Chapter Ten: The Dol Amroth Kiddies Are Getting Hitched
(Since last we were here three months have past and now we find ourselves witnessing one of the biggest festivities ever to take place between Rohan and Gondor. Today is the wonderful day of a double wedding. Eomer and Lothiriel are finally getting married today but so are Amrothos and Kit. Apparently when the royal siblings of Dol Amroth discovered that they were both to wed they decided to do it at the same time. Now in the late afternoon these four young people have said their vows to one another and are finally glad that the stressful task of preparing for marriage is finally over.)
Amrothos: I am so glad that we only have to do that once in a lifetime.
Eomer: As am I. Time for festivities?
Amrothos: Oh yes, your favorite part. We know what happened last time.
Eomer: What happened last time?
Harper: (walking over) You were thoroughly intoxicated and determined that my pet sheep would make a wonderful ale connoisseur. Do you remember now?
Eomer: Vaguely. (smiles dreamily) I only really remember making Lothiriel giggle incessantly.
Amrothos: Well, I believe she was partially intoxicated herself. Want to do it again?
Eomer: Sounds great.
Harper: Stay away from my sheep.
Eomer: Shutty�s here?
Harper: (stares) Yes.
Eomer: I love that little bleating fluffball.
Harper: (shooing them away) Go! Party!
(Harper stands there for a while, resting a hand on her rather large stomach, finding it amazing the stupid things people do when they�re having fun. Suddenly Faramir comes up and hugs her.)
Faramir: (smiling) How�s my favorite sister-in-law?
Harper: I�m your only sister-in-law, first of all. Secondly, I am ridiculously fat.
Faramir: I can see that. How are you, really?
Harper: Aside from looking like a cow? I�m just dandy.
Faramir: I�m glad to hear that. How�s the baby doing thus far?
Harper: Baby�s getting bigger and thoroughly enjoys trying to ram its feet into my innards.
Faramir: Ah. Somebody�s a kicker. Would you mind if I�?
Harper: (puts his hand on her stomach) Just wait for it. (groans) There you go. (to her stomach) Hey, buddy, not so hard, eh? I�d like to have something left in there once you get out!
Boromir: (walking over) What are you two troublemakers up to?
Faramir: Brother, I am insulted. You always call me the trouble maker yet you are always the one actually making trouble.
Harper: Baby�s having a kick fest in there. Letting Brother Dearest check it out.
Boromir: Isn�t it wonderful?
Harper: Wonderful my butt. You have the kid do this inside you for seven months and we�ll see how wonderful baby movements get.
Boromir: Oh, somebody�s cranky. Come on, let�s go find you a nice place to sit near the table.
Harper: Sit me anywhere. I stomach is so danged big I can use it as a table.
Faramir: (sighs) I can�t wait till Eowyn and I have kids.
Harper: I wouldn�t get too excited about that. She may kill you or something. And if she doesn�t? The rambunctious wee little shield-persons probably will.
(Meanwhile, at the heart of the party, Van is standing on a table leading a drinking song. Actually, it�s not a drinking song, but who really cares? Everyone�s drinking�and it is a song�sort of. More of a jingle, really. Anyway, she�s singing.)
Van: My bologna has a first name, its O-S-C-A-R! My bologna has a second name it�s M-A-Y-E-R! I love to eat it every day and if you ask me why I�ll say �cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A!
Everyone else: Huh?
Kit: (from the other end of the table) How do you like your bologna, Van?
Van: (slightly drunkish) I like it on a Kaiser roll!
Kit: Mmm, Kaiser roll.
Halbarad: Van, sweetie, you aren�t making any sense. Get off the table.
Van: But my bologna has a first name�
Everyone else: IT�S O-S-C-A-R!
(And this craziness continues while Aragorn and Stevie are talking in the far corner of the room.)
Stevie: I never ever thought I�d hear that song at a Middle-earth wedding.
Aragorn: I never thought any of this would ever happen�and boy am I confused.
Stevie: Do you want to sing the song too, Mr. Kinglyman?
Aragorn: No I do not. What is this bologna, anyway?
Stevie: It�s processed meat stuff. Don�t ask.
Aragorn: Odd.
Stevie: Sing the song.
Aragorn: No!
Stevie: Please?
Aragorn: I am not going to sing that song.
Stevie: Never?
Aragorn: Never ever.
Stevie: That�s a really long time to refuse to sing the Oscar Mayer bologna song.
Aragorn: So?
Stevie: You know you want to.
Aragorn: Ugh. Will you drop it, please?
Stevie: My bologna has a first name�
Aragorn: You�re not going to leave me alone, are you?
Stevie: Sing it with me or I�ll teach it to your son and he will sing it to you every day until he turns ten.
Aragorn: No!
Stevie: It�s O-S-C-A-R!
Aragorn: My bologna has a second name�
Both: It�s M-A-Y-E-R! I love to eat it every day and if you ask me why I�ll say �cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A!
Aragorn: That was sick and wrong.
Stevie: I love you. Say Kaiser roll.
Aragorn: No.
Stevie: (teasing) Kaiser roll�
Aragorn: Arg! You are so strange! I need to get drunk!
