1/23/06
Updated my about me page... just so ya know
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new kinda sorta poems too

1/21/06
You should all click below on the pick up lines.. yeah thats right. they are finally up.

And i posted and update on myspace explaining the last few days .. so here it is :
ok.. last few days. ill try to make a short summary. well AJ and i have been going out for about 2 months again right? .. im all happy.. and i actually think things are going to work and im so happy. id wanted that so bad since the day we broke up. well.. tuesday said he needed to talk to me. we had alot to talk about :'( ... but basically he had a friend (a girl) jen move in w/ him. :'( along w/ many other things going on at the moment. and it of course scares me to death. he promises nothing w/ happen ect. and i try to work through it. tell my self it will be ok.. and i can trust him. i write him a 6 page (i think) note.. explaining how i feel and just tlaking bout alot again. and i also write her a note explaining a few things.. cuz she seems like she could be ok.. and if it helps w/ rent and everything.. then hopefully things will be ok. .. so thursday i tell kristen to plz ask him to come to humane society to see me.. so i could give him the note and talk for a while... he says he wants to talk about something but is gonna read the note first. .... so we talk.. and he says that he thinks we should take a break :'( ... just b/c of everything going on. .. and i just had a feeling it was b/c of jen. :'( i asked him bout it .. and says it kinda is .. but also alot of other things. (which he later explained) ..ended up gonna take a week and just see how things went.. . so thurs and friday night i was so sick.. so scared.. didnt know waht to think or what to do. ... i just wanted to see him. .. i truely thought that this was gonna be it.. we were gonna stay together things were gonna be how they should be.. . :'( .... how they used to be. ..... well today again when i was w/ kristen i got to see him... we talk about it.. .. and well i guess its over :'( ... i hate this .. he tried to explain how he is feeling.. and all his reasons.. and i do understand.. i feel a little better.. but it still hurts. i never expected this. i dont think i will get into all the reasons right now. but its just so hard when we dont get to see each other EVER .. once a week at the docks if we are both lucky enough to go...... and things just werent like they used to be.. and im going to college.. and he is prolly going to job corp.... so that would be a long time w/ out seeing each other.... i still just dont know what to feel . he is amazing... and thats never gonna change. .... it just hurts so much.. b/c of everything i went through.. just getting the courage to tell my mom. :'( ... and how upset she was.. and doesnt want me to go anywhere.. EVEN CHURCH... :'( and now..... i need to figure out how to tell her its over :'( .... i prolly wont.. just let her figure it out on her own... (unless she starts giving me a hard time about somethign) ... i dont know what else to do... you can just talk to my mom about things.. it doesnt work ....... oh .. and just ontop of all that stuff going on.... :'( friday.. i failed my drivers test.. its the first time i took it .. so its not that big of a deal.. it just hurts b/c i prolly would have done ok.. and passed but i couldnt concentrate on anythign.. and had been feeling so sick... but i guess.. life goes on :'( ....... im still going to go to docks and everythign. and hopefully get to hang out w/ him....... .. just gonna take a while. to feel better. but itll be ok .
.. i really do feel a bit better after talking w/ him today.. i just really wish it didnt have to end.. i love everything about that boy.. and i always will. ik i will.

1/20/06
i really dont feel like writing everything thats going on.. the last few days have been really hard. cant concentrate, cant sleep. and to top it off i failed my drivers test today. (which is prolly the lesser of the bad things.. i can just redo that next week or week after. i cant redo that last few days :'(
but the first semester of school is officially over as of today. (no more fetal pig disections) and we get a 4 day weekend. altho i think id rather be in school.. stay busy. at least i can try to sleep.
also check out the photobucket(click pic on home page) there are some more art work pics on it. enjoy.. sign my guest book.. let me know what ya think .
~always here~am~

1/1/06
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!. ... so a bran new year.. so much going on.. so many great things. so so so much work. BUT .. 2006 also = graduation. :P

12/25/05
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.
well there are some new pics on my photobucket.. you should all check them out.... and i have started a few shoutouts..... enjoy.. i have alot more to add...... i will get there soon.
luv ya ~am

12/22/05
wow so its almost 1 am.... suppose i shall head to bed soon. :P .. but there is only ONE day left till xmas break.. im excited but yet im not sure if its a good thing or not :S ...
so i got to go to youth group last night. :D .. that place just makes me so happy. wish i could have just stayed in town and hung out.. but at least i got ot go. .. Im the happiest person in the world right now. I love being w/ aj. Wish i could see him more but i know that will come w/ a bit of time. He just makes me feel amazing. i love him so much. i coulnt wish for anything more :D . well im gonna go to bed. talk later. and ik ik im sry the shouts still are not up. been super busy (day dreaming :P) .. lol. luv ya all.
~am

12/5/05
so i was trying to decided if i should put poems in this area or if i should have a different place for them.. and .. i think.. i will put them on a different page.. and just have this for updates about ME. :D .. so update-age... well i thought i was going to be dead on friday. but mom never said anything else so yeah.. kinda shocked. .. :D .. but life is good. NOTHING is really bothering me lately. im really happy and just able to laugh things off. It is just so so so amazing to be back w/ AJ. I dont think anyone will EVER understand. .. but i just know its how things should be. :D . ~I bElIeVe In MiRaClEs~ right now im just needing to work through the mom thing... dunno how to tell her/ when to tell her/ how she is gonna react... but no matter what it will NOT change anything w/ us. :D
ok enough of that. :P ... as far as the site goes PPL SHOULD SIGN MY GUEST BOOK!! .. kk.. and im working on getting things up. .. in between those LOADS of hwk and working... and my random thought sesions where nothing gets done (had lots of them lately) :P
~only~me~am~

11/29/o5-