Spencer Blake Youngblood
Birth Date: August 22, 1997
Angel Date: February 18, 2002
Spencer's Background
Spencer Blake was the only one of my three sons that I was able to be a "stay-at-home mom" with. Twelve weeks after his birth, I returned to work. A friend of mine and my parents babysat Spencer while I worked. Another friend kept the older two boys (at that time Dillon was 6 and Lane was 4 years old). When he was 9 months old I took a leap of faith and quit my job. It was something I had prayed long and hard about. I had it lined out to babysit a couple of kids so that I would have some income. About a month after I quit my job, I found a company that I could do desktop publishing work for from my home. It was the perfect job. I only babysat a few months and then quit doing that so I could do the desktop publishing work. It was such a joy to see Spencer grow. To be there when he finally started walking, talking and all the other firsts. He grew so quickly though.
Spencer's father and I divorced in October 2000. I was still doing the desktop publishing work so I was still able to stay home with Spencer until he started school.
I married my husband, Bryan, on July 23, 2001. Now Spencer had his two brothers as well as two step-sisters (Ali and Cassidy). Every week he counted down the days until his "tisters" would be at our house for the weekend.
After Spencer started preschool in the fall of 2001, I started back to work full-time with a company which is owned by some long-time friends of mine. It was the perfect job because I was close to my kids' schools and could get there if they needed me. Bryan owns a pawn shop and doesn't open until 10:00. I had to be at work at 7:30, so he took Spencer to school every day. They would have breakfast together and go to the drive-thru at the bank to get change for the pawn shop. The tellers at the bank just loved Spencer. They would always give him suckers (he loved the grape ones). One day he asked them for enough suckers for his whole class. They didn't hesitate---they gave them to him. Needless to say, he didn't take any of them to his class. He kept them all for himself! After preschool his daycare which was just a block away would pick him up and there he would stay until I got off work and picked him up. Mondays were very special days for Bryan and Spencer. Bryan is closed on Mondays and would always pick Spencer up from daycare early. They would spend the rest of the afternoon doing "guy" stuff. Occasionally, Bryan would let Spencer skip school to go to the pawn shop with him for the day. Spencer loved going to work with Bryan. Every two weeks they went to get "army hairtuts" (that's the kind of cut Spencer always asked for).
Spencer was only 4 years old, but we decided to let him take wrestling with the older boys. Bryan was the head coach of the wrestling team and thought it would be good to go ahead and let Spencer wrestle as long as he enjoyed it---even if he lost every single match. That child walked on the mat with a smile and always came off with a smile. He would get out on the mat and shake his opponent's hand and would just growl at them like he was about to tear them up. He only got 2 points the whole season and got pinned in every single match. He didn't care. He was having fun. We are so glad we let him wrestle. It ended up being the only sport he got to do.
Spencer's Last Few Weeks
We had all five of our kids the weekend of February 8. We, of course, didn't know it would be our last day as a family with Spencer. On Sunday, February 10, Bryan told us all to get on comfortable shoes. He wouldn't tell any of us where we were going and he took a camera (not many men think to take a camera!). Well, we ended up at the Tulsa Zoo. It was very cold and windy, but we had a blast that day. We took two rolls of pictures. Spencer's favorite was the "pink butts" (the baboons!).
The boys go to their dad's every other weekend. He would pick the boys up on Fridays after school. They spend the night with my parents (my mom and my step-dad who adopted me) almost every Sunday night and go to church with them in the evening. So, when the boys leave on Friday we really don't see them again until Monday. On Thursday, February 14, 2002, I was tucking Spencer into bed. His dad was picking him up the next day so I knew that was the last time I'd talk to him before he left for the weekend. I told him that I loved him and that I would miss him that weekend. He told me "You can just wook (look) at my picture and it will make you happy. You can put it on your pilwow (pillow) and you won't miss me." The boys went to their dad's for the weekend. Bryan and I drove to Texas to pick up a new motorcycle for Dillon. We returned Sunday evening (February 17) and stopped by my parents' house to give it to him. I sat in the living room floor and played with Spencer. He was just being his normal silly self. I had a toy that I was acting like was going to pinch his fingers and nose off. He just giggled and tried to get away. I kissed him and told him I loved him. I never dreamed that it would be the last time I'd see my precious baby alive.
In January Spencer had his spring school pictures taken. We received them the Thursday before Spencer died. On February 7, Spencer had his wrestling pictures taken. The poor guy taking his picture was getting so frustrated with him. Spencer was always goofing off. As soon as he would get Spencer all centered in his camera, Spencer would move---on purpose! He ended up having to take about four pictures. In early February he had pictures taken at his daycare. Spencer loved to dress up in costumes, so these pictures were right up his alley. He got to dress up in a Army bomber jacket and hat, a Nascar outfit, a cowboy outfit, and a black tuxedo with a purple bow tie. The day that those pictures were taken I picked Spencer up from the daycare. I asked him which pose he did. Not excited at all, he pointed to the bomber jacket. So, I assumed that that was the only pose he did.
The Day of and the Days Following the Accident
The most horrible day of my life was on Monday, February 18, 2002. Bryan went out to my parents' house to ride motorcycles with the boys. They were riding in a field across the street from the house. My dad and Spencer were on the backhoe making a jump for the boys. I was at work and when I got off at noon for lunch I was going to go over there to see Dillon ride his new motorcycle. I worked in the main lobby of my office and the door automatically locks. You have to push a button to release the lock to let someone from the outside in. At 11:45 a.m. I was sitting at my desk and I saw Bryan's face with his hands on the glass door waiting for me to open it. Lane was standing behind him. I was confused about why he was there because I was going to be meeting up with them in 15 minutes. I was giggling and asking what they were doing there. Then, I saw the look on Bryan's face as he motioned me to come to him. I walked around my desk to where he was standing. He put his arms around me and started crying. I immediately asked what it was. My grandfather had had cancer for a while by that time and they had expected him to pass on back in November and here it was February. I was not at all prepared for what he told me. Then, he said that Spencer had been run over by the backhoe. I just remember screaming "No!" and then "tell me I'm dreaming---wake me up!" I was in a state of total disbelief. My office manager, Linda, who is my best friend Nora's mother-in-law, came in first. She thought it had been my grandfather also. So, she took Lane to the side and started talking to him. She asked him where Dillon and Spencer were. She said that Lane just looked up at her and said that Spencer was dead. I remember her screaming for Nora and saying "Nora, it's not grandpa----it's Spencer!" I remember just standing in the middle of the lobby in Bryan's arms crying "not my baby". My real dad works for the same company and Nora's husband, Derek, called him up to the office. All he knew was that there was an accident and that I needed him. He says that he thought I had somehow gotten hurt.
We finally left the office to go to my parents' house. There were already about five cars there when we pulled up. That day is pretty much a blur for me. There were probably over 100 people coming and going by the end of that first two days. People brought so much food. Some of our wrestling moms went to the store and bought just about every single thing that a kid likes to snack on. I didn't think they were ever going to stop bringing stuff into the house! The wrestling club also set up a memorial fund to help with Spencer's expenses.
Nora and Linda came by later that day. I had remembered about the pictures that the daycare had taken of Spencer in the bomber jacket. I asked Nora to see if she could get in touch with the daycare and the people who took the pictures to see if we could at least get a proof of the picture before the funeral. That day we found out that Lil Angels which is the photography company that took his pictures was a franchise with their main processing plant in Tennessee. They take pictures at daycares all over the United States. They were going to have to first find Spencer's daycare, a chore in itself. Then, they would have to find him on that roll if they found it, just going on the description of Spencer from the daycare. A couple of our friends from wrestling, Lisa and Cindy, came by. They told us that they were trying to get Spencer's wrestling pictures. They were in Missouri getting developed and the photographer was tracking them down. I wanted those pictures so badly. I knew the casket couldn't be open, so I wanted to display Spencer's pictures and some of his favorite things at the funeral home and at the church.
I didn't want Dillon and Lane to be torn between staying with me or with their dad that first night. I told them they could stay wherever they wanted, that I would be fine with Bryan if they wanted to go home with their dad. They didn't want to leave him by himself. That night Bryan and I went home pretty late. We just sat in the boys' bedroom and cried. We were looking at all of Dillon and Lane's trophies, realizing that Spencer had never got a chance to win a trophy. There was so much of Spencer all over the house and we just couldn't believe that he would not be coming home. We had to pick out clothes to take to the funeral home the next morning. We picked out a pair of his cute little Levi's and a long-sleeved red, white and navy cotton shirt with a denim collar. Bryan always tied a bandana (hanky) around Spencer's neck so that he would have something to wipe his snotty nose on (besides his shirt!), so he found one to take with us to have tied around his neck. We also took a rope. Spencer loved playing with rope. He'd tie the doors together or tie his brothers and sisters up or have Bryan tie him up. We also took one of his army tanks, a couple of army men, his play shotgun, grape suckers, some bubblegum, and his purple fishing pole. We planned his funeral service for Thursday, February 21. It was a tough week for the kids. Cassidy's birthday was Wednesday, February 20, then Spencer's funeral on Thursday, and Dillon's birthday was on Friday, February 22.
On Wednesday morning, the day before the funeral, Bryan and I had just stopped by our house for a few minutes. We had been running all over getting pictures together and getting copies of pictures made. When we were getting ready to leave, Lisa and Cindy pulled up in front of our house. We were already outside so we met them out in the street. Lisa handed me a big envelope. It was Spencer's wrestling pictures! I pulled them out and Bryan was standing beside me as we looked at them together. The first one we saw was of Bryan with the three boys in their wrestling stances. We just started to cry. The next picture was of Spencer in his stance with a growling look on his face, we kind of dried up and giggled. The last one was of Spencer in his stance with a huge cheesey grin. When we saw that one, we just busted out laughing. It was so cute. Lisa said that her daughter, Katie, went to Varsity Trophies in Sapulpa to have a wrestling trophy made for Spencer since he never won one. Katie told them that she didn't want a little trophy, she wanted a great big one. We ended up getting the huge trophy later that day. It said, "Spencer Youngblood * Sapulpa Elementary Wrestling * 2001-2002 * #1 in Our Hearts * Forever Remembered". Katie wanted it to go with Spencer so we took it and Bryan's wrestling jacket to the funeral home to be placed with Spencer.
On Wednesday afternoon we went back to my parents' house. Nora and Linda were there. Nora had a Fed-Ex package for me. It was the army bomber pictures I had been hoping and waiting for. I opened the box and to my complete surprise, it was the tuxedo with the purple bow tie. I could not believe it. I just balled. I was expecting the bomber picture and this is what I got. It was like one last surprise for me from Spencer. They had sent me two nice matt finished 8x10's.
Late Wednesday afternoon, Spencer was ready for us to see at the funeral home. My dad urged me not to see him and to remember him the way he was. I just couldn't. I had to see my baby one last time. I had to touch him and kiss him. I am so glad I did. I would have been filled with a world of regret now had I not seen him. There were so many flowers. The kids were counting them and at the funeral home alone there were over 100. This didn't count the ones that had come to our house and Spencer's grandparents' houses.
The casket was closed for regular visitation and for the funeral, so we took a bunch of Spencer's pictures and framed them and displayed them all over the funeral home and then again at the church for the service on Thursday. We also took Spencer's outfit he wore home from the hospital, his first halloween costume, his wrestling singlet and shoes, his cowboy costume and cowboy boots and hat.
I had scanned a bunch of pictures that I wanted to put together in a slide show for the funeral service. It was about 10:30 Wednesday night and I still hadn't even pulled them into PowerPoint and the funeral was the next morning. Luckily, my friend and Dillon's 1st grade teacher, Tammy Mooney, was visiting and asked if she could help in any way. I hesitated and said I'd do it after everyone left. Finally, Bryan asked why I didn't just take her up on it and let her help. He knew how exhausted I was. So, I showed her how to pull all of the pictures in. It was more of a help than I would have ever imagined. All I had to do when she was done was put them in the order I wanted them which was super easy. Then, my mom wrote the presentation to a CD and we were set.
Thursday morning we went to my mom's to wait for the limo to drive us to the church. We pulled up to the church and there were cars parked in the grass and up and down the street. I couldn't believe it. There were more cars than on an anniversary Sunday or even Easter! When I walked through the door into the sanctuary, I just started crying. There were even more flowers than had been at the funeral home.
The service went beautifully. As people were being seated, "Awesome God" was played on the piano by Robin Fox. Spencer always liked to sing along when that song came on the radio. The slide show was so wonderful. We played a CD with a song on it that Spencer used to sing. It's called "My Name Is Joe"--about a guy named Joe who works in a button factory. Miss Robin, Spencer's teacher, let us borrow it. Brother David did an excellent job. His words were so touching to everyone there. My friend from church, Gina Kring, sang "I Love You Written in Red". It was just a song that hit me suddenly when I was thinking of music for the service. She had sang it on a church CD and I always liked listening to it. She's usually quite the "ball bag" (that's what she calls herself), but she sang the whole song without a single crack in her voice. At closing, everyone sang "Jesus Loves Me", another one of Spencer's favorites.
The funeral home told Bryan that they had seen that many people at a funeral, but they had never seen that many flowers. Our house was full of arrangements. Two days after the funeral, we decided to take some of the floral arrangements to a nursing home so that people who don't get very many visitors could enjoy them. We also dried a lot of the flowers and will make arrangements with them.
As We Continue On Without Our Little Guy
It seems as though the color purple is showing up everywhere. It all started with the purple tuxedo picture. Then, as I started going through Spencer's things and thinking about him, his favorite color must have been purple. He never said that, it just all clicked together. When he asked for a sucker at the bank, he always wanted purple. His first Tella-Tubby was purple (yes, it was Tinky Winky with the red handbag!). His fishing pole that he picked out for his dad to buy him was purple. When we were in Texas for Spring Break, Bryan took the kids motorcycle riding with his brother Jeff. On their way home they passed by a field with a purple backhoe sitting there. There can't be another purple backhoe in the world I bet. Bryan told me that if he would have had a camera, he would have taken a picture because it was so unbelievable.
On March 26, my 30th birthday, the Sapulpa Baseball Association dedicated "Spencer's Place", a play area for children at the baseball fields, in Spencer's memory. Spencer's whole little T-ball team, the Paragon Pirates, that he was supposed to play for showed up for the dedication in their uniforms. All the players had a baseball on their right sleeve with the number "15" inside it. That was Spencer's number. Coach Johnny Bilby presented me with Spencer's uniform which was displayed in a shadow box built by his father-in-law, Bill Warden. It was so thoughtful of everyone who took part and they will never know what that means to us.
It's been five months now and we still think about him and talk about him all the time. I visit his resting place at the mausoleum at least one time every single week. We had a marble bench made with his name, a cowboy hat and rope, and a firetruck engraved on it. Some days it still feels like he'll come walking through the door and we have to make ourselves come to grips that he won't be. I'm just blessed to know that Spencer touched so many lives in his short time here on earth.
Exactly six weeks after Spencer's accident, Bryan and I found out that we're expecting our first child together. It was ironic that we found out on a Monday because Mondays have been so hard for us since the accident. It's almost another sign, telling us things will never be the same, but they won't always be bad either. We can no longer associate Mondays as days of tragedy. Good things can happen on Mondays too. Spencer wanted a baby brother, so I'm sure he has probably destined me for another boy. Another purple thing--I was looking through a clearance rack at Babies R Us and much to my surprise and the only one in there was a little stuffed purple dog with angel wings. I, of course, had to buy it for the baby as a gift from Spencer.
In closing I'll just say that my dad has a tough time sometimes because he prayed with Spencer and the other two boys that morning before they went outside for the day. He prayed for protection for all of them. He sometimes finds himself wondering if his faith was not strong enough. Why that would happen after he asked for protection. We won't know the answer to those questions until we can ask God face-to-face, but my mom had a thought that makes good sense. Spencer dying that day could have been God's "ultimate protection" from something much worse that could have happened to Spencer in his lifetime, whether that be a long-term illness, kidnapping, or any number of things.
I hope you've enjoyed reading about Spencer. Check back, as I will be adding more as I have time.
Julie McAlister - Spencer's Mommy
