First off, we can't be bought at your local furniture store. *smile* The anacronym SOFFA is found in the Transgendered Community and it stands for Significant Others, Friends, Family and Allies. We are as much a part of the community as the transgenderists themselves. We are the lovers, the parents and the friends. We are the support system.
The transgendered community is comprised of a lot of different types of people. There are FTMs, MTFs, cross dressers, transsexuals and people that fall everywhere in between on the gender spectrum. But there is another part of the community that is often overlooked. They are called SOFFAs. They are the Significant Others, Friends, Families and Allies of those transgendered people.
SOFFAs are those people who stand by and watch their loved one suffer through the pain and inner turmoil that comes from being transgendered. They provide the caring words and the comfort that everyone needs at some point in their lives. They offer their love and support, even though they cannot truly understand the feelings that make a transgendersist who they are. They are a part of the community, a part of the support system that stands along side the transgenderists, fighting for rights, hoping for justice and believing that everyone has the right to be who they are.
SOFFAs support one another in much the same way that the rest of the community does. They have support groups, email lists and retreats. They build friendships from the common bond that comes from loving a trans person. One of the biggest things that they learn from one another is that they are going through their own transitions along with their transgenderist. No one is alone in this. Parents must adjust to the loss of what has always been their son or daughter and learn to accept the new gender of their child. Friends and allies must adjust their own perceptions of exactly who that person was and is. A lover must discern where they fit into this whole thing and whether or not they can continue to love this person who is changing before their eyes. All of these people need others who are also sorting through these issues. Support is an integral part of the transgendered community. Support for everyone is the goal.
There are many trans people who seek support for themselves, but the idea that their loved ones may also need support is overlooked. It?s not selfishness and it?s not a disregard for those they care about. The problem comes from the fact that the SOFFAs are not that visible at trans support group meetings. Those that do show up are often times blending in to the background, either deliberately or accidentally. Often, they fear saying something that will offend someone or will make others see them as something other than "normal". What is eventually learned at these meetings is that normal is subjective. If nothing else is gained, the SOFFAs at least come to accept the fact that they are not the only ones in their current position. No one wants to feel alone. That?s why these support groups exist.
SOFFAs do not choose to become a part of the community any more then a transgendered person chooses to become what they are. What we do, we do because we love the people whom God has made different from the norm. We want the same things for them that everyone wants for their children or their lovers or their friends. We want them to have the right to be accepted for who they are and the chance to have as normal a life as possible. SOFFAs are just like everyone else in the world. We want the best for those we love.
