For some reason, I had to force my self to finish this msting. I don't know what it says about me that it was the host segments, not the riffing itself, that had me stymied for months; despite the fact that I had the things outlined already. Anyway, what was a rather nasty Trek lemon has "evolved" into an aggressively nasty, Fem-Dom power trip fantasy masquerading as a nasty Trek lemon.

But on the plus side - no Neelix!

Now, on with the disclaimers:

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the property of Best Brains, Inc. "Star Trek: Voyager: S-Space" is the property of Pussy Willow, and is welcome to it.

And as always C & C, flames, and the like are welcome at [email protected]

WARNING: This MSTing contains inspired by, taken and/or ripped off from "The Giant Spider Invasion", Snoop Dogg, That 70s Show, The Thompson Twins, The Five Man Electrical Band, "Othello", Jermaine Stewart, Marvin Gaye, Meatloaf, and George Michael.

[[ Season three theme song - Sing along! You know the words! ]]

[We open with Tom Servo and Crow, sitting at the desk on the Bridge of The Satellite of Love. Stacks of paper are all over the place, with Tom and Crow pouring over them]

TOM: I'm starting to have second thoughts about this whole thing, Crow. I mean, look at the people I'm up against! Ronald
Reagan? Mickey Rooney? Walter Cronkite? THE POPE?!? How are half these guys even eligible?

CROW: Oh, sorry. That's my "Death Pool" list. The opponents list is that stack on your right.

TOM: Oh... [Move over to the stack] Okay, _these_ guys I can deal with!

[Enter Joel]

JOEL: Hi, everybody. And welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Joel Robinson, and behind me are my little robot buddies, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot. [Turning around] Guys, what's with all the paperwork?

TOM: Oh, we're hard at work preparing for my run for California Governor

JOEL: Uh... What?

CROW: Tom's running in the recall election.

TOM: It looks like fun, and everybody else seems to be doing it, so why can't I?

JOEL: Let's see... [Ticking off on his fingers] Because you're not a resident of California? Because you're a robot? Because you have no experience and less sense of responsibility? Because Conan the Republican won weeks ago? Because...

TOM: Bah! Mere technicalities! I'm in this to win this!

CROW: Besides, wouldn't you jump at the chance to say "I finished 50 spots ahead of Gallagher?"

JOEL: I can see the appeal there... But what issues do you stand for? What's your platform?

CROW: About yay high, I'd imagine...

TOM: Quiet, you! Joel, those are just mere details. I'll have interns and stuff to tell me what I stand for. And besides,
how I can I lose with a campaign slogan like this: <AHEM!> "Tom Servo: He's Better Than You!"

JOEL: Umm...

CROW: Hey, it's better than his back up slogan: "Servo - he's got MrXL!"

JOEL: Huh!?!

CROW: After your time. Don't worry about it.

JOEL: [Confused] Uh, Okay. Let's work on that campaign slogan. We'll be right back. [Hits Commercial Button]


Commercials:
VIAGRA - because if you can't have sex, you might as well off yourself.
ENZYTE - What they said.
LEVITRA - Ditto!
CIALIS - Megadittos!

[We come back to see Joel trying to console a visibly upset Tom]

CROW: Oh, hi folks. Sorry about the scene here. Tom just got faxed a rejection letter from the California Election Commission.

TOM: SOB!  Why, Joel, why? Why did they reject me so cruelly?

CROW: Um... Because you're not a resident of California? Because you're a robot? Because you have no experience and less sense of responsibility? Because Conan the Republican already won? Because you're stupid and ugly?

TOM: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! [Resumes sobbing]

JOEL: Cheer up, Tom. I'm sure there'll be another nationally embarrassing state election you can join in on. [Mads' Light starts flashing.] Now get it together, the Huffingtons are calling. [Hits button]

[Flash to Deep 13. Standard shot of DR. Forrester and TV's Frank.]

DR.F: Oh, buck up Little Trooper! You can always run for Governor of the Satellite. Of course... I'm the incumbent, and I have the only vote that counts, so... Guess you lose again!

[The Mads laugh evilly and cut it off abruptly]

DR.F: Now then, right to the Invention Exchange. Our invention combines some of my favorite themes - Big Brother's watchful eye, Big Business bully tactics, and good ol' American paranoia - into one compact computer program.

FRANK: With all the hoopla about the RIAA sweeping the file-sharing networks and lowering the litigation boom on "violators," we thought the time was ripe to strike back, and maybe get a little green on the side. And our program "RIAAbait" holds the promise of just that.

DR.F: You just find yourself a nice, legally downloaded mp3...

FRANK: Or raid the vast public domain library..

DR.F: Select the digital signature you want to fake - in this case, Metallica's "St. Anger", run it through the 'Bait, and when the RIAA stormtrooper come knocking just you can say...

FRANK: [Pointing at the camera] J'ACCUSE!!!

DR.F: ...Show them the perfectly legal file, then counter-sue for big bucks. It's just that simple.

[Cut back to the SOL. Joel and the Bots are about to say something, but are cut off by the Mads]

DR.F: Yes, I know what you're going to say: "What are the odds that the RIAA won't actually check the files in question before coming after you?" Frank, what would you say the odds were?

FRANK: Mmmm... About the same as hitting the lotto.

DR.F: Coincidence? We think not!

[SOL]

JOEL: I was gonna say "That sounds more cynical than evil."

CROW: I was gonna say "What do the songs sound like after conversion?"

TOM: I was gonna say "Ironically, if that thing works as advertised, it'll get cracked and distributed for free within a month."

[D13]

DR.F: And in order: "They can't all be The Death Star", "Like the inside of a tortured cat", and "Ironic, but still pretty evil. I'll take it." Now, if you're done with your little critique, haul out what you want to call an invention, so we can get to the mocking and torturing.

[SOL]

JOEL: Well, sirs; our invention isn't quite as cynical and evil as yours, but we think it will serve a purpose nonetheless. Pan out a bit, Cambot.

[The screen widens to show Joel and the bots at the desk, surrounding what looks like a car's front windshield, with a Lite Brite stretched across the top]

TOM: Say you're rolling down a one-lane highway, and you notice that the Dodge Dart in front of you has had it's left turn signal on for the last two miles. In this situation, your response options would be to ignore it, jump into the other lane and pass Grandma at the earliest opportunity, jump into the other lane and flip them a nice, fat bird, or go all Peckinpah on them and run them off the road.

CROW: Our invention, the Windshield Instant Messenger, gives you an option that less boring than the first two, and less likely to trigger a road rage incident than the last two.

JOEL: You just press one of these buttons here, and one of six pre-set witty and humorous retorts scrolls across your windshield.

TOM: Backwards, of course, so your intended reader can see it from his rear view mirror.

CROW: We've included a slew of bon mots to choose from, such as "Hang up and drive," "Nice Turn Signal, Buddy", "Would You Turn off that Stupid Blinker!" Okay, that last one was more of a statement than a zinger, but you get the point.

TOM: And for the more creative among us, you can replace the presets with your own witticisms with this included keyboard.

CROW: Or for a little extra, you can get the Speech-To-Text translator. But we're having trouble getting that down smaller than a large briefcase.

JOEL: Neat, huh?

[The Mads are about to say something, but are cut off.]

JOEL: We know what you're about to say: "One foul-mouthed smart alec, and these things will cause more road rage than it prevents." But we thought of that, too.

TOM: You see, the WIM comes with a firmware filter that translates every insult and curse word we can think of into good old cartoon gobbledygook. For instance, even "darn!" comes out as "#*&@!"

CROW: And if someone wants to come up with an insult obscure or weird enough to duck the filters... Well, you'd be a sick, sad, little man, and can only hope your beating will be swift and relatively injury free.

[D-13]

DR.F: And just what were we going to say to that, Frank?

FRANK: [Deadpan] "Steal it. Reverse engineer it to only spit out profanity."

DR.F: Good man! [The Mads quickly bump fists.] Now as for your experiment, it's a hot steaming pile of leftovers for you!

FRANK: You probably thought we forgot about that Voyager lemon we sent you a few months ago. Well... We did. And shame on us for that!

DR.F: [Interrupting] Yes, for you see; as evil and wrong as "S-Space Part One" was, Part Two goes that extra mile to try for "utterly disturbing." Fire when ready, Grizzly!

FRANK: Hope this hurts lots!

[SOL]

TOM: Oh, man! You mean that wasn't all of it?

JOEL: Guess not - because WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!

[All scurry off]

[ 1 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 6 ]...[ * ]

[Joel and the Bots take their seats]

TOM: These are the voyages of the USS Voyager. It's continuing mission - to trash every good Trek villain this side of Khan.
JOEL: To shamelessly pander to T&A craving 14-year olds.
CROW: To boldly suck like no Trek has sucked before!

Voyager: S-Space Part Two (Ff, dom) By: Pussy Willow

TOM: Quick recap for the home players... Voyager�s flown through some "weird area of space." And then suddenly, Janeway�s a slutty dominatrix...
CROW: And a redhead.
TOM: Right... and a redhead, Tuvok�s got a nipple fetish, Kes is a stereotypical "I�m embarrassed because I enjoy this" submissive. Tom Paris is... Well, still a lump. But one with a voyeuristic streak. Chakotay, Neelix, Harry, and The Doc haven�t shown up... Yet.
CROW: Sounds crappy? It is!
JOEL: And now you know... The Worst of the Story.

Once again, don't read this if you think sex of any kind will offend you.

TOM: Disclaimers ... the last refuge of scoundrels!

Not everything is in here, at least not yet, but a lot of different stuff is.

CROW: Umm... Huh?
JOEL: I don�t know, and I really don�t think I want to.

On the off chance that you may get offended, hit q now and be done with it.

TOM: Hit what now?
CROW: Pussy, dear... This is a fanfic, not Counterstrike...

Pussy Willow (As always, comments of any sort are welcome. Even if they say how lousy something is)

JOEL: Boy, are you in luck!

*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*

TOM: That is the weirdest Can-Can line ever!

Part Two:
The lounge on the Voyager was not too crowded.

CROW: The last round of Redshirt purges had just taken place.

It was between crew rotations so a lot of people were busy getting their shit together before they began their 'day'.

JOEL: Folks, when the narration just starts tossing out profanity, you know you're in for a rough go.

There were about eight or nine people in various states of relaxation.

TOM: Translation ... stoned out of their ever-lovin' skulls.

Paris was already there, sipping on synthahol. His mind kept playing over and over again the scene with Janeway on her desk, completely naked, with her pussy dripping.

CROW: o/~ Sittin' in the lounge. Thinkin' bad thoughts. Sippin' on synthahol. o/~
JOEL: Wound up!
TOM: With his mind on The Captain, and The Captain on his mind!

He memorized every exquisite movement of her fingers, every blur of her hand, every jut of her back to meet a thrust in her pussy. It was all there in the sweeping expanse of his mind.

CROW: Three words for you, Paris:  GET!   A!   HOBBY!
TOM: Sadly enough, he does, and this is it.

It was quite a shock to him when Janeway entered the lounge, fully clothed to his disappointment.

JOEL: [Paris] Aw, man! It was supposed to be "Bikini & Gimp Mask" Day!

He was so embroiled in his memories of that masturbation show

JOEL: Laura Prepon, NO!
CROW: Heh! Laura Prepon, YES!

that it took him a moment to realize Kes was tailing behind her, her face and even her pointed ears red with shame.

BOTS: [Kes' ears] We're filled with shame!

*She* was naked. And Paris could tell, hell it didn't take a genius, that she was very aroused.

TOM: Do tell, O' Master of all things Horny!

Her nipples jutted magnificantly, rock hard and twitching.

JOEL: The fact that it was 50� Fahrenheit in there never crossed his mind.

Her ass was still a little red and Paris' mind worked overtime thinking up an explanation for that.

TOM: Being dumber than a bag of hair, and all.

Kes stared at the floor and wouldn't look anyone in the eye. She was very embarrased, not so much because she was nude and humiliated but because she was liking every moment of it.

ALL: Of course she was.
CROW: Mmm... Public humiliation and abuse! Sign me up!

Somehow that was more embarrasing than the situation itself. She had two orgasms on the way down just wondering what would happen.

CROW: Folks - just take a moment to savor the sheer stupidity of that statement, won't you?

Janeway nodded to Paris and motioned for him to join her. By this time everyone in the lounge had noticed Kes. "If anyone would like a closer look," Janeway said. "Feel free to gather around my table."

TOM: [Janeway, Irish accent] Gather 'round! Plenty to see here!

She leaned closer to Paris, but Kes could still hear. "I have a holo-picture for you," she whispered and Kes gasped. Would she really let Paris watch it? Janeway sat down quickly and grabbed Kes over her knee.

JOEL: Unfortunately, Kes was facing the wrong way, and ended up with her spinal cord snapped.
CROW: TSK! Hate it when that happens...

Some of the others, both male and female, gathered around them. Kes was thankful her face was hidden, but her ass and pussy were there for everyone to see.

TOM: How she snuck a donkey and a cat in there, we'll never know.

"I'm going to spank you, Kes," Janeway said. "And I want everyone here to see and hear. Each one that I do, you will count out. Either that, or we'll start over. Understand?"

CROW: Oh, baby! You make it sound so hot!

Kes swallowed hard and tried not to tremble, but she did. The people around laughed a little and it make her squirm with shame. Janeway's hand slammed down on her cheek, leaving a little mark and making Kes squeal. "Understand?" "Yes," Kes answered quickly. This brought some more laughter from the small crowd.

JOEL: Suddenly, we're on board the USS Marquis De Sade!

Janeway worked a finger into her tight pussy and this made Kes moan with pleasure. The people began mumbling among themselves.

ALL: [Crew] Rhubarb. Rhubarb. Sexual Assault rhubarb.

"You're all wet, Kes. You like this don't you?

TOM: [Kes] No.

You like when I do this to you?"

TOM: [Kes] No.

"Yes," she whispered.
"Louder," Janeway said and punctuated it with a slap.

TOM: [Kes] NO!!!

"Yes," Kes replied. "Yes I like it."

TOM: Make up your mind, Sybil!

She almost had an orgasm right then, knowing everyone was watching her. Her pussy clenched around Janeway's finger and so she knew. "You little slut," Janeway whispered and she felt Kes' pussy clutch again.

CROW: She should have that checked out. A tight pussy clutch could lead to transmission trouble.

She chose then to quickly slap her cheek. Kes nearly cried out but bit her lip. "I didn't hear anything, Kes. We'll start over." Kes moaned but when Janeway slapped again, she counted out. The people around were really enjoying the show.

TOM: [Random Crewman] Man, these Lunchbox Playhouses are getting better ever day!

Some had moved to the back to see Kes's pussy and ass as it squirmed in Janeway's lap. Others bent lower to see her face.

JOEL: Still others broke out the camcorders for their "Why I Should Spend The Rest of The Journey In The Holo-Deck" tapes.

Every slap brought another moan from Kes and a number and also a giggle or a gasp from the crowd. Each shot sent a tingle through Kes and almost set her off.

TOM: The tingle means it stinks!

She didn't want to come in front of all those people, anmd particularly not in front of Paris.

CROW: [Kes] The big jerk!

So each time she held back but each time it got harder to do so.
Paris sat directly across from them both and watched with fascination.

TOM: o/~ Keep feeling fascination! Staring, drooling! Crap goes on! o/~

He caught Janeway's eye and smiled. Janeway said, "Kes, pick up your head and look at Paris while I spank you." Kes sighed but she was now almost conditioned to comply with whatever Janeway asked. She blushed even deeper but picked her head up. Paris looked at her with a smirk that said he was enjoying her humiliation.

JOEL: [Paris, extra-smug] I'm enjoying your humiliation.
CROW: Playing the part of Tom Paris... Triple H.

For some reason Kes tensed while waiting for the next slap. She knew what would happen, perhaps. But when it came she could not hold back. The orgasm started small and worked into the biggest, and in this sense worst, orgasm she had ever had.

CROW: Then she blacked out, her evil personality took over, and she slaughtered every one in that lounge. The end.
TOM: Oh, if only!

All the while she did not, could not, take her eyes from Paris. She bucked and heaved on Janeway's lap, her pussy fucking thin air up and down.

JOEL: Either that, or they never got rid of all the invisible Kazon from "Stealth Wedgie."
CROW: Ew...

She started screaming and finally passed out.

Torres paced the bridge.

TOM: The bodies of a dozen ensigns left in her wake.

The captain was gone. Someone had shut off the comm system to the lounge, where thecomputer said she probably was, and locked the door. Her badge was in Kes' room but there was no one there. So, they were all in the lounge, the Captain, Kes, Paris and a few others. None of them were responding to her hails.

TOM: So... What's keeping her from rounding up a security team and forcing her way into the lounge?
JOEL: Do you really have to ask?
TOM: I'm going to pretend I do, yes!

To make matters worse she was getting urges. Her human side wanted somone to cuddle with, and her Klingon side wanted, well,

CROW: ...Someone to get medieval on her ass. Literally.
TOM: Eww...

that was best kept out of mind. She found herself glancing over at the nurse who was on the bridge.

ALL: HELLOOOOOO, NURSE!

She was a short, black haired girl with saucer eyes. Her black hair was done up in a pony tail, exactly the way Torres liked it in a human female.

TOM: It's Kaoru from "Ruroni Kenshin"!
CROW: Run, Kaoru, run!

She wore a little mini skirt, since she was off duty and there were no regulations.

JOEL: We repeat...
ALL: RUUUUUN!!!

She was Harry Kim's girlfriend, Torres knew. She also knew that she never gave Kim any. Paris was forever busting him about it. Marlin, her name was,

TOM: Ensign Florida Marlin.

Belona Torres remembered.

JOEL: Be-who, now?
CROW: B'Elanna's skanky twin, obviously.

Marlin shifted uncomfortably in her little chair.

JOEL: [Marlin] Damn ergonomic piece of... AARGH!

She didn't know what possessd her,

TOM: Could it be... SATAN?!?

she was usually conservative, to wear a skrt that barely covered her thighs.

JOEL: She preferred a nice, conservative pair of slcks.

She also shocked herself by not wearing any underwear.

TOM: That's probably just your tricorder. Check the battery connections.

Now she was acutely aware of everyone's attention in Harry's absence. Once she had swivelled her chair so that it had faced
Tuvok, who stood deep inside his thoughts, near the turbolift door.

CROW: [Tuvok] Mmmm... Nipples!

Unconsciously it seemed, she had parted her legs and had pretended to stretch. Tuvok hardly moved, and she supposed that's why she did it, but she did see him slightly raise an eyebrow.

JOEL: [Tuvok] Highly unsanitary!

She knew it was a sight: she kept her pussy neatly trimmed,

CROW: Conservatively, of course.
OTHERS: Of course!

but a Vulcan could not fully appreciate it.

TOM: He could, on the other hand, cite you for "Conduct Unbecoming" and "Generally Being a Skank Ho."

She had quickly turned away and re-crossed her legs. She was still blushing slightly from the embarrasment, fifteen minutes later. Now she was aware of Torres looking at her.

CROW: [Marlin] Just stay calm... Klingons can smell fear...

Every once in a while she would catch her looking from the corner of her eye. Torres acted like a school boy and kept trying to look up her skirt. Marlin though the only way she would stop it would be to let her see.

JOEL: Logic worthy of Spock, himself!

Even as she contemplated it, her pussy warmed in excitement.

CROW: That's just your phaser again. You really should get a real holster for that thing.
OTHERS: EWWW!!!

She had never thought of another woman before, but those ridges on Torres' head looked like fun.

TOM: [Marlin] Mmm... Her r-r-r-ruffles have r-r-r-ridges!

So she did the same thing she had done with Tuvok, but this time parted them even more. Torres caught sight of it, looked directly up her dress, and licked her Klingon lips sensuously.

CROW: [B'Elanna] Mmm... Dinner!

Marlin knew her pussy was on full display, along with her obvious excitement. She did not re-cross her legs, though. Unconsciously again, her hand rubbed at her neck and she closed her eyes.

JOEL: Then started doing the Dance of The Seven Veils.
TOM: Unconsciously, of course.
JOEL: Of course.

When she opened them again,

ALL: SURPRISE!!! o/~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! o/~

Torres was right beside her. She felt her heavy breathing on her neck.

[All start breathing like Darth Vader]

"Come with me," she told Marlin. Her voice was deep and thoraty,

CROW: "Thor-what-y?"

almost masculine.

CROW: Ah. Thank you!

One of Torres' hands gently carressed Marlin's neck and she moaned. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her thigh, just below the skirt.

TOM: Looks like we found out where Neelix has been hiding.
CROW: D'oh!

Torres was moving it up slowly, carressing as she went.

JOEL: And "caressing" as she came. Wait... Let me rephrase that...

Marlin spread her legs a little more and this was the sign Torres was waiting for.

TOM: o/~ Sign, sign! Everywhere a sign! Offend my sensibilities, mess with my mind! o/~

She moved her hand all the way up and brushed against Marlin's clit. It sent a shiver through her and she moaned louder. "Not here," she whispered, but was willing to not put up a fight. "Come," Torres said

CROW: [Marlin, whining] But I said "not here!"

and led her to the Captain's waiting room. As they entered the room, Torres said, "If Kim gets here, send him directly inside." The door closed silently just as Torres leaned over and, one hand still up Marlin's skirt,

TOM: ...Gave her the wedgie of a lifetime!
JOEL: She's not wearing underwear, remember.
TOM: Hey, I don't spoil your punch lines - leave mine alone!

she kissed her deeply. She felt a thrill herself when Marlin's tongue made contact with her own.

JOEL: [Marlin] Youch! Damn that faulty battery lead!

Voyager: S-Space, Part Three By Pussy Willow

TOM: Part Four by Mr. Gerkin's 4th Grade class.

This one gets a little more complicated and a little dirtier.

JOEL: "Dirtier?" How?
TOM: Don't ask. She might tell us.

If you don't like strong females, sometimes dominating other women, sometimes men, get out now. Likewise if you're not 18 or if you are sexually immature.

CROW: Well, I'm 3-for-3! See ya!
JOEL: We're captives. We don�t count.
CROW: That's discrimination! I'm calling Johnny Cochrane!

Read on and enjoy....

TOM: [Chuckling bitterly] Oh, fat chance of that!

&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&&*&*&*

CROW: And, yea, shall the asterisk lie down with the ampersand...

Voyager: S-Space, Part Three

JOEL: In case you missed it the first time...

Harry Kim pushed the button that would open the door to the Captain's ready room. Tuvok, who seemed amused for a change, told him his girlfriend was in there with Torres.

TOM: [Harry] What the heck does "Your girlfriend and the Klingon make the beast with two backs" mean?

Harry heard someone chuckle but thought nothing of it.

JOEL: Being horribly, horribly, dense...

When the door opened, he immediately heard a buzzing sound fill the air.

CROW: Welcome to the Voyager Chainsaw Massacre!

He gasped as he looked inside the room. Marlin was on the Captain's desk,

JOEL: Writing down excuses for her post-World Series fire sale.

completely naked, her long black hair let out of its pony tail. She was on her knees with her legs spread wide and a vibrating cock shoved deep in her pussy.

TOM: Of course, it might've been a phaser rifle, as far as we know. It was in too deep!

She was moaning and bucking against the thing inside her. Torres sat back and watched her fuck herself with the vibrator, holding a holo picture. "Put a finger in your ass," Torres said. And Marlin immediately complied.

JOEL: [B'Elanna] HAH! I didn't say "Simon Says!"

She bucked even more as her finger wound its way in. She pushed the cock even harder into her pussy and started babbling incoherently.

CROW: She turned into Margot Kidder!

Torres finally say Harry. "Kim," she said. "Take off your clothes and get on the desk with her." Harry paused - for about a moment.

CROW: [Harry] Duh... Okay.
TOM: [Harry, singsong] I'm gonna score! I'm gonna score!

He had always fantasized about Torres, ever since the first episode.

CROW: Oh... Kay...
TOM: This little fourth wall violation brought to you by Plot What Plot? Productions.
JOEL: PWP: Less Story, More Porn.

There was something about that Klingon head....

CROW: Again with the head ridges! What is UP with that?
TOM: Can you say "fetish projection?"

He was naked in a moment and sat on the desk. Torres came over, placing the holo maker on the chair, and looked at Kim's cock.

JOEL: And was immediately overcome with the giggles.
CROW: [B'Elanna] I'm sorry, Harry! But it�s just so teeny and KYOOOOT!

It was about seven inches long and thick. She had heard that Chakatoy's was longer,

JOEL: [Laughing] Cha-WHO?!?
TOM: Star Trek 15 ... The Wrath of Chaka Khan!

but never experienced it first hand. She reahced out and took Kim's cock in her hand.

CROW: Umm... Could you please refer to that as "�Harry�s� Cock?" Constantly saying "Kim" in that scenario brings up images best left unspoken...

It came alive instantly and began getting hard.

JOEL: [Harry�s "area"] GOOD MORNING, VOYAGER!!!
TOM: Wait a minute: Is she saying that Harry was "seven inches long and thick..." WHILE FLACCID?
CROW: [Coughing] bullshit! bullshit!

She smiled as Kim blushed. Marlin moaned again as another wave of pleasure went through her. She was building to a great orgasm. When Harry was rock hard,

JOEL: Hey, she heard you, Crow!
CROW: Thank heaven for small favors!

Torres spread her hand in Marlin's pussy, gathering up some lubrication.

TOM: Please tell me she meant, "on" not "in!"

She spread it over Harry's penis and began stroking slowly on his shaft. Harry moaned and closed his eyes. Torres stopped and said, "Fuck her in the ass." Marlin gasped and moaned even louder.

JOEL: [Marlin] Hey, that�s not in my contract!

She shoved the dildo even deeper and almost came. Kim moved into place quickly and pushed his cock head against her tight little asshole. He grunted as he pushed his cock in deeper. Marlin cried, partly in pain and partly in pleasure.

CROW: But mostly to summon her demon hordes to smite them all.

Kim could feel the vibrator on his cock as he plowed deeper into Marlin. She bucked under him and pushed her ass back against his thrust. "That's it," Torres said. "Tell him how much you want it. I love to watch a woman get fucked in the ass.  And...." She trailed off as she thought.

TOM: [B�Elanna] And... Umm... LINE!!!

Marlin was coming and she bucked even more under Kim. The vibrator she buried deep into her cunt and began shaking all over. She screamed as the orgasm ripped through her. "Come in my ass!"

JOEL: [Flight Controller] Ah, this is Houston Control. Come in, "My Ass!"
CROW: [Donkey] HEE-HAW!!!
JOEL: Copy that "HEE-HAW!

she yelled. Torres slapped Kim on the ass and pulled him out. Marlin fell on the desk as Kim sighed in frustration.

JOEL: [Gravely voice] You pitched a good game, Kid. But you just ran down at the end.

"I want you to lay on the desk, Kim. On your back. Marlin, I want you to lay like that too, facing him, with your feet touching together. Kim did as he was told. His prick jutted straight into the air, purple from pleasure.

TOM: Or bruising. You be the judge.
JOEL: [Wincing] Pass, thanks...

His balls hung heavily under it and Torres gripped these tightly as Marlin moved into position.

JOEL: Ouch!

Kim moaned. "Will you listen to eveything I tell you to do?" Torresasked. Kim nodded.

CROW: [Harry, falsetto] Will it make you let go of me?

Torres reached into the captain's desk and pulled something out. It was big and long and Kim swallowed hard when he saw it had two heads.

TOM: A Hydra! Please say it was a hydra!

It was a big double-deaded dildo.

TOM: Damn and double-damn!
CROW: And double dead!
JOEL: [B'Elanna] Hmm... Maybe I should take off the Death Ray attachments?

Marlin almost came again just looking at it and knowing what Torres had in mind.

CROW: [Innocently] A swordfight?
TOM: [Nervously] Yes... Heh... A swordfight...

"Oh, yes," Marlin said. "I want to fuck him in the ass while he jerks off and you watch!"

JOEL: [B�Elanna] Umm... Actually, I was wondering why Janeway had this stuff just sitting around in her desk drawer.
TOM: For that matter, how did B�Elanna know EXACTLY where it was?
CROW: And the answer is: Don�t know. Don�t want to know. If you try to tell me, I�ll run!

Kim closed his eyes and wondered what he had gotten himself into. But his cock gave him away. It jumped when Marlin said it, and she saw it. They both did.

JOEL: [B�Elanna] Can I touch it?

He blushed deeply from the situation. He was at the mercy of two women.

TOM: Three, if you want to count the author.
CROW: That is, if you take the author at "her" word...

"I think he likes the idea," Torres said. Harry exhaled deeply.
"Wait, I want to get this all on tape," Torres said excitedly.

JOEL: [B�Elanna] America�s Scuzziest Home Videos, here we come!

With the holo-creator in place, Torres lubed up the dildo with a packet she had found in the desk.

TOM: Janeway�s just got the whole Xandaria Collection in there, doesn�t she?

Harry's cock had gotten bigger as he watched her do it. Marlin was rubbing her pussy and thinking about fucking Harry.

JOEL: Boy, this dialog�s gone from plain Internet bad, to "Bad 70�s Porn" bad.
TOM: You say that like there�s good 70�s porn dialog.

Torres placed one end against Marlin's pussy opening. She moaned as it slipped inside. "Hold it there," Torres told Marlin. "We want it to get inside Harry too." The other end she aimed at Harry's hairy little opening.

TOM: Okay, I�m calling "TMI!"
CROW: Just *NOW*?
TOM: Just making sure the time is right! Activating ROT-13 Scrambler... NOW! <Vibrates in place>

Ur tehagrq nf ur sryg gur gvc chfu vgf jnl va. Zneyva fng hc naq jngpurq nf gur gvc qvfnccrnerq vafvqr ure oblsevraq'f nff. "Znxr uvz wrex bss," fur fnvq. Gbeerf fvzcyl ybbxrq ng uvz, ab guerngf jrer arprffnl, naq ur

JOEL: And the cover rift theme for tonight is... SONG LYRICS!

jenccrq uvf unaq nebhaq uvf pbpx. Erfvtarq gb uvf sngr, ur fybjyl ortna fgebxvat uvzfrys nf ur sryg gur cynfgvp pbpx

TOM: o/~ We don�t have to take our clothes off, to have a good time. So o/~ ...RUUUUN!!!

fybjyl znxr vgf jnl vagb uvf nff. Ur jnf tebnavat n yvggyr naq znqr uvzfrys fgbc. Ur qvqa'g jnag gb ybbx yvxr ur jnf yvxvat vg naq rfpcrpvnyl qvqa'g jnag gb tvir gurz gur fngvfsnpgvba. Ohg ur xarj ur jnf qbbzrq. Zneyva pnzr ntnva

CROW: o/~ Let�s NOT get it on! AWWWWWWWWW, baby o/~

jngpuvat uvz fgebxr uvzfrys nf ur tbg shpxrq va gur nff ol Gbeerf. Jura gur qvyqb jnf nyzbfg nyy gur jnl va Uneel, naq Zneyva naq uvz jrer pybfr gbtrgure, Gbeerf cvpxrq hc gur ubyb-perngbe naq fgrccrq onpx. Zneyva gbbx ure phr naq chfurq uneq ba gur qvyqb, vg fyvccrq n yvggyr qrrcre vagb Uneel naq ur zbnarq va cyrnfher. Fur unq nabgure

JOEL: o/~ I would do anything for love, but I won�t do THAT! o/~
TOM: Ooh! Good one!

betnfz whfg sebz urnevat uvz yvxr vg. Ur wrexrq dhvpxre ba uvf pbpx naq vg wrexrq va uvf unaq. N yvggyr cer-phz thfurq sbez gur gvc. Nsgre n srj zbzragf Uneel ortna zrrgvat Zneyva'f guehfgf naq rira ortna guehfgvat onpx. Fbba gurl jrer qhryvat jvgu gur qvyqb orgjrra gurz hagvy Uneel svanyyl wrexrq rira dhvpxre naq uvf pbpx rehcgrq jvgu n sybj bs phz gung ybbxrq yvxr vg jbhyq arire fgbc pbzvat bhg. Gbeerf tbg vg nyy ba gncr nf vg fcenlrq npbeff Uneel'f

ALL: o/~ I don�t want your sex! o/~

fubhyqref naq snpr, pbirevat uvz va uvf bja phz. Ol gung gvzr ur jnf fdhvezvat naq obhapvat ba gur qvyqb. Zneyva unq nabgure betnfz. "V tbg lbhe bja snpvny ba gncr, Uneel," Gbeerf fnvq. Fur ernpurq qbja naq chfurq n yvggyr phz vagb Uneel'f zbhgu. Fur xrcg uvf zbhgu pybfrq hagvy ur jnf sbeprq gb fjnyybj. Ur jnf uhzvyvngrq naq rzoneenffrq ohg uvf pbpx jnf fgvyy uneq. Zneyva gbbx gur qvyqb bhg bs ure chffl ohg yrsg vg va Uneel'f nff. Fur orag qbja gb trg n pybfre ybbx. Jura fur qvq fb, fur chfurq gur qvyqb va naq bhg bs Uneel'f nff, shpxvat uvz. Ur zbnarq naq nyzbfg pevrq. Gur qvyqb jnf fyvccvat va naq bhg bs uvf nff rssbegyrffyl.

TOM: Okay, I think that�s enough. Shuttin� �er down! <Vibrates>

"Looks like we aren't done yet," Torres said.

ALL: SAYS YOU!

To be continued in Part 4.....

CROW: Is that a promise or a threat?
TOM: It�s a sign saying, "Get while the gettin�s good!"

[All leave]

[ 6 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 1 ]...[ * ]

[We come back to the bridge to see Crow furiously writing away on a notepad. The desk is littered with wadded-up paper]

CROW: [Humming to himself] Yeah... That might work. [Writes on the notepad]

[Enter Joel and Tom]

JOEL: Hey, Crow? What's with all the paperwork?

TOM: Yeah, I haven't seen this hard at work since you tried to work out the tensile strength of Mel Kiper's hair.

CROW: Well, guys; I'm trying to work out my feelings of equal disgust, amusement, and bewilderment about this last story in cathartic-yet-satirical song form.

TOM: Uhh... You lost me.

CROW: Write song. Make fun. Feel better. And I'm getting stuck for words here.

JOEL: Okay. Well, let's see what you've got so far. Maybe we can help?

CROW: I was hoping you'd ask! Cue up the music, Cambot.

[The music that plays is that of "Lady Madonna." Crow clears his throat and starts singing]

        Lady B'Elanna, sex toys at your feet
        Redshirts flee in horror, 'cause the girl's in heat.
        Captain's in the mess hall, groping Kes again.
        Paris staring at them with a stupid grin.

        Harry's in a back room getting brown-holed...

[Both Joel and Tom hastily interrupt.]

JOEL: I'm almost afraid to ask, but... Just where are you getting stuck?

CROW: I was trying to come up with a line that goes with "painful anal violation."

TOM: Umm... How about you don't and say you did?

JOEL: Anyway, that can wait. Because we've got some letters to read. [Turns to the side] Hey, Gypsy? You wanna come here for a minute. This first letter is from Jack - AKA River City Random. Put this one up on Still Store, Cambot. Gypsy, go ahead and read this one.

GYPSY: Okay! AHEM! "Re: [MSTing] Bishoujo Senshi Sour Lemon - Part 1"

TOM: Which one was that, again?

CROW: The one where Sailor Venus gets kidnapped and raped by some guy in an ICP mask.

GYPSY: " That was really good. I usually tend to stay away from NC-17 stuff myself, but you handle it in a very nice way.
You riff the lemony bits to shreds and yet resist the temptation to become cruder than the fic itself."

TOM: Well, we try!

CROW: Which one of us is he talking to?

JOEL: I think he means "you" in general.

GYPSY: "At any rate, I was pleasantly surprised. I found myself laughing the whole way through, and I think I probably woke my whole family up in the process... "

CROW: Our pain is your gain, I guess.

GYPSY: "Hopefully they won't ask me what I found so funny... :) I thought the ROT-13 segments were hilarious. That's quite a clever way to take out the "yucky bits" of a lemon without having to erase half of the story. "

TOM: All things being equal, I'd rather have the eraser!

GYPSY: "Your host segments were very timely--can't go wrong with American Idol's own riffer from hell, Simon Cowell. "

TOM: What's a "host segment?"

JOEL: Don't know...

GYPSY: "Great job all around, and I hear your next project is turning out well, something about a "Lord of the Rings" self-insertion? </thinly veiled shameless plug :)>"

CROW: Say what?

JOEL: I think Dr. Forrester's been sub-contracting again.

TOM: Well, I guess we know who to blame for our next torture fest, don't we Jack? IF THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME!!!

JOEL: Okay... Tom, take the next one here.

TOM: Okey-dokey! This one's from Silas Jansen - looks like it's regarding that same experiment. Put that up on Still Store, please. "Hey!"

ALL: Hey, Silas!

TOM: "Great msting! One thing...I don't know if you knew this but part of the story for some reason was scrambled (ROT-13).
Unscrambled that part is: 'Mina felt her body react against her will. He relased her thraot and...'"

ALL: <Start yelling in protest>

TOM: On purpose, dude! It was scrambled ON PURPOSE!

CROW: No it wasn't. Must've been something in the text.

TOM: But I..!

CROW: Will say nothing that will get us in deep doo-doo with the Mads!

TOM: [Abashed] Oh... Right. Forget I said anything.

JOEL: Well, I guess that all that's left to say is... What do you think, sirs?

[D-13]

DR.F: I didn't get any of that, Joel. I'll arbitrarily punish you for something later. But as for right now, I have to deal with Frank. He got a little too "inspired" your experiment and...

[Dr. Forrester is interrupted by Frank - in leather fetish gear, complete with hair-helmeted gimp-mask - snuggling up to him over his shoulder.]

FRANK: ["Seductively"] You know, Steve. I've always found that forehead of yours attractive...

[Frank is cut off by Dr. Forrester nailing him with a cattle prod]

DR.F: [Shudders] I don't think they make water hot enough to wash that off! [Shudders again, then hits the button.]

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     << FWOOOSH >>
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Will Joel and the Bots be able to slip the Rot-13 scrambler past The Mads again? Will they be subjected to "S-Space, Part 3?" Will Dr. Forrester ever be able to wash the scent of Leatherboy Frank away? Find out in the next edition of Mystery Science Freezer!

It was big and long and Kim swallowed hard when he saw it had two heads. It was a big double-deaded dildo.

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