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| February 4, 2003 L_W_T_2_M |
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Today is tuesday, what did i do today? its hard to
remember because each day is very much the same as the last here. Today i
took it easy again, still trying to recuperate from this cold, i think
tomorrow i'll be back to normal. I took the kids shopping for Eid at rashid
mall, we got lucky and got something for everyone. The dilemma i'm facing these days is that my oldest daughter has to ride to and from school with strange men. I don;t think i'm being responsible by allowing this. Her government school doesn;t provide a free bus to our area, thats the problem. She has to use an unlicensed van. She has to ride alone with both drivers which makes me feel uncomfortable. When i try to talk to her father about this issue he gets mad and trys to make me shut up about it because he doesn;t want to take the time and trouble to find a good solution for her---a good, safe way for her to get to and from school. I pray that this situation can be solved******Tomorrow the kids get their report cards, i wonder how they did, i hope they all did well enuff to make themselves proud of their hard work:)------later  |
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| February 5, 2003 L_W_T_2_M |
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Hello! today is wednesday, the last day of our work
week. Alot of people here will go to work tomorrow and thats their last work
day for the next week since its the Eid holiday coming up soon. I went
shopping again today---finally finished the Eid shopping, i'm not getting
myself anything this time, i just don;t feel enthused about it so why waste
money. I'm listening to powells speech on saddam's errors. I wish they'd pin
israel to the wall like this and examine their moves for the past 40 or so
years as they're doing to iraq, i'm sure we'd find alot, more than we can
even talk about that israel did wrong----crimes of humanity, crimes of
humiliation of the palestinian people, crimes of war, etc. Those israeli's
are a sneaky, clever group with no conscience at all. You'd think the jews
would be conscious of the pain of other people because of what they went
threw at the hands of hitler. I guess they forgot those days or they're just
soo bad and unhuman that they can;t feel for anyone else. My palestinian
friend feels like an animal in her barn---this is the way the israeli's
treat them. I hope the israeli's all go to hell and burn. If there are any
genuinely good israelis out there or jews out there who really have a good
heart then i applaud them more than anyone else. I'm also appauled at
how arabs don;t support their arab brothers, i don;t see any arab countries
trying to deal with the iraq situation , or the palestinian situation, they
all stay in their own countries and attend to their own business, or else
they make a lame attempt at pretending they're doing something to help. The
muslim countries are soo hideous in their neglect of these situations also,
you'd think that a country like indonesia with such a huge muslim population
would try to be more vocal and show support in some way. Its no wonder that
the u.s. is running the middle east now because they get involved in
everyones business and the arab countries don;t get involved at all----what
a shame.
Tomorrow's my party, i hope it goes well, i'll try
to get alot of sleep so i'm wide awake and ready to go! later:) |
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| February 6,2003 L_W_T_2_M |
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The party is over! it was fun, i had 7 ladies and
several teenagers and alot of little kids, everyone had a great time. The
one bad point was that hubby decided to be rude and bring in work men before
and during the party, totally unecessary and very inconsiderate of him. His
response when i told him this is rude, plz get them out of here---he told me
to shut up or he'll blow up. After about 3 hrs. he finally took them and
left, kind of embarrassing to have women i never met walk in and see all
kinds of wires and machines laying on the floor. My mother is worrying too much about the upcoming war, she wants to leave here 9 days early, she's afraid of getting stuck here if theres a war, no planes flying out of saudi worries her, they have to rush back to their house. I know these next two weeks will be difficult and emotional because of the threat of war and my mother being here, i hope we can get thru it okay. Hubby's home now, i dread spending tonight and all of tomorrow with him, it bores me soo much and we get on each others nerves. One thing that bothers me, can a man and woman
really be connected forever out of choice? can they really want to be with
each other and noone else? i'm wondering if thats possible that u can really
find someone u bond with and can;t live without for years, its easy to
want to be with someone for days, weeks, months and even a couple years, but
can it last forever? If it can;t last forever then why bother? I know when
the relationship starts it seems that it'll last forever, but looking around
at people i know it seems that no husband and wife are happy.
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| February 7, 2003 L_W_T_2_M |
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Another friday. My husband locked me out of our
bedroom lastnight for no reason, from 10 til 3am i was locked out, i used
that time to watch a movie, it was with mathew perry and neve campbell-called
"three to tango" i think. This movie was kind of entertaining, about a guy
who gets roped into saying he's gay when he's not, i'm sure the gays loved
that movie.
My kids have a friend over today, they're having fun with her, doing magic tricks. I'm not sure where "he" is now and i don;t care, i hope he stays out all day and leaves me alone. I know there will be no apology for those two things he did to me yesterday so i'm not waiting for one. I think Bush needs a mustache, that's why he
looks funny--he needs to cover that upper lip!
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| February 8, 2003 L_W_T_2_M |
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Today is another day, its saturday. We have a few days
til the Eid holiday, i don;t know where i'll be going for that holiday, my
husband in his anger declared that the kids and i will be on our own that
day, he'll go by himself to his family (as if i care). He feels that the
past days events--him locking the bedroom door on me and bringing workmen in
at my party were well justified and that i'm the evil witch and he's the
innocent one. His attitude has always been that he's perfect and i'm very
far below perfect, he feels that everyone is wrong in their judgement of me
that i'm a nice and decent person. He thinks i put on a fake face for them.
At this time i feel really lonley and confused, why did i stay with this man
as long as i did. I know one answer to that---lack of finances, i've never
worked outside of the home, i always thought the right thing to do was to
stay at home with the kids, now i'm not prepared to go out in the world and
earn a living, so thats one big reason that i stay with him. My advice
to all women is: get training, get a job and don't stay home or u might lose
out someday if u end up with a rat for a husband.
My parents cannot leave as they wanted to the 23rd, they might have to leave a couple or few days later. My girls were lucky to get out of the house today
with friends, they went to the beach on a picnic, i'm always happy when they
can get an opportunity to do something special and different:). As for me,
today and probably forever i'll be in this house, today the little kids have
a friend over, thats kept them entertained all day, they've been outside
playing-i'm happy that they're not inside with the tv! all for now:) |
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| February 9,2003 L_W_T_2_M |
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Today is sunday. It wasn;t a bad day, i got a great
email from a v.i.p in my life. The kids and i went shopping, my son got a
funny looking batman pajamas, he's having fun running around the house with
it on! We ran into some friends in the store, and there was a great sale! a
good sale can always put a smile on my face;). I also talked with a new
friend today, very charming and sweet person---alot of depth there i hope.
I watched hans blix today on tv, the situation with
iraq looks a bit more hopeful today. I'm sure bush would be embarrassed to
pull his troops out, we won;t see that happen, i'm sure. Theres a special on
cnn tonight on hajj, i'm hoping to watch it, its good to see the world
learning more about Islam. Sigining off for now:-) |
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| February 15, 2003 L_W_T_2_M |
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Today is the first day after the Eid holidays, the
kids are still out of school--they have one more week. Eid was okay for us,
we went to the inlaws overnight, then to my sisters house for an Eid party
for the kids---it was a nice party. My parents are with us now, they'll be
here for about one week. They are counting on us going to visit them next
summer- i'm not looking forward to it, i wish i could see a new place for
once, i'm tired of spending soo much money to go back to my home town, i'd
love to spend time in a different state and get to know it. I'm especially
interested in visiting Maine-i hear its a beautiful state or as one native
of that state said '" its as close to heaven as u can get".
We went out shopping for a few minutes today, the rest of the day will be spent quietly, i have to fix my vacuum cleaner---what fun! i hope its not broken for good as my friends who had that same model are.
I love that the whole world is against the war with
iraq, but how can the u.s. still maintain dignity and pull out their troops?
it can;t be done. I just hope that with all this kindness shown towards iraq
they appreciate it--i mean, iraq did invade kuwait and cause alot of pain
and death because of it so they do have to be eyed with suspicion always,
that govt. is not innocent by any means, to invade another country is
verywrong, especially when its your muslim brothers. I didn;t realize that
tariq aziz is a christian, no wonder he's soo enamored with the pope. I
really pray that not only will there not be a war in iraq but that their
country can capitalize on their oil reserves and make their country a really
special and productive place for their people. I also hope that the world
will give this same enormous attention to the palestinian cause, too bad the
palistinians don;t have oil on their land---maybe the u.s.would give them
some attention as they did iraq. All for now:) |
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| February 16, 2003 L_W_T_2_M |
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Another day---i'm still breathing. Today is Sunday. My
parents are with us, we went out shopping this morning so they could pick up
a few gifts. Tonight dad will make his famous spaghetti for us. Our time
together is soo precious and bittersweet because we know that eventually
it'll end and we'll be apart again for a year. The time they're here seems
to go soo fast. I guess we have to focus on the positive though, and
enjoying each others company.
My dearest friend is going thru a hard time now
with a sick relative, i can;t believe how it hurt me to feel his pain even
though he's very brave and handles hardships well. He's always been strong
for me in my few hard times---i know i can always count on him when i'm in
trouble. I went soo many years with noone soo close to my soul, now i have
someone who's close to me, the problem with this joy of having a soulmate is
that i'll be hurt when he's away or when he's hurting and i can;t be there
to comfort him. But, again, time to look on the bright side, he taught me
how to really connect with someone. Later as usual:) |
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| February 20, 2003 L_W_T_2_M |
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Its Thursday---its raining and grey outside, we had
thunder today, it sounded like a bomb! We started the day with a nice
breakfast, then some shopping for a short time. Seems like all i do is shop!
My parents are still here. Next sunday is the start of the big diet--wonder
if i can stick to it. My dear friends relative died, i know he'll handle it well because of his strong faith, still i can;t help but worry about him from time to time.I do spend alot of time worrying about those i care about, i guess i ought to pray for them and stop worrying! I have one friend whose boss is mean to him and making his life miserable, the sad thing is that they're from the same country, you'd think the old guy could support the newcomer. Another of my friends is in a big emotional mess but i won;t go into that. I have my own problems at times, but i'm approaching life with a laugh these days instead of depression. I think after examining my friends lives and seeing that none of their lives are perfect or close to it, i see that no human life is without problems, that should make us all feel better that we're not alone. |
| February 26, 2003, L_W_T_2_M |
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Today is the end of the week, wednesday, kids are out
of school once again. I don;t know what we'll do this weekend, maybe
something, maybe nothing, maybe inlaws, maybe not.My parents left, got home
safely, thank God. I hope they don;t worry too much about us here if theres
a war, probably no need to worry. Its making me soo disgusted and upset that
the u.s. is going after iraq with such a vengeance, i hate to see what will
happen if they attack as they want to do. This attack on iraq and ignoreing
israels crimes will make the gap between the arab world and west much bigger
than it is already. My kids are arab american but we definetely side with
the muslim, and arab world. I have a nasty thought in my head now----are
these night club disasteres and now a nursing home fire---can these be God
taking his wrath out on these people who want to show aggression against the
muslim countries? or wake them up maybe to show them how others suffer?
Maybe thats a stupid thing to think, but it just popped into my head when i
heard about the nursing home fire. This bush is such an agressive man and
not diplomatic at all, i thought a president should be diplomatic, what did
they call him on the news? a cowboy police? something like that. I wonder if
we'll ever understand each other or come to terms with each other. Later
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| March 1,2003, L_W_T_2_M |
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It's the first day of the week, saturday, and the
first day of March, that means spring is on its way. Its still cool today,
my fingers are really cold as i'm writing this. I hope the cold holds out
for a while longer, i 'm not ready for the heat to come on yet. Things are
still up in the air regarding a war with iraq, what i want to know is if
they're destroying their missiles then how can the u.s. in good conscience
attack them, they won;t be able to fight back! It seems that if they destroy
their missiles the u.s. must back off.
I had a reasonably calm weekend, no fights with
hubby that i can think of! we went to his family home and it went smoothly,
no drunks in the house which was nice for a change. I think this week will
be relatively normal, last week was busy, this week will probably not entail
much at all. I hope my kids find a career that they'll enjoy, i mean
really enjoy----something that they'll love doing everyday. I don;t have
alot more to say for today. |
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