This is a once in a life time offer! For just one human soul you can SUBSCRIBE TO SATAN!
"Well....what do I get?" You ask like the greedy pigs that you are, feasting at the trough of corruption, well you get - quite simply ANYTHING YOU DESIRE! Fulfill your wildest fantasies - THIS IS GENUINE! You will also recive a membership card which will get you money off at many retail outlets. Plus the first 1000 applicants will recieve an attractive carriage clock!
"Won't this get me in trouble with God?" You think you aren't already? Think on this, how many reletives has he taken away from you? How many natural disasters has he caused? How much mercy has he ever shown? Lets face it he has in for the lot of you, what has Satan ever done to harm you? NOTHING!!! Go on apply today and join our membership of millions worldwide - come on, overthrow organised religeon - this may be the most important phone call you make today!
Jennifer Lopez covered in HP sauce - you got it!
Britney Spears covered in quicklime - no problem!
Don't worry perversion is an asset, how many religeons can say that!
Can eternal damnation really be worse than a world where Alpen gives you cancer?!?
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