Chapter Seventeen: Surfacing from Unconventional Behavior
Quintessentially, all one needs to be a crazy old hermit is dilapidated hut and a quirky fanaticism towards something extraneous. When approaching the home of Radagast the Brown, this was the sort of thing I found myself expecting. Upon reaching our destination, Mallor and I both discovered far more than any of our ideas would have possibly allowed us to conceive. For a recluse, I decided, Radagast did have exceptional housekeeping skills.
Now, I do realize that these aren�t the kinds of things one is supposed to be considering before finding the answers to the weirdest occurrence of their life. Truth be told, I wasn�t sure what I was supposed to be thinking about. I wasn�t thinking about going home, I wasn�t thinking about the giant spiders of Mirkwood eating me, and I wasn�t thinking about if Radagast had the old people smell.
Well, actually, I was thinking about if Radagast had the old people smell, but my random thoughts should not be conveyed to the general public, so I have deemed it wise not to discuss this matter any further than I already have. Instead, I will go about describing the abode of a certain wizard in great and dynamic detail and our adventures therein.
Rhosgobel was a humble looking place, and for all intensive purposes could be considered a cottage. Behind it loomed the trees of Mirkwood and a shadow of the unknown. Around and about the front of the cottage were many plants, primarily colorful flowers of multiple varieties. The place was hidden from plain sight from the riverbank, which is exactly why Mallor and I had a difficult time finding it.
It had these disturbingly tall ferns out front of it, and I am not just saying that because I possess no great height of my own. These pieces of shrubbery surpassed the height of my soldierly counterpart by nearly thrice. There was a front door to the cottage and a few windows that had their shutters closed. It was early morning now and if the person we were seeking out was in that house he was more than likely asleep.
Erring on the side of caution, Mallor and I approached the front door quietly. At the foot of it was a mat. I stared at it for a moment. I was not aware that in Middle-earth they had door mats. Radagast did have a door mat. It didn�t say anything on it, which was perfectly normal, until I realized that the mud marks on it sort of liked like they could have spelled the word �pie�, but I decided that was another thing I wasn�t going to think about.
Mallor silently waved me behind him; he is still being overly concerned with my safety. Whether it is because he genuinely cares for me that much or because he still fears Aratan will appear out of no where and tan his hide, I am still not sure. I think it might be both, but I would pay good money to see the latter actually take place.
Anyway, I moved behind Mallor ever so slightly and he raised his hand to knock on the door. He was just about to hit it when the door flew open and standing in the doorway was this old man with a big beard.
�Hullo!� he bellowed. I imagine I must have shrieked something terrible. Not that Radagast was that creepy looking of a guy, it was just that he scared the lousy crap out of me. Mallor jumped, stumbled backwards, and then proceeded in tripping on me. We then both fell to the ground, half on top of Radagast�s pie doormat.
�Oh dear,� Radagast said. I glared at him from half under Mallor, who was trying to get up but was so shaken by the wizard�s appearance that he had a hard time balancing himself. He was finally able to pull me up to me feet and checked to make sure I was alright and then turned to the old man.
�Did you have to go about and scare us like that?� Mallor demanded.
The wizard looked at us sheepishly. �I meant no harm, I assure you. I fear I was just a bit overzealous in my greeting,� he chuckled to himself a bit. Overzealous my backside. If I had heart problems I would have dropped dead by now. I dusted some dirt off my pants and tucked my hair behind my ear, watching this crazed hermit watch me with interest.
�Are you Radagast?� I asked. I already knew the answer, but I didn�t want to come out as to one of many assumptions.
�I am he and no other! Of this you can be certain, my fair young lady,� he said happily. I was looked at Mallor through the corner of my eye to see if he was thinking what I was; this man was entirely out of his mind.
