I lay awake at night
Thinking of my pain.
There�s no way it can get better;
I have nothing left to gain.

Suddenly thoughts of death
Are controlling my every move,
And every battle with my mind
I always seem to lose.

I no longer want to be around
The people that I love.
All that I can think about
Is what�s waiting up above.

I cut my arms with razor blades
To dull the pain inside,
But that can only last so long;
I don�t want to be alive.

I manage to keep my composure
When people are around.
They wouldn�t understand me
So I don�t make a sound

I smile when I have to.
I break down when I don�t.
I know I should be strong,
But I also know I won�t.

So I make a plan to take some pills.
It shouldn�t take too long.
I write out notes to all my friends
To read when I am gone.

I ask my mom to understand
that life is just to hard.
My mind can't fight it anymore;
My heart is far too scarred.

I plan it out so perfectly
I even set the date.
I�m pretty sure I�m ready;
I know this is my fate.

Everything�s done neatly
As I take them one by one.
I start to feel a little scared;
I know I�m almost done.

All that I can think about
Is how I�m letting go,
And how much I hate my family
I really hope they know.

My eyes are getting heavy.
My body feels so weak.
Everything Inside is numb. That�s the way it has to be.

I wish my mom were here right now
To slowly watch me die,
But still I wish that I could say,
�I love you and good-bye.�

I give in to the darkness.
I slowly slip slip away.
I hope I go to heaven
Where dark nights turn to day.

I wake up in confusion,
I don�t know where I am.
Is this heaven, or is it hell,
The land of the eternally damned?

There are people all around
Although I can barely see,
I can hear the soothing voices
Of people dear to me.

My friends are here
Comforting one another.
I can hardly make out any words
Until think I hear my mother.

I imagine each tear she cries feels like a knife
Stabbing at my soul.
I let my pain and suffering
Blind me from my goal.

At one point I was determined
To make it through this test,
To lead a life of fulfillment
And to do my very best.