Spry: (Once again with the creepy narrator voice) On the last episode of Dragon Ball Z..�no, wait. Ew, I hate that show. No, when you last joined us here, our four incredibly dense heroines had just discovered their location�..
(The camera pans to what appears to be an incredibly shiny place next to a waterfall.)
Spry: Rivendell! Or, Imladris, home of the Lord Elrond Half- Elven. When last we checked on our girls they were..�running around like squawking idiots�..
(The camera pans to a cliff alongside one of the waterfalls, where the four girls are running, running, running, like constipated wiener dogs..�)
Spry: Hey, wasn�t that from a Weird Al song?
(The Camera suddenly zooms in on the girls until it rests in front of the girl we recognize to be Kit.)
Kit: (Is still running and out of breath) Yes..�! It..�was�..huff..�Albuquerque�..puff..�by the..�cool dude..�choke�..Weird Al�..gag�..himself�
Spry: �Kay. Anyway, so they are running, running, running, like constipated wiener dogs�..
Voice recognizable as Van�s: (Is not fazed by running, and is hyper) Yayyyyy�we�re cute weenie dogs!..
Voice recognizable as Stevie�s: (In exhausted and cranky) We ain�t no friggin weenie dogs! Right, Harper?
Voice recognizable as Harper�s: (Bored, and not really tired) No comment.
Spry: (Nods in agreement) Yes, plead the Fifth, so this ridiculous conversation will end and I can get on with my point! Oh man, what was my point anyway?
Voice recognizable as Van�s: (Perky) That we�re all cute little weenie dogs! Yaaaaayyyy!!!
Spry: (Angry) No! That was not it! That was definitely *not* it! (Calmed slightly) Oh, now I remember. So now we await our heroine�s arrival at the home of the Elves, and cannot help but wonder one thing�..
Voice recognizable as Van�s: (Sounding very blonde) If the Elfsies will think that we look like cute little weenie dogs?
All and Spry: (Shouting) NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Spry: If the ELVES will live through this invasion of teenage girls, and if they will be able to withstand this plague of idiocy!
Voice recognizable as Kit�s: (Impressed) Ohhh, big words�..
Voice recognizable as Van�s: (Pouting) I don�t like big words. I don�t understand them, they make my head hurt, and they aren�t shiney!!!
Random Elf: Excuse me, miss, but I think you might be mistaken. This is Rivendell, not stately Wayne Manor.
Spry: Shush, your ruining things.
Random Elf: (Shrugs and walks off) Odd��
Spry: (Slightly annoyed) As I was saying, here we are in Rivendell, awaiting the arrival of our heroines!
~A half hour later�..~
Spry: Still waiting�..
~Three hours later�..~
Spry: Yep, still here waiting�..
~Fifteen minutes later�..~
Spry: (Is impatient. Is looking at her watch and tapping her foot) Okay, this is ridiculous! Where in the name of all that is good are they!?
(We hear muffled voices that appear to be coming from outside the walls of Rivendell. The camera pans to the doorway cut in between the vine-covered stone wall, and then back to a insanely pissed Spry. The camera continues to pan back and forth, and every time the camera gets back to Spry, she appears to be redder than before.)
Spry: I don�t have time for this!
(Spry begins to walk towards the entrance, the camera taping in front of her. We see her push the camera guy out of the way, and the camera moves. She stomps out the doorway.)
Voice 1: Oww, hey!
(A person is seen flying through the air and lands on the ground inside the doorway.)
Voice 2: Dude�.. Hey, hey, what are you doing? No, no, no, owwww!
(Another person is seen flying through the air and lands in the ground in a similar fashion as the first)
Voices 3 & 4: Hey, hey, let go! Let go, owww! Hey, dude!
(Spry is seen dragging two more people in the entrance by their ears and throwing them to the ground. We finally recognize them as Kit and Stevie. The other two were obviously Van, and then Harper.)
Harper: (Rubbing her wrist) Man, that was cruel.
Spry: Cruel? Cruel? Cruel was making me wait for 3 hours and 15 minutes! That was cruel!
Van: (Pouting again) My butt hurts. You know, that wasn�t very nice.
Stevie: (Rubbing her ear) I really don�t think she cares, Van.
Spry: (In game show host voice) Congratulations, Captain Obvious! You just won yourself�..
(Spry goes up and smacks Stevie upside the head)
Spry: A smack upside your head!
Stevie: Yo, oww, man, that was uncalled for!
Kit: Yeah! Don�t hit Stevie!
Spry: (Looking at Kit) Do you want a prize too?
Kit: Umm..�no�..
Spry: (Crosses arms) Didn�t think so. Now, seeing as you have finally arrived in Rivendell, I am certain that you will want to explore and whatnot, so I leave you to do that on your own. Please, don�t kill anyone, and stuff, �kay?
All: Okiedokie!
(The four girls run off in search of trouble, leaving Spry to herself.)
Spry: Ahh, the silence. How lovely. (Laughs) We�ll see how long that lasts for�..
(We see the four girls sitting on benches talking.)
Kit: Well, what do we do now?
Stevie: Yeah, we already stole shiny things to keep Van preoccupied, chased some elves, and�..
Harper: Wait. If this is Rivendell, then do you think their might be some hobbits?
Van: Yeah, if this is the time of the council, there�ll be lots of them!
Stevie: Yeah, you�re right, as always.
Kit: So, all knowing Harper, where is the council supposed to be?
(Kit, Van, and Stevie stare at Harper.)
Harper: Well, judging by the position of the sun, the lack of Elves, the shiney-ness factor, and my all around smarty-Lord-of-the-Rings-knowledge, I�d say..�right over there!
(Points to a spot that looks like it would lead to the top secret council meeting place.)
Van: Alrighty! Let�s go!
(They all jump up and head over to the spot Harper had previously pointed to. They creep in slowly and duck behind a bush to avoid being seen. There they bump into a little something�..or should we say someone?)
Voice: What the..�owww!
Kit: Huh? What�s this?
Van: Looks strangely Hobbitty!
Harper: Shush! (Whispering) It�s just Sam, now all of you be quiet!
Stevie: Hi Sam! (Waves)
Sam: Well hullo! Umm�..who or what..�are you? And why are you in my bush?
Van: We�re random insane people, and we�re spying on the council too!
Sam: (Upset) I am not spying!
Kit: Are too!
Stevie: Be quiet and listen, you guys!
(All five become silent and watch.)
Boromir: One does not simply walk into Mordor! Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Eye is ever-watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!
Legolas: (Jumps up) Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The Ring must be destroyed!
Gimli: (Standing up as well) And I suppose you think you�re the one to do it?
(At this point, Van and Stevie are laughing hysterically, Kit is staring back and forth between Legolas and Gimli, and Harper is watching the whole thing with great interest.)
Elrond: (Randomly standing) Do you hear that?
Gimli: What?
Elrond: (Walking towards the bushes) I hear a laughing sound.
Van: (Jumps up) Congratulations! You hear us!
Elrond: (Looks kinda freaked) There is evil hiding in my bushes!
Legolas: (Has his bow drawn) Do you want me to shoot it?
Stevie: (Jumps up) You�ll hafta shoot me too!
Elrond: How the�..
Sam: (Jumps out of bushes frantically, and runs over to Frodo�s chair) I�m sorry, Mr. Frodo, but I was spying on the council and I don�t want to get shot, so I�m going to stand over here.
Frodo: (Surprised to see Sam) Alright�
Gimli: Well, is there anyone else back there?
Kit: (Jumps up out of the bushes and raises her hand) Yep, me too! Me too!
Elrond: (Outraged) This is ridiculous! How many people can hide in one bush?
Stevie: Quite a few, actually.
Van: (Perky blondeness showing) Yep, and there�s one more of us, too!
Elrond: Another one?
Harper: (Finally standing up) Of course there�s another one. You should know, of all people that insanity travels in fours. (Crosses her arms)
Legolas: (Incredibly confuzzled. Looks at Elrond) Which one should I shoot first?
Gimli: (Angry) Why should you get to kill them all, Elf?
Gandalf: (Stands up) While you stand here bickering Sauron�s power grows.
Harper: Gandalf is right, so instead of arguing over who is going to kill us, you should send a bunch of guys out to Mordor to destroy the Ring.
Boromir: (Angry, as always) Be quiet, woman! What would you know of such matters?
Harper: (Just being her, a smartass) About as much as the ranger does, if not more. And don�t call me woman, you dork.
Boromir: (Infuriated) How dare�
Frodo: (Interrupts Boromir. Is standing, for the first time) If what the lady says is true, and the Ring really must be taken to Mordor, then�..then�..I will take it. Though I do fear that I do not know the way.
Gandalf: (Walks over to Frodo and places a hand on his shoulder) I will help you to bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, as long as it is yours to bear.
(Aragorn begins to walk up to Frodo when Kit jumps out.)
Kit: To save time, Aragon, you offer Frodo your sword, blah blah blah, Legolas, you offer your bow, and Gimli, you offer your axe, just cuz the Elf can�t go if you don�t. Sam is gonna go because he follows Frodo everywhere, even into hell, which is where you�re goin�. Merry and Pippin, you can come out now, and yes you�re going.
Elrond: There are more?
Kit: Yes, now stop, I�m not done! How rude�.. And Boromir, of course you have to go, because you are obnoxious and stuff.
(All nine of the original Fellowship line up and Elrond begins to talk again.)
Elrond: Nine companions�..
Stevie: (Sarcastic) Wowie, Elrond. You can count to nine!
Van: Even *I* can do that, and I�m a blonde!
Legolas: Hold on, I�m a blonde�..
Kit: But wait, there�s more! Four to be exact, because we�re going with you!
Harper: (Looks at Kit) We�re doing *what*!?
Kit: Well, you�re the Lord of the Rings expert here, besides, how can you not want to go?
Harper: (Serious now) You three do realize how dangerous this is, right?
(All three nod.)
Harper: Well, I know I can�t stop you, and I am not letting you go by yourselves.
Elrond: So, we have *13* companions now.
Gandalf: Now we shall have bad luck!
Stevie: Don�t worry, we have Bill the Pony. He Makes 14. We�re good.
Gandalf: Oh, alright.
(And so, they all stood in a group before Lord Elrond, looking like complete and total idiots.)
Harper: If any of you die, this is *soooo* not my fault.
