Dialogue Parodies

              Frodo Ripping Pants - by Megan

              Boromir: None of us should wander alone. You, least of all. So much depends on you...Frodo?

                 (Frodo looks away.)

                 Boromir: I know why you seek pants. You rip them. I see it day by day. Are you sure they do not rip needlessly?

                 (Frodo looks scared.)

                 Boromir: There are other brands, Frodo. Other pants that we might buy.

                 Frodo: I know what you would say and it would seem like wisdom but for the patches on my pants.

                 Boromir: Patches? Where? We all need patches, Frodo. But to let those rippings destroy what pants we have...don't
                 you see that is madness!

                 Frodo: There are no other pants.

                 Boromir: I ask only for some strength in the material!

                 (throws down a pile of ripped pants)

                 Boromir: If you would but lend me some pants…

                 Frodo: No.

                 Boromir: Why do you recoil? I won't rip them.

                 Frodo: They are not my pants!

                 Boromir: Whose pants do you think you have? They are too tight on you! You will rip those pants! And you will beg
                 for skirts before the end!

                 (Frodo turns away from Boromir and at that instant, the pants he was wearing ripped)

                 Boromir: You fool! They were not yours, save by unhappy chance!

                 (jumps on top of Frodo)

                 Boromir: They should've been mine!

                 (Boromir recognizes the fabric of Frodo's pants)

                 Boromir: They were mine! Give them to me! Give them to me!

                 Frodo: No!

                (Frodo puts on a ring, disappears, and pushes Boromir off of him)

                Boromir: I see your mind. You will take my pants to the tailor! Without my consent! You'll take my pants and the pants
                of us all! Curse you! Curse you and all the halflings!

               (Frodo trips him)

                Boromir: Frodo? Frodo. What have I done? Please give me back my pants, Frodo. Frodo, I'm sorry!