Season 6
The One After Vegas
Chandler: All right, should we just, should we just get married? Y’know? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it.
Monica: I’m sick of the signs! It’s too fast, I’m happy the way things are!
Chandler: Me too!
Monica: I don’t want things to change! Do you?
Chandler: No!
Monica: All right then, then nothing changes! Everything is great! Everything stays the same! And you go unpack because it’s been three days and it’s driving me insane!
Chandler: Jeez, relax! It’s not like we’re mar-ah-ah!! (Runs out.)
Chandler: (entering, slowly) Y’know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
Monica: Then all your stuff would be here.
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Monica: Then you’d be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn’t make any sense.
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I’m saying?
Monica: Live together? There have been no signs for that.
Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.
Monica: YES!!!!!!!!
Chandler: Okay!!!!!
Monica: Yes! Okay! Okay! Wait-wait-wait!
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Here’s your key (Gets him one.)
Chandler: Oh thanks.
Monica: Here’s your key. All right, you have to christen it! Now, go out and come back in!
Chandler: The door hasn’t been locked in five years, but okay! (Runs out.) Ready?!
Monica: Ready!
(He tries, but something happens.)
Chandler: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I can’t get in!
Monica: Wait! Oh my God! I can’t get out!
Chandler: This is not a sign!
Monica: No, it’s not a sign! It’s a very old key!
Chandler: It’s an old key!
Monica: Oh my God it’s old!
Chandler: I love you!
Monica: I love you!
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now.
(Pause)
Monica: No.
Chandler: Yeah-yeah, me neither.
The One With The Last Night
Chandler: (entering) Hey.
Monica: She really left.
Chandler: I know. (He kisses her.)
Monica: Thank you.
Chandler: No problem roomie.
The One With The Joke
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and—(He falters and Monica prompts him.)—generosity of spirit.
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think I’ve ever heard.
Phoebe: Really? I’ve heard better.
Monica: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.
Chandler: (To Chandler) I’m out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
Monica: Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!
Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) You’re a little high maintenance.
Monica: Ahhh! You are on my list.
Chandler: I’m sorry. You’re not easy-going, but you’re passionate, and that’s good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that I’m pretty good about making you feel better about that. And that’s good too. So, they can say that you’re high maintenance, but it’s okay, because I like … maintaining you.
Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didn’t even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right you’re off my list.
Chandler: (happily) I’m off the list. (Sits on the couch.)
Monica: (sits next to him) Phoebe, it’s okay that you don’t want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.
The One With Rachel's Sister
Monica: (entering) Chandler, I think I’m sick.
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
Monica: Okay, fine I admit it! I feel terrible! Would you please rub this on my chest? (She hands him some of that Vicks Vap-O-Rub to put on.)
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no, you are not getting me this way.
Monica: Come on! I really need your help!
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no!
Monica: Fine, I’ll rub it on myself.
Chandler: Okay.
(To start this task, she lowers the top of her robe to reveal that she is naked from the waist up, well at least her back is, and starts to rub on the gunk. Chandler notices this, and has something start happening.)
Chandler: So you’re just, kinda rubbing it on yourself?
Monica: Yeah?
Chandler: It’s nice.
Monica: Are you kidding me?! Is this; is this turning you on?
Chandler: Yes! (Hangs his head in shame.)
Monica: I can’t believe it! What is it? Is it the rubbing or the smell?
Chandler: It’s all very, very good. (She covers up and sits down.) So you wanna go uh, mix it up?
Monica: Not now, I’m sick!
Chandler: Oh come on you big faker!
Monica: What happened to your rule about never sleeping with sick people?
Chandler: Well that was before all the vaporizing action.
Monica: Okay, if you really wanna have sex…
Chandler: Okay! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Monica: Worked like a charm.
The One With The Proposal
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
(He turns to look at Joey who smiles slyly and closes the door leaving them alone.)
Chandler: Oh my God.
(Monica gets down on one knee.)
Monica: Chandler… In all my life… I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to…fall in love with my best…my best… There’s a reason why girls don’t do this!
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought… (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Yes.
(The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.)