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I feel so stupid. Literally. I think I am going to have to stop computer science. It's moving too fast for me. I can't do the tests. I can do things when I have everything I need to know in front of me, but I'm just not smart enough to do it on my own. I really don't want to be a quitter. But I feel like I have to think about transferring. And people tell me I'm not stupid but I feel so stupid when I can't do something as simple as C++. I also feel like I could take it again, at a slower pace. Three times a week. It would move slower so I could understand things and in the meantime I could study my book and try to learn. I just feel so stupid. And I know this kind of thing makes randy not like me. And everyone else but still. I am such a faliure. And I don't think there's anything I can do about it. I just wish I could do something well. And as much as I admire it, I sometimes wish Randy wasn't so smart and compotent. I keep comparing myself to him, and I keep thinking of something he said to me one time in his room. About how he doesn't want to live with someone who doesn't live up to their potential. Or something like that. But I don't know if I have the potential to do CS. It's times like this were I really just feel so literally stupid I can hardly stand myself. I'm not even good at my job that I get paid for. Maybe it's just because I need my medicine or maybe it's because i'm in a bad mood, but I really don't feel like putting all that crap at the bottom of the page right now. And I don't want to give you a thing of the day and I want to know why I cant do anything right. |
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