Something Corporate, Steel Train and Homegrown.... was SOOOO much fun. I met Steel Train and Homegrown. Got sooo many good photos. Had SUCH a laugh. There will be a link soon to the story of my night and i will write a review. I need to change this blog. i'll do that now too.
*--*
13/03/03 time: 7:02 pm
I have that horrible uncertainty in my stomach, and it kills me because i've been through this before, and i can't hack it.
Today i was emotional.... again. I think i'm becoming a child again? I sure did feel like it today. Unconfident, stupid, self-esteem right down there putting horrible thoughts in me. Stupid stupid stupid. I'm blaming the hormones. Well i think it is mainly them. I just hate it when you are actually so stupidly annoyingly upset and your all sulky and moody, but for some reason you just don't want to stop. That was me today. And i SUCK when i'm like that.
I also get extremely paranoid. I think i need to be seen by a therapist? I really do.
*--*
13/03/03 time: 7:53 am
Yay! my interview was SOOO cool! I shouldn't have been worried at all. But i was. I came in and all these kids had HUGE portfolios with loads of work and theres me with this little crappy folder. Luckierly all those kids were doing different courses to me, i guess more arty ones.
Ben, the guy who interviewed me was really nice. Multimedia just sounds so cool, he said i could definitely incorporate photography into it all and i could use the dark rooms at southend! He also said... okay get this... i don't NEED a C in maths and english. I DON'T NEED THEM?! I mean i'm still going to try so hard to get those C's but you have no idea how much better that makes me feel. To know that i don't have to take Maths and English again next year. Some of the weights on my shoulders are dropped.
Southend, well the art department bit is lovely. They have sooo many computers, it looks like a lot of fun. I sow my friends (Martin) brother and some other kids i new from South Woodham. Yehh.. so all i need is 4 C's in GCSE, come onnnn baby.
Tomorrow i'm going to have HUGE spikey hair for red nose day. Hopefully it shall work i bought aload of Fructise HARD stuff, but aparently real punks use egg? ewww... sicky. But i might, I'll surf around see if i can find any punks that use egg.
Okays gonna go, need to go to schooly soon. Bye bye
*--*
11/03/03 time: 6:27 pm
Just found out i don't have to do the evaluation for my drama yet. That makes me happy! A total of 2216 words, thats pretty god damn good for me.
Friday i see Something Corporate! yay! i can't wait, Steel Train aswell. I shall take lots and lots of photos with the cool digital camera.
*--*
11/03/03 time: 3:08 pm
okay so i am really really busy recently. I don't think i'm going to be able to hack tonight. I've got to do my portfolio by tonight for tomorrow, as i'm going to have my interview for Southend. I am indeed scared.
I went to c-ford after school yesterday just to get an ink carteriage, this man tried to cheat me out of my money, then he gave me the wrong black and white carteriage. What a knob.
So that is why i'm in this Graphics lesson to update. Maybe tonight i shall change the layout so the southend people will like it. Lets hope they do. But i also have drama to do, music and english. Not forgetting my extra english class after school :(
I really can't wait to just finish these exams. My head spins with everything i have to do.
*--*
09/03/03 time: 2:41 pm
2000 words of drama to go. I did over 1000 words for my response! i am so impressed, but now it seems like the developement and response are going to be excactly the same :\ oh dear.
*--*
09/03/03 time: 11:48 am
my brother impresses me more and more. So his in a new band called "entity". Its just my brother and his mate. They create drum&bass. Now.. i am not one for drum&bass. BUT it is good... theres this one and its got "thunderbirds" stingray tune over the top... so cool.
hehe Rob will be impressed with this next band.
So this morning i open up my further seems forever cd, and what do i find in there but another cd? its like a cd of all other bands on the further seems forever label. I believe. The thing is, i was thinking this morning about how the bands i have loved for along time, that have been kept away from everyones ears is now being heard (eww i just snotted on my keyboard). Anyways, i don't know why i prefer bands to not be heard by others, it makes it more special, personal, intimate... you know? Like they sung those songs just for you or something.
So now i see Brand New on p-rock, its a good channel... and Brand New are SUCH a good band, but... now i can see some other people just saying "oh, have you heard of that new band, brand new oh don't you love there single blah blah blah" and it for some reason will twist my view of Brand New, just a little though.
So i like this cd, because it has a load of bands on that i don't know. More bands to get personal with :)
*--*
09/03/03 time: 00:06 am
"again?" <-- high pitch
*--*
09/03/03 time: 00:05 am
You know sometimes, i look over at my guestbook and it just makes me smile. I like it when people responde to what your saying. I've had a lot of people look over this site nows :) I mean most of them know me, but still. Half of them won't come back, but its still nice to know they looked around. When i haven't even asked them too!
Thanks to all those people.. even if you did look and say "that sucks", you still looked. Though i kinda worry about what i write about sometimes. Maybe a little toooo personal for people to be looking over. I do love to write. Even if my punctuation and vocab is absolute poop on a scoop, its still so nice to do.
I really hope i can get this C in maths and english. Then i shall make the most beautifulest blog you have ever laid eyes upon. With cool "flash" things, clever javascript, beautiful/lovely/yummy photos, images, whatever to feast your imagination too. The day i can do that all... i don't know? will i even need a job? all i'll want is my computer. ohhh man what a GEEK i shall be. hehe.
My interview approaches, though my friend went to one and said they didn't even look over your report or anything. So what if they don't even look at my portfolio? I think they have to, since i'm not an art and design couse (i can't draw :/)
I'm going to start making a new background too soon. It shall be themed "all my favourite things".
I will put a picture of the candles i put in the pie for Robs b-day any second.
Oh! i do love to write! :)
*--*
08/03/03 time: 7:15 pm
My sisters home! Yay! :) she is sooo cool with her famous stars and straps cap and ear lobe stretchers that are completely tiny, but pretty.
Aroma on friday night was sooo yummy, i didn't have that much to eat because i wasn't hungry but still hmmmmmm... nice. Rob liked his pie, he liked all his presents (copper temple clause cd, mini tiny shaker, belt and the best thing everrr Poka Dot Boxers.. soo good) and he slept over, its so nice to wake up to someone you can cuddle.
We also both went to c-ford todays H&M bought aload of stuff, i got 2 tops. Rob spent some of his birthday money. I also got the Further Seems Forever new album. Will the new singer live up to the standards of Chris Carrabba? i will find out soon.
Soooo yeh... my bro is home tonight, there hasn't been such a drastic change i guess. Its cool. I have alot to do this weekend, like drama coursework. Anyways, i'm hungry see ya.
*--*
06/03/03 time: 7:51 pm
*--*
06/03/03 time: 7:23 pm
The master piece of pies is done... there will be some pictures to show wha ta fun evening i have had in my kitchen!
*--*
06/03/03 time: 5:17 pm
I feel alot better than yesterday, kinda weirded out yesterday and the day before. The boy on the phone makes things all better, makes me smile so much.
Today WOULD be a good day to take some photos, it WOULD be good for doing some drama coursework, it WOULD be good for making cds for people.... but my motivation level goes down and down. Plumberting to the ground VROOOOOOOMMMM CRASHHHHHH!!!! until i just want to lie in my bed staring at a blank wall.
I am make an apple merigue pie for the boy though, since its his birthday tomorrow :). It shall be good, infact i'll think i'll start nows. Maybe updates later.
*--*
05/03/03 time: 7:56 pm
pancakes are soooo yummy. i just had some with chocolate sauce. I am looking forward to my brother and sister being home this weekend. AHH hahaha! my brother is a vegeterian... ahh the fun i shall poke out of him.
*--*
05/03/03 time: 7:53 pm
So i was alittle upset yesterday, i do HATE being upset. Especially when you just can't do anything about it and everything sucks and you wish you could curl up in a ball and sleep (which is what i did). But i got got got got over it! <-- ok go.. loveIT.
I made pancakes by myself, i made a mess.. i got more upset with myself. No-one was in my house to cuddle me, or tell me to shut up. So i ate my pancakes in silence. It was okay.... my brother, sister AND dad will be home this weekend. It might just be a bit much though? going from no-one to everyone?.. i am getting a bit sick of the drastic changes.
GCSEs loom closer than ever. I am really scared of that little envelope that contain those stupid little letters. I will cry no matter the outcome, because i've always had trouble with my education and confidence, and i couldn't give a holy shit if your thinking "oh what a pussy girl, why does she cry all the time" BECAUSE THAT IS ME. hmm.. why do i feel like 7 again?
okay i don't like what i've just written but i need to put it somewhere. I hate talking to people and them just agreeing with you, commenting or just not even listening, you know they couldn't care about you. Not even knowing what your feeling. The only person i've liked to talk about it with is Steph. I like the way Steph handles her emotions. She can keep them in and hinden from the world. Mine splutter everywhere for everyone to look at and laugh.... quote "ahh chloe cried, shall i make you cry again?".
Yehhh... i'm in a weird mood. I need to write and write, maybe in a more sucluded place like a journal or something... hmm.. i am just reading over it all. It really isn't for my friends to see. ohh... you don't really read it though do you? okays.. i will cover it up with more writing.
*--*
04/03/03 time: 2:52 pm
Graphics sucks.... Dan Macklin is gay. "waaaa"
Today was crap, i wish i could just be with Rob, hehe, he is wearing a suit today because we have mock interviews. yehh.. i'm going to go. Maybe do some graphics.
*--*
03/03/03 time: 9:55 pm
ohhh yeh! going to see Something Corporate, Steel Train AND Homegrown! yay another drive-thru show! I love drive-thru shows! i really can't wait, i get to take the digital camera (again thankyou owain)... it should be sooo much fun.
Don't you just hate it when your eatting something (say a yoghurt) and you finish it and it was yummy your walking around and you go to scratch your chest and you go put your hand in a load of yoghurt thats on your jumper... how the hell did it get there? ahh... i did that just now... silly me!
Also yay Nick from Cheap Productions named this song i was after for AGES! yay
*--*
03/03/03 time: 8:45 pm
The portfolio link should be
*--*
03/03/03 time: 8:05 pm
go to the photos section then friends, i've put alot more photos on there. It will probably take AGES to load though, so i might put it in little sections soon. My portfolio photos soon... i just need to ring Robby, see if his home yet.
*--*
03/03/03 time: 5:07pm
ahhhhhhhhhh.... i need a nap or something? i shall put up some more photos soon... again when i can be bothered.
So my maths is nearly done.... infact i guess it kinda is. How silly is this? A girl in my maths class did 32 pages of it? hmm... do you enjoy maths? silly girl. Well, she'll be getting a B. So maybe i shouldn't cain her.
*--*
02/03/03 time: 7:56 pm
I was going to have a picture of chocolate on my belly, but it did look like crap. I know Rob will be dissapointed now. But don't worry boy, i will make you an apple marange for your birthday :)
*--*
02/03/03 time: 7:20 pm
I also got the Steel Train ep, titled "For You My Dear". It's sooo lovely! Even Rob likes it! Which is just crazy! Him.. liking one of the bands I like! And their on the Drive-Thru label! Crazy!
*--*
02/03/03 time: 7:18 pm
Grrr! i just wrote aload of stuff and it didn't save it! GRRR!
okays... so i've had a busy weekend. Friday was crappy night EVER! me and laura missed Chicago (the film) and spent a whole lot of money getting back and a mcdonalds... it sucked ass.
Saturday i got all the presents for the boy. It's his birthday on Friday, his Mummy is going to pay for us to go to Aromas and see a film?! how cool is that. Then maybe he shall kip over, it will be a crazy weekend though since my sister and brother will be back with their lovers aswell! all packed house! Its going to be good because for once, I, thats right ME, I have a boy to be with instead of my normal lonely self. Yay! :)
Today, all day i have been doing my stupid ass maths! I hate it, it is killing me. And i know it is ALL wrong, but i just don't care anymore. They expect me to do 3000 words of Drama, revise and my music (even though i was meant to have done my music AGES ago) hmm.. i can't wait till its all over. Then it will be my birthday :)
I will put some more photos on the portfolio page soon. Promise. I got a nice one of Laura in the rain.
*--*
28/02/03 time: 7:53 am
I got jelly belly beans from shaun! all the way from new jersey! how cool is that? i love jelly belly beans. Thankyou shaun, later on i'm going to put some links of there animation site, its so great. Im going to do the friday five next week cos i can't be assed right now. Just finished my drama.
On the Dashboard community i brought up about this one kid singing so badly out of tune on the uplugged cd. It is rather funny. Everyone else can hear him too. I think the kid is actually on the community though, i would love to talk to him.
*--*
27/02/03 time: 10:46 pm
Listening to Dashboard againnn... how comes i never get bored of there cds?
Ahhh i have to do Drama, i can really not be bothered. I want to see my sister, i want to go to nottingham and see aload of bands with her and buy aload of crap off the net with her and laugh with her and be generally stupid with her. But no no no, i have stupid ass gcses and my future life to take care of first.
Soooo this evening, Rob came round.. hehe chocolate on my belly. I don't like it when he goes, and theres no-one in my house, i'm all lonely. Well actually i'm not, i do have dashboard playing pretty loud. I had another dream about Dashboard last night, god damn crazy. I was in the front row of his show though.. i signed a card for Chris too.
Friday tomorrow, i need a weekend.
Ohhh yeh.. so i had parents evening tonight lets write down my predicted grades!
Maths: D
But my mum was proud, i am not to far away from getting a C in english and maths... and thats all i want and i am fine! So maybe things aren't going to be so bad after all, even though i will still keep worrying.
Then i can get out of this god awful, (lets fights all the time) town. And meet new, friendly happy bouncy hyper people like me! :) That hopefully like the same music as me so we can all go to shows and do little dances and laugh alot and when we're older go out to pubs and get drunk. And i can do multimedia and learn all the coolness i need to have .com website...
Well... thats the plan.
*--*
27/02/03 time: 5:56 pm
I haven't put many on there yet, i will.
*--*
27/02/03 time: 5:16 pm
Hello.
i'm going to put up a link to a page where all my photos will be for my portfolio... theres one in particular that i am proud of and since this is MY website and for me to look on i will to have them on it.
*--*
26/02/03 time: 6:40 pm
*--*
26/02/03 time: 6:21 pm
Today was really nice..
I went down to the river, took some photos. So i don't know one thing about taking a photo, but i think they came out quite well.
There was this bike just covered in mud and just sitting in the mud of the river... i took loads of photos of that, it was kinda cool. I've turned it black and white and a bit blury now. My printer has ran out of black ink though... how camp of it!
I have a free house, Dashboard echos softly through it "i'm starting to fashion in my head, where i would impress you with every single word i said, would come out insiteful, or brave, or smooth, or charming and you'd wanna call me! and IIIIII would be there everytime you need me, i'd be there everytime.."
I also got a lovely photo of me and rob today, i love it, so that will be up soon. Ahhh how Dashboard makes me smile...
*--*
25/02/03 time: 7:50 pm
Okay so they don't look good quality here, but jsut click on them and it will take you to the real photo location. Where it will be better quality.
*--*
25/02/03 time: 7:36 pm
hey! didn't update yesterday, i am quite busy at the mo!
So i got the digital camera! Thankyouuuuu Owain! I have been having lots and lots of fun with it. When i have the time and effort i will put all the pictures up on here, i might have to put a few up now because i love them all so much! The only problem is, it eats batteries up so quickly... so i'm going to be spending a fortune on them! Still i'm really thinking about getting one, they are really handy and i would love to bring them to gigs.
Coursework sucks my arse really. Maths, well i have just found aload of website that tells me exactly what to say and do for the "fencing problem" soooo HELL YEH! Drama, thats hard. Music.... hmmm..... i am not creative?!
Thats really weird though, you see i love music? so why can't i make something really cool. I was even listening to drum and bass yesterday in kyle head phones, and i found it quite good! hehe that is weird for me.
Okays i'm gonna go now i have dinner i'll be back laters. with photos.
*--*
23/02/03 time: 9:21 pm
yawwwwwnnnn... lazy sundays are the best.
I do indeed love lazy sundays. Today Rob came round for a little while, i would of liked more time but he had to spend sometime with his family... i guess they are his family!
I tried doing some more music, i just lost interest and began to get irratated.
So that sucked, i'm going to watch the osbournes in a min... such a lazy day.
I don't want school tomorrow, the only thing i want to do is go in and for Owain to show me how to use the digital camara his going to lend me! I can't wait to run around with it (but not break it or lose it, as he is saying right now) it shall be good i will take loads and loads of pictures!
*--*
23/02/03 time: 1:46 pm
*The Ataris* supported by Anti Freeze and Audio Karate -- The Astoria 2 (mean fiddler) 22nd Feb 2003
Over-all Coolness: 6/10
I was so exhausted, but surprizingly i wasn't dying on the floor wanting to sleep. Even though me and Laura had this sooo cool idea about a bed above the mosh pit just for us with poka dot sheets and popcorn and we could just watched the band perfectly. Anyways.
The Ataris, there not one of my most favourite bands, but they have been around for a while and though i haven't been there for all that while this is probably the first band i've seen a band that have had that effect if you know what i mean. So we turn up at this soldout gig, there are kids from all sorts of genres here, hardcorepunk, emo, pop.punk kids... its a wide spread show and there are also alot of kids that i've seen around my local town before... you see them and catch the general eye. Its a nice turn out.
We come in, get out bags taken in the cloak room check out the merch buy a few stickers and stuff, then watch the first support band Audio Karate.
I've heard of this band before, just not really HEARD them. When you see a band for the first time and there playing live in a small venue where the sound (especially for the vocals) is bad its hard to really know what there like. The crowd like them, the singers voice from what i can hear is alright and i am a vocal kinda girl so hmm.. i didn't really know. They didn't have much harmonies thats for sure...
Me and Laura wonder around, we don't really know where to perch ourselves for this gig. So for the seond support band, Anti-Freeze we just kinda stand at the back of the mosh pit, I like Anti-Freeze, though they do kinda blend into the pop.punky genre nicely. I see the odd occastional harmony and i can even hear some lyrics that i like. I also hear some nice riffs going on and drumming. The croud generally jump around. Laura knows one of the songs too and she jumps alittle.. yeh.. there alright.
So me and Laura go up to top to watch since we notice the pit has just filled up with a lot of big men (obviously hardcore fans) so we decide to stay away from that and we do kinda find a good seat to sit on for a while.
The Ataris come out, to the sound of the bit in "your boyfriend sucks" you know from that film? well you obviously don't know if you haven't heard The Ataris before. But yeh.. i love that bit. And ofcourse they open with "Your Boyfriend Sucks". My favourite song. Though there not my favourite band, there is really something when you watch The Ataris that is kinda special maybe it is because they've been around for a while and the "sellout" sign hasn't been placed above them yet. Well for me anyways.
Kris (lead singer) is going pretty crazy tonight, he smashes an amp 2 times, breaks his guitar. Even the other guitarist, John has to smash down a mic stand. Rock'n'roll i say! hehe. So they play all sorts of songs varying from "anywhere but here", "blue skies" and "end is forever". Its a nice selection also add in a new one of their songs from the new album called "astoria" i think.. the crowd looks constantly squashed, i am sooo glad i wasn't in there.
They do play a very short set, when they come out again they play "teenage riot" the drumming, i was very very impressed. I do love it. They then carry on by doing another new one and then... just as Laura was getting upset because she mainly came for this song, they play "san dimas high school football rules", they let this kid from the crowd called "john" to play the guitaring with them! i mean how sweet is that! i'm sure that kid was over-joyed i loved it. So we cheer and run down and dance at the back.
Last night I had a dream that we went to Disneyland,
We hung out at the rainbow where we drank til' half past two.
These are the things that make me free
Today I woke up alone wishing you were here with me,
Whitney, don't you understand that what I say is true?
I only wish that this could be
Thats a pretty song, i love it quite a lot. Then we leave, get on the train to liverpool street and the train slowely rocks us along while i try and look at the stars out of the window.
I had the sweetest sleep when i got in.
drinking: P.J smmmmmoooothie!
listening to: Hot Hot Heat -- Bandages
listening to: Radio 1
lyrics: "boys speak in rhythm girls just lie" <-- the kick ass cd slip disc gave me instead of further seems forever.
just before i fall into a deep and peacefull slumber. heres the boy.
"grrrrrGRUFF" <-- dog noise
"BUTTon" <-- chubby face with wide eyes
"chicken dipper" <-- because you know what that is.. :)
lyric: "love that perfect frown, honest eyes"
The before pie
The after pie.... hmm yummy.
another little pie i made. (before)
and after.. ready for me to eat! yummy.
I love egg white.
"BUTTon"
lyric: don't worry now, don't worry nowww, don't worry because its all under control
Junior Senior -- Move Your Feet.
chatting to: little ad, richard d (you got a problem with my dots and my hmms then stop talking to me!! god damn!)
------------------>
that way titled "Beginner To Photography", go take a look i still need to put some more up there... but i have put three more photos on there.
song: finch -- post script
oh looks its 030303! that will never happen again in the whole of time, wow, lets just brace the moment.... yes.
listening to: Steel Train hmm smooth
lyric: Do you do you like dishing the dirt on the whole class, or talking the big smack or playing the fool? or wearing all of the latest fashions? or bucking the new trends? or wearing your old threads? or if you like coffee in the evening? these are all few things that i'd like to know... i'd like to knoww...
English: D
R.E: D
Spanish: D
Science: C
Music: C
Drama: B
Graphics: B/A
portfolio photos
listening to: britney -- thats where u take me
listening to: end of dashboard
hmm yummy boy...
listening to: Dashboard Confessional -- Unplugged MTV
Steppy and me, me trying to take a picture of us both and failing.
This is my tutor and Lammas, don't they just look grand.
hehe i've got this on my desktop, it takes up the whole screen i love it.
Me and Stacey in Spanish hugging
I like this picture of me and kyle in spanish, listening to his music (2 pac), no wonder i do really crap in this lesson.
talking to: Owain and Steppy
dreaming of: having a bed above a mosh pit.
Sound: 6/10
Organization: 10/10
Atmosphere: 7/10
san dimas high school football rules
Went on all the rides, didn't have to wait in line.
I drove you to your house where we stared up at the stars
I listened to your heartbeat as I held you in my arms.
Nothing could go wrong anytime that I'm with you.
Like crashing a hotel room or leading up to that first kiss
Or searching for a high school that you know doesn't exist...
I feel like I'm stuck in "stand by me"
This night was too good to be true.
I wanted us to be something that we'd probably never be.
Today you called me up and said you'd see me at our show,
But now I'm stuck debating if I even wanna go.
I just want you to know I have a major crush on you.
I'd drive you to Las Vegas and do the things you wanna do
I'd even have Wayne Newton dedicate a song to you.
Just dump your boyfriend and go out with me
I swear I'd treat you like a queen.