A Letter To My Son
Today October 4, 2006 it will be nine years, since you left to be with God, and it will be a day that I will never forget, it was the day that I thought would never happen to me. I lost a part of my heart that will never be repaired. I live this day each year, the trauma, the hurt, the sadness and pain. I see your face as a child and I see your face as a man. My body and soul is twisted and I don't know what to do. I miss you and there is no changing that. People say it has been a long time and that I should be getting better, but they just don't understand, though they think they do, they don't. No one knows the heartache and pain in losing a child, only those who have. It is unlike no other loss, it is the loss of a child whom you carried in your stomach for nine months, raised this child, loved this child and faced the world together. I saw you in good times, in bad times, and today all I can remember are the good times. This is all I have is memories, but I want more, I want you to be here and I cannot have you here. I want to talk to you and have you tell me that I love you mom, just like you always would do. My life is such as mess, I do not feel like living most of the time, but have to for your brother and Richard. I am just an empty shell, confused, depressed, and lost. I am so very angry and wish I did not have to feel this way. I wish you were here to comfort me. I try to believe in God, but it is so hard. I know there is a God, but not for me. Scott I wish you had listened to me, because if you would have you would still be here. I am not mad at you, but I am so very sad. Scott I will always love you and I hope I can deal with my life soon. I just wish this had never happened.
Love for always,
Mom
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