Chapter Twenty Eight: Arguments and a Wee Bit of Smoochiness
(We find Stevie and Van in a store room somewhere in Isengard. Van is crying and Stevie is trying to calm her down. She�s upset, but more so, she seems angry.)
Stevie: Come on Van, it�s going to be all right.
Van: It isn�t fair though! I was finally happy and all of that, and then this happens!
Stevie: Well, Elves are butt monkeys, now you have official proof.
Van: I don�t want proof! I want this not to have happened!
Stevie: (trying not to lose patience) It has happened, Vanessa. Now, either you how that bum of an Elf that you can deal with it, or let him see you blubbering like a fool. I don�t care either way, though I was under the impression you might.
Van: So you want me to forget about him?
Stevie: Absolutely. We can always find you someone else. Someone nicer than him, who will give you everything you deserve.
Van: (smirks) Oh, like you and Aragorn?
Stevie: When we aren�t trying to kill each other, yes. You want that, don�t you?
Van: (hesitates) I do�..but not right away.
Stevie: So fine, I�ll help you shop around for guys. There are a lot of nice and excruciatingly hot Rohirrim around here. Well, maybe four, but there are more at Dunharrow. We�re going there next.
Van: Great! (seems better) Let�s get ready to go, then.
(Meanwhile, outside, Aragorn has obviously summoned the infamous Sprite duo, Dawdle and Spry, who are there talking to him. He seems to be telling at them.)
Aragorn: Do you have any idea how upset I am with you two? You aided Stevie in doing something so�..wrong!
Dawdle: Well, we could�ve left him out on the plains so he could probably get himself killed.
Spry: We didn�t think that would be nice.
Aragorn: No, but nevertheless, I am still disappointed with you. I want you to bring Haldir back here this instant.
Spry: Are you sure? He seemed kind of�..crazy the last time we checked on him.
Aragorn: Well, waiting will only make him more insane! Hurry up now.
(With a blinding flash, we discover that Dawdle and Spry have brought Haldir back with them from the Voids of Space and Time. Haldir looks kind of grungy and confused. Hey, what do you expect? He�s been locked in the Voids of Space and Time for a long while.)
Haldir: Aragorn? Thank the Valar you�re here! Stevie�s�
Aragorn: I know, Haldir. Stevie is back where she belongs, under supervision. I do want to tell you how truly sorry I am for what she did.
Haldir: I know, I know. I forgive her, but who the heck are these two freaks?
Spry: I am not a freak. I am a sprite. My name is Spry.
Dawdle: I am her brother Dawdle. Nice to meet ya.
Haldir: I don�t like you two. You locked me up in that�..place!
Spry: Yeah, sorry about that.
(Haldir just groans and blows the two off, then turns to talk to Aragorn again. Aragorn shoos the Sprites off to go wreak havoc somewhere else.)
Haldir: Where is Stevie?
Aragorn: (frowns) With Van.
Haldir: Is there something wrong with that?
Aragorn: Only that Van is upset because Legolas dumped her.
Haldir: (surprised) He did what?
Aragorn: (crosses his arms over his chest) You heard me.
Haldir: Poor girl. I�ve never even met her before, though I feel bad about that. Stupid Mirkwood Elves.
Aragorn: Definitely.
Haldir: So, what kind of an argument did you get into?
Aragorn: A slightly interesting one. Not too bad though�..I calmed down before I killed her.
Haldir: That�s always good. So what are you going to do with her next?
Aragorn: (grins) I have a grand scheme, my friend.
(Back at the Gladden River, Harper and Boromir are just hanging out. Actually, they�re sitting on a wooden bench just out front of the house, talking.)
Harper: Barf! Green is so totally not the coolest color.
Boromir: I didn�t say it was. I just said it was nice.
Harper: But it isn�t nice. It�s green. Blech.
Boromir: Well, if you don�t like green, you�ll never get along with my little brother.
Harper: Faramir likes green? Well, he is a ranger, after all. Gotta blend in with the surroundings and all that jazz.
Boromir: Not only that, but most things in nature are green, and he loves nature. It�s all one giant green thing.
Harper: Well, I still say blue is the greatest color ever.
Boromir: Is it? How come?
Harper: Because all the great things in the world are blue. The sky, the river looks blue, and of course, my ski goggles and bandanna are blue.
Boromir: Oh yes, of course. Naturally, your eyes, which just happen to be blue, have nothing to do with this?
Harper: No way. Besides, blue eyes are overrated. Everyone has them, you know. Well except for you. Yours are gray.
Boromir: They are. Most people from Gondor have gray eyes. It�s a thing. (chuckles) Makes us all look dull and creepy, right?
Harper: (shakes head) No, it doesn�t! I think they�re fitting.
Boromir: How so?
Harper: Well, they make you all look, mainly you, look all groovy and noble and stuff, which you are. Sometimes, anyway.
Boromir: I was going to thank you for that up until the sometimes. When am I not �groovy and noble and stuff�?
Harper: When you bother me, do stupid stuff, and when you snore.
Boromir: I do not snore.
Harper: Oh, what do you know? You�re asleep when you do it, silly.
Boromir: Well, you�re supposed to be asleep to.
Harper: Aye, and I would be, were it not for the fact that you�re loud enough to wake the dead let alone me.
Boromir: Well than, I apologize.
Harper: Apology accepted. (randomly goes back to their prior subject) So, if green isn�t you�re favorite color, what is?
Boromir: (thinks for a moment) I�d have to say blue as well.
Harper: Copycat. Why?
Boromir: (smirks) Because the only two women in my life who I have ever loved have had blue eyes.
Harper: Really?
Boromir: Yes really. The first is you, obviously. The second was my mother.
Harper: Neato.
(They both turn quiet for a moment, probably over the mention of Boromir�s long-deceased mother. Harper rests a head on his shoulder before asking another question.)
Harper: (quietly) Would she have liked me?
Boromir: Who, my mother?
Harper: Yeah. Would she have liked me?
Boromir: (thinks for a moment) I think she would. Now, as you know, she died when I was young, and it wasn�t the sort of thing I talked to my mother about. But, I do recall how she always encouraged me to be different, and to not always do things just because they were expected of me.
Harper: Like?
Boromir: Agreeing to marry one of the court ladies because my father wanted me to.
Harper: So you have me instead?
Boromir: Yes, and I must say, I am happier with you than I ever would have been with one of those turds-for-brains.
Harper: Is that a compliment?
Boromir: Of sorts.
Harper: (laughs) Goodie. Always glad to know I�m better than the poop-heads in corsets.
(We see Aragorn and Stevie alone together in one of the store rooms. They�re having one of those touchy-feely moments. Aragorn is standing there holding Stevie in his arms and she is resting her head on his chest. They are talking quietly.)
Stevie: I never wanted to make you that angry, you know.
Aragorn: Well, you did. It�s all right now, Stevie.
Stevie: So you understand that I did what I did not just to peeve you off?
Aragorn: Yes, I do. I know how much fulfilling your promise to Harper must have meant to you, and for that, I am no longer angry.
Stevie: Oh good, because I am really sorry.
Aragorn: I know you are. I need to ask something of you.
Stevie: My punishment?
Aragorn: If you are going to think of it that way, than yes. I thought this was the lesser of the evils.
Stevie: Tell me what it is.
Aragorn: Promise me you will do it without question�..that you shall not argue with me on this.
Stevie: (looks up at him) I won�t argue with you�..unless I have a really good reason for doing so, and I mean really good.
Aragorn: (chuckles) All right. We will go to Dunharrow, and some last minute arrangements shall be made. After that, you shall help Haldir take Kit, Van, and Merry and Pippin to Lothlorien where they shall be safe.
Stevie: (sighs) I get to miss out on all the action again?
Aragorn: Aye, that is the point. Stevie, after Dunharrow, we ride South, hopefully. There we shall most likely meet our doom, and I would have you as far away from it as possible. Or�..at least in the last hour, when the sky grows dark�..it�ll be possible for the four of you girls to spend your last moments together.
Stevie: (groans) All right, okay, I�ll do it. I don�t want to, you know. And hey! (steps away and whaps him) Don�t get all �End of the World� on me, mister. (looks him in the eyes) You�re the King of Gondor! Sauron can�t take you down, not if you don�t let him!
Aragorn: (groaning over the king thing again) Stevie, you know I don�t think�
Stevie: (cuts him off) No! If you are going to save Middle-earth you have to. They need you.
Aragorn: I worry that I am not fit for it!
Stevie: If you can put up with me you can run Gondor. But it isn�t that is it?
Aragorn: I fear what Boromir will�
Stevie: (cuts him off again) Boromir will not stop you from this, nor will his father or brother. Well, Denethor might. Hey, look, Harper will make Boromir see that he needs to if he already doesn�t see that. And once those two realize that they were meant for each other, of they haven�t already, Harper will be a part of the family. She�ll whip the rest of them back into line. Don�t you worry.
Aragorn: (laughs) Yes, I imagine she would. I think she and Denethor would have quite the clash of wills there.
(Aragorn gives Stevie a nice hug, and much to everyone�s delight�..he kisses her gently on the lips too. Stevie seems a wee bit surprised by this, but hugs him again and smiles.)
Stevie: We definitely need to do that more often.
Aragorn: We need to do that whole thing more often. I mean, you agreed to do what I said, you supported my in my doubts, and I got to kiss you. Today is a really good day.
Stevie: So, you want some food, my Mr. Manly Ranger Dude?
Aragorn: (stomach growls) Yumm. Me like food.
Stevie: Well, I�m always glad to know that the main rule of getting a man�s attention is inter-dimensional.
Aragorn: What�s that?
Stevie: Show up naked and bring food, though before the first part ever happens, you have to save the world and manage to get us married.
Aragorn: Well, at least I have another good thing to look forward to once I smite all evil!
Stevie: Well, I�m always glad to know I�ve boosted your spirits. By the way, I do hope you like bobbing for roast chicken.
