A Few Lawyer Jokes

What do you do when your attorney is up to his neck in sand?
Look for more sand!

What's brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman pinscher.

What happens when a lawyer becomes a godfather?
He maeks you an offer you can't understand.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

Why does New Jersey have so much toxic waste and Washington have so many lawyers?
New Jersey got first choice.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
When you cut the onion, you cry.

What do you call an empty seat on a bus full of lawyers that goes off a cliff?
A wasted opportunity.

What's the difference between a pothole and a lawyer?
You swerve to avoid a pothole.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a sperm?
At 1,000,000 to 1 odds, a sperm has a better chance to be a human being.

What do you call 1,000 lawyers in cement blocks at the bottom of the river?
A good start.

Why do they bury lawyers in 12-foot graves?
Because dep down, lawyers are good.

What does a lawyer use as a contraceptive?
His personality.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire bat?
One is a blood sucking parasite, and the other is a mouselike creature with wings.

What is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
There are some things a hooker won't do for money.

What is a lawyer?
Someone who makes sure he gets what's coming to you.

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