Dialogue Parodies

             Harry Potter Pizza Rules

                Wood: Pizza is easy enough to understand. Each one has four assemblers: one cruster, one saucer, one cheeser, and
                the topper, that’s you. There are three kinds of pizzas. This one’s called the supreme. Now the cruster kneads the dough
                and puts it on one of those three pans. The saucer, that’s me, puts the sauce on. With me so far?

                Harry: I think so. What is that?

                Wood: You better take this. [hands him a knife, then releases something gooey into the air.] Careful now, it’s coming back.

                [Harry hits it with the knife. It flies up in the air. When it comes back down, it lands neatly on top of the sauce.]

                Wood: Not bad, Potter. You’d make a fair cheeser.

                Harry: What WAS that?

                Wood: Mozzarella. Nasty little bugger. But you are a topper. The only thing I want you to worry about are these, the
                toppings.

                Harry: I like these toppings.

                Wood: Ah, you like ‘em now. Just wait. They’re wicked stubborn and darn-near impossible to spread evenly.

                Harry: What do I do with them?

                Wood: You spread them, before the pizza goes in the oven. You spread these, the pizza is done. You spread these,
                Potter, and it’s time to eat.

                [Later]

                Wood: Scared, Harry?

                Harry: A little.

                Wood: That’s alright. I felt the same way before making my first pizza.

                Harry: What happened?

                Wood: I, uh, don’t really remember. I got covered in mozzarella two minutes in, woke up in a hospital a week later.