Hello. My name is Gerri. January through May of 2001 I was in and out the doctor's office like 3-4 times each month. They sent me for all kinds of tests and all kinds of blood workups. They said I had some kind of bug. They said I had a viral infection plus a urninary tract infection. In April I had to have IV's for dehydration. Still all this time they did urine and blood tests. I went for all kinds of X-Rays. I also had a pap smear and a pelvic exam. Finally in May I started swelling really bad in my ankles and in my legs. I first thought it had something to do with all the kidney infections. On a Saturday it got really bad. I went to the ER. My blood pressure was out the roof. I was having some bad pains. They first thought it was my gallbladder. They too did blood workups. I found out then that I was pregnant. I didnt know what to think. The doctor's had told me that if I ever wanted children, they may have to put me on something to help me get pregnant. I rarely ever had a period. My EX and I broke up in Jan. 2001. I hadnt been with anyone since then. So I thought I can't be pregnant. This was May, plus I had been seen by my doctor every month. The doctors checked it 3 times. I WAS pregnant. I had just moved back home with my parents and they were so very excited. They wanted grandchildren. I went for my first ultrasound at the hospital. He said oh yes you are very pregnant. I was around 21 - 22 weeks pregnant. I was like oh my God. I couldn't believe I was that far along and had no idea. But honestly I didn't think I would ever have children. On May 30th I went to the OBGYN for the first time. They couldn't believe my doctor never caught my pregnancy. They also did an ultrasound. They took pictures and I saw my baby for the first time. Very good and strong heartbeat. They told me it looked like I was having a girl. We were so excited. They scheduled me 2 weeks later for my first pelvic exam. I was looking forward to it. I wanted to hear the heartbeat again and all that good stuff. On June 8th I went to the office. They took me back and at first they couldn't find the heartbeat. That scared me. They finally found it and it sounded great. The doctor came in and started my exam. He asked me if I was having any contractions. I said well I am not sure of what a contraction may feel like. He said like cramps and I said yes. He said my cervix was trying to open. He then scheduled me for a procedure to stitch my cervix. He told me it was risky but that was really the only option I had if I didnt want to lose my baby. Of course I agreed right away. I was upset but the nurses said it's okay. They were getting me ready for an epidural when the doctor came in. He said my blood work didn't look all that great so they then decided to put me to sleep to do the procedure. I had to wait a little longer. The doctor came back and told me that they decided not to do the procedure. My platelets were very low and he thought I may have toxemia. They kept me over night at our hospital. During the night the baby was fine and I thought I was. In the morning a different doctor came in. He again sent me for another ultrasound. He said I may be farther along than what they thought. Again I was told baby was fine, fluids looked good and it looked like a girl. But I had gained 5lbs overnight of infection. They said my kidneys were not working all that great. They sent me to a hospital that could handle an early delivery. It was an hour away from where I lived. I arrived at UT hospital on June 9th at 12noon. They worked on me for hours. They wanted to wait because they determined I was around 25 weeks. The doctor told me that ever hour counted. They gave me steriod shots to help develop the baby's lungs. The doctor came in with a neonatal doctor. The doctor told me if we delivered that day my baby had about a 30% chance of living. I was so upset. My parents and my sister was there. The doctor finally came in and said if he had to choose between me or the baby he would have to choose me. My kidneys were shutting down and my liver wasnt working properly. He decided to take the baby. I had an emergency C-section. I was so very scared. They put me to sleep so I didn't know anything. Before they took me they wanted to know the baby's name. I had planned on calling her Madison Gail...naming her after my mother....When I woke up in recovery they told me that I was fine and as of right then so was my baby. The doctor came in and told me that all went well but I didnt have a Madison...It was a boy. My dad was so excited about having a boy. He always wanted a boy. The nurse helped me name him. My mom liked the name Zachary but we didn't know what to put with it. ' My nurse said she liked the name Tanner...Zachary Tanner we liked it...We decided to call him Tanner...Zachary Tanner Horner. I gave him my last name and that made my dad very happy. He now had someone to carry out his name.. After 2 days of being kinda out of it I got to see my son. He was so very small. He looked like a doll. But he was perfect. He had everything, even his little eye lashes and finger nails. He had a head full of golden blonde hair and the bluest eyes. He weighed 1lb and 3 oz's and he was 11 inches long. They said if he made it thru the first 72 hrs then that would be a good sign. He breezed thru them just fine. On the seventh day he started going downhill. They told me his lungs were so sick and they didnt know if he would pull through. He was not getting enough oxygen and the vent was on 100%. For 2 hrs we sat not knowing if he would live or die. We all did a lot of praying that day. The whole church got together and sent out a prayer list and everyone was praying. Finally the doctors came out and said he was stable and he was only on like 60% oxygen. We were so happy. All during the night I checked on him and he was doing great. During his second week they said he had gotten an infection they thought for a central line in his belly. They started him on antibiotics. Other than that he was doing great. His oxygen was up and down but not on 100% that much. I got to know him that second week. He did not like having a wet diaper...He had a temper too...He was so cute...Monday and Tuesday of the 3rd week were great days. He was doing so good...On Wednesday the doctor told me his blood work was good and his oxygen level was good and that his lungs looked a lot better. But he had quit peeing. He said he didnt know why. He said everything else looks so good. He told the nurse to check his antibiotic level. He also made the remark if that is what is wrong with that baby I will never forgive myself. They put a catheter in and still no pee. Later on that night the level test came back...it was over 30. I really didnt know what that meant but they said that could be why he wasn't using the bathroom..On Thursday he did go to the bathroom. He was starting to swell from all the fluid in his body. The doctor still told me that he had seen this before and he thought Tanner would pull through. He was such a fighter. He was so full of life. They then decided to start him on charcoal to absorb all the excess antibiotic. They said for some reason the medicine was going into the tissues instead of the veins. He finally used the bathroom and the catheter was taken out. We were so glad. Again God had done a miracle. On Friday, no pee again. The doctor said he was concerned but again didnt understand it. The levels of antibiotic at this time was down to 23. I then asked what the level should have been...He said 10 or below....That made me sick...They had been taking blood but didnt check it. I was so angry. Late Friday night he started peeing again and they told me they were gonna stop giving him charcoal. I was so very glad again. We all had prayed so hard. Saturday June 30th....They were gonna try and put in a new central line. The nurse that does the procedure would be leaving for two weeks of vacation so she had to do then. I was concerned about him being so weak due to everything that had happened that week. They said he needed it. They said he tolerated it well. After the procedure I got to go in and spend some time with Tanner. He looked bad...His belly was blackened, the doctor said due to the charcoal...They said they may have gave him to much but it looked better now than it did before. They had tried to put an IV in his head and it was bruised. There he laid with IV"s in his head...one in each arm and one in his foot. The doctor again said everything else looked so good. His oxygen was down and his lungs were better now than ever before. They were gonna come in and do some X-rays...My family and I decided to go grab a bite to eat. When I came back one hour later...they met me at the door. They said the doctor wanted to talk to me. They had done that before so it didn't really scare me at first. I thought well he is worse or either he is doing a lot better. They sat me down and he started saying Tanner was small...his kidneys weren't working good anymore....all this was just so hard on a tiny body like his....he said they had to do CPR on him because his heart rate dropped. They worked on him for 30 mins or so. Finally I turned to the doctor and said excuse me but are you trying to tell me that my baby has died? He wouldn't even look me in the eye...but he said yes and the nurse will have him ready for you very soon and he left. My precious baby was gone. The social worker came in....I was so upset. I did ask her about the antibiotic and charcoal episodes...I wanted to know if all that had not happened would my baby still be here...She of course did not have any answers. They wanted to know if I wanted an autopsy. I didn't want to put him through no more so I said no. I was hoping to have him open so all my friends could see him. The social worker said yes you want to show him off....she didnt bother to tell me that when they are that small they do not embalm them....i couldn't have him open....so now I have a precious golden haired angel who takes care of me....A lot of people say it's Gods will...I think the doctors had a big part in my baby dying. We will never know.....Zachary Tanner Horner....God let me have him for 21 days and then he took him home...
SOME PEOPLE DREAM OF ANGELS...I HELD ONE IN MY ARMS.. |
