*three weeks later* I had just gotten back from my winter vacation with my dad, in Oregon.

"oh, Lacy! Your back!" Alyssa squealed from my front porch. "How was oregon? Have fun? What'd you get for christmas?" She poured all these questions on me, while hugging me at the same time. "do you want some hot cocoa?" She asked as we walked inside. It was freezing out side.

"Alyssa, could help me with my bags?" I asked her. She paused, then nodded.

After we got up to my room, I closed and locked the door.

"So, why did you go to your dads anyway?" Alyssa asked, throwing my bag on the floor.

"I needed to think about what was going on in my life. I had lost my beloved boyfriend, and I just didn't know why." I replied, and walked over to the window.

"He broke up with you because he wanted to insure your saftey. Lacy, he already explained that. Why don't you just move on?" Lyssa complained.

"So then I thought, who had the power to black mail taylor?
"I knew it wasn't either of my sisters, because, well, they just wouldn't do that. But there was someone else. Her mom worked for the news paper, and I knew she was a tad bit jeaulous." I paused. "Do you know who I'm talking about?"

"My mom works for the paper, yeah, but whats does that have to do with anything?" I raised my eyebrows. "wait, no, you don't think that...." I slid over to my closet and pulled out a tape recorder. "Whats on that?" She asked.

"You know, as a reporter, they usually carry these around, so the don't miss something." I replied. "Figure it out."

She glared at me. "Maybe I should have told everyone that you were just taylor hanson's little slut. Wouldn't the world just love to know that?"

I stared her down. only a few people knew the truth of our realationship. Alyssa, the other one, seeing as she was my bestfriend. so I thought. "Wouldn't the police love to know how you intended to push me to concider suicide, after I was 'soooo depressed'?" I snapped back. "I'm not stupid. I know you've always wanted taylor. you think that by offing me, or have me, killing myself would get you him? taylor may be dumb, but hes not so dumb as to realize you..." I shook my head. I didn't want to say anything I was gonna regret.
"you don't have a chance lyssa. If you don't get the fuck out of my house right now, itz open season on your ass."

She started to leave, but turned around said, "You know, I may be a ceniving bitch, but I will have taylor. And I will have you gone."

I walked down the street to my gramama's house. despite she lives next to hanson, adn that was exzactly who I was avoiding, she always had a way to make things better.

"oh lacy! what a surprise to see you!" Gramama said. I smiled and welcomed her hug. At that moment, the reason I came over there totally lost me.

we went in the back where she was drinking lemonade, and watching the birds. she always had a lot of birds in her backyard.

"so, what brings you over here?" she asked me.

I frowned. "i dont remember."

"Well why not?" My gramama pressed on.

"because you hugged me, adn I dont remember anything after that." I replied smiling. "just like usual." "well, if you happen to remember it, and Im sure you will, I'd be happy to talk to you about." I nodded and gave her a small hug. "so, hows your boyfriend taylor?" She asked.

Insight fell over my face. Followed by saddness. "I dont have a boyfriend named taylor." I replied softly. "thats kinda what I wanted to talk to you about... or rather just let you listen to me, while rant."

"oh what happened dear?" She asked me, knowing full well what was going on. Taylor had come over, not an hour before explaining the situation.

after I had explained my overly exxaggerated story, she said softly, "wheres taylor? dont you think you should talk to him about this, instead of me?"

I shrugged. "hes on tour right now." I lied.

*two years later*

I just got finishing packing my bags, when i decided they would be home soon. I checked my underware darwer, and made sure everything I needed was packed. I saw my trusty razor, that had 'helped' me get through all the bad stuff with taylor. I picked it up, and scrutinized it. I walked into the bathroom, and threw it away. "I dont need that anymore." I whispered to myself.

I grabbed all my bags, and put them in the car.
then I waited for taylor to come home the evening the record had finally finished. I'd gotten a call from zac they'd be arriving that afternoon. they went straight from tour to recording, coming home only once. I thought of what I was gonna tell Taylor, and though I didn't expect him to fall in my arms once again, I wanted to make sure that we were on common ground.

A van pulled up in the drive way, and my eyes started filling up with tears. I couldn't do this, I realized. I went back to my porch and watched them all get out, and be thankful they were at home. at last.
Taylor was the last out of the car, his arm around some chick I had never met before. I assumed it was his girlfriend, but he watched her walk away, then looked relieved.

"What if lacy saw her?" zac asked his brother quietly.

"i'm not hiding anything from her. The girl, yes was my girlfriend, but no, not anymore." Taylor replied, unloading his bag.

I went up to my room, and layed down on my bed. I heard the guys talking a little bit, then, into a fight followed by an angry slam of the door.

half a minute later, my phone rang. deciding to oblige taylor, I picked it up. "hello?" I asked softly.

"hey, itz me." Taylor replied.
"Welcome back."
"thanks..." he trailed off. "we need to talk. can I come over?"
"no." I replied.
"Why not?" he asked, confused.
"I'm moving back to oregon. my plane leaves in an hour and half. we were just about ready to leave." I explained.
"then I'll make this quick." he replied. "i'm so sorry all of this happened. I didn't know she would go as far as wanting to have you dead."
"itz amazing. your most trusted friends always seem to turn on you, huh?"I muttered.
"Even, if we dont get back together lacy, I want you to know I still love you, and I will always be your bestfriend. even if I'm not yours." Taylor proclaimed.
I got up and looked out my window. he was standing there waiting for me. I smiled at him, and blew him a kiss, hung up the phone, and went downstairs.

My mom had already packed all the bags so I climbed in the car. I turned around, and saw taylor waving at me. it almost looked as if he were crying. We turned the corner, and his image left my sight.

They called my plane, so I hugged my family one more time, then headed towards the gate.

"LACY!" taylor yelled. I turned around, and he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him back. "Dont forget me." he whispered in my ear, as he hugged me real tight. I pulled away from him, and smiled softly.

"how could I?' I kissed his cheek once more, then got aboard the plane. as I sat in my seat looked out the window, and cried.

I wanted to change my mind. I wanted to stay with taylor. I wanted to hold him, and kiss him again. I didn't want to go to my dad's, where I had no friends.

I just cried.

I watched her plane take off, her family had already left. I watched until I couldn't see it anymore, and turned around in my seat. tears were brimming in my eyes. I had lost her. I had lost my first love.

I stood up, looked back at the terminal. I put one foot infront of the other, and started walking away.

I reached my car, climbed in, and cried. I broke down and sobbed on my leather interior. nothing was going to be the same.

ever.