Season 7
The One With Rachel's Book
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Listen umm, I’ve been thinking, it’s not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Chandler: Ehh.
Monica: Eh, you work for that.
Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and I’m sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.
Monica: You do?!
Chandler: Yeah, I’m putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then that’s what we’re gonna do.
Monica: Oh, you’re so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff?
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y’know? We’ll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Monica: You thought about that?
Chandler: Yeah.
Monica: How many kids were we gonna have?
Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.
Monica: What else did you think about?
Chandler: Well, stuff like where’d we live, y’know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y’know, we could have a cat that had a bell on it’s collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we’d have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Monica: (laughs) Y’know what? I-I don’t want a big, fancy wedding.
Chandler: Sure you do.
Monica: No, I want everything you just said. I want a marriage.
Chandler: You sure?
Monica: Uh-hmm.
Chandler: I love you so much.
Monica: I love you. (They kiss.)
The One With The Nap Partners
Monica: All right, I…I have to ask.
Chandler: What?
Monica: Are you gonna break up with me if I get fat again?
Chandler: What?!
Monica: Well, you broke up with Julie Grath! How much weight could she have gained?
Chandler: A hundred and forty-five pounds.
Monica: In one year?! My God what did she eat? Her-her family! That’s not the point.
Chandler: Look I know it was a stupid reason to break up with somebody, but I was 15!
Monica: Well… That’s not the only time this was an issue. You remember when umm, you spent Thanksgiving with us? You called me fat.
Chandler: Okay. Okay, now wait a minute that was totally different.
Monica: How?
Chandler: You were not supposed to hear that! I said that behind you back!
Monica: What if I have babies, okay? I mean I’m gonna look different. I’m okay with that, but I’m not sure that you are!
Chandler: Look you have to realize I don’t think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is you’re Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Monica: Keep going.
Chandler: So you can balloon up or you can shrink down and I will still love you.
Monica: Even if I shrink down to two inches tall?
Chandler: I’d carry you around in my pocket.
Monica: I love you. (They hug and kiss.)
Chandler: Skidmark’s still got a way with the ladies.
The One With The Truth About London
Chandler: (answering the door) Hey!
Monica: (standing outside) Cute PJ’s! You’re really livin’ it up here in London huh?
Chandler: Well I was… I was exactly expecting company after…(He looks at his watch.) 9:15.
Monica: (entering) Is Joey here?
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the bride’s maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, you’re not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Monica: Wouldn’t you be?
Chandler: Well, look it’s been a really emotional time y’know, and you’ve had a lot to drink. And you’ve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Monica: Really?
Chandler: You kidding? You’re the most beautiful woman in most rooms… (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What’s going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
Monica: Well, not anymore.
Chandler: But we don’t do that.
Monica: I know, I just thought it would be fun.
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Drunk enough to know that I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Chandler: (thinks) That’s the perfect amount!
Monica: Okay!
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
Monica: (breaking the kiss) Y’know what’s weird?
Chandler: What?
Monica: This doesn’t feel weird!
Chandler: I know.
Monica: You’re a really good kisser.
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
Monica: Hm-hmm!
Chandler: Okay!
(They do so and they take off their clothes.)
Monica: Wow! You are really fast!
Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
Monica: We’re gonna see each other naked.
Chandler: Yep!
Monica: Do you wanna do it at the same time?
Chandler: Count of three?
Monica: One!
Chandler: Two!
Monica: Two!
Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
Chandler: Well I think it’s safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
Monica: Eh, we weren’t that close anyway!
Chandler: Eh!
(They start making out again)
The One With The Cheap Wedding Dresses
Chandler: (returning) What are you guys talking about?
Monica: Well umm, we were just talking about the y’know, the Swing Kings and just wondering whether y’know, they were the right way to go.
Rachel: Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and uh, two months later the couple got divorced. And now I’m not saying that there’s any connection here y’know, but they did tell me that’s why they got divorced.
Chandler: But I love swing music!
Phoebe: Yeah but the Swing Kings? Y’know they suck so much that people actually die at their concerts—They just stop living.
Chandler: Look all I know is when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun! And there’s another reason too.
Rachel: Well, what is the other reason?
Chandler: I don’t want to say.
Rachel: Well you have to because maybe it’s stupid.
Chandler: Well it’s just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was…the first time I knew that…you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
Monica: Oh crap!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Chandler: Hi, honey! I’m home!
Monica: (from the bedroom) Don’t come in here!
Chandler: Why? Do you another boyfriend in there or something?
Monica: No! We only mess around at his place!
Chandler: Y’know it’s funny I started it but, now it’s scary me. So could you come out here please?
Monica: No, I’m wearing a wedding dress.
Chandler: Oh you got a wedding dress? That’s great!
Monica: Yeah but I’m not keeping it.
Chandler: Well then why can’t I see it?
Monica: Oh. I guess you can. Okay but; I-I have to return it, so you can’t like it.
Chandler: Okay I promise. I’ll-I’ll hate it. (She enters.) Wow! You-you look…hideous.
Monica: Really?
Chandler: Yeah, that’s like the most ugliest dress I’ve ever seen. Wh-why do you to return it?
Monica: Oh because it doesn’t…really fit. Oh by the way, I-I booked the Swing Kings.
Chandler: Oh that’s great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean it’s like yuck! It’s terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!
Monica: Okay! But you can’t rip it. Well, maybe a little.
Chandler: Okay!
The One With Joey's Award
Monica: Doesn’t it ever just freak you out that-that you’re never gonna be with anybody new again?
Chandler: What?
Monica: Just, I love you so much. Just…It’s just sometimes it bothers me that I’m never gonna have that feeling. Y’know when you meet someone for the first time and it’s new and exciting? Y’know that rush?
Chandler: No. No, see when I first meet somebody it’s uh it’s mostly panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.
Monica: Okay, but all right you’re a guy, does it not freak you that you’re never gonna sleep with anybody else?
Chandler: Sleeping with somebody new, anxiety, panic, and I’m afraid even more sweating.
Monica: Even with me?
Chandler: I was dangerously dehydrated during the first six months of our relationship. (Monica laughs.) Look, for me the rush is knowing that we are gonna be together for the rest of our lives.
Monica: Really?
Chandler: Well yeah! But now that I know that you’re having these thoughts, I’m back to panic, anxiety, and uh I’m definitely gonna need some kind of sports drink.
Monica: Come here! Come here! (They hug.) Sweetie you don’t have to worry. No, besides y’know what? I’m gonna have a lot of new things with you. The first time we buy a house. Our first kid. Our first grandkid…
Chandler: (hoarsely) Water! Water! Water!
The One With Chandler and Monica's Wedding
Monica: Chandler, for so long I…I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And in stead, I found everything that I’d ever been looking for my whole life. And now…here we are…with our future before us…and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you don’t want to. You go!
Joey: Chandler?
(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)
Chandler: (To Ross) No, that’s okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way it’s okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I’m sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)
Joey: You may now kiss the bride. So, I guess by the powers vested in my by the state of New York and the Internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Oh wait! Do you take each other?
Chandler: I do.
Monica: I do.
Joey: Yeah you do!
Ross: Rings?
Joey: Aw crap! Okay—uh…uh let’s-let’s do the rings.
(Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and place them on each other’s fingers.)
Joey: We good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. (To Chandler) Now kiss her again.
(They kiss and everyone applauds.)
Chandler: (To Monica) I love you. And I know about the baby.
Monica: What baby?
Chandler: Our baby.
Monica: We have a baby?
Chandler: Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.
Monica: I didn’t take a pregnancy test.
Chandler: Then…who did?