legendofthephragm

As a small child, before I knew what was what, I encountered something very strange while looking for clothes for my Barbie dolls during a weekend visit at Granny's. At first I used my imagination, it looked like a hat. I was certain that it was a monk's hat, because they had little bald patches on the back of their heads that looked like what I had found. "Monks wear hats" I thought to myself and went about my day.
IF ONLY I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW.

I was at the tender age of 14 when I had my first sexual education class. One day the teacher reviewed birth control with us (it was obviously too late for the incredibly pregnant girl that sat next to me), when the teacher pulled out the diaphragm I was horrified. Suddenly it all came together. My hands would never be clean again. I realized that as a child I had found my Granny's 20 year old diaphragm. I fought the urge to vomit all over myself and the pregnant chick and dealt as best I could with my tainted soul.

As the years went by, the legend of the diaphragm became urban legend. People spoke of it, but it was always someone's sister's friend, or a distant cousin. Who would play with a diaphragm as a child? I received counseling, but could not put the image of this contraption behind me. I was scarred. The best way to deal with your demons is to face them head-on. I did just that. BEHOLD! THE LEGEND OF THE DIAPHRAGM!!!!!

Granny must've known, she blocked the door with two chairs piled on top of one-another. What was the point of this? Was there a point? The room looked frightening, and the journey was dangerous.

The dangers of the room unfolded as I found myself on the ground with an aching ass. I had become a victim of the gauntlet. I was certain my ass was totaled. "Would I ever walk again?"

It took me awhile to get up, the ground was so cluttered, I could not find refuge for my hand to give me the much needed balance to stand. Eventually I was able to get up.

An image of my 13 year old Granny was watching me. I felt a chill. I had to turn back, it was just too scary to do in the dark.....