Lately, Erestor and I had been spending more and more time together. We had not had much of a friendship in the past, but we had both taken to having discussions and enjoying one another�s company. This was a good thing, as Erestor was nothing less than noble and lordly. He and many other wonderful people had become close to me. In all honesty, in the presence of these people I felt mildly inadequate. For a moment, I decided to consider my situation as we walked.
Since my recent rebirth, there were but a few changes that had been instilled in me. I had suddenly become far less hasty, to say the least. It had occurred to me not too long before that even as I was likened unto the Firstborn and that I would live forever, there were still only so many things for a person to do in life. I became aware of the fact that if I went and did too much in the early years of my immortality, I would be bored to tears for the rest of forever. So, as far as living was concerned, I had begun to pace myself.
Looking into myself, I was forced to compare the old me with the new one. The new me was wiser, more temperate, as opposed to the old who was more susceptible to mood swings and other irregularities. It seemed to me now that I took life more in stride; I no longer worried about the morrow and what it might bring. In fact, the fear of the repercussions of Celebr�an�s decision was the only fear that I had felt in a good while. So, if not fear, what did I feel now, as opposed to before? I was not entirely certain.
�What are you thinking of?� inquired Erestor, bringing my thoughts back into the present. I looked at him for a moment before answering.
�Everything,� I said honestly. �I do not know if, after everything I have been through, I am even feeling anything at all. Erestor, I do not know who I am, truly. I cannot decide where the old me ends and where the new begins.�
We had stopped walking at some point, and now he stood there looking at me intently. Suddenly, he turned away from me, and looked around. On the other side of the garden we were in, he spotted a dead and fallen branch, which he took and brought back before me. He set it down on the path before me.
�You have been given a second chance, something that very few people have ever received. This dead branch, here before you, symbolizes your death. When you step over it, it shall be like when you were sent back. Go forward now to whom you want to be, and leave everything you despise about yourself behind,� he said.
I just looked at him for a moment, astounded that he could just pull up something so metaphorical and so accurate like it was nothing.
�Is it so simple?� I asked.
�No, it is never so simple, Manda. This is only the first step,� he replied.
�What if I do not want to change, Erestor? What if I choose not to step over this branch?� I asked. I did feel kind of silly at the moment, but I pushed that aside, knowing that there was some rhyme or reason to what he was telling me.
�You could walk around it. It shall remain sitting on the path behind you; a reminder that you did indeed die. That you passed through the afterlife is one thing you cannot ignore, no matter how you try. That journey had changed parts of you, for better or for worse, but the time to stand and question what kind of a person you want to be is running low. Choose now,� he said, stepping aside, leaving me standing there with the branch before me.
Erestor was completely right, and I knew it. Though I had tried not to think about it for some time now, I had to decide what I was going to make of myself. I had been afraid to throw away parts of the old me, whether by what I thought to be inability or attachment to my former life. Would I still be that girl who had been so discontented with life, or would I be the one wise one that walked through death and come back to tell about it? There was no question anymore.
I closed my eyes for a moment to contemplate all these things concerning myself.
