Juxtaposing Celebr�an with her mother, I could see clearly that they were not the least bit alike. If anything, I had come to the conclusion that the wife of Elrond had inherited a majority of her traits from her father. When I had told her this during the first of my visits with her, it had elicited the slightest smile from her face. It seemed to me as though, even with just that little smile, we were taking a step in the right direction.
After having the events of the past four hundred and sixty years explained to Mallor and me by Erestor, I had asked if it would be possible for me to see Celebr�an. Erestor had contemplated it and had discussed it with Elrond. They both agreed that it might do everyone some good to at least make an attempt. I was permitted to visit her for a brief time every day, whether she would have liked to see me or not.
�Why do you come here and speak with me, day in and day out?� she asked me, her voice solemn, as always.
�I come because I enjoy your company more than most people�s, and I know that you enjoy mine. Besides, it is no good for you to spend so much time alone,� I answered. For nearly a year now, she had been keeping largely to her room, hardly ever leaving. She would not allow visitors often, but she nearly always allowed me in. There were a few says when she would not even allow me to come in, but I generally did so anyway.
�I am weary of this life, Manda. My body is healed now, the poison gone, but inside I feel so terribly broken. I have tried so hard not to despair, for Elrond and my sons, but I tire of this greatly. I know not what I should do,� she said softly.
�You must do what you feel is right, Celebr�an. I cannot tell you what you should do,� I told her. In all honestly, it made me sad, just looking at her. She looked so much like her mother I found it frightening, with her flowing blonde hair and fair skin. To me, she seemed to perfect to be this upset and dreary. I think that was one of the main reasons I felt so compelled to help her.
�I have been considering lately,� she said then, slowly and thoughtfully, �that perhaps it is time for me to sail to Valinor. It is said that peace can be found there. You say you have been there before. Please, tell me if the legends of my forbearers are true!�
�The tales of Valinor are truth, not just legend. You will find peace and happiness there, I know. Granted, when I got there I was dead, but I liked it well enough,� I explained.
�Tell me truthfully, were you angry when the Valar sent you back?� she asked. This was really one of the first times I had been asked that question. These elves were immortal; they had been born with the knowledge that they would live on forever. To them, for a mortal to die and to then be sent back to Middle-earth again, it was counted as the highest blessing. I had thought otherwise.
�I shall tell you that I was glad at the idea of getting to live again. However, I must say that I think I preferred Valinor to this place. I think the most upsetting part for me was discovering that aside from immortality, nothing about me had changed,� I said, honestly.
I had been upset after my discussion with Erestor. When the Valar had said that they would send Mallor and me back �likened as the Firstborn�, we had interpreted that to mean we would be elves. Unfortunately, that only referred to us having immortality. I was somewhat peeved at still being short and not having pointy ears, but in the days between then and now, I had begun to get over that disappointment. Mallor had told me it was a silly thing to be so worked up over, but then again, he was the tall one.
�Yes, I had heard of that from my sons,� she said softly. �If I sail for the Undying Lands, I shall not see my family for a very long time, I know this. I think perhaps I should rejoice in that idea; that they should have long and prosperous lives. I also fear the pain it would cause for them if I were to leave.�
�I know your sons, as well as your husband. They will miss you, and shall be saddened at your passing, but shall never stop loving you. They will understand, and you shall see them again someday, no matter what comes to pass,� I assured her. I did not think it was really my place to be saying such things, but I knew that her family loved her and that they would want what was best for her. I had no way of knowing how they would react, but my job was only to convince Celebr�an to follow her heart.
She nodded at me then, as though her decision had been made. I clasped her hand in mine and squeezed it gently. The tears then came to her eyes and she turned away from me; I let go of her hand. She cried often, but I knew now that when she did it was best to let her be alone. She went to the window to look out over the landscape of her home. I headed to the door as quietly as I could.
She had made her final choice.
It was now time to see how the rest of Imladris would react to it.
