My Name Is Might-Have-Been
Pick a fashion magazine. Any fashion magazine. Look at it... don't show me.. now place it face down on the table. Now, with my unearthly powers of deduction, I shall magically reveal that there will be at least 13.5 million mentions of the following: Sarah Jessica Parker, Lady Victoria Hervey, Chloe Sevigny, Nicole/Natalie Appleton and Kylie Minogue. Was I right? I thank you. :)
Isn't anyone else bored? Wouldn't anyone here pay large sums of money and dignity to see these vapid, pointless characters spread their wings and fly far, far away, out of sight and mind? I know I would.
Why are these people icons? Why do otherwise sane individuals spend their time hankering after the clothes, lifestyles and facial features of these people? They're really nothing special.
Examples. Open any magazine, and no doubt there will be at least one obsequious ode to Sarah Jessica Parker's "ubiquitous fashion sense", or Chloe Sevigny's "edgy, cutting-edge style". I take issue. Sarah Jessica Parker's style leaves much to be desired. Chloe Sevigny meanwhile regularly looks like she has blindfolded herself, teetered into her no-doubt expansive walk-in wardrobe and nonchalantly grabbed at the first three items that brushed her fingers. On removing the blindfold, it has become obvious to her that said items fit too well together, so she returns and picks out something far more offensive to the eye. What else could explain her....erm... outfits? And don't even get me started on the monster that is The Hervey Woman.
Moving swiftly onto the dilapidated duo, otherwise known as the Appleton sisters. [If you're a US reader, it's possible that you may not know what I'm talking about. Consider yourself lucky. Unless by now they've inflicted their presence on you too. In which case, let me be the first to say: hehehehehehe. If we have to suffer, so do you.] From the birth of their "showbiz" life, these two harridans have mercilessly inflicted their anti-personalities on Britain - turning up to the pre- and after-show parties to the opening of indeed any envelope that might ever need opening, grinning stupidly at any camera within their vision, and generally being a pair of non-entities. The phrase "pretty vacant" would almost certainly apply if theire visages weren't actually both utterly unremarkable.
And Kylie.... ahh, i've nothing against Kylie really. I just find it puzzling that she is seen as such an icon. She's pretty, she's got a good figure, she's a decent singer, she's good at networking. Doesn't that description apply to most female pop singers? Granted, she's been around a fair while longer than most, and has done well to orchestrate the kind of comeback she has - but does that make her a living legend? No? Tell Elle that.
If people have to project their aspirations and idealism onto other people, could they not do it with people actually worth talking about? People who deserve the attention? You want attitude, sass, and real achievement? Try Shirley Manson - coming from a bleak existence haunted by eating/body image disorders to becoming one of the world's most respected, bold and distinctive singers. There's no smile-sweetly-and-suck-the-producer co-operation with her. You want style? Winona Ryder's beautiful in a haunting, wayward kinda way, and she sure as hell knows how to dress. And have you ever seen Kate Moss looking shite? Yeah ok, everyone seems to need something/someone to worship. But it's time the world stopped idolising artless, idiotic "celebrities" who don't actually DO anything for their money, fame and international regard, and instead promoted the message that you can be beautiful [yeah, YOU, not the botoxed, collagen-stuffed façade that you've been tirelessly funding for years], successful and famous, and get there using your brain rather than just flashing your tits at every opportunity. A little self respect, anyone?