Chapter Seven: That Time and the Joys of Asphyxiating Husbands
(We find ourselves this time in the Houses of Healing where Aragorn is pacing around nervously and Kit, Faramir, and Eowyn are sitting there looking rather amused. Now, noting Aragorn�s nervousness and all of them being in the Houses of Healing this can lead us to assume one thing. Well, it can actually lead us to assume a bunch of things, but if you are assuming anything other than the fact that Stevie is in labor you would be wrong. So, like I said, Aragorn is pacing around nervously.)
Faramir: (grinning) Aragorn, if you don�t stop that you are going to wear a hole down into the floor.
Aragorn: (glares) We�ll se what you say to that when this happens to you!
Eowyn: Oh calm down! She�s going to be fine.
Aragorn: That�s what you said four hours ago!
Kit: Well, Harper is in there with her. I don�t know what it is she�s doing to help, but she�s in there.
Aragorn: (groans frustrated) I want to go in and see her!
Eowyn: Well, you cannot. It isn�t proper for the husband to go in until after the babe is born.
Aragorn: Why? So I die of worry? It�s not like it�s something I haven�t already seen!
Screaming Voice: (from other room) Aragorn I�m going to kill you! You dirty, mangy, sorry excuse for a Ranger! I am going to freaking kill you!
Boromir: (entering the waiting room) Oh, well someone seems adamant about revenge. So, how are we progressing?
Kit: Stevie seems to be getting along. But at the rate we�re going, I don�t think Aragorn will make it through. He�s either going to have a heart attack or death by asphyxiation by way of a disgruntled wife.
Faramir: You know, I always wondered about the word disgruntled. In order to be disgruntled you would have to be gruntled in the first place. I have yet to meet a �gruntled person�.
Eowyn: (stares at him) That has got to be the most random thing I have ever heard you say.
Faramir: (shrugs) Randomness apparently runs in the family. I can�t help it.
Boromir: You got that right. What do we do now?
Kit: We do some more of that waiting stuff.
Boromir: Oh. Sounds like fun. Hey, anyone up for a game of tic tac toe?
Eowyn: Oh! Me! Me!
Aragorn: I am having a near death experience and you are playing tic tac toe? How can you do this to me?
Boromir: With great ease? You know, maybe we should tell Stevie about your so-called �near death experience� after all this is over. I have a feeling she will redefine that phrase for you at some point in the near future.
Aragorn: (gulps) Uh, I never said that, alright?
Kit: Yes you did! You did! Haha. You�re going to die.
Aragorn: You are a sick little woman, has anyone ever told you this?
Kit: Yeah, Amrothos a couple of times.
Eowyn: How�s it going with him anyway? Any progress?
Kit: Well, he�s coming up for a visit next week, so we�ll see then.
(They continue talking, not really heeding the pained screaming in the background until the glorious sound of a newborn babe wailing cuts through their conversation. Aragorn jumps and starts banging on the door to be let in. Harper opens it.)
Harper: Chill down Kingly Man. You�re going creep out the kiddo.
Aragorn: Can I see her now? Please?
Harper: I guess so. If she kills you I am not responsible. If she attacks you we are all leaving you to die. I think she�s lost her marbles, but then again I don�t recall her ever having any.
Aragorn: Marbles?
Harper: Nevermind! Inside! Wife and kiddo go see now, yes!
(So Aragorn goes inside the room to find Stevie lying on the bed holding their baby, who is staring up and around the room curiously. He goes over and sits next to her on the bed. She looks tired but she smiles at him.)
Stevie: Here�s your son, Aragorn. Isn�t he beautiful?
Aragorn: He�s handsome�and kind of wrinkly, but very handsome. Looks a lot like his mother, I must say.
Stevie: What are we going to name him?
Aragorn: Well, I have an idea. Now don�t get mad at me when I tell you how this came about, though, alright?
Stevie: Okay.
Aragorn: Back when I was in love with Arwen (twitches) I once thought about what we would name our son, if we ever had children. I thought up the name Eldarion. Now, I realize that you are definitely not she, but I still would wish to name the child that, with your consent, that is.
Stevie: It�s a nice name. What�s it mean?
Aragorn: Most literally �Son of the Eldar�. A tribute to his Elvish heritage. Do you approve, my dearest?
Stevie: Yes, I like it a lot. My little Eldarion. Would you like to hold him?
Aragorn: I don�t know if I should do that�
Stevie: He doesn�t bite, Aragorn. Look at him, he�s all little and helpless and adorable. He needs to be held by his papa.
Aragorn: (taking and holding Eldarion) Well, this isn�t that bad� You�re a cute little guy, yes you are.
Stevie: Guys, you can come in now.
(So the crew that had been hanging out in the waiting room came in. They all fussed over the baby and over Stevie. Aragorn was beaming with joy over his whole �being a dad� thing.)
Kit: So, what�s the little tyke�s name?
Stevie: We named him Eldarion.
Harper: Ah. Such a noble name for such a wrinkly little squirt.
Eldarion: Goo gee gaga.
Boromir: Hannah, is ours going to drool like that?
Harper: Most likely.
Boromir: Ick.
Faramir: Oh, who are you kidding you big doof. You love it. You�ve always been a stickler for kids.
Boromir: Shush. I�m trying to uphold my manly image.
Harper: Drop the manly one and start working on the fatherly one.
Eldarion: (baby squeal) Goosh!
Stevie: See, Aragorn? He�s already working on his own random form of self expression!
Aragorn: I don�t know if I�m ready for this.
Stevie: You should have thought about that before. Now all of you go away. I need sleep�lots of sleep. If anyone wakes me I will make good on my threat of asphyxiation. Goodnight!
