Hurting
by KatiKat
"Ah, Mary... I really donīt know what I should do anymore," Helen
sighed, her voice tired and sad. She was standing by the window, where she
could overlook the small garden that laid behind the orphanage. There under the
big oak tree, her two favourite boys sat. Just looking at them made her heart
ache.
The other occupant of the room, a tall, sophisticated woman dressed in grey flannel,
with her hair tied in a bun on the nape of her neck - came closer. She stood
next to her friend and looked out of the window too. "You are doing
everything you can, my friend."
Helen looked at her. "Am I?"
Marry touched the nunīs shoulder. "Helen, you love them, you are there for
them, you would die for them. There is nothing more you could do."
Helen shook her head and looked down at the boys again. Heero sat in a comfortable
padded chair, bundled up in blankets. Even from this distance, she could see
how pale he still was. Next to him on a plain wooden chair, his best friend,
Duo Maxwell sat. But everything that was Duo - his brightness and cheerfulness
- was gone now. His face as pale as his friendīs, drawn, no smile in sight
except the ones he gave his friend. Seeing Duo glare at one of the boys who was
playing with a ball and came too close to them, she sighed. "Itīs not
enough. I canīt reach them. Heero isnīt responding to anybody but Duo. He
didnīt say a word to me or anybody else since he got out of the hospital. Not even
the psychologists we brought him to know what to do with him anymore. And Duo?
He wonīt move away from Heero. He has to have him in sight at all times. They
are like Siamese twins. They were inseparable before but now... When I came to
the hospital for Duo because theyīd discharged him... Iīve never seen him so
angry, furious. He was screaming and fighting me. He didnīt want to leave Heero.
Heavens, Mary, he tore away from me and ran out into the street," she said,
her throat painfully tight. "He doesnīt care anymore for anything besides
Heero. When we sent him to school, it was a disaster. The Principal called us
to come for him because he beat up some boy. He broke the boy's nose, Mary!"
She blinked a couple of times to get rid of the tears that gathered in her
eyes. She turned her head and looked out of the window. "The boyīs parents
demanded that he be expelled immediately. Said he is dangerous. Fortunately,
the Principal managed to explain what happened. They understood, but demanded
he not come back until his problems are solved, otherwise they will sue the
school." She sighed again and pressed her forehead against the cool glass.
"Duo reacts really strongly to everything that happened. What about
Heero?" Mary asked. She was studying the two boys in the shade, watching
Duo fuss over his friend.
"Itīs hard to say. He keeps everything hidden. The only reaction you can
get out of him is when you separate him from Duo. The last time that happened,
he was on the verge of a panic attack. Itīs as if they lived in their own
world, you know, completely separated from the outside, where only the two of
them exist."
"What did the other therapeutists say?" Mary folded her hands on her
chest.
"Nothing much. Something about typical signs of PTSD, but that was all.
Every time they thought they made a breakthrough, they hit another wall."
The frustration was clearly palpable in Helenīs voice.
"Why didnīt you continue to visit them? You know how substantial
professional help is in these cases," Mary gently reprimanded her friend.
"I know but... The boys reacted badly to them. Duo got hostile and Heero
just clamped down." She shook her head. "You are my last hope,
Mary." Helen turned to the other woman. "They know you. They trust
you and you are an excellent psychologist. I know that you are not practicing
anymore, but you were there when Heero was brought here. You know his
background and Duoīs too." Helen reached out and touched her friendīs
shoulder. "You are the only one Duo talked to after Solo died..." she
reminded her.
Mary sighed. She knew that Helen was probably right. She remembered how she took
care of Duo after his friend, the boy he called brother, Solo died of cancer.
Unfortunately, it was him who discovered the dead boy. Her heart still ached
when she remembered being brought to the distraught boy who refused to let go
of his friend, urging him to wake up over and over again. It took a lot out of
her to put the broken boy back together. And now they were back almost in the same
situation.
"Helen, I would like to help, but I too consider these boys my family. I might
be too emotionally involved to be objective enough. There are excellent
specialists I can recommend you..."
"Mary please...," the nun interrupted her. "Please talk to them.
Just try it, okay? If it doesnīt work, I will do everything you will say.
Just... Iīm desperate here... Please."
Mary regarded her old friend, then looked out of the window at the two small boys
damaged by an experience that had the power to destroy an adult and not just
two 6-year-olds. Her heart went out to them.
"All right. I will try," she gave in.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Mary crossed the lawn, and headed in the direction of the big oak tree standing
proudly in the middle of the garden. Some of the children shouted a greeting to
her and she waved to them. When she came closer to the tree, she slowed her
pace deliberately but still she saw Duo move closer to his injured friend and
Heero glare at her. This wouldnīt be easy... but she didnīt expect it to be.
When she got to them, she smiled gently and dropped to her knees, heedless of the
stains that immediately appeared on her light grey trousers. "Hello,
Heero. Hello, Duo," she greeted them. "Do you remember me?"
For a long moment the boys just looked at her, then Duo nodded slowly. "īf
course, Mrs. Mary," he said quietly. "You had the cute stuffed puppy
in yīr office."
She nodded, remembering the big black and white stuffed puppy with long floppy
ears she used in her therapy sessions. "Bonzo. He misses you. Would you
like to visit Bonzo again?" she asked, holding her breath.
Duo frowned. "īro doesnīt know Bonzo. īe said īe wasnīt there when īe was there."
"Bonzo was with his friends at that time, but now he is back. Would you
like to introduce Bonzo to Heero?" She looked at Heero, and saw the tiny
flicker of interest pass through his eyes. Maybe...
Duo looked at his friend, then at her, then back to him. "I think īro īuld
like to meet Bonzo," he said reluctantly in the end.
She smiled, and turned to the pale looking Japanese boy. "What do you
think, Heero? Would you like to meet Bonzo?"
She noticed how much effort he put into maintaining the scowl on his face. After
a while when she didnīt push or insist, the scowl lifted just a little to
reveal the true hurting boy beneath it. "īkay..." he whispered finally,
looking away immediately.
She smiled again. The first step - no matter how small - had been made. But the
journey ahead of them was long.
The End