his mouth.

CROW: [Allura] Mmm... His tounge, his mouth, his lips, his FANGS?!? AIIIEEEE!!!!

"Mmmmm, you taste so good," he murmured, his hot breath dancing over her skin.

TOM: [Keith] Like chicken!
JOEL: [Keith] Now where did I put the A-1?
CROW: Kinky!

Slowly, as if not to startle her any more than he already had, he showered a trail of kisses from her collar bone, inwards, towards the hollow, on the base of her neck, where he lingered until she whimpered in pleasure and squeezed the hand that held hers on her lap, moving slowly upward along the graceful column of her throat, licking off the dab of chocolate on her chin, then gently kissing all around her lips.

TOM: And we'll return to "Lifetime: After Dark" in just a moment.
{ JOEL and CROW start the WGN movie theme, then end it a "Bomp Chicka Wow!" }

Her fingers at the back of his nape delved into the thick, silky black strands, rubbing the locks between her sensitive fingertips.

CROW; Joel, what's she doing?
JOEL: I think she's trying to pick his brain

She shifted her hold, moving her hand down the thick ropes of muscle on his shoulder, fingers clenching as his moist lips found another sensitive spot on her neck.

TOM: Lungs expanding as she inhaled
CROW: Lungs deflating as she exhaled.
JOEL: Hand rising to stifle a yawn.

In unconscious reaction, her hand crept from her shoulders to caress the hard planes of his chest as he continued to shower her face with his tiny kisses,

CROW: The forecast for today calls for scattered showers of tiny kisses, with an 85% chance of nookie later on tonight.
TOM: It may get pretty wet and sloppy out there, folks. So make sure you pack a raincoat.

evading her seeking mouth. Under her seeking fingers she felt the muscles jump in reaction to her touch, and the warmth that had begun in the pit of her belly slowly crept towards the rest of her.

JOEL: Love, lust, or nausea: You be the judge.

"Keith, please," she choked out in a strangled little voice. "I,"

TOM: [Allura] Don't really like you all that much.

Her plea was cut off by the gentle molding of his lips against hers, his tongue darting out to lick the last of the chocolate in the crevice between upper and lower lip.

CROW: [Keith] You know how much I paid for that chocolate? I ain't waistin' a drop!

Her mouth opened as she gasped her pleasure at the touch, and his tongue gently swept in,

TOM: This just in from the weather service - we're expecting a gentle tongue front to sweep in from the east.

inviting hers to do the same to his. He let the hand on her lap go, and she felt his cupping one side of her cheek, guiding her to match her movements to his. Her hands crept up his chest, joining the other one already there,

JOEL: His other chest?
CROW: Little out of control with the pec implants, eh Keith?

before finding rest on his shoulders once more. She clung to him like he was the only anchor that kept her from being swept away in this storm - and he was.

JOEL: The National Weather Service has issued a Tropical Storm Warning for Allura County! Residents are advised that Tropical Storm Keith is headed in your direction!
TOM: Again with the weather!

After endless moments of sweet soul kisses that didn't seem to last long enough, he pulled away from her, his breathing heavy and irregular. His eyes filled with desire and a grim amusement as she let out a little moan of complaint,

JOEL: His hair, well-combed, with a hint of Dippity-Doo.
TOM: His toes, gnarled and misshapen by nail fungus.
CROW: His brow, arched in frustration as he wondered when they were finally gonna get naked.

and he stared at her kiss-swollen lips longingly.

TOM: [Keith, thinking] Mmm... DSLs!
JOEL: Guys, what does that mean?
{Crow leans over and whispers in his ear.}
JOEL: OHH! Come to think of it, did she even have lips on the show?

There were other places he meant to explore for now - but he would come back to her lips later.

CROW: Wink, wink! Nudge, nudge! Say no more!

"So sweet," he murmured, his gaze so intense that Allura felt herself flush underneath his scrutiny.

TOM: [Allura, thinking] He's talking about the chocolate again! I just know it!

A nervous fluttering replaced the languor at the pit of her stomach. Was he going to make love to her tonight after all?

CROW: At the risk of being crass...
TOM: You? NEVER!
CROW: AHEM! At the risk of being crass, isn't what what honeymoons are FOR?!?

She knew he could read the skittishness in her sudden stiffening as he gently but inexorably lowered her back to the pillows,

TOM: BEEEP!! BEEEEEEP!!!
JOEL: Okay, that's it! Keep lowering!

but she couldn't help it - the same way she couldn't help hoping that it would be tonight.

CROW: [Allura] I finally get to use that harness Nanny gave me!

As if sensing her apprehension at the suddenness of how their passion ignited, he grinned down at her mischievously. "Isn't sharing nice?"

CROW: [Pidge, muffled] Woo-hoo! Party time!
TOM: [Keith] Not yet!

The expression on his face so full of boyish devilment was so at odds at what they had just been doing that she just had to laugh. "So is that what you meant by sharing?" she asked, staring up at him with a grin of her own.

JOEL: [Keith] Actually, I meant sharing you with the crew.
CROW: [Keith] How else did you think we could afford this sweet set up?

"You'd think that there wasn't enough in that bowl for the both of us."

He looked wounded at that, but his eyes continued to twinkle. "You mean you didn't enjoy it?"

"You don't need me to feed your overblown ego anymore than you need a hole in the head," she laughed affectionately, reaching up to

TOM: Grab a blaster and put said hole into his head.

smooth the furrow between his brows. Suddenly her smile gentled as she realized what he was doing for her, and her nervousness faded away. Her hand trailed down to the side of his cheek in a light caress.

CROW: [Allura] You got a little George Michael stubble thing going there!

"I love you," she said simply, her eyes misting. "I trust you."

And she did trust him, she had trusted him long ago with her life, then soon after with her heart. Tonight, she would trust him with the final gift of her body.

TOM: "Final gift?" If she boinks, she dies?
JOEL: I didn't know Allura was a worker bee!
CROW: [Keith] Ah well. At least I can let the cops find this one!

"I think, Princess, I love you more," he replied huskily, all the amusement dying in his eyes. He followed the full curve of her lips with his whispering fingertips;

JOEL: [whispering] Run while you can!
TOM: [ditto] Save it for someone you like!
CROW: [same] DSLs!

and she softly kissed them one by one.

"Are you, are you going to make love to me tonight?" she asked softly against his fingers, continuing to stroke his cheek.

JOEL: [Keith] Nah! I figured I'd spend the night drinking beer and watching TV.
TOM: Ah, getting off to an early start on the real marriage.
CROW: [Keith] Speaking of, could you get me a cold one?

They had agreed to wait until they got to their destination before they consummated their marriage because they wanted their first time together to be somewhere special,

CROW: Beautiful downtown Cleveland!

but now, She knew he wanted her, even her inexperienced eyes could tell how much. And she wanted him, too. If he asked her tonight, she wouldn't say no.

JOEL: She would say "Hell no!"

She was more than ready.

TOM: So... Could we maybe get to it? Skip all the flowery set up?

He stared down at her for what seemed to be the longest time before he finally shook his head. "No, not tonight. I don't want your first time to be in a transport ship cabin," he said, squeezing his eyes tight against the temptation of her.

JOEL: [Keith] I want it to be the traditional back seat of my '60 Chevy!
CROW: Ah, so he's working on his night moves!

He paused, taking a deep shuddering breath before leaning down and placing his forehead against hers. "God, I must be out of my mind," he groaned.

JOEL: Nah, just overly sensitive
TOM: Also known as AlanAldaheimers.

Allura laughed at the misery in his voice and tipped her chin up, brushing her lips gently against his. "Well, it's a luxury transport ship cabin," she pointed out reasonably, loving him even more - as if that were possible -

CROW: This reads disturbingly like a Mike Rhea fic.
JOEL: Well, no one's told anyone that they love them "truly, deeply" yet.

for holding back for her sake. She kissed him again before adding shyly, "We're together - and that's really the only thing that matters to me."

TOM: [Allura] Well... That and the prenup. You did sign it didn't you?

His eyes flew open and stared, dark and half-lidded, into hers.
"Would you like me to?" he asked in a husky whisper.

JOEL: [Allura] Not especially. But since we're here...

"Yes," she whispered. Her arms came around his neck and drew him
down to meet her lips. "Yes, I would."

CROW: [allura] ... Like to know more about vinyl siding!

"I love you," he groaned softly

JOEL: "We know already," Joel groaned loudly!

and covered her soft, kiss-swollen lips with his

JOEL: Okay, I call no more DSL riffs.
CROW: Aw come on! It's just begging for it.
JOEL: No, dear.

, brushing, teasing, grazing

TOM: [Journey] o/~ Brushing, teasing, grazing, o/~

them gently until she whimpered and opened her mouth under his. His tongue eagerly answered the invitation of her open mouth, sweeping in to take possession of it,

TOM: Is she describing kissing or warfare?
JOEL: Umm... Yes.

mimicking the rhythm that he would use to take possession of her completely.

JOEL: She thinks he's gonna... with his... Ew!
CROW: Didn't get out much, did she?
TOM: Either that or Keith's built like Gene Simmons!

She all but melted under the sweet assault,

TOM: So Keith turned the flame down to medium.

her own tongue instinctively answering his challenge and meeting him stroke for stroke.

JOEL: Stroke!
TOM: Parry!
CROW: Thrust!
ALL: LICK!!!

She moaned in loss when he tore his lips from hers, his breathing labored and heavy.

CROW: Then she screamed in terror as she realized he did that literally.

"So, so sweet," he said again in wonder this time.

TOM: [Allura] Look! Would you stop going on about the stupid chocolate and do me already?!?

She drowned in the intense darkness of his gaze, and she reached up to touch his face, with the vague notion of pulling him down for another stirring kiss.

JOEL: Then she decided to get crazy and go for a pureeing kiss!

Instead he turned his face and nuzzled the sensitive skin of her palm, drawing a gasp of pure pleasure from her.

CROW: Ah, he's a student of the Gomez Adams school of romance!

To her surprise he began to trace the curve of her cheek with his same finger,

JOEL: Keith] DAMN! Still can't draw Timmy the Turtle!

the rough silk of his touch sending shudders of longing through her. She felt it trail over the arch of her brow, the flare of her cheekbones, the delicate line of her nose.

TOM: The peachfuzz on her lip.
JOEL: The zit on her forehead.
CROW: The dandruff on her scalp.

Her hunger sharpened as she felt the same finger explore the full moist curves of her lips. After a moment of enduring his caresses,

JOEL: [Allura] His touch makes me physically ill!

her lips instinctively parted and drew his finger into her mouth. It tasted faintly of chocolate and strawberries and something that was undeniably him.

TOM: He really should have washed his hands before then!
JOEL & CROW: EWWW!!!

Above her, she heard a tortured groan

CROW: [Pidge, muffled] Aw, come on! Let me out of here already!

before he swept down and laved her lips with more of his honeyed kisses, hot, wet, and dizzying in the pleasure that they sent pulsing through her bloodstream. She held him down to her, her hands caressing his bare back and his upper arms with innocent ardor, loving the feel of his muscles tensing reflexively under her touch.

TOM: I'm starting to lose track of what goes where!
CROW: Is this foreplay or wrestling?
JOEL: Umm... Yes?

She was so overwhelmed by the sensations of his mouth taking hers, of having him so close to her she could feel the pounding of his heart against hers, that she barely noticed

TOM: That last run-on sentence!
JOEL: It just keeps going and going...

his hands tracing a path down the arch of her neck. His fingers slowly but surely followed the path of her gown's modest scoop neckline, lingering at the silky bows at both her shoulders, thin ribbons of silk that held up the nightgown's bodice.

JOEL: And going and going...

His lips began taking the path that his hand had taken, across the arch of her brow, down the bridge of her nose, across her cheek, stopping at the delicate pink shells of her ear.

CROW: [Keith] Baby, when's the last time you washed behind your ears?

He gently took the tender lobe in his mouth, and the unfamiliar surge of pleasure it caused made her gasp once more and buck against him.

{The Bots start giggling }

JOEL: She said "buck!" "BUCK!"
BOTS: Oh.

His mouth continued its inexorable downward journey, planting small moist kisses at the side of her neck, the hollow at her throat, her fluted collarbones. Finally,

TOM: Merla ran out of adjectives!
CROW: Fat chance

it trailed a maddening path along the gown's neckline until it inevitably reached one of the silky bows.

TOM: What a coincidence! We've reached the end of the road! Time to roll, guys!

{All leave }

[ 6 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 1 ]...[ * ]

Musical intro - those of you who are familiar with Bud Light's "Real American Hero" commercials will recognize it. Spotlight on Joel in the foreground

JOEL: The Satellite Of Love presents: Real Fanfiction Heroes!

TOM: [Singing in a spotlight in the background, and apparently channeling Michael Bolton] Real Fanfiction Heroes!

JOEL: Today we salute you - Miss WAFFy Fiction Writer!

TOM: o/~ Miss WAFFy Fiction Writer! o/~

JOEL: Without you, we'd never know how truly, completely in love our favorite characters are.

TOM: o/~ Head over heels! o/~

JOEL: You take every synonym for love in the book, every emotional line, every adjective and adverb you can find and wield them like a fifty pound pink hammer of love!

TOM: o/~ Hammer it home now! o/~

JOEL: And emotions aren't your weapon! Where one or two sentences could set a scene, you go the extra mile and use an entire paragraph. You make sure the romance comes through even if you have to make the same point three or four times.

GYPSY & CROW [Spotlight opposite of Tom] o/~ Or five or six or seven or... o/~

JOEL: So here's to you, Miss WAFFy fanfic writer! Because you care enough... not to add in tentacles!

TOM: o/~ Thank you Miss WAFFy fanfic writer!!! o/~

{Commercials - Is there a better approach to intimate feminine cleansing? Can we not ask that question? }

{All re-enter the theatre }

It could have been minutes or hours before she reached the earth.

CROW: Looks like she ran for it while we were gone!

They lay still for a long time, waiting for their frantic heartbeats

TOM: Starring Robert Townsend.

and quick breaths to slow down. His body grew heavy on hers. She welcomed the weight

JOEL: [Allura] Boy! Sex sure packs on the quality pounds!

and experienced a pang of loss when she felt a gentle suction as he pulled out of her.

{All make sucking noises }

He rolled on his back, taking her with him so that she was half-sprawled over his bare chest. His arm held her securely against him, idly playing with the silky strands of her hair.

CROW: [Keith] What was your name again?

After a few minutes, she tilted her head back and raised shining blue eyes to his. Keith brushed a wayward curl off her cheek. "Are you happy, love?"

TOM: [Allura] I'll let you know as soon as the pain stops!

She smiled at him tenderly, the sated, happy smile of a woman who loves, and who knows that she is beloved. "Yes," she whispered.

CROW: [Allura, whispering] Now can you please take the dog collar off?!?

Keith kissed her forehead with a soft chuckle and she snuggled closer against him as he tenderly caressed the graceful contours of her back and her hip, waiting for her to fall asleep.

JOEL: [Keith] Are you sleepy yet?
TOM: [Allura] No.
JOEL: Are you sleepy yet?
TOM: No!
JOEL: Are you sleepy yet?
TOM: NO!
JOEL: Well can I smother you anyway?

Instead she lapsed into silence, tracing small circles on his chest, but she did not seem any more inclined towards sleep than he. "What are you thinking about?" he finally asked her.

CROW: [Allura] Where to hide your... I mean, "nothing!"

Her gaze flew to his, and she flushed becomingly at the memory of their abandonment, hiding her face against his chest. "Nothing," she murmured unconvincingly.

Titling her chin up, he forced her to meet his gaze. "What?" he persisted with a gentle grin.

TOM: [Allura] Just that that was disgusting, and you're never touching me again.

Her face flushed even deeper, but she replied, "I was just thinking, how wonderful that was."

JOEL: ...She lied through her teeth.

She looked at him with a saucy grin. "If I had known what it would feel like, I would have insisted we leave Arus right after the ceremony."

CROW: [Allura] In separate transports, of course.

She looked so beautiful that he was torn between laughing and kissing her. So he did both. She met his lips eagerly. "You were wonderful. Aren't you sleepy?" he asked, caressing her cheek.

TOM: [Allura] DAMMIT! I AM NOT SLEEPY!!!

She shook her head. "To be honest, I'm not in the least bit tired."

JOEL: [Allura] Or interested. So go take a cold shower, lover boy!

He groaned. "I think that doesn't bode well for me for the next fifty years or so." He chuckled as she hit him lightly with a pillow.

CROW: I think she's working her way up to frying pans.

"You'll just have to find a way to keep up, then." She absently planted a kiss on his chest.

"Hmmmm, I guess I'll have to, won't I?" he said. He tipped her chin up towards his and gave her another stirring kiss.

TOM: Again with the stirring!
JOEL: Take one kiss. Stir. And stir some more. And some more. And still more.

When the kiss was over, she remained in his arms and her long fingers stroked the hair at his temple.

JOEL: [Allura] EWW! Unibrow!

Between the touch of her hand and the feel of her naked breasts as she lay half on top of him, he was acutely aware of his body stirring to life, but her didn't want to frighten her with too much lovemaking on the first night.

JOEL: Especially the way he does it.
TOM: [Keith] I'm telling you; thirty seconds is completely normal!

She might still be too tender.

CROW: Damn! There's a riff in there somewhere, I just can't find it!

"I think I want some strawberries in chocolate syrup," she declared, pushing herself off from her and giving him a tantalizing view of her breasts.

CROW: [Keith, thinking] Why am I suddenly hungry for melons?

She pressed a pillow against them modestly as she reached over and dipped a strawberry in the bowl. She popped it into her mouth and bit into the succulent fruit.

The sight of her mouth chewing on the morsel drove nearly Keith crazy,

JOEL: [Keith, muttering] Fruit... chocolate... teeth... saliva... <crazed laughter>

but he pushed the carnal thought away. He grinned at her, willing to settle for the next best thing.

CROW: [Keith] Are you familiar with the phrase "hand job?"

"Would you dip one for me, too?"

CROW: Or that...

She got one more strawberry, dipped it into the chocolate syrup, swirling the syrup around the strawberry so it wouldn't drip. She held it out to his lips, then flushed as she met his dark gaze. She grinned shyly. "Actually, I was wondering if, if we could share."

TOM: [Pidge, muffled] Party time!
JOEL: [Keith] Not now!
TOM: [Pidge, muffled] Aww!

He paused for a moment nonplussed - then he grinned back. "I thought you'd never ask."

His heated gaze followed the motion of her hands as they popped the fruit into his waiting mouth. Then he gave himself up to the tender ministrations of her mouth and let the magic between them begin again.

JOEL: "Tender ministrations of her mouth?"
CROW: Kinky!

-end-

TOM: Finis
JOEL: Finale

Liza Velasquez
Romantic. Idealist. Dreamer.

JOEL: User of adjectives!
TOM: Wielder of the blunt object of romance!
CROW: Certified WAFF Cannon operator!
TOM: Let's bail guys!

{ All leave }

[ 6 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 1 ]...[ * ]

{Back on the bridge of the SOL, Joel is working on the back of Crow's head. Tom is in the background with tools sticking out of his head }

JOEL: Okay, that's .05 mHz positive. How's that?

CROW: Better. But I'm still seeing things with a pink tint.

TOM: Good thing I don't have external optics like you do, otherwise Joel would have my head cracked open too.

JOEL: Really? Well, just to make sure, what color is this? Holds up a plain sheet of white paper

TOM: Light red, same as always.

CROW: Um... No Tom. You always saw red, not bright red.

TOM: Wait... That's ri... Aw, man!

JOEL: I'll get to you as soon as I finish Crow.

TOM: We might both have to wait guys. We've got something outside the ship?

JOEL: We do? Cambot, gimmie Rocket number 9.

{Outside, there's a big, EXTREMELY pink, spaceship shaped like a heart}

CROW: Hey, something's coming on the Hexfield View Screen!

{ The Hexfield irises open to reveal a rather handsome pink skinned woman, dressed in a some sort of space Valkrie gear }

ALL: Merla!?!

MERLA: Yes, it is I. Merla, former Queen of Darkness! Universal emissary of love! Gentle voice of emotion in the...

JOEL: Not to cut short your intro, but... Aren't you supposed to be blue?

MERLA: It is true. My original skin color was blue as a robin's egg. It reflected the blue void of my heart...

CROW: "Blue void?"

MERLA: But ever since I accepted the power of emotion, my skin has changed to reflect my altered nature.

TOM: So you're saying you're a chameleon?

JOEL: Hush up, Tom. So... Um... What brings you to our neck of the woods, Merla?

MERLA: My sensors indicated that someone was reading "Sweet Beginnings". A tale that I'm particularly proud of, by the way. I came to see whether the power of emotions had take hold. And I can see by the light of your talking lamp there that love is taking hold like never before here.

TOM: Talking lamp?

CROW: I think she means you, Tommy.

JOEL: Yeah, your dome's glowing kinda pink...

TOM: It is? Cool!

JOEL: Merla? You said something about emotions taking hold, besides the pink stuff, what else happens.

MERLA: Well, the process of Waffification is usually gradual. You'd usually need a full week of exposure to get this level of effect. It looks like you fellows got a concentrated dose of my sweet emotional praise. The next step would be improved eloquence and an increased use of descriptive adjectives.

CROW: Isn't that redundant?

JOEL: [Aside] Crow...

MERLA: Pretty soon, your skin goes permanently pink, and your brain pumps out endorphins at ten times the normal rate. A bus full of puppies exploding in your front yard couldn't bring you down. Finally, you'll be compelled to spread the word of love and emotions wherever and whenever you can.

JOEL: So, is there anything we can do about it?

MERLA: Do about it? Whyever would you want to do something about it?

CROW: Because we like being cynical and sarcastic?

MERLA: I know what you need! I think I'll deliver some more soul-stirring prose to that nice Dr. Forrester fellow for you. He seemed to enjoy it even more than you did. Oh, you'll love being one with Love. Not that you'll have a choice! Goodbye, my dear, dear friends!

ALL: [At once] NO NO! WAIT! DON'T! HEY!!! { Hexfield closes }

TOM: [Singing to himself] And now when you see pink, you're gonna think "We're doomed!"

JOEL: I guess all we can do now is try not to get too happy. I guess. What do *you* think, sirs?

{D-13 }

DR. F: Hmm... Not sure if I like this? Evil, yes. But it's an evil of a sort I'm ignorant and fearful of. This is gonna take some more study. Frank, I... FRANK?!?

{Frank wanders in with hot pink hair, and a dazed grin on his face }

FRANK: Hello, Steve! My boss, my friend, my...

DR. F: Just derail that train of thought right there, Frank! And what's with the hair?

FRANK: Oh, the shipment just came in from sweet, sensitive Merla, and one of the boxes was slightly ajar, and when I took a look at what was the matter, I...

DR. F: <SIGH!> Never mind. Just push the button! [To self] Great! Now I'll probably have to break out the Nav fics to snap him out of it.

<< FWOOSH!!!>>

{ Offscreen }

DR. F: AND STOP TRYING TO HUG ME!!!

FRANK: Aww!!!

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