Dude i am sitting here and i AM ILL!!!!

My nose is buggered so bad... i can hardly breath.

I sow Pirates of the Carribean!! SAVVVVVY!!!! hehe

Tonight i went to Burnham Festival. Or rather, lets watch all my friends get drunk and be boring. I didn't want to drink. I spent most of the time with Rob, being unsocialble... but i really just couldn't be all that bothered.

I heard that my friend Pat got in a fight or something and used his knife, i'm sure he is laughing about it now pretending that he is all hardcore.

One of things i detest most in life is violence. No i am not "straight edge" but seriously what does fighting really do? just hurts and thats it. Its pointless and i hate it.

I really don't like my friends when they carry around knives... and think its cool. Okay so its alright for protection but when they get it out and show it around like they are going to stab someone if even the slight possible situation comes a long is stupid.

I am glad i left so soon.

I am glad i'm in my house with apple juice and chocolate mousse.

:)

I do however still have this cold :( and i miss my sister.

I kinda miss the Stanley actually, i need to keep the Kinda Egg Clan alive... but i can't without Stan the Man.

Hot Rod Circuit rawk my world. I think Air rawk even harder... Roberto made me a cd with some air songs on. I am glad he did because they are lovely to chill to.
"bright eyes
holding you close
but it seems so far"

I want to have a bath and forget about the cold, i want to be able to breath, i have work tomorrow. Erghhhh.

Right i'm going to go listen to tracks 6 and 7 of the mars volta and maybe some Air then sleep... and hopefully sleep well.

*--*

26/09/03 time: 1:31 pm

I'm sitting in the computer lab place.

Decided to take a break from research and trying to get inspired.

Sometimes i can't hack the way some people in my class are narrow minded. Okay so they are aloud their own opinion as well as i am too. But we were shown this video, with loads of different graphics and sound and light ect. It was really amazing.

All through out the dick head in my class just was saying "tits? are there tits in this?????" all the time. okay haha its funny the first time, but then again "tits where are there, did i see some tits then?"... shut up you stupid ugly foooool.

He didn't even watch the video and said it was boring. But it wasn't, it wasn't meant to be a story line or "make sense" it was just meant to show us different graphics and the way people put things together and how they use light and sound and different textures to make really beautiful, dark, strange graphics.

I said i thought it was really clever the way they used everything and put it together and it all just came from a thought.
then all the stupid fools made some kind of mumble and laugh.

I REALLY dislike them.

I still feel ill as well....

Anyways the video was very inspiring. My teacher said that this is what he wanted to see from us. I got excited because that would be so cool to make.

I've been looking at the websites of some designers that he told me to look up. Shynola are one, really cool, have done alot of stuff for radiohead. look them up if you feel up for it.

My good friend Kara said some really cute stuff to me in an email yesterday, i love to help people and give them advice and especially when they listen to me and actually consider what i've said, i think it's one of my most loved things to do in life.... made me think again about what i want to do with my life.

Okay its lunch... gonna get some food.

Ciao (oh yeh no friday five today :( )

*--*

25/09/03 time: 12:07 pm

The throat hasn't really got that much better, i figured out i have ulcars.. olcars? whatever all over my tonsils.. hmmm how yummy. So thats why they are hurting and i have also developed a cold. IT SUCKS.

I'm in college decided to stay around for a while so i can meet up with Rob at lunch because we never get to hang out together at lunch anymore.

I'm alittle upset about Steph, shes going to sixth form now. I'm not annoyed with her or anything it just i dunno, makes me feel like i'm going to fail at southend or something? I'm still so unsure of what i'm doing with my life, as donnie darko says "no-one knows what they want to do when they grow up" but i still seem to changing directions every day...

My tutor told me to read this book "stupid white men" by micheal moore. Its amazing. If i had the chance to get away with it, i would kill George Bush and all his family and spys, i know thats completely against anything i believe in, i would still do it for the fact i just really really don't like that man. Even though Micheal could be writing things that are just his opinion you can just tell that Bush is a dodgy man.

And again for like the 4th time now i have had a strong feeling that i want to do something about the world instead of just growing up, having a family and living a "normal" life and then just dying.... and no-one even knowing i really exisited.

I just don't know where to start.

So yeah yesterday i had this weirdo thought of going to sixth form, and then i just thought no. If the plan is telling me to stay here, then i should stay here.

I have a great belief that everything happens for a reason.

I need to sort out some work experience, i'm thinking of really trying to work at a record company, because that could just help me if things do collapse on me at college.

James and Tom reassured me today to stay at southend, which made me feel better.

Hmm, i'm really surprized i have time to do anything anymore. I go to college, go to work, meet up with people/go home, sleep. Its a really packed schedule.

I feel sorry for Laura she gets like BIG essays and homework. But then i worry that i'm not getting any homework to do?

Oh yeah. When i went to southend a while ago for like my introduction to the course we got shown work, and the main thing i loved, that actually made me want to do the course was done by. James! when he told me i was like "what what WHAT?" i loved that work... i'm jealous i didn't do it.
i'm glad i have a cool art friend.

i keep forgetting to type stuff. ALSO dashboard are playing shepards bush empire i have no idea whether to go or not. I've seen dashboard 3 times now? do i really need to see chris and the band again? and this time its at a HUGE venue. I prefer tiny ones like the metro.. sooo yeah? what should i do?

Okays i'm going to go and find a flash book.. see if its any better than the last one i got out.

*--*

24/09/03 time: 7:57 am

Everyone, i am ILL! please give me hugs... stacey i want to give you one too.

you know when you swallow and it really hurts and when you speak it hurts too. Thats what i have, and nothings making it go away :(

I also have a belly ach and it is FREEZING outside. But i like it when its cold yet really sunny.

The stars were out last night, they were soo pretty. I went to Toms house, where we just watched some tv for a little while and talked about him being a twin and how annoying it is. You know when you were a little kid and you actually wished you were a twin or wanted twins when you were a mother. Now i completely would hate it after seeing James and Tom. I mean its not like they fight and there both great, but they like the excact same stuff... it must be so hard to claim everything. I said if they ever had to claim over a girl, but that hasn't happened yet.

Haha another funny thing about them, my birthday 2 years ago, there was a band next door in my neighbours garden... oh it was bad and funny. And we filmed it on tape and who was in the band? James and Tom. Well it wasn't like a proper band they just played. Its amusing how everything links up in this town.

Okay i must go got college, i get to see Roberto this morning :) i haven't seen him for a while.

*--*

22/09/03 time: 4:59 pm

Wow... its different.. and i'm happy with it.

The sky has just turned black and for some reason i'm finding it really beautiful.

The weekend was full up. Friday went to marconi club, Aryton are very good. The rest of the bands were pooey but oh well. I still had a laugh with Roberto, Laura and Greg.

I've also learnt how to delvelope my own black and white photographs :) the rest of my class looked sooo bored when they were learning, i just think there is no-one like me in my class, at all.

Emilys get together was fun caught up with some people.

Sunday i went to nottingham to drop off my sister. I really do miss her this time which sucks!

Right i'm going to leave for work now because its raining and it will probably take me ages.

*--*

22/09/03 time: 1:29 pm

I'm going to have my haircut. I need to write about a bunch of stuff... but hopefully i will later.

*--*

22/09/03 time: 1:25 pm

Friday Five on monday... i am so naughty :)

1. Who is your favorite singer/musician? Why?
I would say Chris Carrabba, but for some reason now i have gone off him. But i still love his music. So i'll have to go with two people Chris Carrabba and Matt Embree from Rx Bandits. I think Chris writes great relationship lyrics and when i need to sleep or some time to myself its perfect music to chill to, i also have great respect for the rest of the Dashboard band.
Matt has a brilliant rough singing voice and sings with emotion. His music has made me want to truely be myself and never change my body or personality for anyone or any superficial image that celebritys or other people bring across. They have no right to tell you what is beautiful. Also his lyrics have opened my eyes up to the problems in the world.

2. What one singer/musician can you not stand? Why?
Evanscene people. The girl. I dunno i really just can't hack her.

3. If your favorite singer wasn't in the music business, do you think you would still like him/her as a person? Chris, i really don't think i would like him. When i met him at the Electric Ballroom and he was just standing watching the bands i just though "without his guitar and him singing his really not anything special". And the whole thing that happened between drive thru and vagrant records just makes him seem dodgy to me. But doesn't mean i can't still love the music :)

Matt on the other hand i probably would love to be his mate. On the rx bandits dvd he talks about his band recording live to show they are actually a band and can play together. That just proves to me that his an honest person... and his mind seems very creative and bright. Thats the kind of people i like, and i have met him a while back he was a very nice man.

4. Have you been to any concerts? If yes, who put on the best show? Yes many, I've seen such bands like A, AFI, Reel Big Fish, Midtown, Coldplay, Okgo, Starting Line, Finch, Offspring, Linkin Park, Hot Rod Circuit, The Used.. and more.

I would say though that Saves The Day with support from Finch and Dashboard Confessional was one of the best. There were a lot of people just backstage aswell that came out and sang along. Like Alkaline Trio and New Found Glory. I met Dashboards Chris which was a really nice thing that i have wanted to do.
Coldplay at V was just amazing because of the atmosphere.
Also Emma, because seriously my boyfriend has the best stage presence i have ever seen. :)

5. What are your thoughts on downloading free music online vs. purchasing albums? Do you feel the RIAA is right in its pursuit to stop people from dowloading free music? Downloading free music is good, it lets you test out the music see if you like them before you go buying there music. Especially over here in England where the bands i like don't get played on the radio or tv. I like to find bands not many people of heard of and the only place that will have the music is here.

But i disagree with downloading a whole album... I can't anyway my connection is crappy. But i will always buy a bands cd if i think its amazing and good music.

I guess they do.. but i dunno. I still am in favour of Mp3.com and Kazzaaa. *--*

18/09/03 time: 7:02 pm
listening to: Mars Vola -- Eriatarka

Mars Volta are ccccrrrrAAZZY!

I've had a good day... i still smell of garlic from last night, my my, it was a crazy but very good night at La Tasca, sometimes i like to forget my troubles and just have a laugh.

Emily guessed the waiters name right, Matt! but on the bill it said Bruce... we were outraged. And Sting "message in a bottle". We've decided to get together every wednesday.

Yeah after class today, Stan the Man picked me up and we went to Chelmsford with my sissy, stan, james, tom and mark. I like new friends. (big up the kinder egg clang)

I see Rob tonight, but i have a feeling his going to want to stay away from the breath... i might actually swollow some toothpaste.

oh yeh! and the best things... both my ticket for funeral for a friend and my dickies! wooooo and coheed and cambria and buttons came today.. dude i am happy.

i love my trousers. Shall wear them when i see Aryton.. or however you spell it?
(lawrence and sams band)

Oh my god! more news... might be in a band! yes thats right... a band! wooo yeh. With Thea, Joe and Lucie. Lucie is incredible so that would be cool to work with her, i reckon her mind would come up with crazy and brilliant stuff. I want to be crazy and brilliant.

Right i'm going to swallow some toothpaste... ohh but first i might post photos.

*--*