by KatiKat
Heero is gone.
He had been missing for three days already. When Wufei came to tell us
that Heero had killed the Wizard J but had been caught in the explosion
himself, everybody refused to believe him. Treize- Heero’s cousin, sent out
search parties. He had always been supportive of Heero and never wanted to be
the King. But the bad news was confirmed five hours later - Heero’s sword and
the body of his favourite horse were found. There was no way for Heero to
survive the fire, the heat of the explosion.
My last hope died when they brought me the gold bracelet decorated with
jades - the one I had given him on our bonding ceremony. That was the moment I
died too.
And then the preparations for the royal funeral began. As the tradition
said they should last three days during which the king’s body would be prepared
for the Fire Ceremony - the cleaning of his soul by the burning of his body.
But this time there was no body waiting to be buried. But the ceremony
had to take place. Even if it had only a symbolic meaning. The need to say
good-bye to their favourite king who died so young brought thousands of people
to the Capital City. They waited in rows along the route the empty litter would
take, holding white roses in their hands - Heero’s favourite flower - to throw
on the ground in front of the litter. Heero’s last road taken will be nestled
with roses…
But other preparations were done these last three days - the
preparations of Heero’s Eternal Mate: the person who will be burned on the funeral
pyre with the remnants of the King. The Queen usually took this role… But there
was no Queen this time, no wife who would take place at his side in Eternity,
who would share his fate with him. This King had only had his Chosen One - the
First Concubine… Me… So it will be me who will share Heero’s fate. And that is
the only thing that keeps me sane these days. If not for the certainty that I
will meet my love on the Other Side I would’ve broken down under the onslaught
of grief and desperation long ago.
Quatre was the only one from the rest of the Royal Five who grieved
openly. Trowa held it together so that he could support his mate and Wufei… the
weight of the guilt he felt lay on his shoulders, cracking his tough mask ever
so slowly, but the break down was inevitable. His guilt had been born from his
inability to save his best friend and King…
And me? When the first wave of shock had worn off, I didn’t cry. A
strange calmness settled over me. But still - I was sickly pale, my hands were
shaking and my eyes were incredibly large. It was as if they refused to close
down. An unearthly glow settled into them. I heard Quatre telling Trowa that it
was as if the Other Side claimed a part of me already… He was probably right, because how would it
be otherwise possible to feel Heero… to have the feeling that he was still with
me…?
I heard the murmur of voices behind the door to my chamber. When the
door opened quietly I turned away from the window to greet the maidens that
came to prepare me for the ceremony. No one was able to meet my eyes knowing
what fate awaits me in just a short couple of hours.
They bent down deeply and respectfully in front of me. I stood up from
my chair and let them lead me to the bathroom next to my chamber. The bathtub
was full of hot scented water. I could smell roses in the air. Heero’s
favourite scent…
I let them undress me. Then they unbranded my hair and helped me sit
down in the tub. They washed my pale body. My long wet hair forced me to bend
my head backwards. I closed my eyes and enjoyed their ministration knowing that
it was the last time. I wanted to be beautiful for my mate.
After the bath they oiled my body with sweet smelling oils, brushed my
hair and braided it into a long, thick braid. They helped me into a black silk
bath-robe and guided me back to my chamber where they left me alone for a
couple of minutes before Quatre arrived with my ceremonial gown.
I wandered around the room, touching all the things that reminded me of
Heero and the short time I was able to spend with him in this world. I was so
lost in my memories that I almost missed the knock on my door. I invited the
person to come in. It was Quatre carrying a feather light white silk robe in
his hands - my funeral gown. His red and puffy eyes were so full of pain and
despair that I had to look away.
“Here is the ceremonial gown, Duo,” he whispered in a broken voice. I
opened my bathrobe and let it slide down to the ground silently. Then I took
the gown from him and he helped me dress.
The clothes were made especially for this occasion. They consisted of
tight white pants, loose white shirt and white knee-high boots. The last piece
of clothes was a long white coat with wide sleeves, reaching the ground and
trailing a few feet behind me. The only ornament on it was the black and red
dragon embodied on the back of it - the emblem of Heero’s House… It was a
simple dress, no jewellery should take the attention away from the reason of
the ceremony. No jewellery beside the cobalt blue pendant on the narrow
necklace Heero had given me at our bonding ceremony. I fastened Heero’s
bracelet around my wrist. I would be buried together with my and Heero’s
bonding gifts. My eternal reminders of who I belong to in this world and
beyond…
I heard Quatre sobbing silently behind me. I turned around and smiled
sadly at Quatre. “Why are you so sad, Q?” I asked quietly.
He swallowed a couple of times, not looking at me. Finally finding his
voice he whispered: “Heero is dead. And now we are loosing you too…”
I stepped in front of him and took his hand in mine. I lifted his chin
with a light touch of my left hand. His eyes were overflowing with tears. “Quatre…
You are not loosing me… We will meet again on the Other Side. You should be
happy for me, Q. I will be together with Heero again. That’s a reason for joy
and not for tears.”
“But…”
I shook my head. “No buts, Q. Imagine if you were in my place and Trowa
was dead instead of Heero… Would you be able to live without him? To go on
without him?”
Quatre thought about it for a long time trying to tell me that he would
act differently from me. That he wouldn’t be so ready to go to meet his own
death so calmly, with a spark of joy even. But then his honest side won and he
had to agree with me. He would act in the same way.
I smiled again and caressed his face with my thumb wiping off his tears.
“You should grieve for Heero, not for me, Q. In just a couple of hours I will
join him and I will spend Eternity with him. Nobody will be able to separate us
again…”
And at that, Quatre smiled for the first time in three days. He
understood. It still hurt, but he understood.
There was a knock at the door and at my invitation it opened revealing
Wufei, Trowa and the royal guards. All of their faces held compassion in them.
It was time…
Six men were carrying the empty litter. White silk sheets embodied with
the black and red dragon - symbol of the Yuy House - were draped over it.
Heero’s ceremonial clothes and his sword lay where his body should have been.
Drums and pipes were thumping and screaming in the distance where the
burial place was situated in the gardens of the Temple of Shinigami - the God
of the Lowe Kingdom. The road we were
walking on turned and twisted through the city, finally arriving at the Temple.
It was called the Walk of Death. Not only members of the royal family were
carried along here on their last journey. The captives and murders that were
sentenced to death by the royal court went this road on their way to meet their
executioner, awaiting them on the square in front of the Temple. Not a happy
place indeed…
I was walking right behind the litter as my right of the King’s Eternal
Mate stated. Behind me in two short rows were Heero’s family and his closest
friends. Trieze was now the future Emperor. Together with Zechs of course. He
and his concubine/bodyguard where inseparable. Behind them Quatre, Heero’s
advisor, Trowa, the head of his secret service and Wufei, his general and
childhood friend. The last one who saw him alive… The rest of the long line
were soldiers, palace guards, servants - the people who lived or worked near
the King and who came to say good bye personally.
The hood of my white cloak was hiding my face from the people gathered
around the road. They were throwing white roses on the road in front of the
group of ten royal guards who led the way. I didn’t look up. I wasn’t watching
the empty litter that symbolized my loss. No, I was looking at the hundreds of
white roses dying on the cold grey stone road. Dying like my soul had been
these past couple of days…
Another reason why I didn’t look up was that I could feel their eyes on
me. The eyes of all these curious people who came to not only see the burial
but the *famous* Chosen One as well. To see my face for the first and last
time. Well, they weren’t able to see me before. As the King’s First Concubine I
wasn’t allowed to leave the palace ground with my face uncovered. I never
believed the maidens in the palace when they were whispering about how famous I
am. They didn’t want me to know but I could hear them. I could feel them
watching me when I wasn’t looking. I am sure they were one of the prime sources
of rumour in the city. They were talking about the legend of my beauty. That
there were people who envied Heero… I don’t think there are a lot of people who
envy him his fate right now…
Envied Heero… Heero… I remember our last night together clearly as if it
happened just a minute ago… We were making love - madly, passionately, as if we
felt that it was the last time we would be together in this world. I made him
promise… no, I made him swear that he would come back to me no matter what…
What a childish act. I knew there were some things nobody could influence or
stop from happening. But to have this promise with me made me feel safe. The
safety wasn’t there anymore…
I didn’t even notice that we had arrived at the temple already. The road
seemed to be so long when I stepped on it. And the walk lasted such a short
time…
The procession stopped as did the music. The big silver door leading to
the temple’s grounds opened silently and the white clad priestesses came out.
There were five of them and Relena - the High Priestess - was leading the small
group. Her head was uncovered as a sign of grief but there was no other outward
sign of it. I knew she was hurting, that she was breaking on the inside. She
loved Heero and she should have become his wife years ago. But the call of
Shinigami was stronger for her than her love to a man. And so she became the
wise virgin Priestess who always had advice to give, or a kind word for
everybody. She even consented to mine and Heero’s bonding ceremony and she was
happy for us for she knew that Heero had found his soul mate in me.
The guards leading our procession stepped away and let the priestess’
pass. They stopped in front of the litter and knelt down, touching the ground
with their foreheads.
"As the High Priestess of the Temple of Shinigami I welcome you on
the holy ground, my King," she said in a clear, calm voice.
I knew what my duty was. I stepped around the litter and stopped in
front of the kneeling group and bowed deeply. "As the King’s Chosen One I
thank you for your kind words," I answered with the prescribed words. I
was surprised how composed my voice sounded.
The priestesses got up and turned back to the temple. The group spread
out and waited for me to reach them. They took me in their middle and together
we moved through the door. We turned to the left, heading towards one of the
low ceremonial buildings. I didn’t look back. I knew that the guards were
taking the litter to the gardens to prepare the funeral pyre on which it would
be burned. The procession followed them and the big silver door closed with a
thud. The crowd wouldn’t be allowed in.
I had never been to this part of the Temple but I wasn’t curious about
my surroundings. Not now. All my attention was fixed upon the thought of Heero
and that in a short while I would be with him again. Not one thought about the
horrible, painful ceremony that lay ahead of me crossed my mind. For me, it was
only a way to reach my beloved again.
We stepped in a small airy room and with a nod of her head, Relena sent
the other priestesses away. She then turned to me and removing the hood from my
head, she revealed my face. A look of pain and sadness crossed her features for
just a moment as she touched my cheek with her cold fingers.
"There is no need to prepare you for what will happen, is
there?" she asked in a low voice. "You are ready to embrace your fate
without my support."
I nodded. "Yes. I was ready the second he left me alone, Lena. I
can’t live without him. So you don’t have to worry about me panicking or making
a scene. This is something I really want. If there wouldn’t be this ceremony I
would end my life anyway. ‘What has once been bonded cannot be parted’. You
said it yourself on our ceremony."
She nodded. I knew she understood me. She always had.
Relena turned to the only piece of furniture, a table situated in the
middle of the room. She opened the wooden box sitting on the table and took a
small brown root out of it. Then, she moved around to face me again.
"This-" she held the root between the thumb and index finger
of her right hand, "-will help you through the passing. It will take the
pain away. It is always done. This ceremony is here to clean the soul, not to
torture the body. I will place it under your tongue and it will slowly
dissipate. It’s quiet strong and it will take effect pretty soon. It will numb
you totally. There will be no pain, I promise."
She took my chin in her left hand I opened my mouth. She laid the root
under my tongue and let me go but not before she caressed my cheek lightly.
Funny, the root didn’t have any taste. Any at all.
There was a quiet knock on the door behind us and at Lena’s invitation
one of the priestesses stepped in informing her in a quiet hushed voice that it
was time. Relena nodded and with a last smile she pulled the hood forward,
covering my head with it once more. We then left the small room.
Our walk to the gardens where the ceremonial place was situated was
quiet long and I could feel the numbing effect start to spread through my body.
It was a strange feeling of seeing and hearing everything clearly but with no
physical input. As if my body had already passed and I was only a soul drifting
in the wind.
We reached the big green square in the middle of the gardens. It
could’ve been around 50 to 50 square meters, surrounded by wide-open areas of
green lawns. The people were seated on
the ground around it’s edges. The funeral pyre was situated in the middle of
the square. The litter lay on a high pile of neatly cut wood, scented with
exotic smelling oils. This was where my life would end...
We were walking toward the funeral pyre and I noticed the faces of my
friends - their faces were calm and eyes dry even though I knew that they were
crying on the inside. But they would not dishonour the ceremony. Heero was the
King first and their friend second. There would be enough time to grieve later
when our ashes were spread by the wind.
I heard the sand crack under my feet and my eyes were focused, fixated
on the funeral pyre-but otherwise I was numb. I was moving automatically now,
doing what they were telling me. I was walking in the middle of the priestess’
again, the two of them on my sides, holding my hands, leading me forward.
Without it I would have been lost or tripped many times.
I didn’t know what other people felt while they were facing their own
death, but the only thing that filled me was joy. I would be with Heero again
soon. I would embrace him and tell him I loved him and he would smile - the
smile he always saved just for me. The fact that I would have to die to be with
him seemed unimportant to me.
We arrived at the funeral pyre and they helped me climb the small wooden
stairs. When I reached the top they seated me down in the head of the litter.
I could hear Relena whisper "Shinigami be with you" to me
before they left me alone. My eyes were fixed on the long silver sword lying on
top of Heero’s ceremonial gown. He liked it. It was a present from Treize at
his coronation. And he had had it with him when he asked me to bond with him. It
seemed so long ago...
I heard Relena praying, wishing for us to reach Eternity and live in the
grace of Shinigami. I fingered the bracelet encircling my wrist. And I prayed
too. I hoped Shinigami would show us the way, that he would bring us together
again.
From the corner of my eye I noticed Relena coming close with the burning
torch in her right hand and with a final call to Shinigami, she set the funeral
pyre on fire. The flames shot up to the heavens immediately and I knew that
without the root that was now slowly dissipating under my tongue I would be
screaming in pain. The flames didn’t quiet reach me yet but my clothes had
started to smoke already. It won’t take long now.
Suddenly there were screams in the distance. Someone was calling for...
Heero? Strange. Heero was dead. Why should someone be screaming his name? But
it didn’t matter to me anymore. Not only my body but my mind too was getting
numb, the darkness of unconsciousness was closing around me already and I
didn’t fight it. When I woke up the next time I would be with Heero again.
The screams were getting nearer. They were so loud that they managed to
penetrate the fog descending on my mind. My name? Someone was calling my name?
And there was so much despair in that voice. It sounded... It sounded kinda
like Heero’s. But Heero was dead... Strange.
I think someone had to have tackled me, throw me away from the flames
because when I managed to crack my eyes open I could see the blue sky above me
and not the flames. Why...? Why did someone do it? Couldn’t they understand
that they were ripping me away from my beloved?
Someone lifted me from the ground and moved the hood away from my head.
Who...? I thought I should open my mouth and ask but the root was shutting me
down slowly. Someone moved closer to me... was kissing - ? - my lips... and he
was calling me, calling my name over and over again... Who...? I blinked slowly
trying to clear my view and I saw... No, it was impossible...! He... was...
dead...!
"H-h-heero-o...?" I managed to croak before the darkness
claimed me at last.
The End.