| THE WORKS She was destined to be a writer! �I know I�m meant to be a writer! Someday I will write the great American novel! It�s not a matter of what or why, but only when. Any day now, that idea I have so long awaited will come to me. It will fall into my lap, fill my dreams and I will transfuse it onto paper. My unconscious has been writing a masterpiece while I sleep! While I think deeper than any ocean! Eventually the waves will furl and the words will flow from my pen like a river of ink! My unconscious insight will float through me and up into the clouds! The words penetrating like so many drops of dew in the morning grass, and as the sun rises on my words they will sparkle like a million diamonds, like�. But now I must wait, wait for that glorious day when I can release my soul into the world.� Joanna�s good friend started to say, �Sounds like you�ve got more water cycles than a washing machine,� but checked himself. He�d heard these exclamations many times before and was bored and irritated. He wanted to talk about a certain redheaded girl in his Trigonometry class. But as usual, Joanna had won the conversation battle. Alex listened politely (as usual) to his companion�s spiel, only half paying attention. He�d wait until she wore herself out talking. He couldn�t intrude because he owed her. Alex was technical director of the High School production of Macbeth and Joanna had the lead role. During rehearsal she�d read the lines, �Here�s the smell of the blood still; all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. Oh, oh, oh!� Reaching up she�d grabbed the closest thing to her, a dangling microphone, and inexplicably pulled it with all her might. To her surprise it gave way and cord started spiraling to the floor. �Jeez Joanna! I just told you not to touch those! You pulled the whole thing down!� Lady Macbeth stood staring blankly into blinding lights to see where the voice was coming from while curious onlookers snickered. She held the microphone in her hand, the cord piled at her feet. � Don�t look like you don�t know what I�m talking about! I just stood there and told everyone not to touch those microphones but of course you wouldn�t know that because you weren�t listening! If you would just listen to anyone! You�! You�ve got your head so far up your�! I swear Joanna! Do you know how long its going to take me to restring that?� He was immediately sorry. He didn�t mean to humiliate her. She stood alone in the spotlight covered in electrical cord looking confusedly for the voice. �Hello?� she asked into the microphone. �Up here!� Now her eyes where filled with tears. She ran off the stage with everyone laughing at her. Alex felt terrible and went looking for her, muttering, �actors!� He had been trying to make it up ever since. He leaned his head against the wall, listening to her talk, shut his eyes and tapped his fingers against his legs. Johanna rhapsodized obliviously, �I know it will be hard to sacrifice myself in such a way for an ungrateful public. Almost selling my soul really. But I realize what I have to say the world wants, no, needs to know!� Alex raised his head in a daze, �What is it you have to say again?� �Well,� she paused, � I don�t really know yet. But I suppose that can wait. In the meantime I must prepare myself by reading and expanding my mind.� Her thoughts where arrested for a moment, �It�s overwhelming the amount I�ll have to cover if it�s to be great. And it will have to be great! All those essentials I have to discover, and then transform into a language the public can understand. Love, of course love. Love, hate, jealousy, monotony, futility! It�s unfortunate, it always ends with futility!� �I don�t know about these things like you do Joanna,� Alex cautiously continued, �but if you want to be a good writer, shouldn�t you just practice writing?� Joanna was amused by this obvious suggestion, �Haven�t you been listening? How can I start writing if the story subject hasn�t come yet?� �Maybe you shouldn�t write your masterpiece straight away. I mean, can�t you just write about anything until you get your great idea so you�ll be used to writing?� �But I haven�t got an idea to practice on.� Alex shrugged, �Just write about what you know.� Joanna sneered, �John Gardner says not to write about what you know, but write in the genre you enjoy.� �Okay, do that then, write the genre you like.� �It�s not that easy. Besides, I don�t know how to start. And really, what�s the point of writing if it isn�t going to be any good?� Alex saw an opportunity, �I�m sure whatever you wrote would be wonderful, and maybe it would help you think of an idea for your novel. Yeah, really, you can start tonight! I could clear out of here if you want to get working on it�.� He made motions to leave. �No! God! You really just don�t understand�.� Joanna didn�t object when Alex changed the subject. He started talking about the girl in trig, but now it was Joanna�s turn not to listen. What Alex said struck a nerve. She was not totally unaware of the fact that she never wrote and was trying to figure out why that was. She never let something she wanted to do go undone. She had concluded she never wrote because the right idea hadn�t come yet. That she might be afraid of writing had crossed her mind. What if it wasn�t any good? What if she couldn�t do it? She dismissed this as pre-writing nerves. Unless the willingness to risk and fail�. With a bang the bedroom door struck a bookcase and in strode Joanna�s sister Racheal. Joanna glared, �Come in.� Alex sat up straight, �Hey, hi, uh, hi Racheal.� Racheal completely ignored him. �Did you take my hairbrush? Why did you take my hairbrush?� �Why would I take your hair brush?� �I don�t know, seeing as you don�t brush your hair!� �I don�t believe I invited you into my room.� �So? I didn�t invite you to use my hairbrush!� �I didn�t ask for you to be born! And I didn�t take your pointless, self-obsessed toiletry!� �Toiletry? Why are you so stupid? I know why you�d take my stuff, just to make my life miserable. That�s what you live for!� �I don�t have the time to make you miserable.� �That�s all you do! You�ve ruined my first year in high school. Everyone thinks I�m going to be a dork like you!� �And are they hurt and deceived when they discover you�re just a brainless little cheerleader?� �Oh shut up! You�re just a jealous loser.� �Would you please go away? Your very presence is sickening!� �I hate you!� �Oh, yeah, okay, hey, how about I get in touch with you when I care!� Racheal swung her hair and stormed out of the room slamming the door behind her. The door swung back open. �God! What did you do with my hairbrush! Where is it?� �From the way you�re acting up your ass! Oh wait, never mind, you always act like that!� �I�m the one with something up my ass? That would explain why no boys like you!� �Or why it seems every boy has liked you!� Silence froze the air. �Bitch!� The door re-slammed. �Bye Racheal!� Alex called. �Wow, she really got mad. You know maybe she just �� �Oh shut up! Why don�t you just hump her leg next time she comes in here! Jeez. How can you even stand her? I make her life miserable? That�s rich! She will rue this day when I�m a famous writer and she�s trying to get a job at the Gap. She�s a joke!� Alex looked away embarrassed and then smirked, �You sure aren�t like her.� Joanna scoffed. �What�s all the yelling about?� Joanna�s mom tapped at the door. Joanna rolled her eyes, �Nothing mother! Have you come to accuse me of taking your stuff too because it seems to be the trend!� �Joanna, don�t get so upset! You girls, I swear!� �She started-� �Me and your dad are going to the mall and I thought I�d stop at the bookstore to get that Chicken Soup book for your Grandma. I thought you and Alex might want to go.� �I don�t know,� Joanna pouted, �is she going?� �If you mean your sister, yes, she�s going to meet her friends there and they�re going to the mall.� Pause. �Okay, I�ll go. Someone needs to tell Racheal that you have to read the books to gain intelligence, not just meet at the store�� She looked at Alex, �Are you coming too?� �Sure.� -- They arrived at the bookstore and piled out of the van. Racheal wagged a pink hairbrush (which had been discovered in the van) at Joanna, �Okay, my friends are here so you better not talk to me or act like you know me.� �Sure, I have a reputation to keep up.� �Oh, for Chirstsake!� Racheal marched into the building ahead of her family. And was met by a group of Areopostal and American Eagle clad high schoolers. �Oh my God Felicity! You look so cute. Oh my God I almost bought that same shirt!� �I know, I saw it and I just had to have it!� �Oh I know how that is. You guys ready to go?� A girl with pencil-line thin eyebrows tugged at her black hair, �No, we�re waiting for Ryan and some if his friends.� �Oooo!� The girls all giggled. Alex and Joanna walked past and looked at the girls as though they where carnival freaks. Alex smiled sheepishly at Racheal and half waved. She ignored him. One of the girls looked at Racheal, �Oh my God, isn�t she your sister?� �Ugh, yeah but I hate her.� �She hangs out with that weird kid?� �I can�t believe she�s your sister� �I can�t either! She�s such a dork.� The girls nodded and looked non-dorky. �Oo! Oo! Oo! Girls I just remembered! Do you want to hear what I found out today? Haha! Oh this is too much!� They moved in closer for the gossip. From the direction Joanna had disappeared came a distinctly monkey- sounding �Oo! Oo! Oo!� Alex and Joanna stopped next to a table of picture books. Joanna inhaled deeply, �Do you smell it? Do you smell the wisdom seeping out of the books? Ah, I can feel it, they are speaking to me!� �Sniff, sniff, sniff� Oh Jesus, I didn�t smell like that the whole ride here did I? Please tell me I didn�t smell like that!� �You always smell like that.� Alex noted Joanna�s depreciated tone, �Yeah whatever, I�m going to look at CD�s� Joanna strode knowingly to the Literature section and halted, transfixed, in front of the Classics. She was like a child surveying presents under the Christmas tree. She lifted her hand and ran her fingers reverently over the book spines. She touched each book and read their names under her breath, her words speeding up along with her heartbeat. �Ann Bronte, Charlotte Bronte, Emily Bronte, John Buchan, The Island of the Sheep, Samuel Butler, Erewhorn, The way of all Flesh, Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland, Cervantes, Don Quixote, Andton Checkhov, G.K. Chesterton The Man who Was� Erskine Chil� John Cleaveland, Fanny Hill�! Wilkie Collins, The Moonstone! The Woman in White! Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness, Lord Jim, Nosro�The Secret Agent�Victory! She breathed heavily and read each name quickly but precisely. She slid a couple of books out of their cozy places on the shelf and felt the smooth covers. Her eyes widened and she pressed one against her cheek then opened it, sniffing the fresh ink, listening to the new binding crack under it�s first opening. Her heart welled so she felt it would explode! If only it could then maybe the yearning would go away. Eyes shut she shoved her nose deep into the binding of the book and inhaled until she imagined her lungs were filled with literature. Her reckless imagination tore away, gripping the books she envisioned letters seeping from them and into her! She saw letters floating, mingling, swimming in her brain, meeting to form words, sentences, paragraphs, pages, chapters, novels, volumes, empires! Reveling with her old friends. Tom with his Sophia, Odysseus and his Penelope, Robert Jordan with his Maria, Eugene with life, and her with her destiny: books! She exhaled � her eyes filled with tears, pressing more books against her heart she stroked their dust jackets. Narcissus with his God, Goldmund with his women, Jude with his poor Sue, Maggie with her Pete, Florentino Ariza with his Fermina Daza. She lingered on this last one, it was a favorite. She heard the passionate violin crying for love. The broken hearted Florentino Ariza eating the tender petals of a white gardenia to capture the bliss and kill the pain. She shook her head back and forth muttering to herself, �I know! I know how you feel! You are me! You make me! It�s all written so well! It�s all here � my feelings- at my fingertips!� Without even knowing it she tugged a petal out of the flower of love, life and pain! She ate it. Tears spilled down her flaming cheeks and splashed on the fresh white petals. She whimpered, if she could only devour the bouquet of life! With a wail she crammed another perfect petal into her mouth. She tore more bitter petals and feasted! A white-haired employee stopped in amazement and cried out, �She�s eating a book! Stop her! Stop her!� No one tried to stop Joanna, only gawked at her in disbelief as she continued to maul the pages, sobbing, torn pages falling about her feet, a diminishing novel in her hands. Racheal�s face blanched. Her friends fell over each other and pointing and laughing. Racheal�s prefect lips formed a horrified gape. Two men tried to help but Joanna would have none of it! She hunched her shoulders, hugged her treasure to her chest, and swung her torso from side to side. The men bewilderedly tried to take hold of her arms but she hopped up and down and screamed in the back of her throat. She started choking! Joanna�s father arrived. Someone appeared to be choking his daughter. Joanna�s father grabbed the man by the shoulder, pulled him away from the gagging girl, and punched him straight in the eye. Racheal�s friend Ryan called out, �Cool! A fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!� Alex joined the fray, wrapping his arms around her, making her drop her mutilated books. She protested with a loud yelp-hack. A wad of soggy paper shot out of her mouth onto her sweating father and the Good Samaritan restraining him. Alex walloped Johanna on the back and she leaned forward, eyes wide, and puked up paper mashie, a twinkie, and some of her ravioli supper. The onlookers moaned �Ewwwww!� and stepped back. Joanna�s mother threatened to faint. Someone murmured �Hate to be the guy that has to clean that shit up!� Followed by an unfeeling, �You gotta puke hard to bring up your lunch!� The show was over. Joanna�s dad apologized to the man he�d punched and moved to his wife, being supported by a small group of concerned women. The janitor arrived, and the manager, prescribing what should be done. Supported by Alex Joanna blinked and gazed around as though she was waking from a solid sleep. Ryan turned to Racheal, �That�s your sister!� � I know. Wha? Yeah�no! I�ve never seen her before!� Her mouth opened and closed like a fish and fear flashed in her mascaraed eyes. �Heh heh, your sister is a weirdo!� Racheal stomped her foot, �But I�m not! We�re nothing alike!� The girl with the black hair frowned, �We should get going� Racheal you better�like�stay here with your family!� Racheal�s face burned red, �No! I can leave!� The tears where really running now and she frantically grabbed a friends arm. The friend pushed her off. �We�ll see you later!� They called hurrying away. �I�m adopted!� They disappeared out the door. Racheal turned on her sister, giving her the evil eye, �You ruin everything.� Joanna blinked. Alex spoke the longest sentence he�d ever spoken to Racheal, �Jesus Racheal, have you ever thought of anyone but yourself?� and turned away before she could respond. Joanna�s sheepish parents hustled the awkward group back to the minivan. Books paid for, wounded helpers apologized to, and janitors thanked. Joanna puked some more Henry James. With a critical snort Racheal handed Joanna her hairbrush and she pulled back her long hair. Joanna�s parents stopped her before she climbed into the van. Her father put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her face. �Are you okay? Is there something you want to tell us?� �Are you pregnant?� Joanna�s mother tearfully suggested. �No.� Her parents hugged her. �It�s okay, you know if something is on your mind you can always tell us. Are we not giving you enough attention? Are you sick, why did that just happen?� �I don�t know.� They hugged her again and helped her into the van. In the back seat Alex and Joanna sat side by side in silence. Her face was pale as she looked out the widow. Alex reached over and took her burning hand in his cool one. Joanna smiled. She leaned close to his ear and whispered, �I�ve thought of something to write about!� |