| Aug 2 - Learned
about Steven Pressfield.. I really feel a bit sick
writing about it..
aug 3
Turning pro... = turning cold. cold blooded killers soldiers look at what he says at They're really this negative "force" - that's out there, that's resisting you. "these crazy things go through your head" if you identify with them and say "that's me" then you are in trouble but if you recognize them as just sort of you know, alien visitations, yyou can just let them pass through and keep working |
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| SBS Freedom is freedom from yourself. -Michael Singer |
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| ok - about the
first task. here is what i would like - and it helps me to get a lot of feedback quickly - even a short email saying i did not work on anything today. or i only did x today. this way i know u are thinking of me and havent forgotten. i feel forgotten by most pple and not cared about by almost anyone. well really no one. i am less important than ur grades. that sounds harsh maybe but i believe it is true. if i said for example, would u spend one hour per day helping me for 30 days if i would promise not to kill myself for the next 30 days, i feel sure u would say u cant do that. i dont really blame u. this is the society all around the world the adults have created. i would like u to keep my emails and if i kill myself one day, write about me. i thought p would do that but now i feel doubtful she will. so anyhow, what about 10 minutes per day? is that possible/realistic? let's be very direct and truthful and operate in reality. i learned long ago that grades were more important than lives. this is the reality. degress are more important than lives, feelings, real world experience etc a few days ago a good friend who is a teacher here told me her director was asking who is that american guy? why is he coming to visit you so often in the school? why do u spend so much time talking to him? why do es he talk to so many students? why does he want to help us here? then here come the good questions WHAT DEGREES DOES HE HAVE? WHAT TITLES? haha what a dumb ass - but he is the director. directors are some of the most ignorant people i have met in the world. they lack common sense. they control, not care about people. anyhow..... back to the task i want something fast. i want just one page. i dont want to read a lot. i dont have time. i want u to say very briefly why u think depression is an illness in a teenager. i dont give a shit about adults. it is too late to help them. i dont have time for them anymore at all. u are right on the edge btw. i dont know if it is too late for u. i feel very sad u have spent more time studying for grades than reading my website since u met me. a true story is that when priscilla found my site she stopped doing her homework and spent the time reading my site. she even lied sometimes about her work to her parents and even teachers. she told me once a teacher said Priscilla, u didnt turn in ur work. and priscilla lied and said yes i did. im sure of it. and since priscilla was a good student up to then they didnt push it! i was very surprised to hear that. it is hard for priscilla to lie. so that tells u how much she used to value my work and ideas as far as i know, no one has ever done that before. but i believe my writing is much more valuable than anything u will learn in school for the rest of your life. u already know how to read. and talk. the rest of it u can learn on ur own. so the rest of it will be only to impress pple who are interested in titles and degrees. thats just how it is. so back to the task. let's say 200 words or less on why u believe people who say depression is a mental illness. then 300 words about what you have found from your net research - using short quotes from 5 websites and give me their url's of course. so total of 500-600 words. that is about 1 page in word, according to what i just tried on my own word doc file. hows that sound? questions are ok. and i do want to pay u something. please dont argue or debate about it. because that takes time. i am glad u dont want much so i will decide what to pay u then. but i wont feel good if i dont pay u something. this is real work and very serious to me. if it goes well we can do a lot together and working together will help me stay alive. i dont care much about chinese so lets drop that then. there is enough to do in english and u dont have much time > > Let me know how you feel about my requests. i feel encouraged that u replied.i was afraid i wasnt going to hear from u > > And if I can actually be a life-saver to many people, it will be a dream. I have failed to save a life due to ignorance, and it has haunted me since then. i am sorry u failed before.... > > If Luke ever contacts you again, I hope you would let me know. please dont use the word hope. pple always say "i hope u are doing well" and shit like that. they dont ask me how i actually am. above u could have just said If Luke ever contacts you again, please let me know. It is shorter, more direct, and no "hoping" involved. If u are not sure if i would want to let u know u could say If Luke ever contacts you again, please let me know, ok? then i could just say yeah i will. with hoping there is no feedback. i could have just said nothing and u wouldnt know how i felt about letting u know. and the way u learned to say it sounds like an adult saying "i would hope you won't do that again." it sounds like a guilt trip or intimidation or something to me. i dont like how it sounds. bad memories and associations. children and teens dont talk like that. they pick it up from adults. adults cause me and have caused me tremendous pain. the less adult u are and u sound the better, as far as i am concerned. singapore pple are much too formal anyhow. so try not to talk like them. i hope u chat with some other teens, not from sinagpore. ok write me back as soon as u get this plz just to let me know u got it and tell me how much time u plan to spend on working today. if u have time i will give u more tasks today. s |