My nightmare began!!!!
I went to the door that led to the pool, I had sheets hanging that were blocking my view. I pulled one aside and there my baby was lying face down in the water. It was only a moment but seemed like eternity that I was standing there. I ran to him and I remember screaming for someone to call 911! I carried Christopher into the house and handed his lifeless body to my husband. I remember the expression on Doug's face was like life had left him. He started cpr while I called 911.
First the police officer arrived, taking over cpr, next the paramedics. A helicopter arrived taking Christopher to the hospital.Next the detective arrived not allowing us to go to the hospital. He seemed to think his questions were more important than being with our child. They treated us as if we threw him into the pool ourselves! I cannot remember a time in my life when I felt so helpless.
When we did arrive at the hospital, the doctors told us Christopher would not live 24 hours. They said that he suffered a severe brain injury and it was in his best interest to stop life support. They said he would never have a "quality of life worth living". This was out of the question! This was our child we were not going to give up hope! The next morning what we thought was a miracle happened. Christopher was awake and though he did not seem to see, he knew us and he cried and fought the respirator for us to hold him. I could not bare to see him so upset so I asked the nurse to give him something to help him sleep. This would be the last time I would see Christopher again. Christopher fell into a coma and would not awake again for 2 weeks. When he did awake he awoke with a fury! He stiffened his arms and legs and extended his head and neck with all his strength. This is called posturing. It is caused by the pressure placed on the brain stem due to swelling. Christopher did not recognize anyone or anything. I think this was the hardest thing for us to live with. All I could do was think about how I had ruined my perfect son.
When he was finally stable enough to be released from the hospital, the doctors told us they wanted to admit him to a nursing home for children. I could not believe that they were even suggesting this I would never give up my child! We took him home, against the advisement of the doctors.
For the next 2 1/2 years I totally dedicated my time to Christopher. I tried everything I could find to try to make his life better and more comfortable. This was something out of my hands. His life consisted of constant pneumonias, painful surgeries to correct his body from the effects of the posturing and many long stays in the hospital. He suffered every day struggling just to breathe.
On may 21, 1998 Christophers lung collapsed, this seemed to be the final calling for me. It was then, that I realized that Christopher was truly suffering and that I was keeping him alive for my own selfish reasons. I just wanted him alive! We finally decided to make the painful decision that if Christopher ever stopped breathing or took a turn for the worse, we would not intervene. This was the hardest decision anyone will ever face.
On July 15, 1998 Christopher was diagnosed with a severe pneumonia which his doctor did not believe could be treated this time. We took him home so we could keep him comfortable. I did not want him to be in the hospital when he died. Christopher died on July 21, 1998. Two months to the day that his lungs had collapsed. I believe that Christopher hung on until I could accept his death. The day of his passing was spent holding and loving our christopher. I know that many parents that lose a child do not have the chance to say good bye and for this we were truly blessed. We will never forget our angel, his memory will forever live on in our hearts and all those that love him until we can be together again for eternity.
