Chapter Twenty Six: Fascinating Reunions and Sloshicity
(We once again find ourselves at Helm�s Deep with our heroes. Apparently, everyone has had enough of this scenic mountain retreat, judging by the fact that everyone is packing up their belongings getting ready to leave.)
Stevie: Where are we going?
Aragorn: I am going to Isengard.
Stevie: You are going to Isengard? What about me?
Aragorn: That�s a surprise.
Stevie: That�s a surprise? What the heck do you mean it�s a surprise?
Aragorn: I mean, that I am not telling you where you are going because the instant I do you shall protest until you turn blue. I don�t feel like dealing with that right now.
Stevie: That isn�t fair though! What happened to all the brownie points I earned by staying in the caves before?
Aragorn: If you do this for me without protest than you shall earn even more brownie points. Now go and get your horse. You will be leaving soon.
Stevie: (pouting) This isn�t fair!
Aragorn: Life is not fair, you know that. Complaining doesn�t make it any better. Now, go, do as I say.
(Stevie trudges off muttering something about Aragorn being a demonic parental unit raised by a coalition of Keebler elves. Anyway, after being gone for a while, she returns with her horse to the spot where she had left Aragorn. He is currently standing there with Haldir talking about something insignificant.)
Stevie: Dammit Aragorn!
Aragorn: (looks at her innocently) What did I do?
Stevie: You�re sending me to Lothlorien with Haldir, aren�t you?
Aragorn: Why, yes, yes I am.
Stevie: (glares at Haldir) I want to go to Isengard.
Haldir: (waves, looking frightened) Hi.
Stevie: (looking more than just a wee bit peeved) I should have let you freaking die, and you (turns back to Aragorn) just made it to the top of my �People I want to Strangle� list.
Haldir: Aragorn, I don�t want to be left alone with her. She�s being scary.
Aragorn: She�s completely harmless. Just stick her on a horse and drag her all the way back to Lothlorien.
Stevie: Drag me? I am not a toy to be pulled around! I cannot believe you!
(Stevie storms off. This leaves Aragorn slightly surprised because of her sudden outburst and Haldir slightly afraid of her.)
Haldir: You fix this. I am not touching this one with a ten foot pole.
Aragorn: Thank you, my dear friend, for your support.
Haldir: Hey, this was your idea, not mine.
Aragorn: I never should have even let her leave Rivendell.
Haldir: Words cannot express how much I agree with that statement.
(Back at the Gladden River it is raining monotonously, thought we cannot help but notice that besides this fact, our dear Harper is sitting on the ground, in this rain making a fortress out of mud. Boromir is nowhere to be found at the moment)
Harper: Something dreadful shall happen soon, I can feel it. (pushes mud up around her fortress and begins making a wall around it) I think I know what it is, too.
(Just as she is talking to herself, Boromir walks out from some large bushes near her and unceremoniously steps on her fortress. He looks at the pile of mud for a moment before even realizing that Harper is sitting next to it.)
Harper: Excuse me, but I do believe you just stepped on my Fortress.
Boromir: Oh, so that explains the pile of mud. I�m sorry, dearest. In my haste to find you and bring you inside before you get yourself sick, I do believe I have destroyed a most wonderful piece of work.
Harper: (sighs and gets up) It doesn�t matter.
(She walks by him and through some bushes until she reaches the riverbank where she proceeds in taking her boots off and wading into the shallow water of the river.)
Boromir: Hannah, what are you doing? You�re going to catch a chill. Put your boots back on and come back inside with me.
Harper: I will in a moment. I have mud all over me, but that is what I get for lolling around in it.
(She then flops back into the cold water of the river, completely submerging her muddy self, and after a few moments she stands back up and comes back up into the riverbank. Her clothes are completely soaked. She grabs her boots and heads back towards the house.)
Boromir: (walks after her) Something is bothering you. You always do strange things when something is bothering you. What is it?
(She doesn�t answer him, but just walks inside the house and into the one back room. Boromir, knowing that she is changing out of her sloshy attire, goes into another room to change into dry clothes as well. Harper is the first to finish and heads into the room with the fireplace and their makeshift bed. After putting another log into the fire, she curls up on the edge of the bed to watch the flames. Boromir comes in and upon seeing her on the bed, goes and lies down behind her.)
Boromir: You still haven�t answered my question.
Harper: (rolls onto her back and turns her head to look at him) Something is going to happen.
Boromir: (covering them both with a blanket) Well, if anything, I hope our dear friend the sun comes out to join us. That would be a good something.
Harper: Not the weather! I almost think it is like the heavens are crying for this thing.
Boromir: Perhaps war? I think it would be too soon for our friends to have gotten an army together to fight Mordor already.
Harper: It is too early for that. I know it has something to do with them, but I don�t know where they would be going that could cause such�..sadness, like what I feel.
Boromir: Well, if they go not to fight Mordor yet, then perchance they go to fight Isengard. They are most likely nearer to there than anywhere else.
(Harper seems to think about this for a moment. Then, it dawns on her that Isengard has already been fought, but now the remainder of the Fellowship and the forces of Rohan should be headed to Isengard to find what is left of it. They would be reunited with Kit and Van there. But, what problems could that cause?)
Harper: It is not the fear of future battle that gives me these feelings.
Boromir: Then, love, what is it? If battle is not what threatens our friends, than what does?
Harper: I can only think of one thing, and that is heartbreak.
Boromir: On of the girls, do you think?
Harper: Yes, I do.
(Harper rolls back on her side to stare at the fire again. Boromir still senses Harper�s distress and gently wraps his arms around her and she curls herself up in his arms.)
Boromir: The only thing you and I can do is hope that nothing happens to them.
Harper: I know. I just have this feeling that it won�t be enough this time.
(Back in the general vicinity of Helm�s Deep, Stevie and Haldir are riding on horses in the opposite direction as everyone else. This obviously shows that Stevie didn�t get what she wanted and is now going with Haldir back to Lothlorien.)
Haldir: This isn�t so bad, now is it? I mean, soon enough we�ll be in Lothlorien and you can take some time to rest. If you can�t then maybe I can take you up to see Harper. That would be better than traveling with everyone else, wouldn�t it? Besides, if you went with them then they�d probably end up sending you back to Edoras with Eowyn, or wherever it is that they are sending her to keep out of trouble. I don�t think you�d want that.
(Stevie doesn�t say anything, nor does she even acknowledge the fact that the Marchwarden is talking to her. They ride in silence for a long while before Haldir notes that it is beginning to get dark so they should make camp. They find a small grove of trees and set up camp there. They start a fire and sit around eating lembas.)
Haldir: Are you still not talking to me? I�m only doing what Aragorn asked of me. It�s for your own safety, you know.
Stevie: (glaring at him) I don�t care! I am tired of him keeping me around when it is convenient for him and then shipping me off when he doesn�t feel like dealing with me!
Haldir: Stevie, come now, you know that is not his intention. I know you are angry but there is no reason to go off and say things like that, especially when you know them to be false.
Stevie: What would you know about these things? When the one you love orders you about like you are a possession that needs to be constantly moved to avoid breaking, then you may tell me how I should feel.
(Stevie gets up and storms off to the other side of grove of trees. Haldir is slightly hurt by her words, but lets it go, knowing how upset she is. After more than an hour he could swear he hears voices. Haldir goes around to the other side of the grove where he knows Stevie was, but she is no where in sight.)
Haldir: (slightly panicked) She�s gone! Dammit, how could I have been so stupid? I have to find her!
(We now see Stevie in a place we once thought long forgotten. We have returned to the familiar Voids of Space and Time, where we see our old friends, Spry and Dawdle. They are sitting in the same bean bag chairs that were there before. They are talking.)
Stevie: So, you see, I need you to take me to Isengard. Kit and Van are still there and I promised Harper I would go and watch out for them when the time came.
Spry: But Aragorn messed up that plan by sending you off with Haldir?
Stevie: Yes.
Dawdle: Oh. So that is why we find you outside a grove of trees in the middle of the plains of Rohan screaming out our names.
Stevie: (smirks) Sorry, you two, but I need to get to Isengard as soon as possible and I knew I would never get away from Haldir, let alone get him to take me.
Spry: (shaking her head) You are a most troublesome child. When I brought you here I really don�t know what I was thinking. You�re wreaking havoc and you�re going to give Haldir a heart attack, not to mention how Aragorn is going to have your hide once Haldir finds him to let him know how you were �taken�.
Stevie: I�m not afraid of Aragorn, and Haldir will be fine. I do feel sort of bad for what I said to him before. That was pretty below-the-belt, but I�ll apologize to him when the time is right.
Dawdle: I don�t like this idea. I don�t like leaving Haldir out on the plains of Rohan to search for you. He could run into trouble.
Stevie: Then do me one favor before taking me to Isengard.
Spry: (quirks an eyebrow) What is that?
Stevie: Send him straight to Lothlorien, please. I don�t want anything to happen to him because of my stupidity.
Spry: (winces) I would�..but there is a problem with that.
Stevie: What problem? Why is there a problem?
Spry: Galadriel sort of yelled at us for dropping you and Harper into Lothlorien. She said if we ever did that again she would feed us to a Balrog.
Stevie: But it�s Haldir for goodness sakes! I�m sure she�ll want him back!
Dawdle: (shakes his head) No can do, kiddo. I wish I could help, but I�m not allowed to do that. She�s creepy anyway.
Stevie: Dang. This is ruining my plans. (talking to herself) What to do with him? What to do with him? What the frick am I gonna do with him?
Dawdle: What if�..what if we sent him to the Gladden River?
Spry: We can�t. We need to keep Boromir and Harper by themselves so the Man of Gondor doesn�t get any funky ideas about running of to get himself killed.
Dawdle: Good point.
Stevie: (smirking) I think I have an idea�..but this could get ugly.
Spry: Nothing is too ugly for the insane. Bring it on.
(We now see something that reminds us of something else nearly long-forgotten. We see the familiar room suspended in the Voids of Space and Time, the same one that Spry had been trapped in. The only difference is the lack of Pokemon episodes playing on the walls and that Haldir is in the room.)
Haldir: (banging on the walls) Where am I? Let me out of here this instant! You won�t get away with this, whoever you are!
(He hits the walls a few more times before he groans in frustration and his just sits down on the floor. He looks really peeved.)
Haldir: I don�t have time for this. I have to find Stevie! If anything happens to her, Aragorn will kill me.
(He sits there in silence for a few minutes before he hears a voice. We know this voice to be Spry�s.)
Spry: Don�t worry, Haldir. Stevie is in the care of friends. We are doing her a favor, actually two, by keeping you out of harm�s way here. Sorry for the inconvenience. This won�t last too long.
Haldir: Friends? Oh no, they�re taking her to Isengard. What kind of friends does this girl have, anyway? Oh, Aragorn is going to kill me!
(Now we find ourselves in Isengard with our two favorite hobbits, two girls, and an Uruk named Shplurgsie. They are lounging around at the gate of Isengard, surrounded by a funky misty-like steam that was caused when the water from the river Isen was released into the fiery caverns of Isengard. The five of them seem genuinely bored.)
Kit: This is so boring. Somebody should�ve been here by now. I mean, the army left a while ago. I know it�s a long trip for everyone to take from Helm�s Deep, but I mean, come on!
Merry: I guess we just have to wait.
Pippin: They say patience is a virtue.
Kit: Well, virtues are obnoxious, right Van?
Van: I wish my Elf were here. Then this wouldn�t be so boring.
(They sit around for a few moments more when Shplurgsie suddenly starts sniffing around. The others look at him strangely. He stops sniffing and stands up.)
Shplurgsie: I smell a human.
Pippin: Is that good? Are we supposed to be smelling humans right now?
Kit: Maybe someone has showed up? I hope so. It�s really getting quite boring here.
(They all start standing around and soon enough they can make out the figure of what is supposedly a human being through the steam. As it gets closer the characteristics become more clear, and soon enough they can tell it is none other than a long lost friend.)
Van: (running over) STEVIE!!
Stevie: (hugs Van) Hey! Dudes Above, how I�ve missed you!
(They all hug and have a mushy-gushy reunion of sorts. There is some explaining required about Shplurgsie, but after Kit tells the story, Stevie seems alright with the whole deal. They chat briefly about all the things that have happened recently, and then Pippin offers to give Stevie a tour of Isengard.)
Pippin: So, this is the main gate, and over there (points) is an Ent. His name is Quickbeam. And there is a bunch more over there too. They�re really nice; just don�t let them step on you. We�ll have to introduce you to Treebeard so he doesn�t try and kill you, thinking you are an orc or anything. He has a habit of trying to do that sometimes.
Stevie: Well, it�s mighty impressive, I must say. I am quite taken with the general sloshicity of this place. Mighty is it with the sloshyness.
Merry: Well, it�s getting better. The Ents broke the dam before and flooded the caverns. The river put out the fires down there and drowned most of the orcs, but that is why we have all the steam.
Kit: Just like home sweet home!
Stevie: (shrugs) Not how I�d think of it, but the slosh adds a nifty affect to it.
Van: Groovy.
Stevie: Cowabunga, dudes. Now, Pippin, you may resume your tour.
Pippin: It would be my pleasure. You know, when all this war business is over, I�m going to start up a business making tours out of this place. What do you think?
Stevie: I wouldn�t get your hopes up. Sloshicity and creepy old guys locked in creepy old towers don�t make for a good vacationing spot, though I think the randomly floating about roast chickens might get a large Hobbit crowd.
