Care Bears. Porn. Pedophillic porn.

...

...

...

Still here? Cool.

Actually, I cut out most of the really nasty stuff. Not because I'm squeamish or anything, but in addition to being sick and wrong, the lemon content was also incredibly boring. Couldn't do a thing with it. If (for some sick reason) you want to see what you missed, go here and see the unmisted text for yourself. I'm doing it this way, because the page at which I first read this piece no longer exists, and this author's work isn't posted anywhere else.

Now, on with the disclaimers:

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and all related characters are the property of Best Brains, Inc. The Care Bears are the property of Kenner Toys. "Braveheart the Cub Sitter" is the property of Xastro, and he's welcome to it.

[Season 3 Theme Song. Sing along! You know the words!]

[We open with The SOL seemingly at Defcon 5, sirens are blaring, lights are flashing, and Crow and Tom Servo are running around like beheaded chickens.]

TOM: [Zips on screen] This is it! [Zips off screen]

CROW: [Running past] This is the end!

GYPSY: [Pacing in the background] WHATDOWEDO?!? WHATDOWEDO?!? WHATDOWEDO?!?

[Enter Joel to the foreground]

JOEL: Hi, everybody! Welcome to The Satellite of Love. I'm Joel Robinson. Those gold, red, and purple blurs you see behind me are Crow, Tom Servo, and Gypsy, respectively.

BOTS: Hi! [Back to panicking]

JOEL: The bots are a little upset because our evil mad scientist captors are promising that this experiment will be the one that

finally destroys our wills. [To the Bots] Guys, calm down! I mean, how many times has Dr. F claimed to have the one to break us? And how many times has he actually broken us?

TOM: But, Joel? You saw the look at in his eyes! The tone of that sinister laugh!

CROW: He's not just wishful thinking or just taking Frank's word for it! This time he's done it! WE DOOMED I TELL YOU! DOOOOMED!

GYPSY: I don't even have to read this stuff, but if you guys crack, I

won't be far behind!

TOM: Dr. F's gonna take over the world, and we'll be too lobotomized to notice!

[Bots break into sobs.]

MAGIC VOICE: Commerical sign in fifteen seconds. Um... Is there anything I can do to help, Joel?

JOEL: Nah. Give 'em some ram chips, and they'll calm right down.

CROW: Ram chips?

TOM: Did someone say "ram chips?"

JOEL: Told you. We'll be right back.

<< Commercials. TNN. We've got Pop! Snap and Crackle could not be reached for comment. >>

JOEL: Okay, guys. You calmer?

BOTS: Yes.

JOEL: And you're not gonna freak when Dr. F sends us the experiment, right?

BOTS: Right!

JOEL: Okay, the mads are calling.

BOTS: AAAAAAH!!! [Commence to running]

JOEL: <SIGH!> Hits Mads light.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Well, well. If your mechanical cronies are freaking out this badly now, <Chuckle> I'm halfway to world domination already. So let's get right to the invention exchange. I'll even be magnanimous and let you - the doomed - go first!

[SOL]

JOEL: Guys, please. Suck it up! It'll be okay. Go get the invention.

TOM: Okay. <SNIFF!!> But my brain explodes before we get back it's your fault!

JOEL: Okay, great! Well, sirs. Our invention today... it's... Well, the bots ,while they were under your evil spell, came up with it. It's a bit on the macabre side, but it does serve a useful purpose.

Tom, why don't you explain it?

[The Bots wheel out what looks like an ordinary crash test dummy, dressed in one of Joel's jumpsuits. At the joints of the suit are what look like tape measures, connected by wire to each other.]

TOM: Well, just because we're working under the specter of impending brain death, it doesn't mean that we can't contribute to society. And our invention, the Limb Leash, does just that.

CROW: Say, you're just sitting there at home, minding your own business. When suddenly, a wrecking ball comes barreling through your house, and through your body.

[The bots step aside as Gypsy swings her head through the dummy's torso, scattering parts of it everywhere.]

TOM: Now here, chances are that some of your body parts are going to be - well - scattered! And rather than have the emergency workers waste valuable time looking for your arm or leg or head, the Limb Leash does it for them. You see, as soon as the spools detect any stretching of the lines other than say, an inch or two, they'll retract. So...

[We hear a sound not unlike a fishing reel being retracted, and with a snap, the dummy pops up onto the desk of the bridge, looking slightly dented, but intact.]

CROW: Neat, huh?

JOEL: [Muttering] That is so dark...

[D-13]

DR. F: What do you know? That little trinket would be the perfect accessory to our invention! You see, Joel, we here at Gizmonic have decided to cash in on the Razor scooter craze. But, since roller

blades already exist, we had to be a bit more creative. And as a happy side effect, it turned out that much more evil! I give you the Razor Skateboard! [Holds up a razor scooter with the handlebar removed.] Nothing says "EXTREME" like rolling down the street at 30 mph on half a water ski with wheels. And here comes Frank with the Razor Racing Bike!

[Frank rolls past on what looks like a 15-Speed racing bike with the tires extended out both ends and the handlebar fused into one handle WAY out in front!]

FRANK: DR. FORRESTER! WHERE ARE THE BRAKES ON THIS THING?!? AIIEEE!!! <CRASH!!!>

DR. F: Brakes... Brakes. <Snaps fingers> That's what I forgot! Oh well. <Chuckles evily> Now then Joel, your experiment treads in territory Oscar would shake his head at. It involves... Well, you'll see for yourself! Send the fic, Frank.

FRANK: [offscreen] <Rattle!> Owie!

DR.F : Oh, alright! <Hits button>

[SOL]

TOM: [To self] And lo, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

JOEL: Pray later, Tom. WE GOT LEMON SIGN!!! [All leave]

[ 1 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 6 ]... [ * ]

CROW: You know? That whole macabre invention thing actually got my mind off of things! This might not be so bad after all!
JOEL: That's the spirit!

The Care Bears and its characters are the property of their respective owners & are used without permission.

CROW: Then again...
JOEL: Care Bears?
TOM: Dr F must be slipping.
CROW: Don't speak too soon. It could be some lost Sonic Crossover.

WARNING: This story has graphic nudity and sex between fictional adult & child cartoon characters in sexual situations.

ALL: 0_o
CROW: Care Bears?!?
TOM: How do you have "graphic nudity" in a fanfic?
CROW: With Care Bears!
JOEL: Stay frosty guys; we don't know if it's THAT bad yet.
TOM: Umm, Joel? A) The Mads are making us read it. B) The disclaimer says there pedophilia involving cartoon charaters. C) The Mads have been gloating about this one for weeks!
CROW: CARE BEARS!!!
JOEL: You alright,Crow?
CROW: I don't know! I mean... *CARE BEARS!!!*

DO NOT READ ON IF YOU ARE OFFENDED.

TOM: Kinda out of our hands, buddy!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

CROW: You have been cursed!
JOEL: No need to yell, man!

By: xastro - the maker of twisted lemons.

TOM: Xastro - Evil sister company of Hasbro.

- Brightheart The Cub sitter -

CROW: [ala Braveheart] They may take away our lives, but they'll never take away OUR CARE BEARS!!!

It was a sunny day In Care-a-lot,

TOM: Stuff happened. Giggles were heard. The end. Can we leave now?

and Brightheart was enjoying his day as he watered his flowers.

CROW: [Bightheart] AHH!!! Oh yah! That feels good!
JOEL: Ick!

He saw Braveheart walk through his gate up and walk right up to him.

Braveheart: Hello Brightheart. My, your flowers are looking good.

CROW: Joel? For future reference, what's our quota on Mel Gibson jokes.
JOEL: I'll let you know.

Brightheart: Well, thank you Braveheart. What can I do for you?

TOM: [Brightheart] But first, explain how you phased right through my solid oak fence, instead of using the gate?

Braveheart: I need to ask you a favor.

Brightheart: Sure, go ahead.

JOEL: [Braveheart] I aim to free Scotland from the Brits. Will ye help?

Braveheart: Grams must go away for an evening, and I cannot find anyone to sit for Hugs and Tugs. I was hoping you could help me.

Brightheart: Okay, send them over.

Braveheart: Great! Hugs, Tugs! Come on, Brightheart is going watch you.

Hugs: Oh, Goody Goody gosh.

CROW: Great Googly Moogly!
JOEL: Yabba Dabba Doo!
TOM: Holy Pedophilia, Batman!

Tugs: Babysitters are always fun.

ALL: [Hugs and Tugs] MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
CROW: [Tugs] Babysitters are always fun TO TOR-CHA!

Braveheart: Thanks Brightheart. Have fun.

Brightheart: Sure, Braveheart.

TOM: [Brightheart] Bite me, Braveheart!

He got the instant impression that he was set up by Braveheart.

ALL: [Sarcastically]: NO!!!

Hugs and Tugs were excited to be babysat by Brightheart. The last time he did it with Champ, they had a lot of fun.

JOEL: The last time he did what with who?
TOM: Given the disclaimers, I think it's best not to try to figure that out.

Brightheart: Okay you two, inside. Have you eaten?

CROW: [Hugs] Oh, sure. We ate the last ba...
TOM: [Tugs] SHH!!! Ixnay on the illingkay!

Hugs: Yes, we did. And Braveheart changed us too.

JOEL: Pretty articulate to still be in diapers, aren't they?
CROW: Well the author can't write his twisted little yarn if the kids can't talk back, can he?
TOM: I think my fetish meter just went off the charts!

Good, thought Brightheart. He hated having to change a diaper.

JOEL: Especially his own!
BOTS: EWWW!!!

Tugs: May we play in your room, Brightheart?

Brightheart: Sure, just be careful what you touch.

CROW: [Brightheart] You don't know where I've been!
TOM: [same] Some of that stuff's still a little slippery!
JOEL: Guys...
CROW: Look, Joel. We gotta settle this right now: Do we try to maintain riffing dignity, or do we go for the throat here?
JOEL: Lets see: Yiffiness, pedophilia, five year olds in diapers, and promise of worse to come. I think Xastro gave up his rights to restraint in the disclaimer. Go for it!
BOTS: WOO-HOO!!!

I have some board games in the closet you might like.

CROW: Let's see: Chutes and Bondage, NAMBLAopoly, Good Touch, Bad Touch, ...

Hugs and Tugs made their way Brightheart's bedroom.

TOM: The sense of doom and utter wrongness was overpowering!
JOEL: Dead cubs walking!

They looked in the closet and found a game similar to Snakes and Ladders and decided to play that game.

CROW: Oh no! They *DID* find Chutes and Bondage!

Brightheart spent the day tending to his gardens. As Hugs and Tugs played quietly in the house, he looked at his watch and saw that it was almost 7:30 p.m.

TOM: So let's review - Brightheart's out taking a leak in his yard, when William Wallace phases through his fence and suckers him into babysitting the Stewie twins, then proceeds to give them free reign of his house, while he putters around in his garden.
JOEL: That's about the size of it.
TOM: And the point of this is?
CROW: Lulling us into a false sense of security before lowering the boom on us!

He wondered what Hugs and Tugs were up to. He had not heard a peep out of them for quite some time.

ALL: Peep!

He decided to check in on them. Besides, it was getting close to their bedtime.

He peered into his room to see what was happening. Hugs and Tugs were putting on play for an imaginary audience.

TOM: [Brightheart] They're so cute when they're delusional!

He watched for few minutes as they performed for their pretend crowd. He then entered the room, wanting to get Hugs and Tugs off

ALL: EWW!!!

to bed.

ALL: WHEW!!!

Hugs and Tugs were having lots of fun as they performed, not only for the audience, but also for each other.

TOM: Double entendre of the starboard bow, Captain!
CROW: [Pirate] Aarrr!! Let fly with starboard risqué cannons, and don't spare the ammo!

They both liked to make each other laugh, and do stuff in front of each other, and say stuff to one another that no one else would understand.

JOEL: Or would want to.

Their play was interrupted by Brightheart, whom they saw had that "it's time to get ready for bed" look.

TOM: The twins then shot back with that "touch the weebles and die" look.

Brightheart: Bedtime you Two.

Hugs: But we were just about done with our play.

Tugs: Can't we stay up a little longer? pleeeas?.

CROW: "Pleeeas?"

Hugs: Pleeease?

CROW: Much better.

Brightheart: I'm afraid not. Now, what do you have to do first?

JOEL: [Hugs] You don't how to go to bed?
TOM: [Tugs] You close your eyes to start...

Hugs: We have to have our bath.

Tugs: Then we brush our teeth, then we put on our nightclothes.

CROW: [Hugs] Then we make our offering to the Elder Gods!
TOM: o/~ Here he comes! Here comes Chthulu! Elder demon from Hell! o/~

Brightheart: I'll get the bath ready. Why don't you brush your teeth?

They all headed to the bathroom. As they headed that way, a thought crossed Brightheart's mind.

JOEL: [Brightheart] So this is what pedophilia feels like.

Brightheart: Do you need to be changed?

Tugs: No, we changed ourselves.

Brightheart had forgotten that Grams taught them how to change themselves, so that they would not have to wait.

JOEL: Wouldn't it have been a lot less trouble to teach them to use the potty.
TOM: They are bears, you know.

As Brightheart ran the water, Hugs and Tugs brushed their teeth. After they were finished brushing, they removed their diapers and got into the now waiting bathtub.

Brightheart: Make sure you wash all over. I will be back to wash the top of your heads.

JOEL: Umm... I don't think they need help with that. But thanks anyway.
TOM: Did we accidentally get sent "NAMBLA's Funniest Home Videos?"

Hugs and Tugs enjoyed the feeling of the water on their naked bodies.

CROW: VRRRT!! VRRRT!! Warning: Extreme Wrongness Approaching! If you value your sanity, turn back now!

Hugs liked the fact that it made her feel good. Tugs liked the water so much, that he felt his little penis rise.

TOM: And being three, he took no special notice.
JOEL: We hope!

Tugs: Oh!

ALL: Damn!

Hugs: What's wrong Tugs? Hey! What's that?

CROW: [Arnie voice] It's not a tumor!

Tugs: That's my thingy. You've seen it before.

Hugs: But it has never done that before.

TOM: [Hugs] Not that I should notice, being a toddler and all!
CROW: Just accept the inevitable, Tommy. It hurts less.

Tugs: I know. I guess the water made it do that.

JOEL: [Tugs] Or maybe it was the pervo author!

Hugs: Does it hurt?

Tugs: No, it feels good.

TOM: Yes, we've established that the water feels good. Move on, please!
CROW: [ala Gamera] I'm feeling really good!
JOEL: Oh, ick! I just got a flash of those Gamera kids in a bathtub!

Hugs and Tugs watched Tugs penis as it stood in the water. Hugs started to feel really warm in between her legs.

CROW: Crow started to feel icky in his tummy!
JOEL: Joel felt the same way.
TOM: As did Tom!

Hugs: What does it do?

CROW: [Tugs] Well you know how sometimes the bathwater gets a little warmer sometimes?
JOEL & TOM: EWWWW!!!

Tugs: Not much.

CROW: [Tugs] Since my polo accident...
JOEL: You sure are getting into this, seeing how you freaked out at the start.
CROW: <SIGH> Well, you know what they say: When crap is inevitable,mock it mercilessly!
TOM: True words of wisdom!

Tugs grasped it to see how hard it really was. He placed his hand around it, and it felt quite hard.

CROW: In case you missed it; he grasped it, and it was quite hard.
JOEL: Brought to you by Mojo Jojo's House of Redundancy!
TOM: [Mojo] And when he grasped, took hold, seized it, it was quite hard, rigid, firm, IIIINflexible...!

Hugs watched as Tugs grasped himself. She wanted to try it as well.

JOEL: She wanted to grab herself?
TOM: If she succeeds, all bets are off - We riot!
CROW: Deal!

Tugs: It's all hard.

ALL: We know already!

Hugs: Can I touch it?

Tugs: Sure, but don't hurt me.

Hugs put her hand around his dick and felt it a bit. He was right. It was hard.

Hugs: Wow!

TOM: This reads like a Penthouse letter from a five year old!
CROW: [Kid's voice] Dear Highlights: I'm a toddler from a small Midwestern preschool...

Hugs almost instinctively put her hand on her vagina, and started to gently rub herself as she continued to feel him.

JOEL: This is sort of like "Blue Lagoon", except it's all evil and stuff.

Tugs, who was enjoying the attention, could suddenly hear moaning and what he thought was crying.

TOM: That would be us, kid.
JOEL: We who are about to read evil weep for you!

Hugs loved touching Tugs penis but she was also loving the feel she was getting from touching her special place.

CROW: And for those of you still wondering - yes, this is evil.
TOM: Extremely evil

Tugs: Are you okay?

Hugs: Huh? What? Yeah. I'm okay.

Tugs: Why are you crying?

JOEL: [Hugs] Because I'm sitting here touching myself and YOU so some yiff freak can get his jollies! WHATTAYATHINK!!!

Hugs: I wasn't, I was touching myself.

Tugs: Where?

BOTS: Down THERE!!!
TOM: Dammit! I can't crotch chop! My arms don't work!

Hugs: Right between my legs. I call it my special place.

Hugs opened her legs a little, so that Tugs could get a better look. He saw through the water as best he could, at what looked like a slit right between her legs.

JOEL: [Tugs] Oh my God! Did you sit on a knife or something?!?
TOM: [Hugs] I wouldn't talk, Elephant boy!

As he tried to examine this hole a little more, Brightheart walked in.

CROW: [Brightheart] Okay, kids - time for Mr. Bub... OH MY GOD!!

Tugs immediately stopped looking between Hugs legs, and Hugs took her hand off of Tugs penis.

JOEL: Hand on penis... leaning over at crotch... How does that work?
TOM: This fics' so bad, the apostrophe's ran off!

Brightheart: Let's get you all clean, so you can get to bed.

CROW: MUST... NOT... MAKE... NAMBLA... JOKE!!!

As Brightheart washed Tugs head, he looked into the tub and saw something that he did not expect.

TOM: The cops!
JOEL: [Brightheart] I swear, officer! It was the kids idea!
CROW: [Cop] That's nice. Shall we beat you now, or wait until we get to the station?

Tugs penis was standing straight up. He figured it was just because of the warm water.

CROW: Maybe he jammed all those missing apostrophes in there!
TOM: Oh man! Crow!
JOEL: [Wincing] Ow...

When he started to wash Hugs head, he noticed two more things. Tugs looking down into the water towards Hugs crotch, and he also noticed why.

CROW: [Brightheart] NO NO NO! That's not what the submarine's for!
TOM: Just one bad mental image after another!

Hugs was busy rubbing herself.

TOM: See?

Brightheart found that he, too, could not stop watching, even when she stopped to tell him something.

TOM: [Hugs] Um, Brightheart? Please stop drooling on me!
JOEL: [Hugs] Shouldn't you be stopping me? Telling me not to do that?

Hugs: You're getting soap in my eyes.

Brightheart: I'm sorry? What?

CROW: [Hugs] I SAID YOU'RE BLINDING ME, YOU PERVOBRUIN!

Hugs: My eyes. They hurt.

Brightheart: Oh. Sorry Hugs.

JOEL: [Brightheart] Here, let me use this lemon juice to wash out the soap.
TOM: [Hugs] WHAT?! NO... AIIEEEE!!!

Tugs: May we get out now?

CROW: [Tugs] Our fur is starting to float away!

Brightheart helped Tugs, and then Hugs, out of the tub. He couldn't help but look at Hugs vagina or Tugs penis.

He suddenly had an idea. They may be okay with babysitting after all.

JOEL: Ladies and gentlemen of Earth - for those of you pained and/or traumatized by what you've read so far, we have good news and bad news.
TOM: The bad news is - things are only going to get nastier from here on in.
CROW: The good news is that word by word, Xastro makes his own personal room in Hell that much hotter!
TOM: And speaking of hell, let's get out of it!

[ 6 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 1 ]...[ * ]

[Back on the bridge, the Bots are sitting at the desk looking forlorn. Joel's giving Tom a back rub.]

JOEL: Now, now, guys. This fic's bad. But not that bad.

TOM: <SNIFF!> We know! We know! But it's not just the fic. It's the fact that's it's long, and it's boring, and it's nasty, and between every line, I can hear Dr. Forrester laughing at me!

CROW: It's like someone took away all sensation in your arms, then started skinning them. It's just this creepy, indescribable feeling! IT'S PLAYING WITH MY MIND, MAN!!!

JOEL: Calm down, guys. Just calm down. If you really think about it, this story isn't as miserable as you guys are making it out to be. Tell you what - Tom, tell me a good thing and a bad thing about this fic.

TOM: Okay <SNIFF!> A good thing would be that Care Bears fics aren't something you come across every day. So this is something different for us!

JOEL: Good. And a bad thing.

TOM: This is a fic you should never come across in ANY genre!

JOEL: Okay. Your turn, Crow.

CROW: Well... You gotta admire Xastro's chutzpah. He's gonna write what he wants to write, rules and traditions be damned!

JOEL: True.

CROW: The bad thing would be that he's showing why there are rules and traditions AGAINST this sort of thing!

JOEL: Well, the good thing to me is that the writing style is so dry and simple...

CROW: You mean boring?

JOEL: I didn't wanna say it, but yeah, boring. So boring that any shock value the content might have had gets blunted. So it's really not as bad as it could have been.

CROW: That's true. So what's so bad about that?

JOEL: We're about to find out - WE GOT LEMON SIGN!!! [All leave]

[ 1 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 6 ]... [ * ]

CROW: Thanks, Joel. I don't feel nearly as miserable as before! I think I'll be okay!

When they were all dried off, he escorted them to his bed room,

CROW: "Think again," says God!
JOEL: Umm... If he's just babysitting, why is he putting them down for the night?
TOM: Because then he wouldn't have had an excuse for than soul-scarring bath scene.
CROW: That, and Grams and Braveheart would have probably shown up to pick up the kids, caught Brightheart in the act, and beat the crap out of him!

[Slight pause while all imagine Brightheart being decapitated by Mel Gibson]

where his original plan was to have them sleep in there, while he slept on the couch. However, things have changed, thought Brightheart, grinning, as his own penis started to swell.

TOM: So's my stomach acid! *Urrp!*

Brightheart: All right, you two. Into bed.

JOEL: And so the nightmare begins in earnest...

Hugs: We have to put on our bedclothes.

Tugs: Yeah, it's a part of bedtime.

JOEL: [Hugs] As is our nightly prayer to Nartholep!

Brightheart: I think you two can sleep without them just for tonight.

ALL: SLEEEEEP!!!

Hugs and Tugs: Yes Brightheart.

They got onto the bed and under the covers, all ready for story time.

Brightheart tucked them in, but not too tight, as he knew the fun that was planned.

CROW: They're going to have a pillow fight. PLEEEEASE say they're having a pillow fight!

Hugs: Can you read us a story?

Tugs: Please, Brightheart?

CROW: [Brightheart] Sure! Once upon a time, there was a twisted little sack o' butt nuggets named Xastro...
JOEL: Crow, no!
TOM: [Hugs] Tee hee! He said "butt nuggets!"

Brightheart: I would actually like to ask you two some questions. You are not in trouble and you did nothing wrong. I just want to know.

TOM: Know what? What love is?
JOEL: What's the hell is in a Scooby Snack?
CROW: What's the minimum sentence for child molestation?

Hugs: Okay. Ask away.

Tugs: What did you want to know?

TOM: [Brightheart] Who shaved "Yiff Me!" on my butt with Nair?
JOEL: [same] Can you tell me how that damned email works?
CROW: [same] Either one of you know what the statute of limitation is for this?

Brightheart's head swam with all the questions he wanted ask. But he had to ask the right question, the right way, so that he would not scare either of them.

JOEL: [Hugs] Umm... Why are you breathing all funny, Brightheart?
TOM: [Tugs] And why are you sweating?
CROW: [Hugs] And drooling?

He decided to ask Tugs first.

Brightheart: Tugs, I saw how your thing was standing up straight. Did you touch it?

[All sit in stunned silence]

TOM: Oh yah! That won't scare 'em!
CROW: This is going to hurt, isn't it?
JOEL: Took you that long to realize?

Tugs: Not at first. I think the warm water did it, but then I wanted to feel it because it felt strange. Then, when Hugs touched it, I felt good.

TOM: I can actually see a five-year old answering a question like that, like *that!*
CROW: So... would that be good because it's accurate, bad because the question was even asked, or tragic 'cause the kid just piped up with an answer like that?
JOEL: Umm... Yes.

Brightheart: So, you enjoyed it?

Tugs: Yes, I did.

Brightheart: Hugs, you were touching yourself between your legs. Did the water do something to you?

TOM: [Hugs] It made me wet. That's what water does.
CROW: You may want to rephrase that, Tommy.
TOM: Why? What did I... Oh! EWW!!!

Hugs: I just wanted to touch it, and in the tub it seemed like a good time.

JOEL: That line just judo-flips any riff I come up with!

Brightheart: Do either of you know about the special places between your legs?

Hugs and Tugs: No.

TOM: But... Didn't they just...
CROW: Let it pass, Tom.
TOM: But they...!
JOEL: No, Tom.
TOM: But...!
JOEL: No.
TOM: It...!
JOEL: Hush, child.

Brightheart: Would you like me to teach you about it?

ALL: HELL NO!!!

Hugs and Tugs: Okay.

TOM: [singsong] YOU'LL BE SOOOORYYYY!!!

Brightheart looked over Hugs and Tugs. He pulled back the covers and eyed their young bodies.

Tugs penis was not very large

TOM: Well, DUH! Who does he think the kid is? Titi Fricoteur?
CROW: There's a nine on the Obscure Meter!

but it was standing straight up, and was looking very inviting.

TOM: There's plenty of words you would use to describe a penis. And unless you're a cannibal, I can't see "inviting" being one of them!

Hugs little slit was wet, but Brightheart was not sure if it was from the water, or from her own excitement.

CROW: I'm gonna take a wild guess and say... THE WATER?!?
JOEL: How could he tell through all that fur?
TOM: I'll take "Things I Never Want To Think About Again" for $1000, Alex!

He had to keep his own dick from springing out just yet.

TOM: Right. Wouldn't want to scare the little tykes, would we?

Brightheart: Open your legs Tugs.

Tugs: Okay.

CROW: Don't these kids ever question anything? Think maybe something isn't "Okay?"
JOEL: [Brightheart] Hugs, I want you to take this rusty razor blade and slit your wrists.
TOM: [Hugs] Okay!
JOEL: [Brightheart] Tugs; set yourself on fire and throw yourself out the window.
CROW: [Tugs] Okay!

Brightheart: This is Tugs penis.

CROW: [Brightheart] In about twelve years, it'll be the center of his universe!
TOM: [whistling] Here apostrophe, apostrophe!

It stands up like this because it is excited. Touch it Hugs.

JOEL: [Brightheart] I SAID TOUCH IT!
TOM: Whoa!

Hugs leaned forward and put her hand on his penis. It was hot, and sort of jerked from her touch.

Brightheart: Don't worry, it won't hurt you.

CROW: [Brightheart] Mine, on the other hand...
TOM & JOEL: CROW!!!
CROW: Oh, bite me! Like we don't know what's ahead!

Hugs began to feel Tug's penis more. She was enthralled with the two little balls at the bottom of his penis.

CROW: [Hugs] OOOH! Little balls! Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!
TOM: [Tugs] Ow! Ow! Please! Stop! Ow!
JOEL: <Wincing> Ouch!

Brightheart: That is his scrotum. You can just call them his balls.

JOEL: [Brightheart] Or his testicles.
TOM: [Same] His package
CROW: [Ditto] The family jewels!

Brightheart did not realize that all this info he was telling Hugs, was teaching Tugs as well.

CROW: Joel, I did not know that molestation could be educational!
JOEL: That's a new one on me, too.
TOM: [Announcer Voice] And we offer courses in Locksmithing, PC Repair, Child Molestation, or you can get your degree!

Brightheart enjoyed watching Hugs young cunt glisten with what he hoped was her juice.

JOEL: [Hugs] Umm, Brightheart... There's a reason we wear those diapers...
BOTS: Eeeew!!!

Brightheart: Now Hugs, wrap your hand around his penis.

Hugs did as she was told, while Tugs watched wide-eyed.

CROW: [Tugs] I just know I'm gonna be telling a therapist about this someday!

Brightheart: Now pull the loose skin up and down.

Hugs pulled the skin and Tugs started to moan.

JOEL: That sounds like it hurts. Bad.
TOM: I hate to sound like a braniac here. But, technically, a bear shouldn't *have* a foreskin. It's umm... organ is sheathed internally.
CROW: That's way too much thinking about bear penises, Tommy.
TOM: It's sort of my defense mechanism for this sort of thing. You've got your lewd commentary. I've got my borderline anal attention to detail. Joel... Joel... What the hell *DO* you do?
JOEL: [Sheepishly] Well, guys. I'm not this sleepy voiced for nothing. Sometimes, I grab a quick catnap between riffs.
CROW: WHAT?!? You mean you sit back and snooze while Tommy and I suffer?!?
JOEL: Well... It is why I created you guys.
TOM: WHY YOU...!
CROW: GET 'IM!!!
JOEL: Guys! I... OW! Was just... OW! Kidding!
CROW: Talk to the fist, Robinson!

[Crow and Tom jump on Joel, and all three disappear from sight. Sounds of a (one-sided) fight can be heard, punctuated with Joel trying to explain himself, and the Bots screaming incoherently at him for his troubles. Meanwhile the fic scrolls along.]

CROW: [Rising] That'll teach you to use and abuse poor robots.
TOM: Yeah! What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Van Winkle!

[Joel still hasn't gotten up.]

TOM: Joel?
CROW: Joel buddy? Uh oh, Tom. I think we broke him!
TOM: He'll be OK. I can see him breathing.

Then all three of them fell asleep naked, covered in sperm, and most importantly, happy.

TOM: Oh, look! We were so busy whomping Joel, we missed most of the hardcore stuff!
CROW: Bonus!

The next day, Brightheart got them both ready to be picked up by Grams.

CROW: [Brightheart] Now remember, kids. When they ask price, it's $70 for either of you, and $150 for both. And if Grams asks, you only got $50 apiece!
TOM: Oooh! That was low, even for you!

Brightheart: Okay you two. Grams will be here soon. Stand over here by the door.

TOM: [Brightheart] And try to act mentally unscarred, or else!

Tugs: Thank you, Brightheart, for teaching us some stuff about sex.

CROW: [Hugs] It'll come in handy in our future lives as coked-out porn stars!

Hugs: Yeah, it was really fun.

TOM: In a Jerry Springer "Too Sleazy for Porn" sort of way...

Brightheart: (grinning) You are so welcome.

CROW: [Brightheart] And just remember: What we did was legal in Krkckstan!

Knock, Knock

CROW: Who's there?
TOM: Dear.
CROW: Dear who?
TOM: DEAR GOD, WILL THE FIC END ALREADY?!?

Brightheart: Hello, Grams. How are you?

TOM: [Grams] Ready to string you up by your ursine nads, you sicko!

Grams: I'm fine. Thank you for watching my two little darlings.

Brightheart: Not a problem Grams. They were very good, and we had lots of fun.

CROW: [Tugs] We learned what "felching" is!
TOM: EWWW!!!

Hugs: Grams? Can Brightheart watch us again sometime?

Grams: Only if he wants to, Hugs.

Brightheart: Yeah, sure I can do that.

CROW: [Brightheart] And if they ask you about playing the "Special Game" later, just break out Monopoly. Trust me on that!

As Hugs and Tugs walk away with Grams, Hugs stopped while Tugs and Grams walk on.

CROW: Apparently, breaking the laws of time, space, and grammar in the process.
TOM: Tenses, Xastro, tenses!

She smiled at Brightheart and pulled her diaper down enough to flash him a parting shot of her still wet pussy.

TOM: Gee. I didn't know Fredrick's of Hollywood made diapers.
CROW: That was a nice little parting shot of evil, wasn't it?

She then pulled it back up, and ran to catch up with Tugs and Grams.

Brightheart: Boy, I have a real talent for watching kids, I can keep them entertained for hours on end.

TOM: Tell that to the judge.

- The End -

BOTS: WOO-HOO!!! [Starts to leave]
JOEL: [Getting up] Wait, guys. There's more.
BOTS: AWW!!!
CROW: Oh, hey Joel! Forgot you were down there!
TOM: Sorry about the head trauma. Got a little carried away.
JOEL: You two are getting such a time out when this ends...

I was not sure if this was a good idea to write, since some people have a hard time with adult anything Care Bears.

CROW: Umm... Care Bears, we got no problem with...
TOM: Wrong and weird as that idea is.
CROW: Right, but writing a lemon with pre-pubescent ANYTHING!
JOEL: And if we have to explain further, you'll probably never get it.

It gave me a chance to write a story with my favorite Care Bear (Brightheart).

TOM: And you couldn't find an - oh, I don't know - ADULT Care Bear to pair him with?
CROW: Or better yet, forget the whole thing?
JOEL: Someone has a *favorite* Care Bear?

Send me your comments to [email protected],

TOM: Subtle.

All mean spirited comments will be ignored.

JOEL: Guess he won't be reading this, then.

If any artist would like to draw a corresponding pic, please go ahead, just let me know where it is, so I can see it.

CROW: And we can deface it!
TOM: Time to roll, guys.

[All leave]

[ 6 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 1 ]...[ * ]

[Back on the bridge of the Satellite, The Bots and Gypsy are situated behind musical instruments - Gypsy on bass, Tom on lead guitar, and Crow on drums. Joel is in the foreground, with an icepack on his head.]

JOEL: Umm... Why am I letting you do this, again?

GYPSY: You're paying penance for abusing Tom and Crow's riffing ability for your own selfish comfort! Now pay attention!

JOEL: But I was just kidding about that!

TOM: Okay, you're letting us do our little song parody so we don't have another reason to kick your butt.

JOEL: My head hurts too bad to argue the logic of that. So have at it. Just not *too* loud.

CROW: Okey dokey! Ladies and gentlemen of Earth: We give you The Ballad of Brightheart. Hit the lights, Cambot!

[The bridge goes darker. You can see some dry ice effects drifting up from the floor. The Bots start up a tune that sounds suspiciously like "Sweet Emotion" The lights start strobing and flashing as the lyrics start]

BOTS: Peeee - do - pheeela!

Peeee - do - pheeela!

[MAGIC VOICE]

Puttin his hands where nobody should!

Thinks about a toddler and the boy pops wood.

Curse my name, but I gotta make clear

In real life I'd be dead in a year!

(Yes I would!)

Ducked behind the bushes from a police car

Guess the whips pushed it just a little too far!

Police question me, and of course I lied

Parents showed up and my alibi died!

(Doin' time!)

[The music fades out]

CROW: Well...

TOM: That was certainly funnier in theory.

JOEL: I thought it was cute. What did you think, sirs?

[Back at Deep 13, Dr. F looks a little miffed.]

DR.F: Whoa, whoa, WHOA!!! Why haven't you been reduced to gibbering vegetables? That fic should have turned your frontal lobes into so much oatmeal!

[SOL]

CROW: Well it's like Joel said. Yes, it was bad. Yes, it was evil. But it was also so dry, so straightforward, so... so... What's the word I'm looking for, Tommy?

TOM: Godawfully boring?

CROW; Thank you! Too godawfully boring to really do any real damage. Hell, your evil laughter did more damage than this fic did!

TOM: And beating up Joel didn't hurt, either!

JOEL: Speak for yourselves! Well, gee sirs! Better luck next time, I guess.

[D-13]

DR.F: [Visably upset] Alright, Robinson! You may have survived this round! But rest assured, you won't have long to savor your victory! Don't forget, there's a whole ARCHIVE of that stuff just waiting to be unleashed on you! And this was one of the better ones! MWAH HAHAHAHA!!! You're doomed, I tell you! DOOOMED!

[Frank wanders in - covered in bandages like like an mummy.]

FRANK: What are talking about, Steve? You know that's the only fic we archived before that site went down! There's no way we could hit them with more of that stuff.

DR.F: FRANK!!! [Grabs the Razor Board and smacks Frank across the back of the head, knocking him into the button.]

<< FWOOOSH >>