Directionless
by Grace
Heat contents. Pour over steaming spaghetti or your favorite pasta.
Those are the directions found on the back of a jar of pasta sauce. Now, you would think that part would be kind of obvious. I mean, that's generally what one thinks when buying a jar of pasta sauce, "Gee, I'll bet if I heated these contents and poured them over steaming spaghetti or my favorite pasta, it would taste good!"
So they must be idiot directions. Directions aimed at someone who wouldn't know how to open the lid, much less know what to do with the contents afterward. Right? Right.
Wrong.
What I want to know is how to heat the contents. Do they recommend cooking at a low, medium, or high heat? And for how long? Let's consult the directions.
Heat contents. Pour over steaming spaghetti or your favorite pasta.
...
Okaaay. Did you see any specifics on that "Heat contents." part? Me either.
Personally, I don't much like tomato-based sauce. So that means I don't heat tomato-based sauce very often. So these directions are pretty worthless to me. I know to heat the contents of the jar, because I checked the directions so I would know how to do that. And I know to pour it over steaming spaghetti or my favorite pasta, because that's the reason why I'm heating it in the first place.
Who came up with these directions? Were they trying to save space? They could have replaced the "Pour over steaming spaghetti or your favorite pasta." with a recommended temperature and time, couldn't they?
Apparantly not.
In an age when any idiot can sue because of their own idiocy (i.e. the woman who sued McDonalds because their coffee cups weren't labelled that the contents were hot and she spilled the hot contents on herself), it's quite a surprise when something like this slips through the cracks.
Therefore, I propose these new idiotproof directions:
Open jar. Pour contents of jar in pan. Heat pan (with contents in it) on stovetop at medium heat for five minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove pan (with contents in it) from heat. Turn off heat. Pour contents over steaming spaghetti or your favorite pasta.
If anyone can see any problems with these directions, please email me at [email protected] immediately and inform me of it. Thank you, and good luck with those contents!
Home Sweet Home!