IDES OF APRIL
Maria, for the seventh
time in as many minutes, removed Kyle's hand from her
leg. The two of them were sitting side by side in the Roswell Public
Library doing their science homework. Well, Maria was, but Kyle's Russian
hands and Roman fingers had other ideas for how their time could be better
spent.
She turned towards him, noting the pout that had appeared on his face, and
said, "Kyle, we HAVE to get this done. As much as I'd like to....you
know..." she said while gesturing from herself to him, "I'd also like
to
graduate from high school."
Kyle leaned back in his chair, and sighed. "So, what you're saying
is, we
actually came here to get our project done?"
"What else did you think I invited you to the library for? I mean
what else
would you and I......" she trailed off as he smiled invitingly at
her. When
the realization of what he was implying hit her, she turned fire-engine red.
"Kyle," she said in a whisper that would have made librarians all
across the
nation proud, "this is a place for quiet, not…"
"That's half the challenge," he interrupted her, as he leaned closer,
"trying not to make any noise. We both know how difficult that is
for you."
Maria face became even more red. She looked up and locked eyes with Kyle.
She started leaning towards him, but before their lips could connect, and
angry Liz stalked up to them, threw her books on their desk and sat down.
Her anger had made her oblivious to the closeness of her two friends.
"Rage therapy not working out for you, Parker," Kyle asked, annoyed
that Liz
had interrupted something that was definitely going his way.
"I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I'm going to
kill that
leopard halter top-wearing bitch!"
"As well you should, your most beautifullness," came a muffled reply
from
around Liz's feet.
Maria and Kyle quickly looked at one another to make sure the other had
heard the familiar voice and it's location.
Liz, upon realizing their confusion explained. "Oh, that's just
Max. In
addition to stealing the Hope Diamond for me, mindwarping all of my teachers
into giving me As because he's made me miss so much school, buying me a car
and taking all of my shifts at the Crashdown, I've decided that he should
crawl on his belly like the snake he is and follow me around. He'll be
licking my boots later today at the football game if you two want to come
and watch."
"And I'll enjoy every minute of it, my love. You have the best ideas
about
everything. I bow down to your superiority of me," was Max's reply
to Liz's
speech.
"Cool," Maria said, smiling. She peeked under the table and saw
Max, lying
by Liz's feet, looking up at her adoringly. "Can I borrow him,
tomorrow?
I'm supposed to clean out the attic for Mom and Jim. It'll take me hours,
but if I have a little help..."
"No problem," Liz said, with a wave of her hand. "In fact,
Max can do it
himself, I'm sure you have something better to do."
With that statement, Kyle's hand, again, mysteriously disappeared.
"So, how's it coming with you two?" Liz asked.
"What? What? We're doing our Remedial science homework! What?"
Maria
practically yelled.
"Yeah," Liz said, confused by Maria's outburst, "that's what I
was talking
about. Have you two gotten very far?"
Kyle spoke up for the sputtering Maria. "Oh yeah, VERY far.
Maria's quite
adept with the research stuff. She spends hours on it."
"KYLE!" Maria yelled.
"Guys," Liz said. "Keep it down, this is a library. You're
going to get us
thrown out."
"I would defend you, my lady, if anyone tried to harm you," Max said.
"That's nice," Liz said absentmindedly as she patted him on the head.
"Actually, I think it's pretty hard to get thrown out of here," Maria
said.
"See those two," she pointed to a girl and guy who were sitting at a
table
filled with numerous papers, an abacus, calculator and many empty bottles of
tequila. "Well, they’ve been here for hours. They do a few
shots and then get
back to their papers. Every few minutes, they scream something about 'the
man', a 'tax-free commune' and the guy keeps yelling about how he has to get
home so he can relieve the guy who lives in his fridge. Then, every now
and
again they scream April 15th really loud. So far, no one has shushed
them,
so I think we may be out of danger."
"Well," Kyle said, while looking at the form that had just entered
the
library, "I think you should rethink your position on that one."
Both Maria and Liz turned their heads towards the door while Max flipped
over and craned his neck upwards. The three of them groaned in unison
when
they saw who had entered the library.
"Like she even knows how to read," Liz muttered under her breath.
Tess waltzed into the library, wearing her usual assortment of Skankgear.
She walked over to the Circulation Desk, saw that no one was manning the
desk and pursed her lips. She was upset, but felt a little better when
she
saw the security camera. Tess loved cameras. She stood in front of
it,
stuck her butt out and looked over her shoulder, posing for whomever was
watching her.
"Please make it stop," Kyle said in a weak voice.
After Tess was done 'working it,' as she was fond of saying, she spotted the
three humans and one podster who were doing their best to hide behind books.
No one seemed to notice that the camera followed Tess's every move.
"GUYS!!!!" she shrieked, as she girlyran over to them. The two
people in
the back, upon seeing her, downed what was left in their bottles. The
girl
muttered, "Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse."
When Tess reached the table, she noticed Max on the floor.
"MAXIE! Did you
fall down? I'll help you up my one reason for living. Have I
mentioned
that I'm your destiny?"
As Tess reached down to help Max up, Liz took Maria's ruler out from under
her binder and whacked Tess across the knuckles. Then, she whacked Max on
the head...just because.
"Owie. Liz that hurt! And, this is the hand that I apply my
makeup with,
Max, what do I do now?" she whined. Her voice picked up in pitch as
well as
volume.
"Tess," Kyle said tersely, "what are you even doing here?
There's no
spandex in here. Or men that will sleep with you. Why would you
ever come
in here?"
"You know when we go to that place and people talk to us and we're
supposed
to raise our hands and stuff," she asked.
"Yes," Liz said, trying to maintain herself and control the homicidal
thoughts that were circling in her brain, "it's called school."
"Oh super! That's EXACTLY the word I was trying to think of.
Well, one of
those adult people told me I had to read one of those things," she said,
pointing at the books that were scattered about the table. " I was
told
that they live here, so I'm here now."
"I'm almost afraid to ask," Kyle said, "but what book do they
want you to
read."
Tess's face lost all statement and she closed her eyes tightly. She
stayed
motionless for a minute. "Um...I forgot. But, I know that it
has "The" in
the title. Do you guys know which one I'm talking about?"
Kyle began hitting his head against the table. Maria quickly pulled him
upright. "Don't do that to yourself, do it to her," she said,
pointing at
Tess, who had scurried away.
"HEY GUYS," she screamed, "THEY HAVE ADULT VIDEOS HERE! ISN'T
THAT NEATO,
MAYBE THEY HAVE THE ONE THAT I'M IN!"
At the last screech, a man in a tweed suit, wearing glasses and a pinky
ring, came crashing out of the 'Employees Only' section. He spoke with a
crisp British accent. Though the words that came out of his mouth were in
quite a different language.
As he chanting picked up in speed, Tess began to smoke. She tried putting
it out by whacking at herself, but it didn't work.
The British man finished his chant with, "Beast be gone!" and Tess
went
poof.
As he turned to the six pairs of eyes that had witnessed that he said,
"Um,
ever so sorry for the inconvenience. Library police.... the girl, she was
not
obeying the posted signs," he stammered as he pointed to the 'Quiet
Please'
sign.
"Uh huh," Maria said, with a smile on her face.
The librarian had a guilty look on his face. He quickly walked to the
table
in the back with all of the liquor. He picked up a shot glass and was
about
to down it when the girl at the table spoke up. "Hey, you have to
drink to
something! To April 15th!" she yelled.
"It's April 18th," the British man said.
"Bloody hell," the girl muttered, while her companion yelled "To
Tax
Evasion!"
The librarian walked back to the first table. As he opened his mouth to
speak, Liz said, "Don't worry. We knew she was evil. She
didn't fool us.
We didn't see anything. If you ever need any help, just let us
know."
The librarian smiled and went back through the door from whence he came.
Kyle spotted something on the floor. "Hey," he called after the
man, "you
forgot your..." he said while looking at the object he was holding.
"Stake," Maria and Liz finished.
The end