Season 1 to 4
The One With The Birth
(A woman passes by, carrying newborn twins.)
Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.
Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: Oh yeah? When?
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
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Monica: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. (Listens) Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. (Listens) No, he's gone. (Listens) No no, you don't have to fly back, really. (Listens) What do you mean this might be your only chance? (Listens) Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet.
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up and hugs her)
The One With The Flasback
Chandler: Well,
hello!
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Do you have any beers? We’re out of beers.
Monica: (all depressed) Help
yourself.
Chandler: You okay?
Monica: Phoebe moved out.
Chandler: Right.
Monica: I don’t
understand, I mean am I so hard to live, is this why I don’t
have a boyfriend?
Chandler: Noo!! You don’t have a boyfriend
because....I don’t, I don’t know why you don’t
have a boyfriend. You should have a boyfriend.
Monica: Well, I think so.
Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Listen,
you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman
I’ve ever known in real life.
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Chandler: Umm, this
is nice.
Monica: I know, it is
isn’t it?
Chandler: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a
hundred percent cotton?
Monica: Yeah! And I got it on
sale, too.
Chandler: Anyway, I should go, one of the lifeguards was
just about to dismantle a nuclear device.
Monica: Well, if you wanna
get a drink later we can.
Chandler: Oh yeah, that sounds great. (starts to leave)
Oh, and listen, it’s, it’s gonna be....
Monica: I know. Thanks.
(Chandler leaves)
The One With The Jellyfish
Monica: (sets down
some cards) Gin.
Chandler: We were playing Gin? Y'know if we were a couple,
we could play this game naked.
Monica: Will you stop!
Chandler: Okay. All right.
Monica: Okay, all right, I
think you’re great, I think you’re sweet, and
you’re smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy
who peed on me.
The One With Ross's Wedding
(Chandler’s trying to console Monica.)
Chandler: The guy was hammered, okay? There’s no way, you look like Ross’s mother.
Monica: Then why would he say it?
Chandler: Because he’s crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
Monica: Oh, my mother’s right. I’m never going to get married.
Chandler: Ahh, you know what? That is....Who wouldn’t want you?
Monica: Ohh, Please?! I’m a single mom, with a thirty year old son!!
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Ross: (Screaming) I’m getting married today!! Whoo-hoo!!
Chandler: (With the covers pulled up to his chin.) Morning, Ross.
Ross: I’m getting married, to..day!!
Chandler: Yeah you are!!
Ross: Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
Chandler: Well I’ve-I’ve never done that with you before.
Monica: (In am uneasy voice.) Nope. (She chuckles uneasily.)
Chandler: So, ahh, how are ya? How ya...How ya... You okay?
Monica: Yep, yep...You?
Chandler: Yes...Yes..Uh-huh, You?(Looking over at her. She looks back.) We did you.
Monica: Well...I’d better get going.
Chandler: Oh yea yea, absolutely.
Monica: (Scoots towards the side of the bed.) Could you not look?
Chandler: I don’t want to look.
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(Chandler escorts Monica down the aisle.)
Chandler: What we did last night was....
Monica: Stupid.
Chandler: Totally crazy stupid. (He nods his head at the people seated.)
Monica: What were we thinking?
Chandler: I’m coming over tonight though, right?
Monica: Oh yeah. Definitely.