| Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house? A. Look inside your pants; If you have a dick, it's not time. |
| A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt." A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle. As the golfer walks to the clubhouse, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life." "Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley.� |
| The Top 12 Things Uttered by Yoda While Making Love 12. Ahhh! Yoda's little friend you seek! 11. Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must. 10. Feel the force! 9. Foreplay, cuddling. A Jedi craves not these things. 8. Down here I am. Find a ladder I must! 7. Do me or do me not, there is no try. 6. Early must I rise. Leave now you must! 5. You know, this would be a lot more fun without Frank Oz�s hand up my ass. 4. Happens to every guy sometimes this does. 3. When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmm? 2. Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are! 1. Who�s your Jedi Master? Who�s your Jedi Master? |
| Top 12 Pick-Up Lines Used by Star Wars Fans Rated PG 12. Hey, beautiful. What�s a nice girl like you doing waiting in line without bathing for 10 days? 11. Your place or my Mom�s? 10. I . . . uh . . . ummm . . . I . . . uh . . . (slaps own forehead) Stupid! STOO-pid! 9. You're even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend. 8. I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby. 7. Date, or date not-there is no let�s just friends be. 6. If you only knew the power of the Dork Side. 5. How�s about a long time of Joe, in a bedroom not far away? 4. Nice buns, princess! On your head, that is. 3. Honey, you�ve been looking for love in Alderaan places! 2. If I said you had a mint first-edition, still-in-the-box action figure, would you hold it against me? 1. I'm gonna be an evil warlord when I grow up. Want a Milk Dud? |
| What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you. |
| Blonde with a gun ================= A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde says, "Shut up, you're next!" |
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