MAX AND MIKE’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE
By Laura
Michael and Max are in Michael’s apartment, drenched in sweat. A heat wave hit Roswell a few days earlier and there is little the two could do besides sit in the air conditioned room. Until, that is, the power goes out.
“Dude,” Max says, “we should go swimming.”
“Righteous plan, dude.”
“Or *skinny dipping*! Let’s go get the princesses.”
“Excellent!” they shout in unison, doing air guitar.
* * * * *
“Princesses!” Max calls out to Maria & Liz as he and Michael walk into the Crashdown.
The girls exchange puzzled glances. “Is he talking to *us*?” Liz asks, wondering why Max looks like he just walked out of that really bad Keanu Reeves movie, then wondering *which* really bad Keanu Reeves movie.
“Dudettes! Are you up for some skinny dipping?”
“Michael Guerin,” Maria begins, "why are you talking …”
Before she can finish, Tess appears and asks, “Did someone say skinny dipping?”
Again, Maria and Liz exchange puzzled looks. “Tess,” Maria begins “your voice just sounded perfectly normal. And completely Australian.”
“Oh… um.. I mean…” Tess stutters out, then repeats the question in a nauseatingly whiney version of what might pass for an American accent.
“Dudette,” Max says to Tess, “tagging along when we go skinny dipping would be totally not cool.”
“Did someone say skinny dipping?” asks Isabel, as she enters the Crashdown with Alex and an unknown boy.
“Alex! Dude! You brought a date for Tess!” Max says.
“Excellent!” Max and Michael exclaim in unison, doing air guitar.
Alex nudges Maria. “Why are they talking…”
“So Al,” Tess interrupts, “who’s your *friend*?”
“Oh, well, I had such a good time as a foreign exchange student that my parents and I decided to host a student for the summer.”
“Ooohhhh…” Tess whined. “A Swedish exchange student.”
“He’s not Swedish, Tess, he’s Polish. His name is Stan. And be polite, he understands English perfectly.”
“Actually, I didn’t understand a word she just said,” says Stan, backing away from Tess.
Just then, Max drives up in his Jeep and tells everyone to get in.
“Hey, Isabel, I thought you said your brother destroyed his Jeep,” Stan says.
Maria rolls her eyes at him. “Yeah, yeah, and we thought Alex was dead. It’s a plothole. You’ll get used to it.”
* * * * *
By the time they arrive at the lake, Tess has decided Stan is her only chance at getting some action in Roswell, since he doesn’t know her.
The boys strip, to much catcalling from Liz, Maria, and Isabel. They then jump into the lake and start urging their girlfriends to join them.
“Dudettes, that is totally not cool.” Michael complains when they refuse to strip.
Isabel turns to Maria and Liz. “Why is he talking….”
Isabel is interrupted by Tess, who was the first to strip and jump in the lake, at the urging of absolutely no one.
“Come on, Stan! I won’t bite.”
She swims after him but cannot catch him. Near the shore, the spots a length of rope from an old tire swing. She fashions it into a lasso and tosses it at Stan.
“Dude! Look out!” Alex yells, wondering why he just said ‘dude.’
Stan turns but is too late to avoid the rope, which quickly tightens around his chest. Tess puts hand over hand on the rope to get closer to her catch. Stan, desperate to get away from her, dives under the water and swims as fast as he can. Tess, refusing to let go of the rope, is dragged under with him. But since she forgot to take a deep breath before going under, she soon runs out of air and inhales several gallons of water. Stan surfaces just in time to see her motionless body float to the surface of the lake. He swims over to her, checks her pulse, and shakes his head.
“Looks like she’s dead”
“Excellent!” Max and Michael exclaim in unison, doing air guitar.
[and thus Tess dies attached to a Pole of some sort]
THE END