HELL ON WHEELS
"How did this happen to me? How did I get suckered into this? Why did I have to call Tails?" These were the thoughts that circled around Kyle's brain as he held onto the dashboard for dear life. He and Maria has organized this little road trip for the humans and he had been nice enough to allow her to invite along Max, Michael and Isabel, but he had not bargained on Tess finding out and inviting herself along. He also had not bargained on being the one that had to ride with her. He looked up ahead on the road at the Jetta and the Jeep and felt envy creep up on him again. When Tess has showed up in the parking lot of the Crashdown, there had been a mad scramble to figure out whom would be forced to ride with her. When Alex suggested that she could just follow the rest of them by herself, she began to whine about how she need a copilot. Through a series of games of odds/even, rock, paper, scissor and heads or tails, Kyle had found himself in the unenviable position of riding shotgun in Tess's "Death U V" as Maria called it. "Come on," he said to her when she wished him luck on seeing him again in California, "she's not going to use her mumbo jumbo powers on me when she's driving." "That's not what I'm talking about Kyle," Maria answered as she threw Max's stuff in her trunk. "I hear that Tess is a very, how shall I say this, creative driver. If you have any religious paraphernalia in your bag, I would suggest taking it out right now." Kyle thought that Maria had been yanking his crank as usual. They were about three miles out of town when Kyle saw that Maria hadn't been yanking on anything of his. As the Jetta carrying Maria, Max and Liz followed the Isabel-piloted Jeep, with Tess and Kyle in the back of the caravan, Tess turned to Kyle and said, "Hold the wheel for a sec, would you, I dropped my gum." Tess then proceeded to take her hands off of the wheel and look on the floor for her gum. She did not let up on the gas, however, wanting to keep up with the rest of the kids. Kyle quickly leaned over to the driver's side and tried to steady the car. "Got it," she proclaimed as she popped it back into her mouth. When she saw Kyle looking at her she said, "Calm down, I DID clean it off first, jeez." From there it only went downhill. Kyle attempted to tune her out. However, when he heard her singing a little song, he was brought swiftly back into reality. "What were you just singing?" He asked Tess. "It's just a little song I sing when my mind wanders to help me remember some driving stuff, that's all," Tess said defensively. Upon seeing Kyle looking very frightened Tess said, "OK, I'll stop if it bugs you that much." However, only a few minutes later, she started up again singing, "Gas on the right, brake on the left, gas on the right, brake on the left." While that is her worst driving trick, Kyle notices numerous other idiosyncrasies that give him alarm. Tess does not use her rearview mirror, she does not signal when changing lanes, she drives about an inch from Maria's bumper, and apparently, she does not know that red means stop. As they near the halfway point, Tess says, "I'm starving to death, I want to stop." "OK," Kyle says, relieved. He will pay someone to switch with him at their pit stop. He just went to the ATM, and if that is not enough for someone, he did bring his checkbook. "I'll just call Isabel on her cell and tell her to pull in at the next rest stop." He begins digging thorough his bag to find his cell phone. "You don't need to do that, I'll just pass both of them and take the lead. They both drive like old ladies," she says. Kyle is able to say, "Tess, I don't' think that going 70 is driving like an old lady. Nor do I think it's advisable to pass..." before Tess floors the car. She speeds up to 90 and comes within inches of Maria's and Isabel's car. They, in fact, have to swerve onto the shoulder to avoid a collision. From behind them, Kyle hears angry horns and both Maria's and Isabel's colorful use of the English language. "Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Tess asks Kyle. She then notices that he is now in the back seat, lying on the floor. She hears his muffled voice ask, "Are we there yet?" Tess entered the convenience store and sees Jennifer Love Hewitt on the cover of a magazine, she quickly tucks the magazine under her arm. She is J.L.H's BIGGEST fan. Kyle is hiding by the beverages when he hears the rest of the groups coming in. He runs over to them and falls upon his knees, "Please for the love of whatever god you believe in, let me ride with you. I'll do ANYTHING." "Come on, Valenti," Michael says jokingly, "I thought you liked living dangerously." "There's living dangerously then there's driving with Tess. She sings a song to remember which is the brake and which is the gas, she doesn't signal, she doesn't use her rearview mirrors, she passed you guys because she said you drove like old ladies. I believe in reincarnation, I just don't want to experience it just yet." "She said what about my driving," Isabel says as she begins to go and find Tess. "Isabel, wait, come on, it's not worth it," Maria says, stopping Isabel. Liz walks over to Maria, takes her by the shoulders, looks at her and asks, "Where is Maria and what have you done with her?" "No, I mean it," Maria says as she shrugs away from Liz. "Isabel, you shouldn't......there are too many witnesses." "Ok, Kyle," Liz says, you can ride with us. "Thank you," Kyle says. He grabs Liz and hugs her. "I love you," he then grabs both Maria and Max and brings them into the bear hug, "And I love you, and you." Isabel, Michael and Alex quickly sidestep Kyle's other flailing arm. "Kyle," Max says while squished against Maria's back. "If you don't let us go now, we're gonna have to revoke the invitation." Kyle, thinking about what he is doing, quickly releases everyone, nods to himself and goes to retrieve his belongings from Tess's car. The group breaks up, each picking up the items they will need for the rest of their trip. As Tess is walking back to her car, she sings her little song to help her remember the pedals. Isabel follows her and says, jokingly, "Tess, you're singing the song wrong." She begins laughing and looks at Tess. Tess, confused, "Yeah, I know, I was just kidding." Tess then begins to sing, "Gas is on the left, brake is on the right," as soon as Isabel is out of earshot. As she jumps back into her huge car, she sees the Jetta go by, and that Kyle is in it. She opens her mouth but is too enraged to speak. She follows the Jetta for a few miles and then decides to take the lead. She passes the other two cars again. She feels better in the lead. Her mind begins to wander. Up ahead, she sees a stoplight at which she must turn either right or left, for if one were to go straight, they would crash into a wall of rocks. She reminds herself to pay attention to the road, but is still thinking of all the ways she is going to make Kyle sorry when they get to California. As the light approaches, she sings her song to remember, "Gas is left, brake is RIGHT," she says as she slams on the right pedal. The car takes off, right into the rocks. The car promptly explodes. The rest of the kids rush out of their cars. "I guess her song didn't help her," Alex says quietly. Isabel realizes what she did, and makes a little noise. Max looks at her and says, "What?" "Uh, I was just thinking about the power of song." The end