The End of the World!
Scientists around the world agreed to this shocking and alarming fact - the earth will be hit by a comet in roughly 14 days. Never before has the human race faced such a high probility of extinction. Riots have already begun to take place globally, but this is to be expected experts agree. The discovery was made by a privately funded group of scientists called ‘Eupa’ based in Finland. The cult (as many are now calling them) apparently had been expecting this phenomenon for at least 40 years, more information on this later. The science of the comet is quite dazzling, apparently the chances of a comet not have hitting us so far is slim, in fact the chances of not being hit by an earth shattering comet within 100,000 years alone is 1 in 100. That’s remarkable, and if it is the case why have we not prepared for it? We asked lead scientist Dr Jones from Oxford. “Put simply we have for a long time been painstakingly aware of the odds, but equally aware that the science just isn’t they’re to do anything about it. In other words we can spot the comet, but not alter its course or destination. That’s a long way of, we just needed some luck until the science is advanced enough, and for a couple of billion years we had just that. It appears that the fact the comet was spotted by non mainstream scientists is just a coincidence.” The comet rushes forwards to earth at roughly 100,000 miles per hour, so even if we were capable of launching and connecting the worlds supply of Nuclear bombs it would have no effect, the comet is stuck on its course. In Mr. Blair’s speech he announced, and we quote “I do not want the public to panic, it is vital that we remain our sense of dignity” The queen backed him up in her speech saying “The British people have always been admired for their ability to remain calm, rational and dignified even in the most distressing of times. We are not barbarians, if we do perish we shall do so with our dignity” The Guardian interviewed several ‘experts’ (in their own field) and world leaders on how people should spend their last 14 days. The Pope: “How should people spend their last few weeks?” “If they have connected with God in their lifetime they will be rewarded for being brave in heaven, the pain when the comet hits…” The Pope broke off and started sobbing. “Oh God, Oh God” He wailed. “Why? Where did we go wrong?” What happened next was startling. The Pope became extremely aggressive. “WHY? I GAVE MY WHOLE GOD DAMN BLOODY LIFE UP FOR YOU, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?” He then seemed to notice the interviewer again and told him “don’t fucking report this” whilst running out of the room (the Guardian understands that this might upset some readers but feels that as a newspaper it is our duty to report the facts.) Next we interviewed Mr. Blair. “How Should the British public spend their last two weeks Mr. Blair?” “Well I can only really tell you how I’m going to spend mine. I intend to host something we will call ‘The Last Debate’. This will consist of a huge debate that will allow the British public to question many British politicians (we are unsure at this point will be attending). This debate will be hosted live throughout the BBC’s channels, and on the Internet worldwide. I guess its time for the British public to have their revenge” The date of this debate is still unknown, we do however know that it will be held in the house of commons, shocking but in the circumstances understandable. The next interview is with her Majesty the queen. Again we asked her: “how should the British public spend their last two weeks?” “With dignity” came her simple reply. “The British public should do their utmost to remain calm and civil. The end of life as we know it is certainly no excuse to act in an undignified way, besides, dignity is all we have, we British have always prided ourselves in this and we will not break down like some barbaric country. We will lead the world by example.” We next spoke to evolutionist expert Richard Dawkins. “How should people spend their last two weeks?” Dawkins paused in thought for a few seconds then started slowly “I do not think they should spend their time trying to relate to God. Do not be scared or intimidated by religious people attempting to convert the panicking masses. Instead, spend time with your loved ones. The human race has had a good run, let it end. Besides we knew the planet was on the verge of a mass extinction, we just didn’t know it would be now.” More questions and opinions on page 6.
Reports from around the world:
UK: Surprisingly looting is relatively low. People appear to have taken to the streets, singing and dancing. The community that died with the industrial age appears to have returned.
Africa: Wide scale disbelief, people do not believe America many claiming it is an elaborate hoax or conspiracy. Many thousands of civilians totally unaware of the situation.
Asia: Out break of civil war in several countries due to the government ordering the Military to protect the shops, banks and any other public services by use of firearms.
It is rumored that Mr. Blair is planning to go into a private underground bunker the day before the comet is due to hit earth. The only bunker that could possibly not get crushed by the immense heat of the comet would have to be a minimum of 12 miles underground, and be surrounded by 300 foot of a mixture of lead and steel, the possibility of there being a bunker of this caliber around is remote and a great chance element is involved. For example the angle at which the earth will be when the comet hits can dictate exactly how much damage is done, either way your chances of survival in a bunker are remote.
1. The more that is produced and the more that is purchased the more we have progress and prosperity.
2. The more developed a country, the higher the rate of consumption
3. �Are certain countries successful at the expensive of others? Is their high rate of consumption harming other countries, or perhaps even helping them, offering more trade benefits and jobs?�
4. It could be argued that there is a �catch 22� for poorer countries; they are enslaved by working for low prices for consumer rich countries, having no way to get out of the cycle.
5. The richest fifth:
� Consume 45% of all meat and fish, the poorest fifth 5%
� Consume 58% of total energy, the poorest fifth less than 4%
� Have 74% of all telephone lines, the poorest fifth 1.5%
� Consume 84% of all paper, the poorest fifth 1.1%
� Own 87% of the world�s vehicle fleet, the poorest fifth less than 1%
Taken from � Human Development Report 1998 Overview, United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) � Emphasis Added
�Is consumption the root of all evil today?�
I�m going to answer this question focussing on global inequality.
�... Our consumption of goods obviously is a function of our culture. Only by producing and selling things andservices does capitalism in its present form work, and the more that is produced and the more that is purchased the more we have progress and prosperity.�
This was taken from � Richard Robbins, Global Problem and the Culture of Capitalism, (Allyn and Bacon, 1999), pp. 209-210
I started with this quote because I believe the last line makes us think about consumption in relation to a country�s actual success. In general terms the more developed a country, the higher the rate of consumption. Now this leads to the question �Are certain countries successful at the expensive of others? Is their high rate of consumption harming other countries, or perhaps even helping them, offering more trade benefits and jobs?�
�William Rees, an urban planner at the University of British Columbia, estimated that it requires four to six hectares of land to maintain the consumption level of the average person from a high-consumption country. The problem is that in 1990, worldwide there were only 1.7 hectares of ecologically productive land for each person. He concluded that the deficit is made up in core countries by drawing down the natural resources of their own countries and expropriating the resources, through trade, of peripheral countries. In other words, someone has to pay for our consumption levels.�
This comes from the same source; it illustrates a common approach to consumerism- that we are indeed consuming at the expensive of other less developed countries. This seems to suggest that it is a �catch 22� so to speak for poorer countries; they are enslaved by working for low prices for consumer rich countries, having no way to get out of the cycle. While the more developed countries progress further as a product of exploiting these less developed countries.
But just how much difference in the rate of consumption between countries is there?
Globally, the 20% of the world�s people in the highest-income countries account for 86% of total private consumption expenditures � the poorest 20% a minuscule 1.3%. More specifically, the richest fifth:
� Consume 45% of all meat and fish, the poorest fifth 5%
� Consume 58% of total energy, the poorest fifth less than 4%
� Have 74% of all telephone lines, the poorest fifth 1.5%
� Consume 84% of all paper, the poorest fifth 1.1%
� Own 87% of the world�s vehicle fleet, the poorest fifth less than 1%
Taken from � Human Development Report 1998 Overview, United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) � Emphasis Added
