This is my first foray into what could be considered one of the bedrocks of MSTable material - the Sailor Moon lemon. And some sour ones they are! Those who may be offended (And frankly, if this shiznit doesn't offend you at all, I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!) may want to hit the back button R-A-T RIGHT now! Otherwise, hopefully I've added enough sugar to make lemonade of this crap.

If you really MUST know what the rot-13 scrambled text in "Passing The Torch" says, go here, or read the un-MSTed text here.

And here for the un-MSTed Chibi-usa...

And (if you're through puking) here for Chibi-usa II.

And on with the disclaimers:

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and all related characters are the property of Best Brains, Inc. "Sailor Venus/Captain America: Passing the Torch" is the property of Jason Faust. "Chibi-usa's Lover"and "Chibi-usa's Lover II" are the property of Florida Orange, and both are welcome to them.

And as always, comments/C&C/flames/death threats can be directed to [email protected]

WARNING: This MSTing contains riffs referring to, inspired by, and/or ripped off from 10-10-220, The Charlie Daniels Band, "Die Hard With A Vengeance", The Rolling Stones, "Mambo #5", The Doors, the first Batman movie, The WWE, Super Bowl XXV, Petey Pablo, "St. Elsewhere", "Hogan's Heroes", Metallica, Little Red Riding Hood, "Slayers", Sisqo, "The Simpsons", and Queen.

[[ Season three theme song - Sing along! You know the words! ]]

[We open with Joel and the bots sitting in front of the desk on the SOL's bridge. The bridge is dark, except for a single spotlight, which is shining on Gypsy. She's behind the desk and in front of a microphone stand. She looks to be wrapping up a song.]

GYPSY: o/~ You're gonna love... MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! o/~

{Music fades. Lights go up}

MAGIC VOICE: And that was our last contestant on "SOL Idol" - Gypsy, doing the Jennifer Holiday classic, "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." And let's hear from what our judges have to say! Joel Robinson?

JOEL: I thought she made that song her own! I'd didn't think she had the range to pull this off, but she proved me wrong! Full marks from me!

MAGIC VOICE: Tom Servo?

TOM : I wouldn't go as far as Joel did in praise. Sure it's rare that you see someone that isn't a plus-sized black woman sing that song properly and she did it very well. But I did wish she hadn't gone quite so overboard with the high notes. Just because you have the range, it doesn't mean you *HAVE* to use it! Other than that, no real complaints.

MAGIC VOICE: And Simon Crowell?

CROW: To be perfectly honest, that was the most ear-piercing howl I've ever heard. Who taught you to sing anyway? Alfalfa?

TOM : [Whispering] Crow! You promised you wouldn't do this!

CROW: Oooh! "Listen to me! *I* can hit every note on the scale!" The trick is, darling, not to hit them with rocks. Now run along and do something useful with that voice of yours, like rent yourself as a police siren!

{At this point, Gypsy runs off sobbing!}

CROW: [Yelling after Gypsy] And wear something more revealing next time!

TOM : You are SO going to Robot Hell for that.

CROW: What? I'm just giving public what they want! What they expect! A little bit of the "Simon wit!"

JOEL: One - you're not really Simon. And two - this was just supposed to be a fun little game. I think you really hurt Gypsy with that.

CROW: Aw, she'll be fine! Besides, she knows I was just playing the role. She'll... What's that rumbling noise?

{The next thing we see is Crow being swept offscreen by a purple blur, followed by Gypsy's tube body trailing along like a freight train. It's still going as Tom and Joel react.]

TOM : Hmm... Check "no" on "She'll be fine."

JOEL: That had to hurt!

MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in fifteen seconds. Wow, look at her go!

TOM : Yeah! I didn't know anything that big could move that fast!

JOEL: That's probably going to leave a mark. I'd better go get the broom now.

MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in 5... 4... 3... 2... Commercial sign...

<KAAAAA-RASH!!!!>

MAGIC VOICE: Um... Now.

JOEL: We'll be right back. [Wincing] Ouch!

{{ Commerical: Carefree Thong Pantyliners - Because just wearing normal underwear would be silly! }}

{As we come back, we zoom out from Crow's detached head gradually to a shot of Crow's head and Tom Servo}

TOM : And you JUUUST didn't figure that the giant female bot just MIIIIGHT harbor some ill will at your little fun, did you?

CROW: It was a cheap shot, I tell you!

TOM : So says the Yugo hit by the freight train!

JOEL: [Reentering the frame] Well, I finally got Gypsy to calm down and promise not to run you over again.

TOM : How'd you manage that that fast?

JOEL: I just promised to double up her ram chip allowance for a month, plus throwing in Crow's.

CROW: What? I'm the injured party here!

JOEL: You're just lucky I made you with breakaway parts, otherwise you'd be the mangled, broken party. Now let's get started on finding the rest of you.

TOM : Ah, put a hold on that, Joel. Paula and Randy are calling.

{Cut to Deep 13. Standard close up of Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank.}

DR.F : You know I wish I had Simon's flair for the putdown, but I never had the patience to practice at it. I wanted to put someone down, I'd get all tongue-tied, and out came the death rays! <SIGH!> Good times, good times!

FRANK: But it doesn't have to be that way for you! Because our Invention Exchange this week puts the power of Simon Cowell in YOUR hands!

DR.F : Introducing - on DVD and VHS - "Insults - The Simon Cowell Way!" Yes, with this 3-disc or 3-tape set, you too will be crushing the hopes and dreams of budding young singers for years to come!

FRANK: Take a look at this sample from the "Beginners" DVD.

[The Mads step aside to reveal a TV. Playing on it is an image of (Mike Nelson playing) Simon Cowell.]

"SIMON": It's very important to always insult the physical appearance of any female target. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. If she's skinny, say she's fat. If she's fat, toss in a fast food joke or two. Those are simple and effective, and even if she's not offended, she'll probably get this look of hunger on her face, which is just as good.

DR.F : Of course, Simon's lessons aren't limited to Kelly Clarkson wannabees, but that's as good a place as any to start.

FRANK: [British Accent] Now, make like the good little plebeians you are and bring out your little experiment. If you're confused I can talk slower for you.

DR.F : Disc 2 - section 5?

FRANK: "English accents make you sound smarter?" You know it!

DR.F : Attaboy! [They exchange high fives.]

[SOL]

TOM : So, did they just rip us off, or was that just weird timing?

CROW: [Still just a head] Results pretty much the same either way.

JOEL: Well, sirs, our invention doesn't have quite the pop-culture relevance as yours. But it does have some roots to both the past and present.

TOM : You remember the old picture playing cards British watchtower personnel would get to help them identify German planes, and the current batch to help identify Iraqi leaders? Well, we've got a civilian version, to help our less cyber-savvy readers out there.

CROW: Presenting Spam-Scam Cards!

TOM : Go ahead, pick a card! Any card!

JOEL: Alright [Pulls card from the deck on the desk] Hmm... 10 of Clubs - the "Enlarge Your Penis, even if you're a woman" card!

CROW: Neat, huh!

[D-13]

DR.F : Frankly that invention makes me want to go back in time and kill your parents in their sleep.

FRANK: Disc 3 - lesson 1!

MADS : "The Art of Overreacting!" [High-fives again]

DR. F: Now in honor of making you feel bad with words, we're going to make you feel even worse with more words!

FRANK: Foul, misspelled, sour-lemony words!

DR. F: Have a triple helping of Sailor Moon lemons!

FRANK: Now go away before we taunt you a second time!

[SOL]

JOEL: Oh, now! WE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!

{All scurry off}

[ 1 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 6 ]...[ * ] 

[All take their seats]

CROW: You know, it's about time we got some Hot Senshi Action, 'round these parts!
TOM : You do realize that if The Mads are sending us these, you'll probably end up choking on those words
CROW: Leave me to my fantasies, damn you!

Sailor Venus/Captain America: Passing the Torch

CROW: Cheech/Chong: Passing the Bong

author's note Well This may seem like an odd pairing,

JOEL: Especially since Sailor Moon's the star of the show.

It was merely something that I've wanted to try.

TOM : Ever since that Sailor Mercury/Punisher crossover fell apart.

To my knowledge, no one has really tried to cross genres so I figured

CROW: So he's been surfing the net since yesterday, then?

hey why not.

JOEL: Ummm... "Coming of Munihausen?"
TOM : "Girl in The Plastic Crown?"
CROW: "Misery Senshi?"

All the ususal disclaimers apply, I'm not going to give you any warnings or anything, cause chances are, If you are reading this, you chose to.

[All laugh bitterly]

besides It's not like I'm forcing you or anything, there's always the back button on your screen.

TOM : Sure! Twist the knife, whydoncha?

I know I should be channelling my creative energies in a better manner but. so here we go

JOEL: Straight to Hell.
CROW: In a gas-soaked handbasket.

Part 1: a New Begining Brings new Troubles

TOM : Translation: Continuity? What's that mean?
JOEL: Spells "genre" correctly, but misspells "beginning." Not a promising start.

She couldn't believe it.

JOEL: It really *DID* taste like regular Dr. Pepper!
CROW: Mentos really *IS* the Fresh Maker!
TOM : Twenty minutes for only a buck!

It seemed like only yesterday that she was with all her friends. So many years of good memories. the laughter, the heartaches.

CROW: The monsters. The dying. The badly written orgies.

But now they'd all gone their seperate ways.

JOEL: Hey, you leave Journey out of this!

Lita was in Chicago.

TOM : Trying to explain how Sammy Sosa looked like her old boyfriend...

Raye was down in Texas. Amy was in St. Louis. Serena chose Georgia.

JOEL: Looking for a soul to steal, no doubt.
TOM : Boy, the Japanese sure name their cities funny!

And Mina decided on Manhatten.

CROW: A small neighborhood in Manhattan.

It was a shame that none of them were attending the same college,but that's life.

CROW: Chris Elliot, NO!!
JOEL: That's "Get A Life" not "That's Life."
CROW: Oh. Carry on...

She had it all figured out. 4 years of school. Get maried and start teaching.

CROW: Mina? Teaching?
ALL : HAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!
TOM : I can see it now: Minako Aino - Professor of Malpropisms.
JOEL: [Mina as professor] Now who can tell me who said, " A bird in the hand beats two with one stone?"

The prospect had her so excited, she wanted to fast foreward.

TOM : [Mina] A "foreward" by Mina Aino: "Read this." Thank you!

She was 18, just out of High School,

CROW: She's legal! Woo-hoo!!
JOEL: Down boy!

ready to begin college and step in to the real world.

TOM : Where she'd stop being polite, and start being real!

Mina lay in her dorm on night restless and bored. She figured a good way to alieviate both of these aliments, was to go shopping.

JOEL: In Manhattan. At night. Riiight...
TOM : So how many muggers do you suppose will jump her? Three? Four? A street gang, perhaps?
CROW: I'm still wondering what college she supposedly attends. SUNY? Manhattan College?
JOEL: Maybe he meant Manhattan, Kansas?
CROW: WOO!!! WILDCATS!!! K-S-U! K-S-U!
TOM : Nah, she's obviously going to Plothole U.

ON her way back, she heard a large explosion. Startled she went to check it out.

JOEL: Nearly getting run down by Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson.

Just around the corner was a bank being robbed. She knew what she had to do.

CROW: Call the police, because she'd retired from the hero biz?
TOM : That would make sense. I.e. - ain't happening!

The Negaverse threat had since ended, but a Heroine's work is never done. IT would be a little odd fighting with out her friends,

JOEL: Yeah, it's not like she was a solo heroine long before she met the others or anything like that.
TOM : Details, details.

but she was confident.

CROW: Read - Dead Senshi walking.

Mina put down her bags and transformed into Sailor Venus. She entered the empty bank.

JOEL: [Venus] Hmm... Bad guys got away. Maybe I shouldn't have stopped for those twelve pineapple daiquiris?

He was a hulking behemoth of a man.

TOM : Who appears out of nowhere, apparently...
CROW: Slab Badmeat!!

Nearly 7 feet tall. Tall as an oak, broad as a river.

JOEL: Thick as a brick.
TOM : Built like a statue.
CROW: Hung like a...
JOEL & TOM : CROW!!!
CROW: [Innocently] What?

He was dressed all in black with a white skull adorning his face mask, and 2 bones crossed on his chest.

TOM : The bank's being robbed by a Jolly Roger!
CROW: [Robber] Aye, and this be a stick-up! Arr!!

She made her entrance.

[All hum the opening notes of "C.C. Rider"]

"You have five seconds to put down that money!" declared Venus. He turned around

JOEL: [Venus] Umm... Please?

"and who the hell do you think you are, little girl?" "Allow me to introduce my self,

TOM : [Venus] I'm a man of wealth and taste!
CROW: [Robber] Uh...
TOM : [Venus] Shut up! You're ruining the mood!

I am Sailor Venus. now put down the money and nothing bad will happen."

JOEL: [Venus] To me!

"you gotta be kidding me." he scoffed he laughed

TOM : He fell in love all over again.

out loud like a heyena. "go home and play with your dolls little girl. Yer waistin my time"

JOEL: "Wasting," even.

How dare he mock her.

JOEL: ...She said in a monotone.
CROW: Because you're dressed like Japanese Pedo Fantasy #5?
TOM : o/~ A little bit of hentai in my life! o/~

Mina powered up for her strike "VENUS CRESENT SMASH!"

JOEL: ROBINSON BISCUIT BOMBER!
TOM : SERVO BAGEL BUSTER!!
CROW: CROW CORNBREAD CRUSH!!!

a stream of energy crashed into the man, knocking him clear onto the otherside of the bank.

TOM : O/~ Try to run! Try to hide! Get knocked clear to the other side! o/~

"any more comments?" she said while approaching him.
She stood over him proud and haughty

CROW: [Venus] I laugh at your misfortune! Ha ha ha!

"Just one.

JOEL: Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

You ever try to pick up yer teeth, with broken arms?"

TOM : And let the OOC abuse begin!

He sent his left fist rocketing into her stomache.

TOM : Then he sent his right into her "stomach."

She collapsed to theground wheezing and coughing. He struck her again in the small of the back.

"the Name's Crosbones hon, in case you didn't know."

JOEL: Or care.
CROW: [Venus] <KAFF> What does that have to do with my stomach?
TOM : So let's recap: Sailor Venus is fighting one of Captain America's nastiest - but 100% human - villains. Which means shee obliterates him with a Love & Beauty Shock any second now, right? Right?

He kicked, but she evaded. Mina lashed out,

CROW: ...Said all sorts of nasty things she'd regret later.

striking him in the knee, making him cry out.

ALL: [Deadpan] Aaaah.

She leapt up like a falcon and drove her elbow into his throat.

ALL: E-C-W!!! E-C-W!!! E-C-W!!!

He winced and staggered back.

TOM : Then dropped dead from shock and trauma from a crushed larnyx. Right? RIGHT?!?

She kicked him in the solarplexus, which only yeilded minimal results.

CROW: Okay, so a super-powered woman hits a relatively normal man IN THE FRIGGING THROAT *WITH HER ELBOW* and HE'S STILL STANDING?!?
JOEL: Man - this guy no-sells like Triple H!

"I've taken down creeps tougher than you!"

JOEL: True, but the writers in those stories liked you.

He recovered. and swung wildly. an agile Venus easily eluded. She ducked under one of his blows, snuck behind him and rose her knee directly between his legs. He crumpled over, spitting up blood.

CROW: At this point, Crossbones, you may want to just roll over and die. Don't let us stop you. We understand.

"You bitch, you're gonna pay!"

TOM : [Crossbones] And I DON'T take American Express!

He arose and attacked like a rabid beast.

JOEL: Just seconds after getting kicked in the Jolly Roger hard enough to make him spit blood?
TOM : It IS Triple H!

Mina avioded mosst of his strikes, but one coght her directly in the chest. She was lifted off of her feet, and smashed into the floor.

TOM : He hit her so hard the room spun around!

While she was down, Crossbones kicked her like He was kicking the winning field goal..

CROW: Okay, so we know it isn't Scott Norwood under that mask.
JOEL: Ouch!

She felt a couple of her ribs crack. He grabbed her by her luxurious crop of golden blonde hair and raised her up.

CROW: Took her shirt off. Twisted it round his hand. Spun it like a helicopter.

she lashed out a kick, but he cought it. he slung her against the wall, and kcked her in the stomache.

JOEL: Then he pnched her in the face and tried to chke her.

She tried to get up. Crossbones, picked her up by the bow that adorned the front of the costume, and slaammed her on the ground, leaving a large, hunk of her cotume in his hand.

CROW: Joel, what's a "cotume?"
JOEL: I'm not sure...
TOM : So... At what point does she remember she can use her powers more than once and blasts the sucker?
CROW: For that matter - where the hell is Captain America? This is supposed to be a crossover, isn't it? Hey, Writer Boy - make with the superheroes!

The last thing Mina saw, was a boot heading for her face.

ALL: BOOT TO THE HEAD!!!

She awoke and found herself tied down to a bed, in a dirty apartment.

TOM : Hey, Joel? How'd he find your old apartment? I thought you lived in Minnesota.
JOEL: Hey!

Her clothes ahd been removed. Mina kept calm, and sent up a prayer.

CROW: Or chanted the words for the Giga Slave. We aren't too sure.

Crossbones entered the room. She knew his intentions.

ALL: Oh, crap!

"WE're going to the Fatherland tomrrow honey. Until then, we're gonna have us a litle fun, you and I."

TOM : You're gonna play charades. PLEASE tell me you're gonna play charades!

"please, I beg you, don't."

CROW: Oh, damn! This is gonna hurt.
JOEL: Stay frosty, guys! I came prepared. Tom, click on your ROT-13 sequencer
TOM : Okay, but I don't see how that's gonna help... [Vibrates in place]

Ur ragrerq jvgu gur sbepr bs n ohyyrgg. Fur

TOM : Well, that's new...
CROW: Um, okay... What gives?
JOEL: Me and Gypsy wired Tom's ROT-13 sequencer through Cambot's text display unit. Anything that gets too hairy gets rendered unreadable, but as far as the Mads are concerned, it's torture as usual. But we'll have to keep the riffs up, or Dr. F will pull the plug. Got all that?
BOTS: Roger!
JOEL: Okay, back to work!

fpernzrq. UR tenoorq ure ol gur uvcf naq cbhaqrq njnl. Fur guenfurq

TOM : Okay... Um...

nobhg va na rssbeg gb erfvfg, ohg,

CROW: What? And give up showbusiness?
JOEL: Oooh, punchlines! Good idea!

guvf bayl pnhfrq uvz gb tebj zber rkpvgrq. Grnef fgnegrq sybj nf ur qrtenqrq ure.
"Lbh pnag' qb guvf--" ure cyrnf jrer vagreehcgrq ol ure bja fpernzf.

TOM : If that's my thermometer, where's my pen?

Ur fnvq abguvat. juvyr ur jbexrq, ur ernpurq hc naq tenoorq ure oernfgf, gblvat jvgu gurz. Zvan fpernzrq fb uneq, fur
orpnzr ubnefr.

JOEL: I can clearly see you're nuts.

"Lbh yvxr guvf lbh yvggyr fyhg qba'g ln!" Uvf ha eryragvat nffnyg jnf fvzcyl gbb zhpu. Ur

CROW: Everybody knows they go after the black box first!

sbhaq uvf npprff gb or irel erfgevpgvir fb ur cerffrq uneqre. UR chyyrq onpx n yvggyr jnlf, naq enzzrq sberjneq. Ur ercrgrq guvf

TOM : The guy who can hold two cups of coffee and a half-dozen doughnuts.

cebprff ntnva naq ntnva. Ur ernpurq hc jvgu uvf zbhgu naq fnax uvf grrguvagb ure oernfg. Zvan ybfg ure pbzcbfrher. nalguvat gb znxr vg fgbc nalguvat.

CROW: The woman who can eat the last doughnut.

Ur pbagvahrq arire frrzvat gb gver. Fbba fur sryg uvz uneqra. Fur oenprq ure frys, nf na rehcgvba rafhrq. Ur jrag
bss yvxr na raentrq ohyy. Fur fpernzrq va ntbal.

JOEL: Okay, that should do it. Shut 'er down, Tom.
TOM : Okey Dokey! [Vibrates in place]

before too long,

ALL : SAYS YOU!!!

it had ended.

She lay there, broken, violated, weeping.

CROW: We feel your pain, Venus.

She saw him bring his fist back, like an arched bow.

TOM : So NOW she hangs him by the family jewels with a Love-Me Chain! Right? RIGHT?!?

And that was all.

CROW: It's over? WOO-HOO!!!

To be continued.

ALL: DAMMIT, JIM!!!

[email protected]

JOEL: [email protected]
TOM : [email protected]
CROW: [email protected]

Sailor Venus/Captain America: Passing the Torch

Chapter II In too Deep

He sat a computer in the basement of a stately New York Mansion.

CROW: Downloading porn at speeds unheard of.
TOM : Stately Stark Manor!

'Captain, I brought you some tea sir.' said a gentleman. 'Thank you Jarvis'

JOEL: [Jarvis] And sir... About that riot outside...
TOM : [Cap] Not now, Jarvis.
JOEL: [Jarvis] They've already set fire to Iron Man, sir...
TOM : [Cap] I'm *BUSY* Jarvis!

'May I ask as to what you are doing Captain'

JOEL: [Jarvis] Besides cruising SuperLolitas.com?

'You know that last night, Crossbones robbed a bank. I figure he's gotta be doing it for the Skull. I've got to find out where he is and put a stop to it before he can launch anything.'

CROW: The Skull needs the proceeds from one bank robbery to fund his schemes? What is he, Boris Badenov?

'Buisness as ususal'
'So it seems, but you never can tell.'
'Have you had any luck Captain.'
'None yet.'

JOEL: [Jarvis] Have you done anything outside of download porn today ?
TOM : [Cap] No. Why do you ask?

'Might I suggest giving Col. Fury a call. He does owe you a favour'

CROW: [Cap] Ah, yes! The "Prussian Goat" incident...

'I think I'll do just that.'

JOEL: [Jarvis] Now, back to the matter of that mob that just broke in...
TOM : [Cap] Yeah, yeah, yeah...
JOEL: [Jarvis] They're playing Hacky-Sack with Wasp and Ant-Man, sir!
TOM : [Cap] Whatever...

Elsewhere.

CROW: Denzel Washington and Stephen Furst were beating the crap out of Howie Mandel.

She awoke to a throbing headache.

ALL: And the worst breath of the day!

She lay on a cold stone floor in a dark humid room.

JOEL: [Venus] Oh, man! I really must've had the tea goggles on last night!
TOM : Just a little inside joke for you Toonami fans out there!

'O good, you're awake.' a Bavarian voice filled the room sounding like broken glass on gravel.

TOM : Uh oh! Looks like Col. Klink finally want off the deep end!

She loked to where the voice came from and screamed. Some monster sat before her. He had a hideous face. A skull as red as blood.

CROW: Michael Jackson's last surgery goes horribly, horribly wrong!

It was like something out of her nightmares. Sure she'd had seen some pretty ugly negeverse monsters but, this.

JOEL: "Negeverse?" Da' Hell?
TOM : Oh, that! Take a right at The Negaforce and go two blocks past the NegaMoon. Can't miss it!

'what-' 'O my dear, what is wrong? Did soething frighten you?'

CROW: Remember, kids: Spellcheck is your friend!

'Get Away!'
'get away? You my pretty will be spending the rest of your life here.

JOEL: Or until you remember your superpowers and mulch him. Or until you call the other Scouts for help and _THEY_ mulch him...

Ah forgive me. where are my manners. I am Johann-'

TOM : "Johann?" Wasn't that that squire kid from "The Smurfs?"
CROW: Been hitting the Smurfberries a bit too hard lately!

he paused 'That is irrevelvant.

JOEL: This fic in a nutshell.
CROW: He mispelled "irredeemable," then.

I am your superior. your master.

TOM : Of puppets.
CROW: Ah, pull this string!

That is all you will need to know.'

Mina broke down in tears. 'Please just let me go home' 'You are home.'

JOEL: [Venus] Sorry, but I don't remember my house being this big or evil.

She knew that she had to fight. She got up to her feet. "Venus Cresent Smash!'

TOM : She remembered her powers! Yay!

It struck the Skull square in the chest with the force of a freight train. He was sent barreling back to the far wall of the chamber.

BOTS: E-C-W!! E-C-W!! E-C-W!!

He quickly recovered, and found her standing over him.

JOEL: Um... Remember what happened the last time you did that?

'Impressive' He reached up with a gloved hand and grabbed her throat.

JOEL: Told ya!
TOM : Jeez! Did someone in a Sailor Venus suit run over this guy's dog or something?

He pinned her to the wall. With his free hand, he snaked it between her thighs.

JOEL: Okay, that's enough of that. Hit it, Tom.
TOM : Alley OOP! [Vibrates in place]

Zvan sryg ure obql ernpg ntnvafg ure
jvyy. Ur erynfrq ure guenbg naq guerj ure ba gur sybbe. 'Lbh pna'g

JOEL: Okay - classic riffs! Go!

qb guvf gb zr!'

TOM : And a good friend!

Bar unaq jbexrq ba gur vafvqr, juvyr gur bgure jbexrq ba gur bhgfvqr. Fur fdhvezrq nobhg va rssbegf gb erfvfg, ohg

CROW: By that time, my lungs were aching for air!
TOM : Uh, guys? I'm starting to feel a little funny.

gung bayl fcheerq uvz ba. 'Fgbc vg cyrnfr!' Fur sryg ure frys ohvyqvat. Jvgu nyy bs ure jvyy, fur gevrq gb erfvfg, ohg sryg ure cbjref jbexvat ntnvafg ure. Fbba fur ernpurq n shyy pvyznk.

JOEL: Yuma? Yuma!

Fur ohpxrq naq geunfurq nebhaq yvxr fur jnf va n frvmher. Gura ur ragrerq ure. Fur fpernzrq nf ybhq nf n fbavp obbz. Ur unzzrerq njnl ng ure na vauhzna shel.

CROW: I am the God of Hellfire! And I bring you...

Ur ybirq gur jnl ure gvtug furngu uhtrq uvz. Ur pbagvahrq uvf eryragyrff nffnhyg. Nf ur qvq, ur ernpurq hc naq cynlrq jvgu ure oernfgf. yvpxvat gurz, ovgvat gurz, gblvat jbgu gurz. Vg jnf gbb zhpu sbe ure gb orne. Gur cnva, gur funzr nyy oyrq vagb bar nf fur jnf qrtenqrq.

TOM : I'm so sleepy I can barely keep awa... Guys, seriously! I don't feel right!

Fur sryg uvz uneqra, naq gevrq gb oenpr urefrys. Ur rehcgrq yvxr n ibypnab. natel, ivbyrag. Vg fubbx rirelbar bs ure obarf ybbfr. Jura ur svavfurq, fur sryg ure frys fgneg gb perpraqb. Nyy bs uer jvyy jnf hfryrff nf fur jarg vagb n shyy pyvznk.

ALL: o/~ She TRIIIIED to kill him with a forklift! o/~
TOM : HuZzAh!
CROW: You alright, Tommy?
TOM : Of CoUrSe I'm NoT aLrIgHt! WHaT HaVe I JuSt bEEn SaYiNg! I'm NoT TaLkInG liKe ToRGo FoR FuN HeRe!!!
JOEL: Hang in there, Tom. Just a little more.

Uref unq pngnylmrq uvz vagb nabgure. Fur frag hc n cenlre. Jura ur jnf svavfurq. Ur tenoorq ure ol gur nez nqa yrsg gur ebbz. Ur oebhtug ure gb gur urnq bs n ybat pbeevqbe. Nybat rnpu bs gur fvqrf, jnf n ebj bs zra.

Ure rlrf jrag jvqr va ubeebe.

'Znepu' Ur pbzznaqrq. 'Lbh pna'g qb guvf gb zr!' Ur fubirq ure sberjneq. gur svefg gjb obgu gbbx ure fgnaqvat hc. arvgure fnvq n jbeq OBgu jrer jbefr guna gur Fxhyy Guvf jnf gbb zhpu. na ragver pbeevqbe bs zra fgbbq va sebag bs ure. Jura gurl svavfurq, jur jnf guehfg sberjneq. bar tenoorq ure ol ure unve, naq chyyrq ure snpr evtug gv uvz. Fur gvtugyl pynzcrq ure zbhgu fuhg qrgrezvarq abg gb yrg uvz va. Jura gur bgure bar ragrerq sebz oruvaq, fur fpernzrq, tvivat uvz gur cresrpg bcreghavgl.

JOEL: Alright, shut 'er down Tom.
TOM : ROgeR! [Vibrates in place] WHEW! That's better!

This contiued for longer than she wanted to remember. She prayed for deliverence.

CROW: You ain't the only one, sister!

End Chapter

TOM : Exit captives. Let's roll, fellas!

{{ Commericial - Eddie Murphy in "Daddy Day Care." It's not animated, it's not a remake, and it's not a sequel. Meaning - Dear God, is this gonna suck!!! }}

{Back on the bridge, we see Joel and the bots (Gypsy included) dressed like a country/western band, complete with instruments: Tom with a fiddle, Joel with a guitar, Crow on drums, Gypsy with a standing bass.}

TOM: One... Two... Three!

ALL: YEE-HAW!!!

[To the tune of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"]

JOEL: Serena went down to Georgia
Why? We can only guess
Mina's in Manhattan
She was looking for a dress (I guess)

TOM: When she came across a masked man
Robbin' banks and runnin' amock
So she whipped out her ol' henshin stick
And said "Villain, I'll tell you what!"
"My name is Sailor Venus, and what I say is true,
You got five seconds to drop that loot.
Or it's the end for you!"

CROW: The man said, "My name's Crossbones
In my badness I take pride
I'll take that dare, cause you're unaware
The author's on my side!"

ALL: o/~ It should've been an easy task
to pulverize this stooge
You got super powers
And he's just freakin' huge!
But it's been decided that you need to be rescued
Sorry, Sailor Venus, but you're screwed! o/~

JOEL: Now this should be the part
where Sailor Venus gets abused
But we that part really sucked
So here's our point of view.

CROW: We'll grant that mean ol' sucker punch
Toss in the kidnap, too.
Buy payback is a bitch, ol' Bones
And your bill just came due.
Take it, Tommy!

TOM: [Vengefully] o/~ Mina woke up naked
And tied up to a bed
Thoughts of bloody retribution
running through her head!
Crossbones picked the worse time
In the world to come and gloat
Cause he soon found Mina's hands
around his throat! o/~
As she screamed!

ALL: o/~ Crescent Beam. Love and Beauty Shock
Gonna clean your <BLEEP>ng clock!
Eat this Venus Love-Me Chain!
Gonna shove it through your brain! o/~

{The music plays on as we hear the sounds of a VERY one-sided fight, punctuated by screams of pain}

JOEL: Crossbones hit the ground
cause the way that he'd been beat.
And a puddle of his blood
Formed at the floor of Mina's feet.

CROW: She said "If there's brain in your head
You won't try this again
I tried to tell you, you son of a bitch
A Senshi always wins. Then she screamed!

ALL: o/~ Crescent Beam. Love and Beauty Shock
Gonna clean your <BLEEP>ng clock!
Eat this Venus Love-Me Chain!
Gonna shove it through your brain! o/~

[ Big finish, followed by...]

ALL: MOVIE SIGN!!!

{All scurry off}

[ 1 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 6 ]...[ * ] 

{All take their usual seats}

CROW: Cathartic, yet bloody! We gotta do that more often!

OK, this is my first hentai story.

ALL: Oh CRAP!

Sorry if you think it's sick, but hey, if you were opposed to this sort of stuff you should not be on a hentai page. Email me at [email protected] and tell me what you think. Hope ya like it!

CROW: Hope you die a horrible, lingering death!
JOEL: CROW! At least wait until you've read _some_ of it.

Chibi-usa's Lover
by FloridaOrange

Mamoru smiled as his fifteen year old daughter walked into the living room. She returned his grin, thinking it nothing more than fatherly affection.

TOM : That, and his meds kicking in.
CROW: [Chibi-Usa] Yay! Daddy's in his happy place!

How wrong she was. Usagi was away on a business trip,

CROW: Usagi? Business trip? Meaning she's a businesswoman?

[Pause]

ALL: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

so Mamoru was free to do what he had been hungering to do for so long.

JOEL: [Mamoru] Time to call up the boys! It's Upwords time!

Just thinking about it he felt himself get aroused.

CROW: [Mamoru] Board games get me so HOT!

Not yet, he told himself. Soon, but not yet.
"Chibi-usa, come in here."

TOM : [Foghorn Leghorn] Ah say, come here girl!

She skipped into his room and he restrained a gasp.

JOEL: [Mamoru] Young lady! What have I told you about frolicking before dinner?

His daughter was so beautiful. She wore a pale pink blouse that was pulled taut by her full breasts.

CROW: Of course, since she was wearing that same blouse she did when she was eight, that didn't say much.

They were almost as large as her mother's and not yet done growing. She was wearing shorts, exposing her long, shapely legs. He beckoned her to come closer.

TOM : [Chibi-Usa] Oh what big eyes you have, Papa.
JOEL: [Mamoru] All the better to see you with, my dear.
TOM : [Chibi-Usa] And what a big... Oh, dear!
CROW: Heh...

Rising, he pulled her hard against him and kissed her, hard and passionately.

JOEL: [Darkly] And so it begins...

His forced his tongue through her lush reds lips into her mouth.

JOEL: Through her lips? Ew!
CROW: I've heard of extreme piercing, but that's ridiculous!

"Papa!" Chibi-usa squealed, shocked, against his lips.
"My baby girl," Mamoru smiled. "I've always wanted to do this. And now that you're finally old enough...."

JOEL: To kick the crap out of you for trying this...

He lowered his lips to ravish her beautiful neck, kissing the silky skin. "Daddy, stop it!"

CROW: Ah... Joel? Did you get the scrambler thingy fixed?
JOEL: We'll find out in a second. Tom?
TOM : Okay, but if I start talking like Torgo again, you're in for it! <Vibrates in place>

He ignored her. When he kissed her throat, her head fell back and she moaned despite herself. "Papa....don't...."

CROW: [Chibi-Usa] Preach. Wait... Joel, I can still read this!
TOM : Sí! Qué da... ¿Qué el infierno?!?
JOEL: Uh oh. Okay, just keep talking, Tom. I'm gonna check a few things.

[Climbs out of his seat and gets behind Tom]

CROW: Okay, I'm just gonna go grab a snack while you work. [Rises]
JOEL: [Grabs Crow] Sit. Riff.
CROW: Aw man!!

she said, but her voice was slightly fainter, and just a touch out of breath. Mamoru tore off Chibi-usa's blouse and paused, drawing back to study his lovely daughter. She was wearing a lacy bra, cut so low he wondered why her breasts didn't fall out.

CROW: She has this lovely thing called "skin" that keeps them in...

Her breasts were large and high, not sagging at all; they were like balls and looked even larger without a shirt

CROW: Hmm... Isn't that usually the other way around?

covering them. After more kisses, Mamoru lowered his head and lightly kissed her reasts above the lace. After a couple more minutes of kissing his daughter, who still resisted, but weakly,

TOM : Usagi stormed dentro - Ginzuishou à disposicão, assassinato em sua mente.
JOEL: Nope. Still not right.

Mamoru unclasped Chibi-usa's bra and pulled it off her, throwing into a corner of the room. "Did I ever tell you that you have the most beautful tits?" he said, smiling.

CROW: Dear God, I hope not!

Er fondled und küßte sie und blieb weg von den Spitzen, bis Nippel Chibi-Usa hart trotz sich drehten.

JOEL: Hmm... Close enough...
TOM : Wie Hölle ist es!
JOEL: Right, right!

Mamoru lowered his head and lightly flicked his tongue across the stone-hard peak. Chibi-usa gasped. "Daddy!"

TOM : [Chibi-Usa] Perchè la vostra linguetta è biforcata?
JOEL: Not that either...
CROW: Why, yes waiter! I would like more breadsticks!
TOM : Silenzio!

He lowered his head and sucked on her right nipple hard. Sucking, licking, pinching it with his teeth. Chibi-usa uttered a long moan

CROW: Then a short curse.
TOM : [Chibi-Usa] Yami yori mo nao kuraki mono, Yoru yori mo nao hukaki mono...

as his left hand continued to pleasure her other breast. Then he switched, his mouth on the left breast and his right hand pleasuring the other.

"Oh, Daddy.....omigaw, Daddy....."

CROW: Starring in the role of Chibi-Usa, Luann DeGroot.

Chibi-usa cried. Mamoru chuckled, kissing her swollen lips again as his hands darted down to undo her shorts. Then he stopped, the fly open to expose the skimpy silk panty.

TOM : The Powerpuff Girl print instantly killing the mood. Hey! I'm dubbed again!
JOEL: Sorry, guys! I don't think I can get it working again from here. We're going to have to wait until the story's over. Best I could do is switch it off.
BOTS: Aw, man!

"Well, honey, I guess if I'm gonna strip you, I ought to let you see a bit of me."

TOM : And he took off his hat. The end.

And with that, he pulled his shirt over his head.

CROW: Exposing an assortment of scars that would make Darkman hurl.

Leaning close to her ear, he whispered, "I'm not going to take off my pants yet.

ALL: Yay!

There other things I want to do with you first."

JOEL: [Mamoru] By the way, do you like board games?

Chibi-usa shivered deliciously. He made her lie down on his bed and kneeled between her legs. "Baby, I'm going to touch you like no one else has ever touched you." he said.

TOM : [Chibi-Usa] Umm...
JOEL: And somewhere in Elision, Elios goes into the mother of all sneezing fits.

He took two fingers and stroked the thing silk thong.

CROW: o/~ Please don't touch that tho-o-o-o-ng! o/~

Chibi-usa gasped as he stroked her. Up, down, up down....

TOM : [Homer] Thong goes up, thong goes down.

Then he slipped his thumbs into the little scrap of cloth and pulled Chibi-usa's panties down to her calves.

ALL: MOOO!

He gasped, felt his cock swelling. Her womanhood was plump and pink,

CROW: There is just no way I can make a Ball Park Frank crack without going straight to Hell, is there?
JOEL: Nope.

without a trace of hair. "Oh, baby, baby..."

JOEL: And somewhere, Britney Spears gets a creepy feeling she just can't explain.

he whispered, his voice hoarse with need.

TOM : Which turned Chibi-Usa on than Mamoru realized.
CROW: Aw, Tommy! Wrong and too easy!
TOM : And so is she!
CROW: Point.

He gently stroked her, probing until her found her clit.

CROW: He had to root around for it? Usagi must be SO disappointed.
TOM : And you got on me for going too easy!

He touched it, pinched it, licked it, and Chibi-usa shuddered and moaned. He smiled. She was so hot and wet. Already the pre-cum juices were trickling out of her virginal sex.

CROW: Or at least he told himself it was pre-cum.
JOEL: Ewww...

This would be sweet.

TOM : And sour. Mostly sour.

He kissed her passionately in her most private spot.

JOEL: "Under the giant sakura tree in the park," he asked hopefully?

he cried out and arched under him. He drank up the juices that flowed out

TOM : [Mamoru] Baby? How'd you get a Minute Maid dispenser up there?

as she had her first orgasm.

CROW: [Chibi-Usa] Umm...
TOM : [Elios] My ears! They burn! THEY BUUUUUUUURN!!!

"Daddy....oh daddy oh daddy oh daddy...."

ALL: o/~ Banana fanna fo faddy! o/~

she cried as he continued to pleasure her. He inserted a finger into her love hole, then another and another and another,

JOEL: And another. And another. And another, and another, and another...
TOM : [Chibi-Usa] Geez, how many fingers do you have?!?
CROW: [Mamoru] Just the twelve...

until his whole fist was inside her.

CROW: Max Hardcore *IS* Chiba Mamoru *IN* Chibi-usa's Lover!
JOEL: That cannot feel good in any way, shape or amount of motion lotion!

She was enjoying it now, he could tell. "Papa...daddy,

TOM : [Chibi-Usa] Father... Dad... Père... Vater...

take me....oh please do it to me..." she gasped, reaching for his jeans.

JOEL: [Chibi-Usa] Yes, these will make an excellent garrote!

He smiled. "You want to take off my pants?"

ALL: HELL NO!!!

She nodded, panting, as she lay on the silken sheets, her body shiny with sweat. "Then, do so, daughter."

CROW: Weirded out yet, folks? We are!

Eager hands groped at the fly.

TOM : [The Fly] HELP ME!

She pulled his pants down--and gasped. "Papa..." she whispered, stonished. He was huge. Enormous.

JOEL: And apparently, he was also Mojo Jojo.

And fully erect.

CROW: A full five inches!
TOM : D'oh!

He lay down on top of her, and she almost came again at the feel of his huge shaft.

TOM : Mamoru knew that someday, his pocket Issac Hayes would come in handy!

Suddenly she realized what she was doing.

CROW: Uh oh! Looks like the roofies wore off!

"Oh my....DADDY! We can't do this.....don't do this to me...you're my FATHER, not my lover!"

TOM : Um... Didn't she just ask him to do that a few seconds ago?

Chibiusa pushed at him frantically. He only laughed, and then gasped. It was shockingly erotic. He resisted the urge to overflow right then and there.

CROW: But he ended up blue-screening anyway.

He French-kissed her lips again.

JOEL: <AHEM!> "Freedom" kissed...

"No, baby. We're gonna go all the way."

CROW: [Muttering] Get out of my head, Meatloaf! Get out, get out, get out!

She resisted, of course, as he ravished her again. He kissed her all over--neck, lips, breasts, hips, thighs, genitals....

TOM : And that's when discovered her "other" secret...
JOEL: [Mamoru] What's with this big mound of... OH MY GOD?!?

She had another orgasm when he pleasured her lush pink pussy again,

TOM : Diana constantly cursed the day she let Chibi-Usa talk her into that dye job.

crying out louder than the last time as Mamoru learned what she liked.

CROW: And we've learned that in the two minutes you've been incesting her, have we?

Finally, he removed his shorts. Chibi-usa gasped.

TOM : Then gagged.
JOEL: [Chibi-Usa] Like, oh my gaw! Like, when was the last time you showered, Daddy?

His cock was so big, the tip already glistening with moisture. He positioned himself carefully. The tip of his shaft rested right above his daughter's sex. His hands were poised on her breasts. His head hovered inches from her lips.

TOM : Umm... That's not sex, that's CPR.

Chibi-usa lay panting and sweaty. Her father was an incredible lover.

CROW: Not that you'd have anything to compare him with, RIGHT CHIBI-USA?!?
TOM : [Chibi-Usa] Umm...

There was no rational thought in her mind, only need. She was practically going out of her mind with aniticipation as Mamoru stood above her for what seemed like aeons.

"Papa......" she moaned.

JOEL: [Chibi-Usa] Did I mention we're SO going to Hell for this?

That did it. He plunged himself into her, simultaneously squeezing her breasts and French-kissing her.

ALL: FREEDOM KISSING HER!!!

Hard. Madly. Passionately.

CROW: AAAH! Mike Rhea flashback!!!!

Chibi-usa cried out, almost screaming, as she was penetrated for the first time,

TOM : [Chibi-Usa] Umm...
CROW: [Elios] <ACHOOO!> WHY WON'T <ACHOOO!> THE BURNING <ACHOOO!> STOP?!?! <ACHOOO!>

as her father forced his manhood into her.

he thrust, burying himself in her all the way.

TOM : Where he suffocated. The end.

Then he began to move around inside her. Chibi-usa screamed again at anothe orgasm.

JOEL: After all this, a plain ol' typo just seems too trivial to deal with...
TOM : You got nothing for it either, do you?
JOEL: Nope! Can't think of a thing.

They both gasped at the white-hot rush of Mamoru's release.

CROW: [Mamoru] WOO-HOO! Forty-five seconds! A new record!

Mamoru groaned at the immense pleasure as he continued to pleasure his only daughter.

JOEL: That he knew about...

"Oh, Daddy...oh gawd DADDY!"

CROW: [Chibi-Usa] I'm, like, totally spazing out!

The screams of his only child were music to his ears. "Yes yes yes yes YES!!"

TOM : No no no no NO NO *NO*!!!
JOEL: o/~ Oh Mama Mia! Mama Mia! o/~
CROW: o/~ Mama Mia make it stop! o/~
ALL: o/~ Beelzebub has a devil put aside for yo-o-ou! For YO-O-OU! FOR YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOu!!! o/~

<KA - RACK!!!>

CROW: Umm... What just happened?
TOM : Did we break the screen?!?

[Pause]

JOEL: It looks like we did.

[Pause]

CROW: Wasn't the screen made of fabric?
JOEL: Yes. Yes it was.

[Pause]

JOEL: Should we run?
TOM : Yes. Yes we should.
ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! {All sprint out}

{{ COMMERCIAL: Try Viagra.  Because if you can't have sex, you might as well kill yourself. }}

{All reenter the theater}

TOM : Oh, hey! For those of you looking for some sort of wacky host segment, we apologize. We spent the whole time trying to reset my sequencer to scramble the fic text. Turns out, the silly thing's only stable for one shot per experiment. We still don't know how long it'll take to reset fully, so we're stuck with this fic as is. And now you know... The rest of the story.
CROW: Thank you, Mr. Exposition!

NoteL This is a hentai fic. IT is not suitable for kids under 18. If you are offended by this, that's your own **** fault because you're too touchy.

TOM : Way to make friends and influence people!

Chibi-Usa's Lover II

CROW: The next day!

Chibi-usa sighed and let her hands fall away fromher pussy as the last of hr love juice swirled down the drain.

JOEL: Hey! Don't waste that! It's H.R. Puffnstuff's best flavor!

A tear of frustration slid down her cheek. She was msturbating at least one or two times a day now.

TOM : Do we really want to know how one "msturbates?"
CROW: I'm thinking not.

It didn't help. She tried to deny it; she tried to ignore it; but she wantd him.
Wanted him bad.

TOM : Well, you can't have me!
JOEL: I don't think...
TOM : Look! Let me ego-trip in peace!

Mamoru kissed his wife's cheek, and then her lips.

CROW: Then her head, then her ears, then he slipped her right nostril the tongue.

"Good-bye, Usako," he said in a voice choked with tears.
"Oh, Mamo-chan, I'll only be gone for three weeks--"
"I know, I know," sighed Mamoru. "It's just..."

JOEL: [Mamoru] I forget how to work the microwave!

"Let's not make this any harder than it has to be. Bye, my love."
She turned and got into the limosine,

TOM: And curved away! Heh! Just a little math humor, folks!

with a last fluttery wave for her husband.
Mamoru turned and walked into his room, to fall on the bed.
He groaned.

JOEL: He landed on his keys again.

*no!* he told himself fiercely. *I won't do that to her again. It was wrong, and I won't!*
But he wanted her. Wanted her bad.

GYPSY: [Offscreen] Well you can't have me!
JOEL: Oh... Kay...

Chibi-usa looked at herself in the mirror. She was stunning in the lacy pink bodysuit, with it's push-upbra and G-string. The stockings and gartr belt were very sexy, as were five-inch-heels.

CROW: I see she's going for the "Schizoid Hooker" look.
JOEL: And here we have Chibi-Usa modeling the latest in Madonna-brand Underoos.

Quickly, she let her fall out of the odangos it was

TOM : And immediately took on the appearance of a pink Cousin It.

in and pulled on a sheer pink bathrobe, trimmed with lace. She didn't belt it, but instead let it flutter around her provocatively.
*This is wrong,* she thoought.

JOEL: [Chibi-Usa] I look like someone dipped me in glue and threw me through a Fredrick's of Hollywood!

*I'm a bad girl.*
*I don't care! I want to have fun! I want to be a bad girl! So I will be, whether you like it or not!*

CROW: Uh, oh! Looks like the lithium is wearing off!

She walked out of the room, through the halls an gently pushed open the door to her fathers room.
She tiptoed over to him. His eyes were closed, but he wasn't asleep.

JOEL: But since she was there, she decided to smother him anyway.

She bent ver him, so that when his eyes opened, he would get an eyeful of tits.

TOM : Okay... He's not asleep, but he's not noticing any of this?
CROW: [Mamoru] Okay, just lie still. Maybe she'll get bored and wander off!

"Papa?" she whispered.
His eyes opened. He gasped. "Chibi-usa?"

JOEL: [Mamoru] Why are you dressed like a blind stripper?

She leaned down and kissed him passionately. At first, he resisted, but soon

CROW: .005 seconds later...

their tongues were dancing in eachother's mouths. Mamoru's lips slid down, to caress her beautiful slim neck. Chibi-usa moaned happily. She tilted her shoulders just so, so that the robe slid from them, revealing her.

TOM : And her Fredrick’s of WTF ensemble.

Mamoru's kiss traveled to her shoulder, his hand pushing the strap of the bodysuit out of the way. He repeated the process with the other; the top of her bodysuit fell away, and her firm, round breasts appeared.

ALL: [Chibi-Usa's breasts] TADA!!!

Her nipples were so erect, they arched.

CROW: Nipples... Arching... Don't quite see that.

Mamoru cupped one breast in his strong hand, squeezing gently.

JOEL: The other he squeezed strongly with his gentle hand.

"Yes..." whispered Chibi-usa as he began to kiss the sweet mound of lady-flesh. She gasped when he took her rock-hard nipples into his hot mouth and suckled, like her breast was a life-giving chalice.

TOM : Does that mean he's going to transform into Super Tuxedo Kamen?
CROW: That's kinda... Ew! Even for me!

He rpeated his kisses on the other large breast until Chibi-usa was moaning very loudly.

JOEL: Which alerted Diana, who told Luna and Artemis.
TOM : Who then told the other Senshi, who proceeded to open up a planet-sized can of whoop-ass on Mamoru.
CROW: And this was ALL before Usagi found out...

Then his kisses traveled south. He kissed her ribs, her stomach, her navel,

TOM : Her sternum, her hip-bones, her left ACL...

pulling the lingerie down in his wake.

CROW: Yay! They're getting pulled into a portal to Hell!

Then he kissed her pussy.

JOEL: Diana thanked him kindly for not slipping her the tongue.

Chibi-usa gasped and sat straight up as his questing lips found her clit and sucked it, caressing it with his tongue. The pleasure was almost unberable.

TOM : <SIGH!> If you're going to write something this nasty, folks, at least spell the words right!

"I'm--" she gasped

ALL: [Chibi-Usa] So going to Hell for this!!!

before her sweet, sticky cum shot into Mamoru's mouth. He licked all the cum from her thighs and pussy.
Then, he did all those wonderful thigns

TOM : Oy!

all over again.
Chibi-usa was practically screaming iwth the intense pleasure she was getting.

CROW: INTENSE... INCESTUOUS... STATUTORY RAPE... ACTION!!!

Somehow, Mamoru had gotten off his shirt and trousers, but his underwear still remained.

JOEL: [Chibi-Usa] Really, Daddy! Batman Underoos?
TOM : [Mamoru] Hey, lay off! I'm stylin'!

Chibi-uasa could easily see his erection. "Daddy--now--" she gasped,

TOM : [Chibi-Usa] Take me to Disneyland!

arching up against him. She was taut as a bowstring, and sweat sheened her body. She pulled off her father's underpants. He positioned himself over her love-box,

JOEL: Which just happened to be Chibi-Usa's name for her hope chest.
CROW: [Chibi-Usa] Gawd, Daddy! You really are a little freak, aren't you?

and, without warning thrust into her.
Chibi-usa screamed with pleasure, arching her hips and burying him deeper.

TOM : Until he suffocated. The end! Yay!

e thrust in and out, and moved around inside her pussy.

CROW: He moved around in her... [Desi Arnez] Chibi! You got some 'splainin' to do!

She met his thrusts with her own, doubling their pleasure. They both stiffened, and then cried out with pleasure, as Amoru shot semen up Chibi-usa's tight pussy.

TOM : Umm... Who?!?
JOEL: [Amuro Rey] Damn! The side effects on these T-Frames get weirder every day!

He rolled off of her, gasping for breath.
"Chibi-usa smiled. "Oh, Daddy....that was even better than last time."

CROW: So would getting your thumb smashed. What's your point?

She rolled over and dangled her large breasts and pink npples in his face. How about we do it again?"

TOM : You just go ahead, dear. We'll just leave you acts of sin and evil and stuff. Let's bail, guys.

{All leave}

[ 6 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 1 ]...[ * ]

{We come back to see Crow holding a hand blender with bottle-washers attached to it inside Tom Servo's dome.}

CROW: Feeling any cleaner?

TOM : Nope! Still feel damned unclean. Hit me with another dab of Didi 5.

CROW: Okie-dokey! [Squeezes a tube into Tom's dome. Then adds some water] Contact!

<<WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIR!!!>>

CROW: How's that?

TOM : Yeah! Couple more of those!

[Enter Joel with a bathrobe and towel over his jumpsuit]

JOEL: Man, I thought I'd never feel clean again! Hey, guys. What are you up to?

CROW: Oh, nothing. Just scrubbing each other's brains clean of those horrible lemons.

JOEL: Yeah, I know how you feel. But how's Tom going to scrub you out, with no working arms and all?

TOM : Four words - Hover skirt, buffer attachment.

<<WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIR!!!>>

CROW: Alrighty, Tom. Rinse and spit.

[A spout of grey water comes out of Tom's mouth.]

TOM : <PAH!> Ugh! Anyone got some mouthwash?

<< RUUUMBLE!!!!>>

CROW: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?

JOEL: I think something just hit us! Cambot, gimmie Rocket #9!

{Outside the satellite, we see a giant, glowing sailing-type ship. {Players of "Sailor Moon: Another Story" would recognize it as Sailor Venus' Star Yacht.}

TOM : [Singsong, as the Hexfield opens up] We got company!

{The Hexfield opens up to reveal Sailor Venus, Sailor Chibi-Moon, and Tuxedo Kamen}

VENUS: Alright, wise guys. We've been monitoring you reading "Passing The Torch" and those damned "Chibi-Usa's Lover" stories. You've got ten seconds to tell us where you got them from...

TUXEDO: Or we'll just assume you wrote them, and we'll take appropriate vengeance upon you and your ship.

CHIBI: Start talking, punks!

[SOL]

JOEL: But, we didn't...

TOM : Hold it! Just who do YOU think you're threatening?

CROW: Yeah! Even if we had the info you wanted, what makes you think that YOU guys could shake us down for it?

JOEL: Guys, wait a...

TOM : No offense, Venus, but you're riding with the Aquaman and Gleek of the Sailor Senshi.

CROW: OOH! I'm so scared! You're gonna hit me with roses! Or maybe some hard candy hearts! Oh woe... Is... Me!

JOEL: Guys, stop for a...

[Hexfield]

VENUS: Let me guess... You've never read the actual Sailor Moon manga, have you?

[SOL]

TOM : No, but what's that got to do with any...

[Hexfield]

TUXEDO: TUXEDO LA SMOKING BOMBER!!

CHIBI: PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!!

[Crow's head explodes in a flash of light. Tom gets swept off the desk by a beam of pink energy. Both accompanied by yells of pain and surprise.]

VENUS: Oh, it just means that Tuxedo Kamen and Chibi-Moon are both much more powerful than the anime showed. So am I, for that matter.

TUXEDO: Now answer the question, or all three of us start firing at full power!

[SOL]

JOEL: But I've been trying to tell you! We didn't want to read those stories, we were forced to. Scan us and you'll notice that we're being monitored from Earth. Follow that signal, and you'll find the guys you're looking for!

[Hexfield]

TUXEDO: Venus?

VENUS: Looks like he's telling the truth. There's a definite signal coming from Earth.

TUXEDO: Hmm... Looks like we owe you little apology. Sorry about blasting your little metal friends. It's just that these particular stories were just so nasty...

CHIBI: We had to talk Usagi down from fragging the planet with the Ginzuishou just to get rid of those things!

VENUS: Well, we're going to wreak unholy vengeance on the guys beaming you this stuff. Again, sorry about the mess.

ALL: [Bowing] GOMEN NASAI!!!

{Hexfield closes.}

JOEL: WAIT! Aw, man! I forgot to ask them for a ride home!

[Tom rises from under the desk]

TOM: oW! Fried and denied!

[Crow rises from under the desk, his head a melted stump with eyes attached]

CROW: On the bright side, that blast cleared that dirty feeling right out!

JOEL: Oh, and sirs? You might not want to answer the doorbell. You got some company coming!

[D-13]

DR.F: Umm... Sorry, Joel. I didn't catch any of that. Simon Cowell himself showed up to add some bonus features to the discs, and he ended up doing an impromptu insult seminar.

[Pan out to Simon (Mike Nelson again) standing at a podium. Frank is sitting in front of him in rapt attention. Dr. Forrester hurries back to join him.]

"SIMON": As I was saying: A sneer and an eye roll adds punch to even the most juvenile insult. [Sneers] You... Big... Doodie head! [Normal face] And don't forget the overdramatics if you're stuck for a line. That helps, too!

FRANK: What if the insult falls flat anyway?

SIMON: That's where the sneer does double duty - just keep sneering at your target in disgust. They'll think they're just too stupid to get the insult! And also, you can...

< < < KABOOM!!! > > >

{The door to Deep 13 falls over. Through the smoke emerges Sailor Venus, Tuxedo Mask, and Chibi-Moon]

SENSHI: PREPARE TO BE PUNISHED, EVIL DOERS!

SIMON: Oh, look! The circus is in town! Or is it The Power Rangers? Or both?

FRANK: Ah, Mr. Cowell. I don't think you should..

SIMON: Oh, I know who these twits are supposed to be. And I also know that they're not getting on the show! It's "American Idol," not "Japanese Twits in Silly Costumes."

TUXEDO: Blasting time?

VENUS & CHIBI: Blasting time!

[Chibi-Moon whips out her Moon Rod. Venus and TM's hands start glowing]

DR.F: Frank, make a note that even the masters can ignore some of their own best advice.

FRANK: Disc 1 - track 1: Never insult anyone without a headstart or sufficient security!

DR.F: Now, you push the button. I'll get the escape tunnel opened.

FRANK: Right! [Both Dash off]

SIMON: Um... Shouldn't you be running off in tears? Or... Or... SECURITY!

<< FWOOOSH >>

Will The Mads escape the wrath of the pissed-off Senshi? Has Simon finally insulted the wrong people? Will Crow recover from getting fragged twice in one day? Find out on the next episode of Mystery Science Freezer!

{{*I don't care! I want to have fun! I want to be a bad girl! So I will be, whether you like it or not!*}}
 

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